Entre Nous

Free Lance, Volume VI, Issue 274, 30 September 1905, Page 12

Entre Nous

THIS is the sad story of the eggs. There was a poultry fancier in Wellington, and he had 1 a superb assortment of feathered egg-prodiuceis. But, he broke the commandment that says "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbours' — eggs." He heard of a lady wJio farmed some splendid! examples of prize birds — and he went along and spoke smooth words to heir, and asked for a sitting. She politely replied that she was keeping that special blend of bird to herself. But the gentleman persisted with exceeding fervour, until bis plausible tongue prevailed. The eggs he yearned 1 so ardently for would be sent along after a certain interval, but his own exchange pedigree lot were forwarded at once. • • ♦ The lady set the eggs, and went out three weeks' after to listen to; the yoilng poultry breaking through the shells. They dhda't break worth a cent. They were infertile, or dipped, or something. The gentleman made his application for a sitting of the lady's blend! of egg again, and this time she thanked him for his kindness, and gave him a dozen eggs. He introduced: a broody hen to them, and she did her dirty as well as she knew how. On the twenty-first day nothing happened. The eggs were "wrong 'uns." • • • He made a special journey to that lady, to speak of her ingratitude in giving eggs that were infertile. When tlhie lady cheerfully remarked) that tihey were the self-same eggs whicih he had been good enough to ask her broody hen to get chicks out of, he faded! aware- with the conviction that poetic justice had been don©. He isn't mentioning the circumstances just now. But somehow or other the story has started) to travel all the same. • • • The shareholders of Miramar Limited are enthusiastically shaking each other by the hand, and feeding pretty sweet about their fat pocket-books. In March, 1902, the Miramar Land Company obtained' five hundred anid twentyfive acres of the pick of Miramar, at a price that made those who saw the potentialities of the peninsula smile with a great gladness. The property passed into the hands of Miramar Limited. The original shareholders just lately received £3000 profit each. And so, as was so happily said l at the wind!-uip meeting of the Miramar Land Oom^ pany. the said company "goes out in. a blaze of elory." It hasn't got any land now, but it has gold. • • • If you had seen the brake-load of happy shareholders leaving Harrisstreet on March 15th, 1902, to feast their eyes on their new acquisition!, yon would hare believed they had a good thing on. And so it has proved. The country that once was inhabited! only by

sheep and cattle is rapidly becoming covered with houses, and the tram is to get there pretty quickly. Large as the profits have been, the potentialities oi Miramar as a gold-raising area are only just coming home to the people at large. There will be much larger developments yet. Mark our words. * * • The young man who becomes the part owner of an infant for the first time is usually supposed to feel shy, and there is <a story told of one who wandered up and down before a Quaj' chemist's shop until the police regarded him with suspicion. He was merely plucking up courage to go in and buy a feeding-bottle. But, there is a new young pa who dashed straight into a Vivian-street furniture emporium, and asked, with a blush, if the sihop had any — er — cradles. The sshoep — ci — had Then the young man went on: — "In cases where — where — when it wasn't lU st — just what you expected, you know, and — and 1 you have to buy cradles, you know, is it customary to buy two cradles, or — or one cradle big enough, for both of 'em?" • • * Stories of twins are always interesting. There is a clerk in the Government se>rvice who arrived at the office with a look of deep responsibility in his face. Thpy asked him about it. He told them that his wife had presented him with a ohild — girl. Later, someone asked him what he was going to call the girl, and he said "Nellie." Another man happened 1 along, and asked him the same question. He replied, "John." It was only by putting one and! one together that his fellow clerks found out the doubleness of his happiness. • * • The ways of the Prohibitionist are past finding out. There was a slight "drunk" on a Southern coach the other day, and! the ooid-waterer demanded, in a voice of thunder, that he shoniJd be dumped! on the wayside, as "he wasn't fit company for decent passengers. As it was sleeting very badly,, and as cold as mid-winter, the driver allowed the "drunk" to travel, and the Prohibitionist protested vigorously for miles at the awfulness of not allowing a man to freeze to death on the roadside. A man, who, of course, ouighJt to have known better, asked the Prohibitionist if a drunk, who objected! to Prohibitionists, hadn't as much right to protest against a cold-water person taking a seat as tin© latter bad to protest against the drunk. • • • A constable intimated to an up-coun-try Jai Pee the other day that in a theft case the accuged "had been, given away" by a Bullock-driver. With the awful innocence of vernacular magistrates always assume, he askedi the policeman for an explanation. <r Well, your Worship," he said', "the Trullocky' blew the gaff." His Worship still didm't understand. "Why, h© rounded on him, your Worship 1" His Worship still pleaded ignorance. "The T)uiHo«oky' squeaked, your Worship," he continiued. "Sort of peached on, him, you know." fC Do I understand you to mean," asked the magistrate, pushing: back a gurgle that was rising behind his collar, "thfat the witness informed the police of the nature of this man's alleged offence?" "YouVe got it!" was all the constable said.

