Poetry. THE DRUNKARD'S ADDRESS TO HIS BOTTLE.

New Zealand Spectator and Cook's Strait Guardian, Volume II, Issue 105, 1 August 1846, Page 4

Poetry. THE DRUNKARD'S ADDRESS TO HIS BOTTLE.

You old brandy bottle, I've loved you too long, You have been a bad messmate to me ; When I met with you first, I was healthy and strong, And handsome as handsome could be. I had plenty of cash in my pocket and purse, And my cheeks were as red as a rose, And the day when I took you for better for worse, I'd a beautiful aquiline nose. But now, only look 1 I'm a fright to behold, The beauty I boasted has fled, You would think I was nearly a hundred years old, When I'm rising my hand to my head ; For ittrembles and shakeslikethe earth when it quakes, And I'm constantly spilling my tea ; And whenever I speak I make awful mistakes, Till every one's laughing at me. The ladies don't love me, and this I can trace To the loss of my aquiline nose, Like an overgrown strawberry stuck on my face, Still larger and larger it grows. And I haven't a cent in my pocket or purse, And my clothes are all dirty and torn ; Oh, you old brandy bottle, you're been a sad curse, And I wish I had never been born. You old brandy bottle, I'll love you no more, You have ruined m n , body and «oul, I'll dash you to pieces, and swear from this hour, To give up both you and the bowl. Andl'llnowgo and' sign' — I could «urelydo worse — On that pledge all my hopes I repose, And I'll get back my money in pocket and purse, And perhaps, too, my beautiful nose !

Penny-a-Liners. — Penny-a-liners are the stragglers of the London press — the foragers for stray news — the narrators of fires, street accidents, suicides, murders, police cases, and all the odds and ends that fill up the columns of newspapers in default of political opinions, debates, and foreign intelligence. They have no engagement with the press. They are often wholly unknown, except by name, to its conductors. Their plan of life is simply to contribute, to all journals alike, whatever scraps of news they may be able to collect. For this purpose they hang about hospitals, fire-offices, and coroners' courts ; besiege police-officers, churchwardens, overseers, and magistrates ; and are perpetually going about in watch for what the chapter of accidents may throw iv their way. They are^aid by the line for their contributions, and hence their designation ; although, of late years, they have so far advanced in the world as to receive three-half-pence per line, instead of one penny, as formerly. They have of course an inducement to tell their stories at as great length as possible ; and one of the chief miseries of London editors and sub- editors is to prune their exuberance — * cut them down,' as it is technically termed — by weeding their phraseology of all their superabundant epithets and needless circumlocutions. There may be about sixty men known as having this off-and-on connexion with the press, besides perhaps as many more who pretend to the same connexion,and live by the frauds they commit under that assumption. Some penny-a-liners have circuits as extensive as the judges, and traverse periodically a certain district, narrating, in default of crimes and misfortunes, the details of parish squabbles, local elections, the appearance of the crops — anything that appears to them of sufficient public interest to warrant a paragraph. In some districts, the travelling penny-a-liner passes for a very great man, and re- : ceives no small attention, with good fare and free^uarters, from inn and hotel keepers, from the hope that some day, in the Times or the Morning Chronicle^ he will say a good word for the excellence of his accommodation,

and the urbanity* and good wines of the host — an expectation which the oliscure penny-a-liner but rarely has an opportunity of fulfilling. He is, also a person of some consequence with police-inspectors, whom he may have occasion in some future paragraph to designate as ' zealous and active officers.' Nor is his consideration less with parish orators ; for if he cannot repeat their eloquence in full, he can manage to Say in print that they delivered ' able speeches,' and that they were * loudly and repeatedly cheered.' If the penny-a-liner of this kind have any faults besides his verbosity, it is his impudence. He has no scruples. A private house is not private to him ; he lives by narrating incidents, and incidents he will have> at whatever sacrifice* It has happened ere this that the penny-a-liner has been ducked under a pump for his impertinent prying ; that he has been left on a mud-bank by the indignant boatmen, for obtruding himself on the privacy of distinguished or royal personages in their own barge ; and suffered various other like mishaps and indignities in the c pursuit of knowledge under difficulties.' Nay, the penny-a-liner has been known to suffer indignity with a willing mind, and even with delight, if it would aid him to write a report for the morning journals which no rival penny-a-liner could have the opportunity of supplying. He has been known to put on the livery of a great family, and wait upon the guests at table, napkin in hand, like any other footman, that he might gather the names of the distinguished guests, and describe their rich banquet next morning in the columns of all the journals. And when he could not do this by the connivance of the great man himself, he has bribed the butler, and been admitted as an extra hand for the extraordinary occasion. It is not often, however, that he is reduced to shifts like these ; for the great man who gives a feast, or his great lady, is generally but too happy to have his or her magnificence duly emblazoned in the newspapers ; and the confidential butler is instructed to treat the penny-a-liner well, give him all the particulars he desires, with meat and drink, and a fee into the bargain. The police penny-a-liner, by dint of perseverance in attending one particular police court, and furnishing to the morning papers accurate and well-written reports of the cases heard, contrives to establish himself in it, after a certain time, and becomes ultimately a person of some note in his little sphere. It must in justice be said of this class of London reporters, that by far the greater number of them discharge their functions with great ability, and report very accurately all the cases of importance that are heard. With the sole exception of the wordiness, which is a consequence of the plan of payment adopted towards them [which may be deplored, but not easily remedied], they give no ground of complaint to any person of the manner in which they comport themselves. Sometimes, when an onslaught between the Munsterand Connaught men, or any other Irish ' row' occurs, or a case involving any ludicrous incidents is heard, the penny-a-liner relates it with a talent and humour not surpassed by our best novel writers ; and police-reports are not unfrequently seen .from the Mansion House of London, or from the Marlborough Street court, which would have excited universal admiration for their wit and style, and raised a reputation for their author, if they had appeared as part of a tale in three volumes. To their honour it should also be stated, that they are no flatterers of the powers that be. The magistrate, high and mighty as he is in his own court, has no authority over them ; his nod inspires them with no awe ; and if he is a man who gives arbitrary, contradictory, or foolish decisions, or utters absurdities, which is but too often the case, the penny-a-Jiner shows him no mercy. Without writing one sentence of his own, but merely by an over faithful kind of reporting, he contrives to hold up the peccant dignitary to the ridicule of the public. To the persevering exertions of one penny-a-liner of this independent class was solely owing, some years ago, the public outcry raised against a magistrate whose decisions were at variance with common sense, and whose tyrannical behaviour outraged aIL decency. Though his means of livelihood were at stake, though the magistrate was powerful, and though every means were employed to cajole or intimidate him, he held firm ; and ultimately the lord chancellor sent the magistrate a gentle hint, that resignation was better than dismissal ; and the hint was taken. — Chambers' s hdinburah Journal.

