All Sorts of People

Free Lance, Volume VI, Issue 269, 26 August 1905, Page 3

All Sorts of People

MR. T. E. Donne, the wide-awake superintendent of the Tourist Department, arrived back in Wellington on Wednesday, after a year's absence in America and England, "on official business." The business for which Mir. Donne turned has broad back an New Zealand m the first instance was the management of the colony s exhibits at the St. Louis Exposition— the most magnificent failure the world has ever seen— where he acquired' quote naturally a nasal twang, andl "guessed and "oalc'lated" with the smartest ot Amurrilca's commercial men. One great writer has said that the ethics of trade consist of cheating and! being cheated. Mr Donne states that America has grasped those ethics, and won t loosen no how. # . » Our grain, our scenery, but most of all our rigs, paralysed the Yankees. They 'had never seen woollen stuff like the rugs produced by the Roslyn, Mosgiel Kaiapoi, and Petone malls, and rr they had had a stock, and permission to sell, lives would have been lost in the rush to try and secure them. Mr. Donne did not stay in St. Lwms tine whole time — no, sir, not by fulll-plate. He took iaunts here, there, and everywhere where information could be nicked ut) that might he useful to this country, and in particular to his own department— Tourist, Trade, and Commerce—and the ideas he gasped, and the notions he collared low, would nil a volume. • • • Then, he shipped to "Merrie England," to boom our own little Exhibition to be held in Hasley (tb& coimmuttee call it Haeglinjr) Park, Chi^stctaroh. at the end of no-H: venr. a,^d trotted round enereeti'nallv to the elv'ef manufaictarinisc centre*, to teJl them to be sure and seoucpi fiipao» when th© box-nlan opened, for thi« was a bier } ; We countirv. that importer!! lot« of thino^ -t orvuld m.an'ufa.etip'e but didn't amd tihip indue - cdi mianv to If nd a larsr^ commercaa.l ear to what Mr Donne hiad 1 to s%y. • * * There is some speculation as to wn at ■{ihe Government is* eoine to do with Mr Dornie now he is back — whether hei will resume his old' «eat in the sihaibbv woodeo building in Brandon-street, or wall be made the executive head' of the Exhibition, for +he present. The e-entileman now in char°"e of the Tourif* De,r»artment Otfr. C R C. Robieson) is doing very well, and' Mr. Donne's reoenit experiences must make hnm e^pecdallv fitted torn n Ej v gDicVs Exhibition as it should be run. • * * The Misses Papayanni — of Grae<co-Roman-Japanese nomenclature — have been touring the colony like princesses in a pimtomiine clothed in all the Hory off a female Solomon. They are heires^s from L^veirpool . where the mame of tlhen'r late father is attached, to a valuable line of site^m°Ts tftwit tnndle to tihose ports in t^e Eastern Meditemnaneam,. made hisfori^a 1 bv the visit of one. Pt P«»ul i«<nno, vea.^ a^o. T^^v ornn.vev to ■Liverpool th» tobaiocry that i« «Hle!Te*l to be T"rW<?ih. tflie fios t>af, "i^ Sm^nnian ard 1 the : i=pern",als!'" load of ooiov and T»harioffranliP fhs\± tells «f "hvr+iher trouble in the BaiVan* " T^e M'wr Papayanni, after lendnTtiy th^ir pre(aiei"ce to several pa,rts of these favouired Isio^ «M,;iorl otvav to Lon<toi bv the Toni" la^ w^e^.

