All Sorts of People

Free Lance, Volume VI, Issue 287, 30 December 1905, Page 3

All Sorts of People

\^\ ERMIT us to immortalise Councilf* lor Westall, of Napier. They^ have been going to have a stone soldier on the top of a stone pedestal in the lovely town for quite a while, but the soldier got wounded m the. Home factory, and the pedestal is vacant. No! Not altogether vacant. Thus Councillor Westall : "I am glad to have Councillor Eagleton's assurance that on the top of the mounmeait there will be a trooper. So far I have only noticed a dead marine." An empty bottle has been the only occupier of the top end of the structure since it was raised. Hence Councillor Westall's whimsical wheeze. Sir Henry Campbell - Bannerman, Premier of Great Britain, is the same "OB." who iras a pra-Boer, and who was execrated throughout the Empire for saying it was a t>m to knock the head off our cousins, the Boers, because the capitalists desired it. A change comes o'er the spirit of Britons. It remains to be seen whether, when the man who had the couiage of his convictions "goes to the country" in January, Britons will still show the antipathy that made him the besthated man in the Empire. And, a n,ropos of pro-Boerism, what about Barclay, whom Southern people wanted to slay a few years ago ? He's on the job again. People are martyred for their opinions now-a-daye, just as they used to be in those dear old religious times, except that they don't use "Scavenger's Daughters" and thumbscrews and. racks and boiling o-fl. We civilise but slowly, and change like a weathercock. ♦ • * When the Lance read! that Miss Alice Roosevelt had been captured by Congressman Nicholas Lonigworth, who was one of the party accompanying the American President's daughter on a world sea trip, we were not surprised. The sea is not only the matrimonial nursery for the world, but it is also the orchard of flirtation. On a long sea trip there is more absolute freedom after about tho third 1 day out than anywhere else. Dainty women, wh,o, when ashore, would look with horror on anything outre or bizarre, fling conventionality to "Ward," and become very natural indeed. • * * There is nothing that hits a man so hard as naturalness, and, perhaps, Congressman Loneworth saw the fair Alice drying her hair in the tropical sun on deck, attired in a simple wrapper. We know of almost innumerable instances of matrimonial contracts made at sea. Everyone remembers instances of girls coming out from Home to their fond lovers waiting on the Wellington wharf, and landing with a new-found lover who has playedl a strong hand en route, helped by the Tomantio environment of tropic nights and seats in the lee of the life-boats. Quick eyes, too, have noticed the presence of weddingrings on the fingers of ladies on the first day out, and the absence of them on the third. One knows, too, the romantic effect the sea air has on sturdy tars andi chief stewards and refrigerating engineers, and the necessity for the now very general shipping company rule that officers should be less devoted to the needs of lady passengers. The sea-breeze has a lot to answer for. and if it could tell its secrets, it would be rery much over-worked.

