A BUREAU DRAWER.

New Zealand Mail, Issue 229, 29 January 1876, Page 16

A BUREAU DRAWER.

(From the Danburg News.)

The man who will invent a bureau drawer which will move out and in without a hitch, will not only secure a fortune, but will attain to an eminence in history not second to the greatest of warriors. There is nothing, perhaps (always excepting a stove-pipe), that will so exasperate a man as a bureau drawer which will not shut. It is a deceptive article. It is the custom to throw the whole weight of a person against the end which sticks. If any one has succeeded in closing a drawer, by so doing he will confer a great favor by sending his address to this office. We have seen men do this several times, and then run from the side of the room and jump, with both feet, against the obstinate end. This doesn't appear to answer the purpose any better, but it is very satisfying. Mrs. Holcomb was trying to shut a bureau on Saturday morning, but it was an abortive effort. Finally she burst into tears. Then Mr. Holcomb told her to stand aside and see him do it. " You see," observed Mr. Holcomb, with quiet dignity, " that the drawer is all awry. That's what makes it stick. Now anybody but a woman would see at once that to move

the drawer standing in that position would be impossible. I now bring out this other end even with the other. So. Then I take hold of both knobs, and with an equal pressure from each hand, the drawer moves easily in. See ?"

The dreadful thing moved readily forward for a distance of nearly two inches. Then it stopped abruptly. "Ah !" observes Mrs. Holcomb, beginning to look happy again. Mr. Holcomb very properly made no response to this ungenerous expression, but he gently worked each end of the drawer to and fro, but without success. Then he pulled the drawer all the way out, adjustins? it properly, and starting it carefully back. It moved as if on oiled wheels, Mr. Holcomb smiled. Then it stopped, and Mr. Holcomb looked solemn. " Perhaps you did not get both ends adjusted," suggested the unhappy Mrs. Holcomb.

Mr. Holcomb made no reply. Were it not for an increased flush in his face, it might have been undoubtful if he heard the remark at all. He pushed harder at the drawer than was apparent to her, but it didn't move. He tried to bring it back again, but it would not come.

" Are you sure you have got everything out of here you want?" he finally asked, with a, desperate effort to look composed. " Oh, that's what you're stopping for, is it ? But you needn't ; I got what I wanted. You can shut it right up." Then she smiled a wicked smile.

He grew redder in the face, and set his teeth firmly together, and put all his strength to the ohdurate drawer ; while a hard look gleamed in his eye. But it would not move, and he pushed harder.

" I am afraid you have not got both the ends adjusted," she maliciously suggested.

A scowl settled on h'S face while he strained evei-y muscle in the pressure. " What dumb fool put this drawer together I should much like to know ?" he snapped out.

She made no reply, but she felt that she had not known much happiness since the day she stood before the altar with him and had orange blossoms in her hair. " I'd like to know what in thunder you've been doing to this drawer, Jane Holcomb ?" he jerked out. " I have not done anything to it," she replied. " I know better," he asserted. " Well, know what you please, for all I care," she sympathisingly retorted. The cords swelled up on his neck, and the corners of his mouth grew white. I'll shut that drawer, or I shall know the reason of it," he shouted, and he then jumped up and gave it a most passionate kick. " Oh, my !" she exclaimed.

He dropped on his knees again, and grabbed hold of the knobs, and swayed and pushed at them with all his might. But it didn't move. " Why, in heaven's name, don't you open the window ? Do you want to smother me ?' he passionately cried. It was warm—dreadfully warm. The perspiration stood in great drops down his neck. The birds sang merrily out of doors, aud the glad sunshine lay in golden sheets upon the earth, but he did not notice them. He would have given five dollars if he had not touched the cursed bureau ; he would have given ten dollai-s if he had never been born. He threw all his weight on both knobs, It moved them. It went to its place with a suddenness that threw him from his balance, and brought his burning face against the bureau with force enough to skin his nose, and fill his eyes with water to a degree that was blinding. Then he went out on the back stoop, and sat there for an hour, scowling at the scenery.