Afternoon Tea Gossip

Free Lance, Volume V, Issue 256, 27 May 1905, Page 10

Afternoon Tea Gossip

By Little Miss Muffitt

SYDNEY papers are throwing mud at New Zealand, merely because oui public debt is the largest per head of any public debt in the world. Sydney papea*» should remembei the benefits, we get— old age pensions, tram cars, North Island Trunk railw ay>, and — oh, lots of things' * • • Eleven officers of the Royail Arthur mairied Australian girls and their money, and now the Euryatlus is fallowing m the same track. A umted Empire i * » * * I learn from am American source that "a modern gentleman changes his shirt three times a day." The presumption is that the financial ability of a millionaire to possess throe shirts is pi oof of his gentle breeding and excellent manners. Gambling is eating into the veiy vita-Is of the nation, and, as a young parson said last Sunday, "It hac* affected even the lambs of the flock." He forgets, however, that it is Natuie'.s express command that lambs should gambol on the* turf. * * * The Faimers' Union now have a flag like other fighting organisatioius. The two legends on it are a trifle contradictory. One says "Dependent on God." The other "Self-reliant." Probabh the designer of the flag is Hibernian. It will be flown at Farmers' Union functions. * * » According to a Southern paper, a man who was taken to the hospital with a fractuned skulil, two broken legs, and' some shifted ribs, had 1 sustained his injuries through ''running into a motoi car." Motorists should certainly be protected from wilful personis of tins class. * • ♦ Sydney trolley-car motormen are forbidden to diave at a greater speed than thirty miles an houir on suburban stretches, owing to the difficulty of findin- a gentleman who had 'Stepped out" while the (W was proceeding at the former average of forty miles from Edgechff to Rush cutter's Bay. " * * * 'Mua-ioan society has taken the little pink pjg to its bosom, amd the pets are to be seen in the arms of the most blue-blooded kmckerbocker families now. Quite a lot of American aristocrats keep pet pigs, and a man servant and a maid to perform the porker's toilette. I would dlaarly love to see a real old •'Captain Cook" tusker turned adrift in a Noo Yark balilroom. * * * A Hokianga gentleman, interviewed m Adelaide, told the interviewer he had merely gone to Australia to get a proper 1 esit. Earthquakes were sso frequent at Hokianga, he said, and he was shaken out of bed &o often during the night that his only chance of putting in eight hours' sleep at a time was to be found away from New Zealand. The most pondeirouw print in the State prints thus. « * ■* Some of the barn-<stoiming vanetv of theatricals have been striking bad weather and w orse business in the baokblooks lately. I saw a party in the train on their way baok to Wellington, looking all the worse for wear. At one of the way-6<tations I overheard tin . conversation between a smait oommeicial traveller and one of the actors — ' What kind of a show have you got this season ?" "Oh, it's a problem play " 'What's the problem?" "Whether we get our salaries or not." I judged the problem had been solved in the negative. ♦ • ♦ Dr. McArthur, in deciding to deal with children brought before him in pnvate, is taking the enlightened view that has already been taken in Australia and advocated elsewhere. "Childien;s CourW' must come, and I sincerely hope the action of Dr. McArthur will get publicity enough to be followed bv all other magistrates, and particularly Js.P. Remindis us. however, of the Northern Js.P , who branded a* "criminals'" two children — eldest nine yean — who had "broken into" a doorless, deserted house, and "stolen" some quite useless rubbish. The biddies ■were sent to gaol. Poor encouragement to honesty.