His Excellency the Governor is not a Yorkshireman, but he has been in Yorkshire — once. He told the "Tykes'' about it at their annual dinner on Monday night, when they gathered round the festive board "to tuk in an' spaik alht." The Governor was asked' per programme to "mak yersen at whoam lad," and he told how, on his only visit to Yorkshire I—he1 — he diropped off to ihave a look at York Minster — he lost his dressing bag. Previous to the Governor's disclosure, someone had spoken of the staek-to-itaveness of the "tyke," and tihe Governor endorsed the sentiment — he hasn't got his bag yet. Said 1 the Governor • "I now make a final appeal to Yorkshifemen. If the bag is left at Government House no questions will be asked. A "Yorky" knocked off "tukkkig in" to remark that he expected the name wasn't on tlhe bag now. • « • One of the notable men — tlhe aged vnce-presidient, in fact — is the Rev. J. C. Andrew, a fine oldi Yorkshireman, who speaks of the years between 1830 and 1840 ac if they were but yesterdiay. Toldi how, as a boy, he had dug round the Roman walls in* Yorkshire, and found hundreds of coins and! a head of golden hair which was the finest he'd ever seen. The old gentlemlan was so carried away with his remdniisioeTiices that he forgot to propose the toast, "Our Native Country. "Chairman "Charlie" Wilson, Prliamentary Librarian, jogged his memory, and he uprose and spoke. "I hope you won't thank I'm a teetotaller 1" Nobody aoousedi him. The Rev. J. C. Andrew is the father of Mr. J. C. Andrew who was lost in the bush and perished on Te Awaite station la%t year, and is singularly lite his late son in facial appearance. / • • * ,JElalf-a-minute, while we re/member the- Yorkshire toast — Here's to us 'aw, amdl aw on us. May we ne'er need nowt nooan on us, Nawther the© nor me nor nobbody else . All on us, nooan on us. By the way, Chairman Charlies, "speaking imperially," spoke kindly of "our gallant foe," the Rnissaan, and] our no less gallant ally the Jap. "Our gallant foe ;) is distinctly quaint. But there were no spies there, so it doesn't matter. The Rev. Mr. Sykes, who has been, in -the colony seveni years, amd to whose palate the burr still sticks, spoke rather nicely of the "land we live in," which seems to be a very fair second to the land 1 he used to live in. He spoke of the marvels of this small mole-hill , and' particularly of the "wonderful Sounds." • • « ,/Mr. Hall, M.H.R., said' that the finest voices in the world! came from Yorkshire. Mr. Hall's voice comes from Yorkshire. But what Mr. Hall proved comolusivelv was that Richard Seddon was a Yorkshireman. The great Richard looked pained) for a moment. and 1 was about to bounce tihree feet in the air to assert that he was a "Lanky," but when Mr. Hall moii'imfullv declared that Richard Seddtoai had died young just as he was 1 becoming a great artist, the great Lancastrian let it go at that. • • » Later, the said "Lanky" remarked to a smiling crowd' — the Governor dad not join in the smile — that Rn chard Seddon deceased was about to become an artist when he died. Richard Sedldon, now present, had emigrated, and become a king! Then, Dick said- "Joking apart," etc. The flowery periods of the cilarion note in the voice of Kennedy Mac then filled Godber's and! no one we know in Wellington says things 1 so niceIv or makes people feel more "■domfy" thian the same noble 'lord." When Kennedy Mac site down you feel that he has riven you a blank signed cheque, to be filled in at your leisure, on his banking account of cash' — good spirits

