MISCELLANEOUS.

New Zealand Spectator and Cook's Strait Guardian, Volume VI, Issue 440, 20 October 1849, Page 2

MISCELLANEOUS.

If any young woman wishes to know when she will be married, she may satisfy her curiosity by a very easy process. Let her take her passage to Australia, calculate the length of the voyage, and add to it twenty-four hours-. Within that time she will be a wife — or * voluntary spinster. — Punch. You often hear of a man " being in advance of his age," but you never heard of a woman being in the same predicament. Taking the Starch out of 'em. — A Cold Water Sketch. — A knot of idlers stood upon the end of a pier which ran out into the Hudson River, in one of the small towns near Albany, a few days ago, amusing themselves with hurling stones into the broad stream, each vicing with his neighbour in the endeavour to pitch a missile at the farthest distance from the shore, when a tall ruggedbuilt Vermonter direct from the Green Hills, suddenly made his appearance in their midst, and for a while remained a quiet observer of their movements. He was a very brawny, strong-looking Yankee, and was very decently clad. The efforts of the little party had been exhibited over and over again, when the stranger picked up half a brick which lay near him, and g-ving it a jerk, it fell in the rater

a long way beyond the line which had as yet been reached by the foremost of the crowd. At the cooclusion of this feat, aloud " bravo" went up from half a dozen voices around him. It was a cold clear day in October, and the men determined uot to be outdone, renewed their attempts ; but the Vermonter, without saying a syllable to any one, continued to pitch the pebbles far out into the stream, which seemed to annoy one of them in a green jacket, the apparent leader of the g&ng, who declared he wouldn't be bea'en by a " fellow right and straight oat of the woods no how ;" and sidling up to the stranger, he determined to make his acquaintance. " Where do you come from, neighbour V* inquired the other. "Me? Wai, I hails from Vermounte, jes' now, friend." " Haint been in these parts long, I reck'n." " Wai — no. Not edzactly yere — but look up and daown, sorter." " Ya'as." continued the green 'un, carelessly, and seizing up a big billet of wood, he twirled it over his head, and it landed several rods from the shore in the water. " You've little strength in your arms, neighbour." " Some pumpkins — is them flippers, stranger, up in our taown, mone'n a month ago, I driv them are knuckles rite strait thur a board -more'n a ninch'naff thick." "Haw, haw," shouted the hearers, the man in the green jacket laughing loudest. "May be you don't believe it." "Not much," answered the crowd. "We ain't very green down here in York — we ain't," said the fellbw in the green jacket; "we've been about you see." " Wai, jes you look yere, friend," continued the Yermonter, in the most plausible manner, "up in aour country, we've a purty big river, considerin' — Invun River, it's called, and may be you've beam on it. Wai, I hove a man clean across that river t'other day, and he came down fair and square en t'other side." " Ha, ha, ha !" yelled his auditors. ** Wai, naow, you may laff, but I kin deu it agin." "Do what?" said green jacket, quickly. " I kin take and hove you across that river yonder, jest like open and shot." " Bet you ten dollars of it." "Done," said the Yankee, and drawing forth (upon a broken DownEast bank) he covered the shinplaster. " Kin you swim, feller?" "Like a duck," said the green jacket ; and without further parley the "Vermonter seized the knowing Yorker stoutly by the nape of the neck and the seat of the pants, jerked him from his foothold, and with an almost superhuman effort, dashed him heels over head from the end of the dock — some ten yards out into the Hudson river. A terrific shout rang through the crowd, as he floundered into the water, and amidst the' jeers and screams of his companions, the duck loafer put back on the shore and scratched up the bank, half frozen by this sudden and involuntary cuM bath. " I'll take that ten-spots, if you please," saiil he, shivering rapidly, to the stake-bolder. "You took us for greeuliorus, eh ? We'll show you how we do things here in York" — and the fellow claimed the twenty dollars. "Wai, I ! reckon you won't take no ten spots just yit, cap'n." "Why ? you've lost the bet." ''Not edzactly, 1 didn't kalkilate on deuing it the fust time — but I tell you I kin deu it" — and again, in spite' of the loafer's Utmost efforts to escape him, he seized him by the neck and the seat of his overalls, and pitched him three yards farther into the river than upon the first trial ! Again green jacket returned, amid the shouts of his mates, who enjoyed the sport immensely. " Third time never fails'* said the Yankee, stripping off his coat ; " I ken deu it, I teel yee." "Hold on ! " said the almost petrified victim —^'And I will deu it — ef I try tell to-mortow mornin'." "I give it up !" shouted the sufferer, between his teeth, which now chattered like a mad badger's — "take the money." The Vermonter very coolly pocketed the stakes, and as he turned away, remarked, "We aint much acquainted with you smart folks daown here'n York, but we sometimes take the starch out of 'em up our way — and p'raps you wuut try it on strangers agin. I reck'n you wunt," he continued, and putting on a broad grin of good humour, he left the company to their reflections? — Flag of our Union.