Australia it, still slightly plagued, and people wear plague-ankletw, w lnah luu c been proved to be of not the slightest use The festive bubonic flea is a lraidlei. * * * Victorian Piemier Thomas Bent intends supplying the police with lnoto) cans for patrol walk, and the rapid lemoval of thie midnight inebiiate into safety. The oar~ oouild aNo be u*-.ed iov the rapid 1 eon oval of other tilings. — but that's another stoiy. * * * Tl c British Licensing Act of 1902 hapiO'Viision for "piohibiu on order-,. That l-,, an inebriate may be put on the 1 black list," a^ the Act calls it. The absurdity of the law ls evident ■when it stipulates that the coiii-ent of the 'diunk'" muht first be obtained befoie li a name is black-listed ' We're a bit ahead of that, anyhow. * * + A Wairarapa farmer, who, however, i.s hardly such a grizzlei as most of the oLasb, wiite» me that he had gieat difficulty "in getting rid of my chaff this yeai." Evidently, " he continue*, "aoine local lainkins were sorry tor me, for they opened both doors of the barn, a?id the wind dii'd the re^t. Next year I will bag it ao I out it." Agricultural readers will understand best. * * * Will some gentleman kindly step right up on to the platform. It wa*> a conjurer at a local show who asked, and a gentleman stepped nghit un accordingly. He fixed his glittering eye on the man, and 1 a&ked in staccato tones "Haye — you — ever — seen — me bef oi e ?" Thus is where the "gods" came in. One libellous person in the. family circle, with a voice like the. ~ eat Amen,," roared a Yes. in gaol !" Piofessor Vedrenne-Barker, of Yale (United States), calculate* that, the hurnaui race will be withered to something pretty small in a million year& and at that time birds will be tihe dominant race. Po&bibly the snx-foot Dorking hen will wear a human head of hair in her bonnet, and tlhe Lady ostrich a boa made of eyes and. teeth. It's oomforting to know that I've still got a million years to write tlhuigs * # IT A friend of mine only two year^> married reckons she scored neatly off her liuvband at tea thei other evening. He got home as ravage as a beai — things, had all gone wiong with him that day. Little wine mildly remarked "You used to tell me I wa» the apple of your eve I" "Well, what if I dud?" "Oh not hi nig, except that you don' K seem to care as much for fruit a^ you once did." He took her to the Oivil Service concert that night to make it up. * * # He was a^nuffy old bachelor — peihaps a widower. At any rate, he was baldheaded. I wai on my way to Ota.ki per express train, and he rs&t in the next seat. The boy who books and magazines came along. Li trying to pui>h a sale he .said "Here, is a fine book, sir 'How to Win a Woman ' " Then replied bhat bald-headed ifright , "Look here, my lad, if you've got one on how to lose 'em, I'll take it at your own price." He chuckled, a,nd I wondered anew at the vanity of the male fcex. * # # Amer.oa is woriymg itself how q rls shall "salute the flag," and have decided that they mIuiJI standl to attention, and do it the same as a man GirK do you want to know how it is done 3 Bod\ erect, mclmiing shghtlv forward, shoulders square and pretssed back, the weight, of the trunk resting on the fore part of the feet, eyes to the fiont heel-* together, toes at an angle of fontvfive decree.-,, unused hand clo-e to the side in line with the seam of the trous^ — — -eh. beg; pardon. The ha>id furthest fiom the flag should be raused elbow square m a line with tliei sihouldeis fingers closed, and o-»e inch above the ov° palm of the hand turned out. Dead oasv isn't it?

Oh 1 Thou husky, asthmatic old fellow, Whom coughing has bent like a bow ; Thou child with the colic, whose bellow Disturbs the whole neighbourhood so. Oh ' Lad with the appetite heaity, Whom sweetmeats too gieatly allure ; Now maik what I say. nor depart ye From Woods' Geeat Peppermint Cure

Mr. P J. O'Regan notifies the pubhe in another column that he has started the practice of Ins profession a^ .1 solicitor, and may be found by Inqu.llmg clients ait Mr. Jelhc»e's old office, on Larnbtoa Quay. Mr. O'Re-g&n needs no introduction or recommendation. He is a tireless and conscientious workei at whatever ho sets lu> liand to, ami you can take it from us he is going to work up a first-i ate pi actice in the Empire City HeieS kia o1.!o 1 .! to Pat. * * * Mr Norrey-, Yon Stuimer and Mr. C Owen are launching out "on their own" as a commercial printing and stationery firm. Mr. Yon Stunner, who hawoirked with Messrs. Wlntcombe and Tombs since that fimi began business in the city, and with Mesr^. Lyon and Blair before that, was farewelled bv the staff the other niprht, and received an expression of Pood-will in tlie shape of a spint^stand from the employee. Mr. ■Yon Stunner u the eldest aon of ex-Judge Yon Stunner, of the Nat ye Land! Ooait, and hx-> mnele, Mr F J Votn Stunner, was one time editor of the Auckland "Herald." His partner, Mr. Owen, has "dabbled in literature" for the, past ten years, and Tia> lately produced a colonial novel, 'Captain Sheen," shortly toi be published. He is also the author of a play The ILita Blossom," performed colonially by Mr. Dampier, and ha^ turned out many short stories. The new firm opens With bright pi aspects. * * * Mr. J. L. Turner has just opened a new hairdre-ssang saloon and tobacco repository m the up-to-date building- recently 'erected opposite Messrs. Veitch and Allan's, Cuba-stieet. Mr Turner, who, for the past fifteen years, has carried on a successful bui=aness in Tor\strect, is well-known m volunteering and more especially in its shooting circles. As a member of the Highland Rifles, the champion belt of the Wellington district thrice fell to his rifle, in the years 1898, 1899, and 1903, while in 1899 also lie won the Ruahme (Woodville,) Rifle Association's championship, and finished fifth to King, of Oamaru, for the New Zealand champion belt He won the Carbine Cup, however As a member of the Karon Rifle Club, Mr. Turner ■still adiusts h ■> sieht, and see^ the wh te di-c en up His handsome new saloon in Cnhqstreet which bears the name of "Tire Military HairdreiSiVno- and Tobacco'n-t Saloon " w 'll bo found thorouehlv up-to-dato m eve'y 'e«D Q ct.