and good fellowship. What did Mac say? You don't worry about that, he says it so nicely. • * * James Allen, M.H.R., was a wee bat funny. He spoke of the Yoankshire coat of arms, "a flea, and a fly and a miagpie and a, flitch of bacon." James gloried in the fact that one needn't sbay in Yorkshire to get all one wanted of the "pulex irritans," and he spoke feelingly of the things New Zealand' could do m the way of sandflies, and the splendid men who owed thedr football prowess to New Zealand) bacon or something. Also did he refer to Mir. Seddon's Budget — beg pardon, he spoke of "the literature of which the Right Hon. the Premier knows so miu'ch abouib," and which had reference to "God'e own country." He deprecated' placing the Creator in the role of a land monopolist, and he wanted to know, if Neiw Zealand' was "God's own country," whose Gauntry Ireland was. The Governor quizzically interjected : "The Divil's own country." * • • Barraolough, who looks tired and over- worked, speaks well, and miadie one of the most graceful speeches of the evening, and he said* all the nice things tibat occurred to him about the ddstinguis'hed guests. On. the whole, <tihe wit at the Yorkshire spread l was about up to the usual high level, and the lasts of distinguished Yorkshiremen trotted ou/t by_various speakers leaves but few distinguished people of any other race. The only thing that worries us about the Yorkshire dinner is that men from "f biggest, t' bonniest, am' t' best. oahnty" should ever leave it, amid, if they do revisit it, should still turn longing eyes to New Zealand. * * • A story told by the solemn Sykes is ouir excuse for saying that the native language was spoken by several people at the dimmer. A man was lost an a Yorkshire moor. He was about five and a-haM miles from home. He met some men on the moor, and aakedl them in his own particular Yorkshire the way home. They didn't understand the "furriner." As a matter of fcuot there ane twenty-five distinct dialects in the county of Yorkshire, and tihe users of efach are consumed with merriment at the quaint "English" of the other fellows. VMr. A. R. Holdship, cricketer, solicitor, and coster impersonator, who for some years has buried himself at Wanganui, has decided to return, to "Wellington 1 to pumsiue the übiquitous six-and-eighttpenoe. Mr. Holdfehip was, some six or eight years ago, one of tihe most prominent cricketers in New Zealand, anid on many occasions captained the Wellington representatives in several deadly conflicts with' neighbouring tribes. He was a bowlecr, bat, amd a great fieldsman, and: was as MI of tricks on the field as a magpie. * • v Socially, Mr. Holdship was known as a capital comic-singer, and has coster reciting of " 'Am 'Uns or Beef 'Uns" bad quite a local fame before hfei married, and became serious. He visited Wellington a few weeks ago, and gave the Savage Club a taste of his quality, of which they hope to gtt more in the sweet by-and-by. • ♦ * V Mr. Frank Jones, the genial, talkative little chap, who was wont to tell such wild, weird, and wonderful stories about Fitz-Geralds" vermilion circus before it arrived in town for so mlany years, died 1 in Sydney, of consximDtion, on the 2nd instant. Little Jonesy was known from one end of the colony to the other, and his diamoncte have sparkled in every hole and corner of tine colony where there was enough population to fil tih© big marquee.

\^Poor old Joe Gibbs is dead 1 He had dropped out of memory in these ndarts long, long ago, but before that he Was well-known about the Wellington district as a capable surveyor and. civil engineer, and it was the deceased wlho designed and erected one of the Wanganui bridges, and the present Patent Slip, in Evans Bay. Then, he went to Melbourne, and, after some years, he became the superintendent of amusements and eidie-shows at the Melbourne Exhibition. This seemed 1 to have given the old gentleman a taste for the show business, for he was afterwards conn/acted in some capacity or otiber- with the tours of Mhisiu, Gerardy, and) others in Australia, and visdted New Zealand as advance agent for M&ss Alice Hollandler, the young eonttrailto "star" (who has dropped the concert platform for comic opera, and nuad'e <a success in Loncflom recently in "Sergeant Brae"). . • • ♦ ■''The deceased gentleman visited Wellington! a couple of months ago, but his health seemed to be failing tihen, and he suifloumbed from the effects of a paralytic stroke. He leaves a widoiw (formerly a Miss Atkinson, of Wangansui, a daughter of one of the oldest living residents of tihat town) and! on© daughter. • * •» Most of the papers in districts where the popular parson, Rev. J. R. Flyau Anderson, has been circulating, say he was "chaplain to H.M. forces in. Africa* during the war. This is a large order, and the little parson would Ihave some grounid to cover to hold ohuiroh-panaidies^ considering that he would have the care of 300,000 souls, not. to mention.' a few thousand prisoners. ' He was a volunteer chaplain to a volunteer regiment,, is not an "Army" chaplain proper 1 , and afterwards obaplainedl a polioe division. Subsequently, he became chaplain of the Zuurfonfcein Railway Mission. There is usually a chaplain to every regiment, although most colonial corps dispensed altogether with the "padre." • *i * t^Sn. Tanner, the queer chap who 'fasted once for forty days, is no relaitaom of Felix Tanner, the New Zealand person, who seems to have quit doing strange things. The medical experimentalist is about to show that it really doesn't hurt, to be buried alive. He's going to be coffined, and buried eight feet deep, and says that the radio activity, or something, of the mud will keep him spry, and that after a week or two, when he is dug up, he will be able towalk from New York to San Framicisco. The old gentleman is going otn for seventy, and is so giddy he still plays a good game of baseball, and 1 often/ goes without food for a week "for fun." • • • Coleman Phillips, of the Wairaraipa, who will be in> Parliament pretty soon, if he is not careful, minimises his chances a little by -strenuously opposing the franchise for women.. He is of opinion that the clergy dominate the woman vote. In fact, he puts it thus gracefully : — "The women were like the splendid, large boilers in. early colonial 'households— very useful ; but tlhe clergy were the handles upon which tihe boilers swung." Mr. Phillips is opposed to No-License, and, in reply to an interjeotor at a recent meeting, who remarked that the women and oMldiren suffered mtost by the grog business, he said, that the women's vote and! the clergy had! no right to prevent Mr. Jones or himself having a glass of whisky or beer when they wanted it. His only objection, is to the size of the glass. The glass is getting smaller, and the nobblers smaller! Since Mr. Phillips hasn't much •hope of destroying the women's franchise before he gets in- the House, and since it is clear he won't jßjet the women's support wihen the election, is on, it is just as well he is saying all he bas to say now.

