It is Town Talk

Free Lance, Volume VI, Issue 268, 19 August 1905, Page 22

It is Town Talk

That, although a pen may be driven, it is necessary for a pencil to be lead. —That although woman is an enigma, we never give her up. A local man has had three guesses. —That among prohibited, persons, eight bottles of beer are known technically as a "kit." Double that quantity as a "drunk." —That Miss Blizzardl and Mr. Gale were joined w. the bonds of holy matrimony in Southland last week. Heavy weather in sight. That the reason why Wairau Hospital is looked upon with affection, by wiheelwrighta and eoaahbuilders i® that it is a little buggy. —That a parson complains that 7000 young Duned'ia men never enter a church. And growling at them will never get them there eitiher. That an ex-patient of Wairau Hospital has been refused! board and lodgung in a Wellington hotel. # The Wairau Hospital is a bug-emporium. —That reports are constantly coming in that more dredges are goang onto "liquidation." It seems a pretty natural thing for a dredge to do, anyhow. That a young man made an indelible impression on a most charming girl at a Tfhorndon tea party on Wednesday evening. He spilt a cup of cocoa on her white dress. — That the reason why the face of a certain Northern parson, recently "bowled out" in court, had such a worn look, is that he has been "travelling on it" for twenty-five years. That the police in a big inland town recently found a gold bangle. But, as none of thie local force were manned, and not a single man even engaged, they restored it to the owner. — That people will scoff at the idea of influenza being used as an excuse for discontinuance of work until they read that asylums gained ten lunatics last year by means of the snuffling fiend. — That only two Churches in New Zealand have dtecided to do away with gambling at their annual beanos. It is the Church that sets the gambling pace in New Zealand. The "tote" isn't a circumstance to it. — That, as Lord Plunket has said he is already a Mason, in making him grand master it will not be necessary for him to ride the goat. He might get it done by deputy, however. What about Captain Bingham? — That Judge Edwards has a keen sense of humour. He said the case of the bogus Earl of Radnor was too comical for anything, and he carried the joke on by sentencing the "earl" to eighteen months' imprisonment. — That, if New Zealanders would subscribe to a "made in New Zealand" sentiment, there would be less need to write paragraphs about the unemployed. The owners and makers of most ttumgs in the colonies are foreigners. — That the constable who dashed towards 1 a prohibited 1 person just a® he was putting a bottle to bis lips is not yet a sergeant. The bottle contained the man's lunch tea. The constable ate another clove, andl faded! out of tshe line of remarks. — That some of the police court sentences are much too severe. There seems to be no discrimination. The old suggestion that all judges, magistrates, and jay ppjes should qualify themselves by undergoing six months' "hard" is not without a germ of sense. — That, seeing the Australian icecream man has poisoned! numerous persons in the States lately, the police might keep a wary eye on the vendor of (ha'penny horrors in Wellington dluring the coming season. The average icecream is little less virulent than prussic acid. — That Parliamentary work seems to be the least important graft of the modern Parliamentarian. Of more importance is it .to escape the work for which he is paid, and to travel north, south, east, and west, free, to spout about the no-license movement or the voucher business. — That, following the historic example of Pilate, a new J.P. recently remarked, in reference to a case : "I wash my hands of the 'ole matter!" To which a lawyer replied : "Well, it is hardly likely that Your Worship would take a complete bath, is it?" He had seen his Worship's hand tracing out a tangled signature.

That Paraparaumu is putting on airs because it lias neither doctor, lawyer, nor undertaker. Well, a man must lire, mustn't he? A paper remarks that it must be an Eutopion locality. Anybody been to Butopia? That the police have found a parcel containing two pairs of boots, and 1 are advertising for the owners. Evidently they won't fit the police. — That, if Wellington is supplied with abattoirs, butchers 1 will have to "raise the price of meat on© penny a pound." The present price of fat cattle and the present pa-ice of meat are in shrLeikdng contrast, and allow for a tremendous profit. — That at the Dunedin V.M.C.A. Convention it was stated "thousands of lonely young women are trying to live honourable lives." And the fact that the printer made it read' "lovely" doesn't seem to hurt anybody. — That Noo Yark has warned London that it won't be the biggest city in the world much longer. Pooh ! Waut until we get Miramar populated! — That, "a man's body was found floating in the harbour" is suoh a common news item that it excites little interest about town. — That, according to a great statesman, people in parts of Wellington are 'living like sardines in tins." Those sardines ought to be killed. It's cruelty. — That, according to the "Times," the Auckland Education Board is "discussing the employment of cookinig teaohera." This is positively barbarous. No wonder British people talk of New Zealand' cannibals. — That a policeman is rarely seen in Wellington suburbs on Sundlays, and consequently — but there, why go into the bona fide traveller question all over again? — That a tale of true, warm, abiding love comes from the Wairarapa. A husband, wearing a cartridge belt, returned home to his wife, and she hugged him with such fervour that the cartridges exploded. Nobody was hurt. The course of true love never did run smooth. — That the following advertisement is the champion of the week- — "Middleaged lady requires Christian oompanion. One of settled income, and with motor car preferred. Address, Weeds," etc.

The wise asironomer foretells The date of each eclipse, The racing man at fingers' ends Has all the latest tips. But we can vouch a fact more true — Can give a tip more sure — If you would of a cold be rid Take Woods' Great Peppermint Cure