XJolomel Pitt, Attorney - General, "created something of a sensation at the Navy League concert whemi he arose in his might and began metaphorically waving the flag "with both hands with a outlas between his teeth, and half-a-dozen d^rks concealed on him. Colonel Pitt was not wearing his medals. He spoke quite a lot, and his remarks may be shortly expressed! tihius: Empire< — Nayy — watch-dog, liberty — peace of the world — teach the children. ■^ Several sailors showed a lack of interest in the Colonel's remarks, but asked a by-sitter "Who is the old gent. ?" The by-sitter said he was the man who won the Maori war, and thereafter nothing he said was a platitude to the sailor-men. The same sailor-men looked aghast when Captain Woolcombe was called on. to s>ay something. "Wot oh!" said one, "bhme if the skipper ain't goin t'ave a jaw ! Lor' lumme, 'c oarn't talk fer nuts 'oept aboard, when things is goin' crook!" But, those sailor-men were wrong. The well-groomed, keen-featured skipper not only talks with uncommon distinctness, but he is not mealy-mouth-ed, and is full of tact. vv^e didn't think it was a "magnificent welcome," as he called! it — at least, as far as the piiblic was concerned — but we agree with him that those Wellington kiddies are magnificent, and that the best ■commercial insurance policy you can have is an invincible navy, and that if you want it you have got to put your hand in your pocket. The necessity of keeping the people's interest stirred in naval matters is very obvious. The Navy League would! be forgotten in no time if that modest young person, Mr. Palmer, didn't burst forth with a show now and again. London's Lord Mayor gives a spree to the clergy once a year, and he also shouts a 6andwich and a glass of milk to the lawyers. Judge Rentoul, of the great city, told a teetotal crowd a while ago that the pansons' wine bill was double that of the lawyers! This also said he: — "Any man wiho wants teetotal lectures need never be without one while the Old Bailey and the iNorth London Sessions are open to him." The last full day he had at the Old Bailey, the judge continued, he passed sentences ranging up to seven years in thirteen cases, every one of which was directly due to drink. Facts 1 like those made a man serious when he talked of temperance. Wheieon, oh parsons, ponder. • * • y Why not Dr. Ngata? Most of the papers just saw off the brilliant Maori with a plain Ngata. We don't hurl plain McArthur at the magistrate, neither do we refer to a gifted local orator as "Fmdlay." Furthermore, we forget to refer to the defeated Auckland Doctor of Laws as Bamford. Dr. Ngata, M.H.R., is the only Maori doctor of laws, and is something more than a mere sponge to soak up "Tbookisihness and exude it at examination. He is a fine orator, both in Maori and the best English, a most capable writer, and would make a creditable journal st. w • • Then, too, he is a poet, and could for some years, be depended on at Auckland to take the Univeisity prizes for poetiy. Naturally, he turns to Maori imagery m his writings. The new Maori member owns to being very Maori at heart, and to having a yearly longing to breakaway from the pakeha conventionalities and to live the blanket-whare-shark, and kumera life of the people to whom he belongs. Dr. Ngata's learning is not merely the outcome of aboriginal imitativeness, and he is likely to be to the Maori of New Zealand what Booker Washington is to the Afro-Am ericas.

MJaptain "Jacky" Hughes has liadi a long bout of illness, through which he has persistently smiled and' kept his spirits up. He strained his back on the polo field, and went to Mr. "Bob" Levin's home to get nursed. Everybody is good to "Jacky," and the gallant D.S.O. has since been an invalid guest of Major-General Babington. Latest is that the invalid is away at Mr. Allan Strang's station to recuperate, and' is able to walk about with some difficulty. • • • How would '"Harold Beauohamp, Esq., M.L.C.," look? This distinguished citizen chairmaned the Izard hip-hip-hooray ! social the other night, in Sydney-street schoolroom, and' when King Dick got up to tell people an enormous number of facts, one of them was thaf'There is a tide in the affairs of men which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune." While the modest Beauchamp blushed and! mentally played with the bauble, the Premier turned on him with a fatherly smile, and told him the flood-time had 1 arrived, and Harold smiled and didn't get in out of the wet. * * •» At the hip-hip-hooray social aforesaid, there was a lady dancer in a very abbreviated frock. Shi© danced, a hornpipe nicely. Snddenly, a burst of applause from Mr. Culver, followed by a Wesb Coast demonstration, was heard, and we looked towards th© lady to know the reason of this fusillade of clapping. They were not applauding the lady. King Dick had) arisen, and was dancing with great vigour! The Premier was amused about 10 o'clock, and nineteen men rushed the reporters, and told them about it. Said 1 one reporter, who has been at tine game in Wellington for twenty years, to a staunch L.L. Federationist : "Who is that large man with the grey whiskers next to the chairman?" The person staggered, and gasped: "Why that's Mr. Seddon!" "Seddon? Seddon?" said the man of ink in a strained voice, "Where did I hear that name before P" and 1 , turning to the informant, he asked : "He stood for Parliament or something, didn't he?" The person drifted out into the lobby, and 1 said 1 there was a madman in the ballroom! » • •» ydx. John Liddell Kelly, the liddell 'poet, was camped alongside Kong Dick at the Izard hooroo spree, and the general supposition was that J. L. was putting the Premier up to a wrinkle or two-y-you could see the Premier's brain taking notes. Mr. Kelly had written some words for some songs sung at the spree, and they wene good words, mostly about politics. We could hear Mr. Jones, the songster, very often, and the words we caught were good words. Mr. McLaughlm, of music fame, wrote tihe music. Roy Minifie Is a small boy in knickerbockeis, and has a really nice voice. He sang "The Gladiator," which, however, was written before the elections, and has no reference to the "Arbiter of our Destinies." This was sung before the Jones song, and the quaint Beauchamp. asking "What's happened to Jones?" suggested sending the gladiator after him. \Mx. Chas. Izard, M.H.R., has a good deal of difficulty in suppressing Mr. Charles Izard, ordinary person. Charles desires to try to be funny, but when a lot of people have honoured you by making you an M.H.R., you've got to curb the ebullience of your spirits. At Charles's hurroo, he was the most subdued and 1 modest person around, and he is learning the histrionic art of political stage tactics and deportment very rapidly. He protested that he hadn't won the election, and both himself and King Dick said the ladies were responsible.

