Afternoon Tea Gossip

Free Lance, Volume V, Issue 259, 17 June 1905, Page 10

Afternoon Tea Gossip

By Little Miss Muffitt

I HAVE it on the authority of a great professor that the Roman nation fed then- youngsters through, feeding bottles. The Romans as a conquering race have been wiped out some time now. • * * Freely stated and cartooned by other aide papers that, in a recent "two up raid thereaway, everybody was caught except the politicians who had been "given the office" to quit before the arm of the law descended on the gaining house. Street sweepers in London get paid 30s a week — mot at all bad. A schedule of Welsh school-teachers' salaries us before me. One certificated! asostant gets £10 a year. Most certificated masters get about £45 a year, and one who is the sole teacher of a fairly big school in Breconshire gets £62 peir annum" Mr. James Allen, of Bruce, wants Mr. Seddon to write a book. Mr. Allen has suggested some twenty-five names for it. Mr. Seddon wants Mr. Allen to also write a book. Be only susreests one titJe : "The Wails of Dismal James, or the Trials and Tribulations of the Rejected and Dejected of Brace." • ♦ * The other afternoon, at 4 o'clock, I met a man who had just been created a J.P. I said "Good afternoon!" He said "Good morning!" He had found that to sustain his new dignity he would have to dine in the evening. Hence it is now moraine with him up to 6.30 p.m. He even dresses for dinner — that is to say, he washes his hands. • • • A propos of gaoling alleged criminals on finger-print evidence, the Scotland Yard idea has lately been oalled in question, and 'criticised adversely. It was woken of as a "danger to the community" during the hearing of a case in th)e' Tower Bridge Police Court. The person whose identity was sworn to by means of the science was not convicted. • # * There is an old "character" who used to live in a one-roomed shanty out in a seaside suburb. While he was in town last Saturday night the shanty caught fire. A mate of his, who tried to save the house — which is isolated — tramped into town, and told the loser. "Tim, your house is burnt !" "I believe y'ere a liar Jim!" said Tim. "For owe the kay of the house in me pocket this bhssed moment!" • * * For expectorating on the footpath at Waihi, a man was fined) ss. The action was brought merely to let the world know that Waiihi had a footpath. It appears the man had travelled about fifty miles in oxd^ to spit on the footpath, which was ten yards long and eighteen inches wide. When the man was arrested he was in a weak and collapsed state, seeing that he had been searching with a microscope for twelve hours before he found his mark. • « • I am told that forty-two years ago a resident of Russell, up North, dropped a cherry wood pipe in his back garden. Returning last week to his old home he found his gre^t nephews and nieces having tea under the cherry-tree which had grown up out of the pipe. So true it is that things may begin as well as end in smoke. Do you remember the wonderful story of the man who dronned half-a^sovereign on the Quay? When next day he went to the place where he had dropped it he found, not the massing coin but fivepenc6 halfpenny in coppers and an 1.0.TT. for the rest! • * * "Newsletter's" lady writer should really see to those spectacles of hers. Listen : — "The Misses Seddon, who passed through Sydney lately, on then way to Victoria, will spend some time here later on. They are fine, stalwart New Zealand girls, made on the build of the great Richard . but the climate, which bleaches the hair sooner than in Australia, has already touched their locks, making them prematurely grey." The only explanation. I can give for a lady mistaking blonde hair for errey hair is that the lady writer may have mistaken Mrs. Seddon for one of her daughters. But even Mrs. Seddon is not grey.

I see a Southern weekly refeis to "the mounted camp at Rotorua." The person that saw the camp performing ©questrian feats ought to see an ocujj^t — or a dipso-speciali&t. # • * Motoring is recommended as a suie cure for insomnia. You needn't ride in a motor car to be instantaneously cuired. You walk towards the auto, and the machine does the rest. * * * Translated from "Le Soar," a French paper: — "The climate of Bombay is so unhealthy that the inhabitants are obliged to live elsewhere." It's thinking I am that the French have lush blood in their veins. •rt i* * It seems that the Seamen's Rest asked Paderewski to play a couple of thousand pounds' worth of piano music when he was in Wellington. "Pad" 6aid he couldn't, as has manager wouldn't let ham. Madiame "Pad,'' however, sent £2. • * * New Defence Force "dress 1 egulataoiih still make adequate allowance for the wearing of swords by officers. If I gambled, I would bet five pounds to a peppercorn that there are not six offioeiis in Wellington who can do the sword exercise. The silver-plated skewers a.re about as useful to an officer as a pair of spurs to a jack-tar. ■» * * Spurgeom's opinion .—"lt. — "It is taken for granted 1 that wit is wicked and humour sinful ; dulness, of course, is holy, and solemn, stupidity full of grace. If dulness were a divine power, the world would' have been converted' by now, for the pulpit has never been without a superabundant supply of it." One would think Spurgeon had read "Thorndon's letter of complaint about Mr. Blamires. ♦ • * Quaintest fraud of the month happened in an inland town. Well-to-do couple, who had only been a few weeks in the town, were called poist-haste to Sydney, and left them- house in the care of a man-servant. The saad servant, representing himself sus the proprietor, held an auction sale, disposing of all his employer's goods. He left. The people returned from Sydney to an empty house. They want to fill a oell with an ex-servant. The sale proceeds were £350 — about half the value of the goods. "Mater" writes me: — "I notice a very decaded "2" brand on my daily bread lately, and suppose this is in obedience to the edict of the local weights and measures authorities. I would think a lot of the said authorities if they would insist that_ peregrinating purveyors of hundredweights of coal weigh that commodity in the presence of the housewife, and fine them for failing to do so. People would have more coal for their money. Fact I assure you!" I fear "Mater" is going to be responsible for sheaves of angry letters from coal dealers. * *• * No wonder the banks are able to erect palatial buildings'. Minimum exchange on cheques from Home is 2s 6d. I would suggest that the banks have the "three globes" sign, put up. Tine rate is hardly less than the average pawnbroker demands. The exchange on inter-State and inter-coTonial banknotes (Is for a. £1 note) is also a gross imposition. If you present say a Sydney branch Bank of Bullion note at the same company's branch at Melbourne thfey still demand the Is exchange, and the same in New Zealand. This is a matter for Mr. Ell diuring session.

You may talk about Niagara, And rave of quaint Japan ; Quote the Trans-Siberian railway As the greatest work of man. Not c'en the greatest Colossus ' Can such pride of place secure, As the famous cough reliever Known as Woods' Gbfat Peppermint Cure

By the San Fraaici-»co mail ju&t to hand Muss Carr received notice that the undermentioned pupils attending her school of shorthand andl typewriting successfully passed the junior typists' section of the London Phonographic Society, and are entitled to the ceituficates issued by that society The results of these typewriting examinations are important, in as much ak the papers set ao-e varied, and the certifi■cates are the best recommendation when qualifying for a position. Successful candidates Misses Elsiei Bakeir. "Winnie Baker, Hilda Bernsem, AgneiMcCarnson, Lily Milhgan, Emily Newman May Powell, and Jessie M Waters,. Miss G. Darnell and Mis> M Carter were also successful an pacing •fcihe above examanatio<n