It is Town Talk

Free Lance, Volume VI, Issue 269, 26 August 1905, Page 22

It is Town Talk

— That the pessimist is the mam who realises that it is hard going up hill, and therefore he puts on tihe brakes. — That one might well ask whaf s in a name when one hears that John. Luck was drowned off a dredge at Waikaka recently. — That the latest British cure for insomma is to witness a- test match. If this doesn't answer, there as nothing; left bat poison. — That the name of Alison may become as prominent in connection with Wellington ferry- boat matters as it is in connection with Auckland! diitto. — That if the violin virtuoso who was here last week had been run on less economical lines there might have been much more coin and far less echo. —That the buxom barmaid of a certain city hostelry, in taking leave of her mistress the other day, left her a striking keepsake — a lovely black eye. — That Miss Winnie Birch could have (stocked a florist's shop witlh th© pretty floral offerings that she received across the footlights on Saturday andi Monday mights. — That the patent medicines imported to New Zealand during the year 1904 were valued at £56.223. And yet the • colony possesses a number of pale people! — That we boast there is no 'leisured classl" in Wellington. Have a look rdund the galleries of the House during a heated debate, or the court when a spioey case is on. — Thiat the city tram service was, as usual, quite inadequate to oope with the public requirements at Saturday's football match. The great bulk of tihe crowd! bald to foot it home. — That the demand! for gas is increasing rapidly all over New Zealand. There ought to be a big field' for an enterprising diealer if he could bottle the present Parliamentary article. — That the "stay-asi-you-are" section of bowlers, who think the present style of North Island tournament is absolute perfection, are rejoicing at the prospects of victory over the move-ahead policy. — That a Southern doctor, whose gig ran nmto and injured a man, actually stopped and attended to the victim. Wellington doctors will possibly regard thisi Southern ribap as a hopeless novice. —That, as Sir William Jukes Steward is "father of the House of Representatives," he cannot be in, the least congratulated on the latest additions to his little family. Pa wants a good, stiff supplejack. — That the willows are in bud, and the Maoris declare that spring happens a little before summer this' year. Also, that winter will arrive in due course, and it will be wet because the wild ducks are laying eggs. — That a Sunday-school boy, when asked whether there was a living being in the world pure and without sin, answered. "Yes, two: Dick Sedldon and Tommy Taylor." He had read the Parliamentary speeches. — That a gemfcleman' in a rural district was observed! sittung on a load consisting of fifty kegs of blasting powder smoking furiously. Evidently, hie was a constant church member. Anyhow, he was prepared to die. — That a scientific person has proved to his own satisfaction that when the wattle flowers then aliso blossom® influenza. Therefore, oh Council, either pmove him a lunatic, or don't plant wattles on the Town Belt. — That a chanmang lady as supposed to have visited Southern places that contained safes to "spy out the land" before the merry burglar got to work with his drills and dynamite. The police are supposed to be looking for her. — That several cadging New Zealand boroughs, that have faded to make an impression on Carnegie's generosity, are pricking up their ears at the news that mil'honare Rockefeller intends to distribute fifty million dollars of his wealth. — That sio many hilarious people have been travelling by the midnight trams in Auckland that a magistrate recommends the "breathing test." The guard will allow the passenger to breathe on him. If the guard survives, the passenger may have a seat.. Thank goodness, Wellington has no need of such a test.

— That there are onJy two kinidls of chaldlretn'— your own sweet little dlariLngs and tfhe badly-behaved little brats owned by other people. — That a band of hooligans makes life a terror in Otaki. The paper wants "the citizens, to wipe out this blot." Is tlhis an incentive to bloodshed? — That a man aged seventy-one, who had been drinking, fell from a ladder in Auckland, and broker has neck. The wind is not always tempered! to the shorn lamb. — That the Otago Unavensaty students have broken out in a very fresh place — for students. Some of them now hold open-air prayer-meetings periodically. They are excellently attended. — That impressive funerals aire a source of great comf ont to the diear departed's friends. An old age pension applicant stated he bad speint aM his savkugs (£42) on a tombstone for his wafe. — Thafc several Southern footballers have taken the platform in the interest's of 'dean sport." They reckon to talk iihe "Rugby Rough" out of the game. What is really wanted is a prize-fighting refereie. — That the authorities have been finding many Chinamen who are in possession of opium lately. A greater novelty will be to find a Chinaman who is not un possession of opium. They nearly all have it. — That this advertisement appeiasrs a Northern paper : — "Stolen, a cycle worth eight guineas. If the thief will return it, he will be- informed where he Can steal one worth double." No appearance of the cheap bike, however. — That tlie property owners of, Day's Bay, York Bay, and iiowry Bay, wlhio are said, to be petitioning Parliament against the formation of the Eastbourne Borough, are evidently owners of large tracts, and prefer stagnation to progress and rates. — That a non-Prahi'bi.tiauiis.t, who lugubriously opined that No-license would be carried in Wellington at next election, was led by a friend to a professional shingle in Lambton Quay, whereon is written "Hope amd Beere." It cheered him up. — That there was great consternation in the Terrace Gaol over the rumour that Tommy Wilfoird bad moved in the House on Friday night to T>aplace flogging with occasional lectures by Mr. La/urenson. Probably, Tommy will be petitioned to have some pity. — That Ohiustohuroh and Auckland both have water sprinklers and parcej vans on their electric tramways Christohurch trams are run by a Tramway Board, Auckland's by a private company, and Wellington's by the Council solely and entirely "for the people." — That the man who informed the hotelkeeper with whom he stayed m Wellington that he carried' hi® own fire escape, exhibiting at the same time a ooil of rope, was angry when the boniface remarked casually that he would like his bill paid in advance. — That, although Commissioner Dinnie of the. New Zealand police is to bt lent to Tasmania to advise it on police matters, the New Zealand Government, curiously, is not sending any New Zealand polio© to instruct "Taissv" in thp gentle art of night-putrol work. —That a Hawke's Bay paper, run on rabid Prohibition lines, compilains bitterly that a licensee of an hotel "had the extreme discourtesy" to turn out the • lights at 10 o'clock during the course of a dinner held in the hotel. The idea of a hotel being cllosed' when Prohibitionists wanted it. open ! — That a country carter has been fined) £1 and costs for leaving has horse and cart unattended. This is very hard, especially as the carter explained that it was 5 o'clock when he left his cart four miles from home. He tlhreateTued to inform his Union. "Anyhow," he concluded, "the 'orse knew his wav 'ome '" — That the Government Party, the Opposition Party, the New Liberal Party, and any other stray parties there may be in tihe House are claiming the authoirshap of the "Homes for Workers" proposed legislation. It is about as decent an article as the combined forces could turn out, and they are all welcome to a share m the tanouis.