James MoMahon, Esq., affectionately known on four continents as the "Mighty Atom," one time a theatrical entrepreneur of large calibre, and Herr Max Hoppe, the genius of the violin, went to a party the other night. S» did a oh>um -oi theirs now possessing a walking-stick and) a lame leg. The first-mentioned twain hired a cab to take them to the party, and, discussing it, gave the cabbie instructions to call for them at a later hour. The chum wanted to go home, and he hobbled out to look for his cab, or the other fellow's cab, or anybody's cab. He found the Atom-Hoppe cab. He got aboard, and! siat down, and made himself comfy. A few minutes later, Herr Hoppe also got aboard, and said "Hello, Jim I" (Atom's name i» Jim). So was the chum's. "You here first?" and told the driver to drive home. When the chum stepped out, Heir Hoppe remarked that his friend the Atom had grown, at least a foot, but it is believed the elongated one was duly able to explain. • * * One hour later, the Atom rushed into the air, and said : "Where's my cab, eh? What? Can't see it any where 1 Must be gone!" So poor litle "Jim" had to walk. Whether the long "Jim" and the short "Jim" have met since is not known, but if not it is a toss up which of the two exceedingly voluble gentlemen will win. We'll back Jim. Hurroo for Jim! Wbich Jim? Oh, never mind which Jim! Hurroo for himl u-^ • • • Mr. Basil Scott, of the Wellington Telegraph Department, is a cousin of Captain John Sinclair, Secretary for Scotland in the new British Cabinet. Captain Sinclair served' in the Soudan war, and was. afterwards A.D.C. to Lord Aberdeen when the latter was Lord Lieutenant of Ireland, and private secretary to his Lordship when Gover-nor-General of Canada. • • • That large young Grenadier, Lord /Nprtihland, heir to Lord Ranfurly, used w> drive horses here, but hi© "motes" at Home. In fact, the youth whose oommg-of-age-ceremonies happened not so long ago, was fined £3 the other day for furious motdng. • • • Sergeant Carthy, a local artillery instructor, went along to the gun-horse stables the other day, and l found that a horse wasn't well. Perhaps, the gee-gee had been eating a new kind of oats, and had 1 a pain in its "tummy." As is usual in the Army, the matter was reported. The farrier didn't go along, and give it a ball, or a drench, or anything simple, because he would have been court-martialled and shot for curing a horse that hadn't been properly passed as fit to. "go sick." Reported to the sergeant-major, who reported to quartermaster-sergeant, who reported to the orderly officer, who reported to his company officer, who reported it to Major Hume commanding the artillery, who reported it to Major-General Babington, Commandant of the Forces. • ♦ • The pain in the horse's "tummy 0 still went on, and, when it 'had been reported' in proper form through every known channel, the general went along personally to inspect the gun-horse. Later, Colonel Chaytor, D.A.A.G., got there and surrounded the horse, next came Major Hume, tEen Major Johnson, then Captain Campbell, amd> then Lieutenant Sandall. The solemn conference, with the expert aid! of the non-com, first hereinbefore mentioned, decided the horse had gripes, and that it be a direction to th© farrier to summon the services of a duly-qualified veterinary surgeon. We have been watching Mount Cook for a, flag a* halfmast height, tied' with red tape.

