Intelligent Vagrant.

New Zealand Mail, Issue 230, 5 February 1876, Page 12

Intelligent Vagrant.

Quis scit an adjiciant hodiernaj crastina summce Tempora Di Superi.—Horace. Says xxoratius, "There's no offence, my lord ;" and Hamlet answers him, "Yes, by St. Patrick, but there is, my lord, and much offence too." And I agree with Hamlet; for, touching this Martin drinking fountain, there is much offence, and lam the cause. A week ago I repeated the criticisms of Messrs. Macabaw and De Snooks on the fountain, and it is said to me that in doing so I, who intended to be merely jocular, was held to be offensive by some. It is pleasant to know that the donor of the fountain himself is not one of the some. Mr. Martin has fortunately got commonsense and knowledge of the world enough to perceive that a jest at a drinking fountain neither lessens the merits of a gift he has made the city nor causes anyone to be less grateful for that gift. But some there be who in a vortex of patriotism would make mischief, and who hold that as the gift was made to Wellington no one in Wellington should joke about it. This is like the patriotism of Hannibal Chollop, who objected to Mark Tapley's saying a word against the "rnoistness" of Eden, or against American institutions. He held that the Americans, being a free people, must be " cracked up," and that death should be the portion of those who did not crack them up. Now, it appears to me that there is a tinge of the Chollopian feeling in those who Avould make a mountain of offence out of such a very molehill of remark as an attempted joke at a drinking fountain. There is nothing like a burst of indignant newspaper feeling. There is a little paper at Tauranga —the Bay of Plenty Times —which gives its subscribers a minimum of reading matter, and includes in that its motto " The spirit of the times shall teach me speed." Well, it seems the South Canterbury Times was enlarged the other day, and a motto similar to that used at Tauranga was adopted. Then the Bay of Plenty organ wrote indignantly about "piracy" and an "infringement of its rights and privileges.' But I want toknow where Tauranga got a monopoly of this motto. I think I read it long before there was such a place as Tauranga or a paper there. Perhaps the Bay of Plenty Times will next lay claim to a copyright in the Ten Commandments. I should not wonder. It was accustomed, until brought to order by notice, to steal paragraphs of mine to put in its local columns. "Who drives fat oxen should himself be fat." I think that is the saying. I quote from memory. But supposing it is, we may fairly assume, on a similar line of reasoning, that he who collects an education rate should himself be educated. This being so, it does seem incongruous, to say the least of it, that a collector of the education rate in the Wellington country districts should give a farmer written notice to pay " fore shillings ?" That publican at Westport whom I read about has a fine sense of humor. On Sunday afternoons he hoists on a flagstaff the commercial code signal, " Medical officer wanted," which is understood by the initiated to mean that passers by can be supplied with " medical comforts." I had a great friend once who, knowing as much of the sea and seafaring matters as the Town Council does of its finances, was yet in the habit of continually making efforts to use sailors' language and to appear knowing and nautical. He used to talk of " shinning up the mizzen rigging to furl the foretop," and also of " splicing the foretopsail figurehead to a marlingspike." He is dead and gone in the flesh, poor fellow ! but I fancy his spirit must be here to animate the shipping reporter, who told us the other night that the St. Leonards was in the stream with her " staysail yards " aloft ready to sail. In addition to the Civil Service and the cure of souls, Mr. Castro is anxious to secure exemption from r.ites, and the members of the City Council, with a perverse view of the position a Christian minister should occupy, refuse to exempt him. His case is as bad as that of the Reverend Mr. Stiggins, who recognised in the exclusion of rum from the Pleet tap another instance of enmity to his fold, and exclaimed, if I remember rightly, "Oh ! the hardness of heart of these inveterate men ! Oh ! the accursed cruelty of these inhuman persecutors !" «.*«.! None of the papers contain an account ot tne imposing ceremony which took place the morning that the Town Council assumed control of the wharf. The Mayor was wheeled down the wharf in state on a truck, and was presented by the wharfinger with the keys of the offices and stores on a coal-sack. Some congratulatory speeches were made and the Mayor remarked that he felt much more m his element than when contesting the Hutt election, and, addressing the lumpers, assured them that they were less objectionable fellows to manage than the members of the City Council.

I desire to congratulate myself that, as a •writer, I have not been extinguished. I believe that a gentleman last week was not chary in his predictions that before long he would " stamp me out." Certain events have shown that this is not likely of accomplishment. It was attempted you see by means of a literary bludgeon, and this is a weapon the use of which is attended by more danger to the holder than to the attacked.