THE TETTERBY FAMILY. [From Dickens' Fancy for Christmas-time—The Haunted Man.] (Concluded from our last.)

New Zealand Spectator and Cook's Strait Guardian, Volume V, Issue 404, 16 June 1849, Page 4

THE TETTERBY FAMILY. [From Dickens' Fancy for Christmas-time — The Haunted Man.] (Concluded from our last.)

/ The process* of' induction'- by which' Mr. Tetterby- had come to the conclusion that his wife was' a little woman was his owu' secret; She would .have made two editions of himself* very 'easily. Considered as* an individual; she was rather remarkable for being robust 'and portly;, but- considered with reference'^to her husband, her 'dimensions became magnificent. t £lj>r-did they assume a less' imposing proportion when studied with reference to the-size of her seven sonsj who were but diminutive. In the case 1 of Sally, however, Mrs. Tetterby had asserted herself, at last, as nobody knew bet-

ter than the victim Johnny, who weighed and measured that exacting idol every hour in the day. . Mrs. Tetterby, who had been marketing, and carried a basket, threw back her bonnet and shawl, and, sitting down, fatigued, commanded Johnny to bring his sweet -charge to her straightway, for a kiss. Johnny having complied, and gone back to his stool, and again crushed himself, Master Adolphus Tetterby, who had' by this time unwound his Torso out of a prismatic comforter, apparently interminable, requested the same favour. Johnny having again complied, Mr. Tetterby, by a sudden thought, preferred the same claim on his own parental part. The satisfaction of this third desire completely exhausted the sacrifice, who had hardly breath enough to get bark to his stool, crush himself again, and pant at his relations. "Whatever you do, Johnny," said Mrs. Tetierby, shaking her head, " take care of her, or never look your mother in ' the face again." " Nor your brother," said Adolphus. ' " Nor your father, Johnnyi said Mr. Tetterby. Johnny, affected by the conditional renunciation of him', looked down at Moloch's eyes to see that they were all right, so far, skilfully- patted her back, which was uppermost, and rocked her with his foot. "Are you wet, 'Dolphus, my boy ?" said his father. " Come and take my chair and dry yourself." " No, father, thankee," said Adolphus, smoothing himself down with his hands. "I ant very wet, I don't thiuk. Does my face shine much, father?" " Well, it does look waxy, my boy," returned Mr. Tettrrby. 1 " It's the weather, father," said Adolphus, polishing his cheeks on the worn sleeve of his jacket. " What with rain, and sleet, and &now, and fog, my face gets quite brought out into a rash sometimes. And shines, it does, oh, don't it, though !" Master Adolphus was also in the newspaper line of life, being employed, by a more thriving firm than his father and Co., to vend newspapers at the railway station, where his chubby little person, like a shabbily disguised Cupid, and his shrill little voice (he was not much more than ten years old), were as well known as the hoarse panting of the locomotives running in and out. His juvenility might have been at some loss for a h irmless outlet, in this early application to traffic, but for the foi (unite discovery he made of a means of entertaining himself, and of dividing the long day into stages of interest without neglecting business. This ingenious invention, remarkable, like many great discoveries, for its simplicity, consis ed in varying the first vowel it) the word " paper," and substituting in its stead, at different periods of the day, all the other vowels in the grammatical succession. Thus, before daylight in the winter time, he went to and fro in his little oilskin cap and cape, and l>is cry of " Morn-ing pa-per !" which, about an hour before noon, changed to " Morn-ing pap-per !" which, at about two, changed to "Morn-ing pip-per?" which, in a couple of hours, changed to "Morning pop-per !" and so declined with the sun into " Eve-ning pup-per !" to the great relief and comfort of this young gentleman's spirits. Mrs. Tetierby, his lady-mother, who had been sitting with her' bonnet and shawl thrown back, as aforesaid, thoughtfully turning her wedding-ring round aud round upon her finger, now rose, and, divesting herself of her out-of- i door attire, began to lay the cloth for supper. ' " Ah, dear me, dear me, dear me !" said Mrs. Tetterby, looking round. " " Oh, nothing," said Mrs. Tetterby. Mr. Tetterby, at the same time, laid the | cloth, but rather as if she were punishing the table than preparing the family supper ; hitting it unnecessarily hard with the knives and forks, slapping it with the plates, dinting it with the salt-cellar, and coming heavily down upon it with the loaf. " Ah, dear me, dear me, dear me !" said Mrs. Tetterby. " That's the way the world goes !" ! ' ' j " My duck," returned her husband, looking round "again, "you said that before. Which is the way the world goes?"' 1 ft Oh, nothing !"**tfaid Mrs. Tetterby. " Spphia !" remonstrated her husband, j '" you said that before, too:" ' • " Well, I'll say it again, ' if you like," returned Mrs: '' Tetterby.' "OH, nothing — there ! And again if you like, oh, nothing — there! And again; if you like, ob, nothing — -now then'!" Mr. Tetterby brought' his I 'eye to bear upon the partner of his bosom, and said in* mild astonishment. •'''" • 7 ' ' -" " " My little woman what has put you out?" " I'm sure I don't know," she' retorted. " Don't ask me. Who said I was put out at all ? / never did." • ; ' ' . •] Mr. Te'tt'erby'gave ! 'up the ' perusal of his ' newspaper ns a bad job, and, Ukihg a slow