They were telling sheep yarns. An aged lawyer, whose wisdom-tooth had Long since been abstracted as an aggravating circumstance, said that he had heard of a station-holder who was worried by reports that his sheep were being killed with malicious intenit. He saddiled-u}> one day to have a scoot round to see if he could discover the sheep-diestroyeirs. Great lu'ok favoured him, for be cam© upon a bark whare before which a soallywag was engaged in skinning a sheep. In bright red language h& asked him what he meant by killing Ms sheep in this audacious manner. "Look 'ere, old cock," said the man, "Fm not a-goin' to let any sheep bite me!" • • • Another yarn, told by a well-known Manlborough squatter. His men had told him that the wild! boars were ripping up a sheep here and there. "Take your nJfles," said the owner, "-and shoot every lurid pig you see." This they did gleefully, but the Maoris entered a strong protest at the wanton destruction of their "Captain Cooks," and a peace proposal was suggested by the squatter, who said : "Jjook here, ©very time we see a boar destroying a sheep we will shoot it. and every time you see a sheep killing a boar you shoot the sheep." The diplomacy of the proposal only elicited a grunt of dissatisf action from the natives' of the soil. * * • The proprietor had) been a cadet in the rough old days, andl had to "pig it" with all sorts. On. one occasion three of tinean were "pigging" it in on© small whare — himself, a hard-case of an exmarine, and a green Shorn cadet. On turning in, the gre&nhorn knelt to say his prayers. The ex-marine circled round and round him as if he was a voucher, eyeing him with a hard optic, and then said : "What roguery are you up to down there?" evidently thinking; it was some form of anarchism. "Easy," said the squatter, "he is only saying his prayers." "Hoh," said 1 the mariner that was, "I've 'card tell of that sort of thing (as if it was a curious exhibit in a museum). I harsks 'is parding!" He was still staring curiously at the young man when the light went out. » • • She was a dainty maiden, and had lots of money. She had been doing the grand tour, and! had' got back to New Zealand. She wasn't particularly communicative on her return about the marvels she had seen, and her friends tried 1 to "pump" her. "But, what about Rome?" she was asked 1 . "Do you remember anything about it?" "Oh, yes!" she enthusiastically replied, "of course. That was the place where they had a funny little restaurant, where they gave us queer little cups full of black coffee — without mills or sugar!" ♦ # • Americans complain that travelling New Zealanders are the noisiest go-to-bed persons in the world in an hotel. They slam the door violently, usually roaring a verse of "On the Ball" while disrobing, drop their boots one at a time with a terrible crash, perform their ablutions with a rattle of the wash- jug, and, having finally got to bed, snore horribly- An American at a San Francisco hotel proceeded last month against the proprietor of the Milwaukee Hotel for the discomfort caused to him by the presence of a noisy New Zealander in the next room. The magistrate held that he had good grounds, of complaint, andi ordered the hotel-keeper to remit three dollars, the amount of room-hire for two nights.

Thesis an old fowl story, whion deals with a man who was found burying a couple or his neighbour's hens. His neighbour indignantly asked' him what he was doing. J±e replied tlhac he was planting his seeds — they were inside those hens. A propos, a certaiu young lady's sweet peas having been scratched up and bolted! by a marauding rooster, sihe detected the misdemeanant just in time to give chase and l run him to earth. She promptly slew him, opened his crop, and returned the seeds to their former bed, where they fulfilled the original intention of the young lady, and are growing well. Those peas took first prize at the show. * • • England! Supine on couch ot Peace, And pillowed on your spieuididi Past, Think you from Wars Mankind will oease, Or Greatness, undefended, last? Glory and Fame Decline to shame, And' towering Empires pass away, If front be gold, foundation clay. Where are the Realms upraised by Trade, And moated but by wandenmg main ? Where the rich airgosies that madte The majesty and might of Spain ? Brilliant but brief As sickled sheaf, When Autumn frosts and Winter wind Leave not one pompous leaf behind. Heed not the Rulers who would steep Your days in. comfort, ease, and wealth ; There is no sea, however deep, Ambition, could not cross by stealth, Out upon those, 'Mid world of foes, Who bad you to one barrier trust To foil their greed, and curb their lust. Protect your shores, without, within, As did your steadfast sires. There lies No manhood, save with discipline, No safety without sacrifice. So bandits may, Athirst for prey. Gazing across the British waves, See burnished barrels, gaping graves! — Alfred Austin, Poet Laureate. » • • A new parson from the dear old Motherland 1 arrived at Wellington the other day, and took up the ourei of souls in a truly rural but aristocratic parish somewhere in> the Manawatu. He is a fine specimen of muscular Christianity, and seemed more than rejoiced to find that his parishioners were devoted to all the manly sports. He eagerly joined the local clubs, and 1 soon showed that he knew as much about tennis on the 'asphalt as P. A. Vaile or anybody else. • ♦ • But he had to borrow all the implements of war, from racquet to flannel pants, and, when one of his parishioners mildly hinted that ifa was strange to find such an expert without tools, the parson explained that while in England he had possessed one of the finest cricketing outfits, and perhaps the best tennis racquet in the Three Kingdoms, but, on leaving Home, he was strongly advised by a learned' professor that the only thing he would require in New Zealand, beyond the usual supple of ready-made sermons, was a revolver. So he soild his bats, and bought a sixshooter! And yet, according to the London correspondents, New Zealand seems to be the 6ole topic in the big city.

