It is Town Talk

Free Lance, Volume VI, Issue 272, 16 September 1905, Page 22

It is Town Talk

— That truth lies at the bottom of a well. Perhaps that is why counsel pumps a witness. — That Gore is praying soulfully for more police protection. But Prohibition makes police protection unnecessary, doesn't it? — That a lawyer, recently asked) in court if he knew the difference between whisky and) lemonade, gravely owned hie had never tasted lemonade. That the local publican who advertised for an "all-round man" is inconsistent. He refused the application of a twenty-stone youth on the ground that he was- too round. That a trap hired from a country undertaker by a picnic party slid over an embankment, and landed the party in the cemetery ! It is thought the undertaker was unnecessarily previous. — That an Auckland bookmaker, Who has built a row of houses in a certain suburb, haa, with a fin© appreciation oi the source of his wealth, appropriately named the street "Mug's Road." — That the way to the "Bouse" usually begins at Road) Board' Lane, through Town Council Avenue, turn to the right-of-way bv way of Mayoraltysfereet,, and into the broad! highway of Parliament. — That a recent facetious advertisement goes like this : "Wanted an office boy ; one with a knowledige of faking vouchers indispensable." If it was an office boy, he has perpetrated! the most expensive hoax to date. — That the dominance of football over other matters is shown by the fact that a country paper prints the same long football report on two separate pages of tihe same issue. Not in a prohibition area, however, — That they calculate ira beer at Taiihiape. Thus: "At the Taihape Palace Court this morning, before Mr. J. P. Aldridge, J.P., an accused was fined! the price of fourteen long beers for Tjending his elbow* too frequently." — That this is self-denial period with the Salvation Army. The bride and bridegroom at a recent Eltham Army wedding were dtrawn by "four superb grey horses." Doesn't square with plain poke bonnets and things. — That Percy Dawsoai, the defaulting Auckland racing secretary, is to go to the tree-planting station at Waiotapu. Nine months of summer season, in. the Hot Lakes district for stealing £3000 ! It sonnds almost like a reward. — That a foreign society of cranks, calling themselves "Peaceful Livers," are on the look out for a quiet spot in New Zealand in which to found a settlement — where they will live without work. How would Somes Island do? — That Mr. Isitt is a teetotaller, so when he talks about corpse' revivers, shaking the tassel, kissing the baby, appetisers, digesters, tots, and night-caps with all the familiarity of long acquaintance, don't judge him too harshly. — That a country builder, charged with stealing timber from a railway startion, explained that he was presenting a pulpit to the local church, and wanted the timbeT to build it with. The charity that covereth a multitude of sins! — That the musical young lady, who asked a visiting young-man-a bout-town if he would care for a sonata before dlinner, was informed that he had "had a couple" coming down, and. he didn't feel thirsty! Now, if she had 1 talked football! — That hundredweights of New Zealand postal notes are returned' from Tasmania every week for payment. People always circumvent the law re sweeps. Since it seems impossible to prohibit the gambling, it seems a pity that the money should go out of the country. — That Frank andl Leonard 1 Isitt and Tommy Taylor were observed walking down Lambton Quay together one recent day. As they passed an hotel a man was observed going in, presumably to have a drink. None of the hotels have since closed. — That Taiihape is perfectly polite and proper, and is careful of the feelings of people. Thus the "Post" mentions tthat "Ma*. Horragan was sent to gaol at Waniganui for seven days for vagrancy.*' Reminds us of the great Auckland 1 daily which headed its personal column with "Mr. Ah Sing has returned' from China," and followed' the item with news about Chief Justices and those kind of people.

Tha/t Government tree-planting prisoners do work to the value of £30 per annum. How they must perspire 1 That many a woman burns the photograph of her three-tier weddingcake when she is summoned by the baker foe' her bread' bill. —That the new insect pcst — a white bug exclusively feeding on grass — might, with excellent reason, be let loose in some of Wellington's private streets. — That, a propos of the Council and filth, the area round Martan's Fountain is almost as vile as the Newtown terminus tramway wait.ng-room, but not quite. — That Ms.H.R. are popping up all over New Zealand 1 , making electioneering speeches, and getting paid; for being in the House doing the business of the country. — That £2500 was refused' for a business building site at Gore, with a thirty feet frontage to the main street. Prohibition, of course. Makes 'em generous-. — That evidently the New Liberal Party is too warm a combination for the comfort of G. Laurenson. Formerly the party was four strong. Now, it is three weak. — That country papers are voicing the bitter complaints of back-blockers that Government buildings in Wellington Increase in enormous pßoportdon to roads and conveniences in the rural disferiots. — That careless smokers, who spit from the top deck of tram cars while passengers are getting aboard, canmot "expect to rate" as gentlemen. It is unpleasant for the person on the ground. — That the tramway waiting-room at Newtown is absolutely filthy, and a crying disgrace to the City Uouraoil. It is within a stone's throw of the headr quarters, and is in a eondiition to make a strong dog ill. — That a man atWaimatuku has been fined £1 and costs for shooting a hare. In years to come he will be fined £1 for not shooting it. The langer the nuisance the bigger the fine. He would have gone to gaol if he had shot a deer. — Thatl a poor but honest youth, noticed a smart person drop a purse oui> side the Opera House. He restored it. The person, gave it to him "for his trouble." There was nothing in it. There had' been before the. smart pickpocket got hoJdl of it. The ex-owner mourns. — That since a firm of lawyers advertised : "If William Smith will call at this office he will hear of something to his advantage," William Smiths have been going to hear about it 'in such crowds that the lawyers have charged them each 6s 8d "for wear and teair of office furniture."