walk across the room with his hands behind him, and his shoulders raised, his gait accords ing perfectly with the resignation of his manner, addressed himself to his two eldest offspring. " Your supper will he ready in a minute,. 'Dolphus," said Mr. Tetterby. " Your mother has been out in the wet, to the cook's shop, to buy it. It was very good of your mother so to do. You shall get some sup-, per, too, very sobn^ Johnny. Your mother's' pleased with you, my man, for being so attentive to your precious" sister." ' Mrs. Tetterby, without any remark, but with a decided subsidence of her animosity towards the' table, finished her preparations! and took, from her ample basket, a substantial, slab of hot pease-pudding, wrapped in paper, and a basin, covered with a saucer, which, on being uncovered, sent forth an odour so agreeable that three pair of eyes id the two beds opened wide and fixed themselves upon the banquet. Mr. TeMerby, without regarding this tacit invitation to be seated, stood repeating slowly, *' Yes, yes, your supper will be ready in a minute, 1 'Dolphus. Your mother went out in the wet, to the cooks-shop, to buy it. It was very good of your mother so to do," until Mrs. Tetterby, who had been exhibiting sundry tokens of contrition behind him, caught him round the neck, and wept. " Oh, 'Dolphus !" said Mrs. Tetterby, " how could I go and behave so ?" This reconciliation affected Adolphus, the younger, and Johnny to that degree that they both, as with one accord, raised a dismal cry, which had the effect of immediately shutting up the round eyes in the beds, and utterly routing the two remaining little Tetterbys, just then stealing in from the adjoining closet to see what was going on in the eating way. "lam sure, 'Dolphus," sobbed Mrs.. Tetterby, " coming home, I bad no more idea than a child unborn" Mr. Tetterby seemed to dislike, this figure of speech, and observed, " Say than the baby, my dear." " — Had no more idea than the baby*" said Mrs. Tetterby. — "Johnny, don't look at me, but look at her, or she'll tall out of your lap and be killed, and then you'll die in agonies of a broken head, and serve you right. — Nomore idea I hadn't, than that darling, of beingcross when I came home ; but somehow, 'Dolphus" — Mrs. Tetterby paused, and again: tnrned her wedding-ring round and round upon her finger. ** I see !" said Mr. Tetterby. "I understand ! My little woman was put out. Hard times, and hard weather, and hard work, make it trying now and then. I see, bless your soul ! No wonder ! 'Dolf, my man," continued Mr. Tetteiby, exploring the basi » with a fork, " here's your mother been ard bought, at the cooks-shop, I esides pease-pudding, a whole knuckle oi a lovely roast leg of pork r with lots of crackling left upon it, and with seasoning, gravy, and mustard quite unlimited. Hand in your plate, my boy, and begin while it's simmering." Master Adolphus, needing no second summons, received his portion with eyes rendered moist by appetite, and, withdrawing to his particular stool, fell upon his supper tooth and nail. Johnny was not forgotten, but received his rations on bread, lest he should, in a flush of gravy, trickle any on the baby. He,. was required, for similar reasons, to keep his pud-. ding, when not on active service, in his pocket. . , , There might have been more pork on the knuckle bone — which knuckle bone the carver at the cooks-shop had assuredly not for- ; gotten in carving for previous customers — but there was no stint of seasoning, and that, is an accessory dreamily suggesting pork, and, pleasantly cheating the sense of, taste." The pease-pudding, too, the gravy, and mustard, like the Eastern rose in respect ,of the nightingale, if they were not absolutely pork, bad < lived near it ; so, upon the whole, there was - the flavour of a middle-sized pig. It was irresistible to the Tetterbys in bed, who, < though professing, to slumber, peacefully, crawled out when unseen l>y their parents, and silently appealed to their, brothers for. any.' gastronomic] token, . of fraternal affection,—- -- They, not hard of heart, presenting scraps in return, it resulted that a party of light, skir- „ mishers in nightgowns were careering j»bout>. the parlour all through , supper, which haras- , sed Mr. Tetterby exceedingly, and pnce or -, twice imposed upon him the ; necessity of • charge, before which these guerilla troops retired in all directions and in great confusion. > ,