Bright, perky, little "Pete" Hughes, herald! of a hundred goodl shows m this country, died at Sydney the other dfay, after a pretty bad! year of lllhealth. He was known on the bills as Mr. Wulliam Hufhea, but no one was ever heard to call him William, or even "Bill" — it was always "Pete," amid as such he was held, in affection, by a great many people in every part of the Australasian, colonies. ''Pete" oame out to Australia as baggage-man for Mr. John F. Sheridan, when the "Widow OBrien" (in "Fun on the Bristol") madfe heir first bow to a colonial audience. • # ♦ "Pete" was too smart a chap to remain long in that humble position, and a few months after his •arrival in the colony he took up the advance agency business, and. in that line did so well tihat his services were secured and retained by Williamson, Garner, and Musgrove, nd latterly by Mr. J.' rf C. Williamson for a long term of years. To see "Pete" in town was to know thab something good was coming alonig — the omen never failed. And' you could never mistake him. His hat was usually tilted far enough forward to reveal the state "of his poll. * ♦ • During recent years, he toured New Zealand as Mr. Williamsons representative with Miss Nance O'Neil, the big American tragedienne, and it was a curious sight to see him having a row witih the ponderous McKee Rankdn — a frequent occurrence, as the two edbremes could' never "hit it." It broke out in spots in Ohristohuroh, when 'Tete" required 1 the name of "Wffililiameonr" all over the advertisements., and Rankin submitted the only name worth considering in the venture was "O'Neil." » • * Subsequently, the deceased agent visited the colony with Williamsons Musical Comedy Company — Rose Musgrove, Fred Graham, etc. Once, while in' Wellington, he was mainly instrumental in organising the costume cricket match and fair held <m the Wellington College Grounds, in aid of the sufferers in the wreck of the "Elingamite." A few months, ago he returned l from a visit to America and England, and 1 managed the tour of Van Biene, the 'cellist-actor, and his company. * • • When in Wellington last, "Pete" looked as if he would soon be off on a long, long journey, without knowing where he would put up has next bill, 01 whether there would be a newspaper in Which to insert the advance "parigraft,'' wiittefn by has faithful amanuensis, Mrs. Hughes. "Pete" was American to the heels, and never lost a grip of the quaint idioms and twangy talk that indicates the average citizen of the "Stars and Stripes." / - V Lionel Terry, who resided' in Wellington for a short space a year or two ago, and who went up North, whither he set adrift a poetic appeal asking BritMiers to be true to themselves and keep the alien out, is on a new racket at present. Mr. Terry is always finding out something, and! lie has started at a tTfemty-mile-a-day bat to walk from Mangonui to Wellington, just to see wlbJat sort of a country it is for immigration. This young man, who has been a Life Guardsman and! a mounted policeman, who writes well both in verse and prose, and! is a capable artist, has wandered far afield. He has been on trek in Africa, on the trail in America, "on the wallaby in Australia," arad/'om the hoof" in. New Zealand. / * * * ** Some of the "highways" of the roadless North have been getting him down a bit, but he is saying that, despite the vilest roads h*» ever set his number thirteenson, the climate and! advantages of New Zealand are superior to the same articles available elsewhere. Lionel has an advantage over the average person, for he is six feet ftouor inches tail, and, but for intervening hills, is able to look a day's journey ahead ait on© glance. Mostly, he follows the surveyine line of business, and 1 has been doino" field work in the tangled bush of the far North. He is also very adept with the surveyor's office instruments, being a very fin© draughtsman. / • • • Tens of thousands of young mien in the colonies know the qualifications of everr footballer, but they have no qualifications themselves. They sit on a i*ad3 and smoke and "barrack." By the •way, Gteaueral Gordon has "done himself well." Not so very many years ago he was a police trooper in South Australia, and now he wears an eye-glass and says "Haw 1" in the true Imperial style. The gay Gordion got into the Australian army, and he simply jumiDed from one rank to another with such bewildering rapidity that people wondered wfolo or what was pushing him. Services in Africa bumped nim from a colon eiloy to tihe brigadier's cross swords. He is a colonial, too. They Thmoti to breed oommiandants in Australia. Most of the States have native-horn military naniandrums, which is a tip for New Zealand.