\/Mr. G. M. Kebbeil, the grey gentleman, with, the short beard, the little cap, and the weli-ied look, and who has. something of a finger in beveral little commercial paes m Wellington, has been to England and elsewhere lately. Elsewhere includes America, and America includes New Brighton. Ho was struck with the great vigour the Americans put into their enjoyment at New Brighton. When an American is out for fun, he stays out until he has had his dollar's worch. New Brighton has a sort of Eiffel Tower— lower storey ballroom, next theatre, next twelve or fourteen Eiffel Tower. Millions of electric lights, and myriads of Americans enjoying themselves with every muscle in their bodies. • • ~~ Mr Kebbeil saw the New Zealand©evon football match, and the prevailing opinion in Devon was that the "Dumplings" would just about wipe up the historacal spot with fifteen New Zealankters. One Devonian based his opinions on the fact that one New Zealandier had legs like hams. When he saw those legs cutting out a hundred yards in something under twelve seconds, he remarked • "Well, 'er looks like a ox, but 'er luns like a 'are. Iss fey!" Other Devonians reckoned that pixies (fairies) had a big band in the game^ # # • _^verywhere in England the railway companies run motor trains in between the ordinary trains. What impressed Mr. Kebbeil most was the feeding powers of the British people. "They Jive to eat!" These are the people, of course, whom Mr. Kebbeil saw. There axe several millions of people m England who don't over-feed. The average business-man, however, eats a large steak tor breakfast, and a couple of hot rolls, just to stay his stomach, about am hour and a-half after. Then, ihe has about two pounds of meat for lunch, afternoon tea, a heavy dinner at 6 or 7, and a heavier supper before he goes to bed. That is why he canmot play football, perhaps? • • • Bars labelled "Ladies only" abound. Ladies invite their lady friends to "hare one with me." Of course, it is very awful, but it beer is good for man xt is good for women. Also, a Society for the Promotion of Swearing and Smoking among Women would! bring them more on a level with man. Talking about ladies, there are about threetimes more factory girls in Yorkshire than there are people in New Zealand and its dependencies. They all go "tripping" to Blackpool once a year. They save up for it. While Mr. Kebbeil was in Yorkshire 70,000 mill girls drew £100,000 out of the savings banks, and went to Blackpool. Oh, yes; they certainly do make things a bit merry. Tihey call it a spree, and' it is a spree. / * Mr. Kebbeil took passage by the pf^stest turbine steamer afloat. The "Viking" runs between the Isle of Man and Liverpool, and 1 makes twenty-five knots am hour. The turbine is a fearful coal-eater, he says. Then we ask him our invariable question.: "Is New Zealand spoken about znudh at Home?" "No," he said, "you never hear the word mentioned V' This, however, was at the beginning of the football tour. Mr. George Reid, one time Federal Premier, is, as everybody knows, a distinctly comical person, and carries a "fair round paunch." Georgae told an audience the other day that he considered the young Australian does not lack gratitude and courtesy. He was walking down a Melbourne street, and, as he passed a twelve-year-old youth, who was wheeling a barrow, the load — a parcel of boot-uppers — fell off. The brave youth struggled! gamely to lift the load up again, but without avail. The Prime Minister stepped out, and gave the youth a hand. The grateful youth removed his cigarette "bumper" from his lips, and) remarked : "Thanks, Fatty!" Since which Mr. Reid has always spoken highly -of the gratitude of the native-born Australian. ■» * • Interest in bushranging ia revived in Australia by the revelataon of one, James Skillaon, who says he was a "bush telegraph" for the famous "Ned" Kelly. Quaint to find "Jack" Kelly, who is doing a stookwhip-oracking act with Wirth's circus, writing to the papers to correct some of Skillion's statrments. "Jack" knows who made the Kelly armour, hxxb doesn't say. At this moment, when young Australia is being filled 1 up with "Thunderbolt" bushranging literature, it isn't safe to give any points. Most of the sensational bushranging of early times was done by mere youths. It doesn't matter to the man who is "bailed up" whether he is shot by a school-boy or a Kelly m armour. A propos of bushranginej, the notorious Thunderbolt was chased down on horseback, and shot to death in a hammer and tongs duel by a police trooper, twenty years of age. The same trooper — forget his name — is now a T>oliee magistrate.

