It Is Town Talk

Free Lance, Volume VI, Issue 278, 28 October 1905, Page 22

It Is Town Talk

—That the question of home rule has wrecked the happiness of many families. —That the Taranaki Rockefeller are getting twenty barrels of oil a day. Hope they won't get the earth. —That a local lawyer caught a trout weighing 201b lOoz last Saturday. The statutory limit is 201b. What defence hash©? —That Tommy Taylor was seen talking to a man in broad daylight on the Quay on Tuesday last. Something is going to happen. —That a WeUmgtonian, not previously of literary tendencies, had! two articles in yesterday's paper. Ihey required soling and heeling. —That a "drunk," at Stratford, questioned as to the troth of the police evidence, remarked: "I haye^ never known a policeman to tell a he. —That "the man who broke the bank at Monte Carlo" is saidl to be carrying plates in a Wellington restaurant. Evidently the broken bank is "bust. , —That the prohibition novel and the prohibition story are a new feature in New Zealand life. "Patmos" and "Gleams and Glooms" both aim a blow at the "trade." That a noted Prohibitionist created a terrific sensation by bringing forth from his pocket, in full sight of the audience, a whisky flask, and taking a big sip — of water. —That two lady passengers in, am Inglewood coach accident were shot through the roof when the bump came, and were not injured. , 'Tis said their hats saved their lives. That the name of Nelson may be obliterated from the memory of Britishers, but the name of Baden-Powell will live fox ever. Three cheers for Baden 1 What? No response? — That a certain big military panjandrum at Wellington recently spoke slightingly of an officer as "this draper fellow." Hector Macdonald was a diraper before he "took the shilling." — That a facetious volunteer recently paraded with a cadet's dummy rifle. The inspecting officer solemnly looked down the barrel, and! ordered him to "fall out," as the rifling was dirty! True bill. That Mr. London, of the Hutt, said: "I believe I oould perform the duties of governing the country as well as Richard John Seddon." Well, he's only got to get the people to join him in the belief. — That a Northern anti-Prohibi-tion gathering, which most enthusiastically cried . "Down with cold water !" according to the local paper, "broke up with tears." The reporter meant "cheers." — That Wellington parsons experiment so constantly with their whiskers that it is exceedingly difficult to recognise your beloved pastor from Sunday to Sunday. One young parson has put up seven different shapes in shaves in the past two years. — That this is a rather awkward way for the " Times" to express itself : — "Owing to the lameinitable shortage of pigs at the Bacon Factory, Mr. has left for the factory this morning. He takes, his wife and 1 seven children with him." — That some small amusement was occasioned on a tram car on Thursday morning by a well-dressed man and woman, who took alternate smokes from the one pipe. Why is it that smoking in a woman seems to disgust ox amuse people ? — That the papers are full of letters from people whose cousins are direct descendants of Nelson. One Wellington gentleman has been trying to borrow various shillings during the week, making an alleged relationship to the great (man his excuse. — That a Wairarapa paper vigorously "slates" the Trafalgar Day celebrations, on the ground that New Zealanders didn't take pairt in the battle, and are therefore not interested. Amd thiere wouldn't be any British New Zealanders if there had been no Trafalgar. — That a country paper swells with honest pride, and says : "As an evidence of tlhe increasing prosperity of ouir towai it may be mentioned that Mr. -, out highly-respected undertaker, has had a new hearse built especially for him by a well-known Wellington firm."

—That a deaf and' dumb "drunk" at Dumedin hod £275 on him when packed up. Money talks. —That poor old Britain goes on decaying. Only a twenty-five per cent, decrease in crime last year I That if Mr. Hislop is made a judge, who is to be mayor ? Providence seems to be working hard for Arthur Fullford. —That the Anti-Shouting League's voice has died down to a Whisper. Surely they haven't gone back on, the kirk? — That a lobster-canning factory is to be started at Akaroa. A kver-pill factory would have a good! show right alongside. That a verbose, would-be politician of this city is so fond of argument that he won't even eat anything that agrees with him. Name? Not for worlds! — That "hairdresser" being too commonplace and plain a term, a Waikato barber grandiloquently describes himself on his shop front as a "facial denudator"! That, in justice to the schoolmaster officer of cadets, it must be said that their appearance on parade is as smart as anything m the military line we have. —That Trafalgar Day had varying effects on country newspapers. One burst forth with the front page a TJnion Jack, and another burst forth printed only on one side. That a country boy, reprimanded by his teacher for not salluting the flag on Trafalgar Day. said) he would never dlo it, "even if I'm chopped to bits." Both his parents were French. — That many people wanted to know on Trafalgar Day why the city flew the Corporation flag at the Basin Reserve with the "Stars and Stripes" uimdierneath, and no sign of the "Union Jack." — That, of course, the hundreds of Wellingtonians who took part in the battle of Balaclava don't need to be told that Wednesday last was tihe anniversary, and that it happened in the "spacious days" of 1854. — That, among the twelve good men and true on a recent Supreme Court jury were: Frederick Pink, George Grey, Edward Brown, George Black, Edmund White, andl Joseph Green. The police call it "the Rainbow Jury." — That the bookmakers are discussing a scheme for wireless telegraphy between racecourses and neighbouring paddocks. Sites adjoining courses will be valuable to them. The Australian "bookies," especially at Fleming^ton, have for years had a code of signals.