The Auckland! "Observer," parent of the Wellington Free Lance, reached last week its silver jubilee, or 25th anniversary. The occasion was fittmngly marked by a concise and brightly-written account of the fortunes and vicissitude of the popular journal, and also by the issue of a miniature fac simJe of the first number, dated September 18th, 1880. "Silver Jubilee" number quips interests ingly about its bygone journalists, and reproduces a photograph of the late Alfred G. Rathbone, Who founded the Northern hard-hitting weekly. When Mr. Rathbome set the ball rdlhn- the critics drew down the oornerc> of their mouths, and predicted foi'lure — as, indeed, dad a later generation of wetblankets ired'ict the same 'fat© for bhe Free Lance— but the "Observer" started with a circulation five thousand copies, and kept going very strongly. • * * The founder was the late Mr. Alfred S. Rathbone (elder brother of Mr. W. G. Rathbone, now editor of tie "Neiv Zealand Graphic," and two of its present proprietors — Mr. W. J. Geddiis a.nd Mr. J. M. Geddis — then on the Auckland "Star" literary staff, were among its earliest contributors. Mr. W. Blomfield, another partner, whose work in black and wh te has won him a deservedly high reputation, sent in his first sketch as a "lad of fifteen and a-h&lf years of age during the second year of the paper's history. Quite a goodly niunber of well-known journalists have been associated with the "Observer" at one time or another. Mr. C. 0. Montrose, the veteran Parliamantarv "special " was once its. editor. Mr. J. L. Kelly, of the "New Zealand Times," was oaoe editor amd part proprietor. Mir. J. R. Gibbons, of the "Post," and Mr. F. W. Weston, were contributors of "Thames Gossip " Mr. E. Hall, of the "Post," has also wielded a pen for the "Observer,' and the R©v. David Bruce (now of New South Wales), Mr. W. McCul'Wh (once of the TTpper House), Mr. J. D. Wiokham (better known as "A Tramp, Esq.") hare at various times had a, proprletory interest in it. In 1892, it passed into the handis of Messrs. Geddiis aindt Blomfield, and. simioe that time the business has thriven steadily. until now it is ome of the leading printing establishments in Auckland. During these last thirteen years also the proprietors established, the Christohuroh "Spectator" C™ 55 * 1 they subsequeurtly sold), anidl the Wellington Free Lance, each paper being thoroughly identified with the community amidst which it sprang into life. Looking over the miniature fao sjnile of the first "Observer." it is of interest to note that the first personal paragraph in "Brief Menifcon," remarks, "Mr. C. 0. Montrose is in town again." Mr. C. 0. Montrose is stall in town — in Wellington — and tame has dimmed his eye and slackened' his gait. Only last year the veteran journalist filled his seat in the Parliamentary Press Gallery. Mr. Montr-ors© was a soldier in. the Maori war, and frnst came into prominence bv sending vivid and oftentimes highly-critical letters from the front. ■ • » The first "Observer" has a caricature of a gentleman, surmounted by a styllush bell-topper of that distant day and carrying a stick with a tassel on. It is Martin Swallow, w)ho then, as now — but m Wellington at present — "cut somei ice" in the musical world. A paragraph treats of a quarrel between, a church choir, parson, and organist. Tunes dfaa't change' very rapidly! In the "Sports" column, mention as madle of the fact that Cbristchuroh is the only city in New Zealand to have a bicycle club. A little picture giving a sketch of court reporters shows that reporters ran to forests of hair and beard m those days. To-day, they are a bare-faioed crowd. • • • There are grizzlers, who see in the New Zealand) operations of the Yankee harvester trust the coming of acute distress, frayed pants, holey socks, and buxst boots. One cheerful person down South, in order to infuse hope into the souls of his countrymen, asked them in a loud voice to "picture yourselves with a tray of oranges on your chest, or with a Yankee gramophone on an American barrow in Cathedral Square." Anybody would think that Mr. Seddon had left the country. • • * Short story of a new-chum — Scotch. Hadn't done any work at Home. Taickled rouseabout work, and! sprained his arm with over-work. Didn't know how to drive, so took a job as a milk-oaa-ter. Succeeded. Long hours and little pay — no fortune in it. Handy man for a settler. Housemaid left. He was asked to do hex work. Left. Took a job driving a wood-oalrt. Throve like mad at the game, amd bought a cart of his own. Now has six carts and teams, and pays six men. He left acotlanda cot1and only fourteen months ago. Don't despair, new-chums!