Experiments of Professor Boutigny — Freezin* of Water in Red-hot Vessels. — No subject before the British Association excited more popular interest than certain experiments performed in the Chemical section by Professor Boutigny. The room of assembly being small, it was impossible that one-half of those desirous of witnessing the experiments could be admitted. They were repeated, and yet, on the second occasion, many went away ungratified. The exposition of M. Boutigny, which was in French, referred to

the * spheroidal state of bodies, and the application of this knowledge to steam-boilers.' As is Well kaown from every-day experi.ence, when drops of water are thrown npon red-hot iron, they assume a spherical form.' It is not so well known that the drops, in these circumstances* remain at a minute distance apart from -the iron, and that the heat of the plate is not communicated to them. M. Boutigny showed on this occasion a redhot platinum cup, with a small quantity of water dancing about in it like a globe of glass, without boiling. When the metal, however, cools down to a certain point, the water comes in contact with it, heat is communicated, boiling takes place, and the water quickly evaporates. The same result is observed when any substance capable of assuming a globular form is placed on a heated surface ; in proof of which the professor placed in the heated cup of platinum, iodine, ammonia, and some inflamable fluid, each of which became globular, and danced about like the globule of water, but without emitting vapour or smell, or being inflamed, till the platinum was cooled. M. Boutigny also heated a silver weight, of the same shape as the weight of a clock, until it was red-hot, and then lowered it by a wire into a glass of cold water, without there being the slightest indication of action in the water, more than if the weight had been quite cold. The experimentalist advanced no theory to account for these peculiar actions, further than that a film of vapour intervenes between the heated body and the substance, which prevents the communication of heat. The facts, however, he thought were of importance in a practical point of view, both in the tempering of metals and in the explanation of the causes of steam-boiler explosions. From these experiments, it would appear that, in tempering metals, if the metal be too much heated, the effect of plunging it into water will be diminished. In steam-boilers also, if the water be introduced into a heated surface, the heat may not be communicated to the water, and the boiler may become red-hot, and Without any great emission of steam ; until at length, when the boiler cools, a vast quantity of steam may be generated, and the boiler burst. The last and most curious experiment performed by M. Boutigny was the freezing of water in a red-hot vessel. It has been thus described in the Literary Gazette's report: — 'If any substance boils below the freezing point of water, that same substance would be below its own boiling point; and therefore water in contact would be frozen. Sulphurous acid is such a substance ; and consequently, sulphurous acid in an incandescent crucible in the spheroidal shape is itself colder than ice : in addition, however, to its own coldness, it evaporates when touched by the water ; therefore intense cold is produced, and the water instantly freezes.' The sight of water put into a red-hot crucible, and almost instantly turned out upon the experimenter's hand a mass of ice, elicited loud and continued applause. — Ibid. The arms by which the ill dispositions of the world are to be combated, and the qualities by which it is to be reconciled to us, and we reconciled to it, are moderation, gentleness, a little indulgence to others, and a great deal of distrust of ourselves, which are not qualities of a mean spirit, as some may possibly think them, but virtues of a great and noble kind, and such as dignify our nature as much as they contribute to our repose and fortune ; for nothing can be so unworthy of a well-com-posed soul as to pass away life in bickerings and litigations, in snarling and scuffling with every one around us. We must be at peace with our species, if not for their sakes, yet v ery much for our own. — Burke. The very charm of children, that which has ranked them, from of" old, amongst the blessings of God, is this, that they form the future of every family — that they sanction in every house that sentiment by which the soul of man lives. Children represent the future, and in a form the most joyous and attractive. It is this which constitutes their irresistible fascination. It is this which sheds around their little heads that light of happiness and joy which reflects itself on the countenances of the parents — which warms the heart — which gives to the poor the force to labor, and to the miserable the force to live. Blessed be infancy, which chases the demon ! Blessed be infancy, which keeps alive in each family the sentiment of hope, indispensable to man as the air and the light! — St. Marc Girardin.