General regret will be expressed at the news of the death of Mrs. Hill, wifp of the head of the firm of Messrs. Ghas. Hill and Sons, which took plaice on Saturday last. Mrs. Hill has been suffering severely for months past, and death was inevitable. The deceased lady was the mother of Mr. E. J. Hill, the talented tenor ; Mr. 0. J. Hilll, the fluent flautist; Mr. John W. Hill, the tourist tenor; Mr. W. Hill, also a sweet tenor; and Mr. Alfred Hill, violindst and composer. Mrs. Molndoe, of Dunedin, is a daughter, as is Miss Minnie Hill, who has acted) the part of the faithful^ and dievoted child at her Toother's side for many years past. Much genuine sympathy will be extended to the bereaved' family near and' far. » * « Apparently, Mr. "Ben" Fuller has not tasted the full and comprehensive delights included in the variety of this every-day world. "Ben," who is the energetic managing director of the Fuller vaudeville circuit, has resolved! to take on matrimony for the second time of asking. He has made a contract with Macs Lily Thomson, well-ikmown in, Auckland as a concert and operatic vocalist and pianist, for life, endi considers it is the best on© he has ever made in the course of his career as entrepreneur. The future Mrs. "Ben" Puller was understudy for Madame Lillian Tree n the Auckland production of "A Moorish Maid." and is a highly popular and accomplished little lady. Her late father, Mr. H. Thomson, was for many years the leading baritone in. St. Patrick's Catihedaial, Auckland. * * * Dr. Osier — not Hubert of that ilk, but an " Amuirrikan " — advises the chloroforming to death of useless old people. That its to say, wthen grandpa and grandma can't earn any money, just send them to the destructor. He says it would be kind. He should have gone imto the anarchist business, armedl with maxims. Perhaps, he has been reading the history of savage tribes. Australian aborigines keep their old people, and treat them most affectionately when in a standing camp, but whentheold active men of the tribe says it's time to "get a wriggle on," orders are given for the old people to be left behind, — in their graves. With kindness beaming out of their yellow and red eyes, the wairrciors juisfc tap the ancients on the bead., and leave the crow to do the rest. Dear, kind Dr. Osier! •* • • Brigadier-General Gordon, one of the Commonwealth commandants, is a young mian for that rank, and he recently said it made him sick to see 300,000 ldafers watchaing a football match, thlofusands of them lolling back sacking cd'garetites. He thinks Australian sport won't last long at this rate. Twas ever thus, General. Ancient Rome loved to see gladiators hack each other to pieces, but they didn't do any hacking tlhemsellves. They were too tiredi — but they didn't smoke cigarettes. Rome went down because it let the other fellow keep himself fit.

The Lance congratulates itself and Mir. Charles Collins. Some months ago it said out loud that the habit of going abroad for our officials was a highly pernicious one, andl had. tihe impudence to suggest that tihere were men capable of filling Mr. J. E. Page's shoes, when our popular City Treasurer shoves off from the Town Hall, and anchors at Ehjanidadlah — the Mecca of the cdtyman. It ha® been practically decoded in committee that Mr. Charles Collins, the able and certificated accountant, and for years- Mr. Page's dhief lieutenant), will take over tihe duties on Mr. Page's official disappearance. The latter gentleman gets a year's leave of ab660109, during which period Mir. Collins will, no doubt, be dtaibbed aobinig-'Treas-ureir, followed, if foe behaves himself, by permanent promotion. The _ proper pirdncipil© of prudent protection is written all over the act. "In Mr. Page the Corporation loses a moat painstaking, courteous, nd conscientious officer. May his limes fall to him in pleasant places at Khandallah.