Every year there is let loose on the community a batch of new young lawyers. Some of them don't practise, and some do, but in the. near future the New Zealander Who is not a lawyer will be classed with the tuatara and other rapidly-vanishing natives of this country. Civil servants seem to go in for law pretty profusely. There is Wyndham Hopkins, of the Treasury, a married man, and a New Plymouthean. He has just passed his final. "Wyndy" is a "strong man" in ihis spare time, and is popularly supposed l to have a muscle as bulgy as a surplus. Another civil servant newly translated to the D.0.8. is the little brunette, "Charlie" Collins. His passion runs to yachting, and, now he is at liberty to forget all he has swatted, he will be oftener heaving on the centre-board, and letting go his main-sheet, and nautical things like that. Then, of course, there is young Lynch, of the Native Lands Courts office. What we don't know about ham would' fill a book. • * * Lots of fellows think the "old man's" business isn't good enough for them. But, it isn't the case always, far Harry Anderson, son of the gentleman who is partner in the firm of Butler and Anderson, and' who has been three years in that office, is now a full-fledged lawyer. Then, the lawyer's clerks have come to light considerably. There is Mr. McGrath, of the West Coast, now in Young and Tripe's, and once accountant at the Taita Hotel, and Fabian Wills, the stalwart son of. Frank Wills, the laird of Muritai. both of them in the Izard office. • • • Again, Chapman and Tripps Roy Gawith has succeeded. "Roy" is a Wellington College Old Boy, and keeps it up with vigour. He is secretary of the 0.8. F.C. His pa is Masterton's oldest lawyer, and has been at it thirty years in the hub of the Wairarapa. Further, "Sid" Stafford, of Stafford, Treadwell, and Field's, is amongst the winning D.O. team, and Freddy Martin, son of ex-City Solicitor Martin, gets his wig when he applies for it. • • * Neave, of Young and Tripe's, is a full-blown LL.B., and a debater who "cuts some ice." Last year he was selected as a rep. for the Dunedm Easter Debating Tourney, but he caught cold or something, and didn't go. Mr. J. Oarrad, of the Magistrate's Court, is now a lawyer, as •well as a hockey player. Of course, all these chaps won't blossom forth into brass plates, but C. R. Dix will, for one. C. B. is the son of H. R., one of Wellington's old-time journalists. C. R. began his working life as a Press Association scribe, was articled to J. P. Campbell _ later, stayed! with him five years, drifted across to Jellicoe, and ran Ms business while his terrible "boss" was away wooing the electors of England, took over the good-will of

Jelly's business, and enters into partneiship with "Pae" O'Regan, who hasn't been a lawyer long, but who is getting on pretty well, and hias a fluent tongue and dynamic energy. • • • A. Vaile, the blow-hard Auokland1 er, whose lucubrations are being permitted in the London press, probably as a clincher to £he oft-expressed argument that colonials have "swelled head," is at it again. Percy has ordl ered the disuse of the misleading terms "colonies" and "colonials," and wants something more definite and distinctive. This he writes in London "Standard". The man who has taught the effete British maternal grandparent the 1 correct method of imbibing hennfruit, wants to call the colonies Tjnperiats,' and the people m them 'Imperions.' Sounds like new measures for beer or spirits, or a new kind 1 of cabbage. Anyhow, if you are an Imperion ' why isn't a mere Englishman an 'Inferion,' and if New Zealand is an 'imferiat,' what's the matter with England being dubbed likewise. There are distinct evidences that ~Vai]e's> brain wants a long rest.