A gentleman, wearing a superlative hiab, a lovely ooat, -and: a salver-mounted walking-stick, strolled up to a local express stand the other day, and' rattled sixpeniiyworth of coppers in his pocket. He seemed to be wallowing in, wealth. He called a stout expressman, and said he wanted' to get his furniture removed. The expressman pictured a large mansion, with, ninety-eight loads of furniture in it, priceless works of arts and vertu, and reckoned he would have to hire a couple of dozen mates to help him. He went along to the house to have a look round. He saw the gentleman. • • » "I can take the whole lot in one express load!" he informed 1 the owner. A llook of anger crossed) the gentleman's face. "One load 1 1" he screamed. "No you dlon't! You've just got to make five loads of that furniture! What would the neighbours say ? D'you think I'm. a bloomin' pauper P" So the stout carter very laborioiusly dodged 1 back and forward! all day. For the last load he brought the family chest of dlnawers back again — covered up — and) piled it conspicuously on the top for the return journey. • * ■♦ Anoher carting story — not about Wellington. Gentleman of the carting fraternity had a contract to cart firewood at such and such a price. Wood was measured on the cart — after it was stacked. Along the road a passerby noticed smoke issuing from the wood. "Your load is on fire 1" he informed the carter. "Don't you believe it," cheerfully observed the driver. "That's Bill inside the load, smoking!" Hollow loads measure as much as solid loads, and there are tricks in all trades. A pretty good cow story has come along from a man who swears it is true. Cow was cranky, and wouldn't drive. They tried twisting her tail, and hauling her with a rope, and "Scotch-walking" her — a leg at a time. No go! There was a traction engine ploughing in the paddock, and a genius made the drum-line fast to the protesting Pansy, the traction-engine' "stood up," and the cow came — as far as thp byre'dJoor. This wasn't much good — they wanted Pansy inside. • • • The genius therefore knocked a hole in the byrei-wall, passed the rope through, and the engine-dlriver began to haul on the cow. Just as the genius began to roar : "Stop ! Thaf s far enough!" a piece of cow began to push through the wall — the tractionengine had done its work too well. They didln't know whether to hitch to the cow's tail and haul backwards, or what. The tale stops here, but the only things that seemed 1 to sustain any damage

were the feelings of the cow-owner, the wall, and the engine-driver, the black around whose eyes was not all coal-dust. • • • One of the young Austrian officers from the warship Panther, who attended the Savage Club's closing korero, happened into the "whisky-and-sod!a ; ' room, amd engaged in conversation with a gentleman who wears an honoured name and an eye-glass, andl whose family was not in necessitous circmnastances w'hjeoi William the Conqueror was king. Said the British gentleman • "I'm afraid', then, I shan't see you to-mor u row!" Replied the scion of Austrian nobility, "So!" "Then, my dear sir, permit me to make the remark that I shall be desolate!" We had previously thought that this sort of English was only seen in, books and 1 "Family Herald's," and things.

The man who writes the "Office Window" in London "Daily Chronicle" is obviously a colonial — he gives most unusual attention to Australian matters. He wouldn't do so if he didn't know the ookmieSj for tmis end of the earth, its history, and even its position, are an unknown quantity to British scribblers. The introduction of "light stuff" into London "heavy" dailies would never have occurred to an Bnglandbr anyhow. Says "The Office Window" : —"Not only are the Australian Parliament Houses surrounded by beautiful grardens, bxit internally they are all provided with hil-

liardirooms, which are invariably crowded in the evenings. What with gardens, billiards, salaries, free first-class passes over the railways, unlimited free postage, an, extra guinea a day for services on Committ&es, and various other perquisites, the lot of the colonial M.P. is happier than that of his Westminster brother." The Irish, member who advocated bandj-playrne; for the amusement of the unpaid politicians at the said Westminster, was simply roared at. He has to go into his own quarters, and play duets with himself on an Irish bagpipe.