It is Town Talk

Free Lance, Volume V, Issue 254, 13 May 1905, Page 22

It is Town Talk

—That you nevei hear of a woman using hei religion as a cloak. It » notexpensive enough. —That Foxton isn't proud. ltw^ s more Jay Pees and a Chamber of Commerce. Queer mixture. —That tubercular disease has spiead rapidly all over the colony this year. The potato is the particular tuber affected. —That over in Yankee-land the new-ly-patented airship has begun to knock out the automobile. Is Mayor Hislop listening? —That Westraha stumped up £1500 in a few days for Mr. Redmond's Irish campaign fund. Yet the unemployed are as thick a® flies out West. —That the racing men are laugihing boisterously over last week's sporting chatter in one of our contemporaries. It relates to a stud performance. —That ex-M.H.R. Maslin has been threatening the Hon. Jerry Twomey, M.L.C., with an action far libel. Damages asked for will probably be £1000. —That the Land Commission have -just had their memo extended for another month. At three guineas a day and exes, they will continue to sacrifice themselves for the country's eood. That fashion has decreed a new gait for the feminine smart set to distinguish them from the vulgar herd, lte points are bended arms, stiff neck, and a tilt from the waist. Just watt till Mary Jane catches on. That Bishop Nehgan, of Auckland, adopts the same view as the Lance. Says New Zealanders have nio business to engage m outside mission work — India, China, etc —while there's so much to do, at our own doors. That a certain civil servant is shaking hands with himself for following up the Lance's turf tips of three •weeks ago. He beat the machine by £25 and rf he had put a pound on every tip he would have been still further to the good. That the Minister for Marine (Mr. Ha 11- Jones) is also the Minister for cold water. At Timaru 1 the other day he assisted the president of the No-Lic-ense League to lead the Rev. Father Hays to the platform for his temperance lecture. That politics didn't pan out prosperity for the late Hon. W. C. Walker, who was m the Ministry for years before his short term as Speaker of the Upper House. His estate the other day was assessed at £1591 for stamp duty purposes. That a certain tradesman says the postal service is in a wretched state. He sent out one hundred bills last month for accounts overdue, with a request for immediate payment. It is astonishing how many of the debtors say they never got the bill. — Tli at a smart auctioneer was rathe 1 easily taken down un Willis^street the other day. He was asked, "Which has more feet — one rabbit or no rabbit?" The other fellow won the drinks by proving that one rabbit has four feet and no rabbit has five feet. — That Mr. Norman Dalston, who may be remembered/ in connection with the defunct Midland Railway Company. has leturned fiom England, and thinks of starting in business here in Wellington. No other part of the colony strikes him as being so go-ahead. — That there was a good deal of snivelling in the Onera House while "Camille" held the boards. Every night you heard sobs here and there, and saw ladies leaving with. <red noses and swoollen eye-lids, telling each other how much they had enjoyed themselves. — That next year 8000 Kanakas are to be deported from Queensland to their coral strands. Premier Morgan, of Queensland, says white labour can and will do all that is required m the canefields if it gets sufficient wages. Tour cup of tea may cost you a trifle more, but you will have the satisfaction of knowing you are helping to whiten Australia. That there were scores of first-class sculptors in Wellington within five minutes after the recent unvealing of the Queen's statue It was reminiscent of the 7000 engineers in Nelson at the time Sleepy Hollow was anything but asleep on the Question, of where to make a out throuerh th.A Boulder Batik ' By the way, 'tis said that the statue faces north *o as to turn it<3 back on the Queen's Chambers!

—That nothing blunts a man's memoiy so much as doing him a favour. —That a seivant m the kitchen is worth Uo or three in the registry office. —That the oiange blossoms that were suppressed in Lent have lud a great aiming since Easter. -That a Rev Mr. Godhe-hearpi eaohed at Eltham last Sunday pu The Totalisator." A. pa. son on the tote is a distinct novelty —That when General Lmevitoh sends woid tihat be has "lost the Japanese airmy" it need not be infened that he >s advertising for it. — That most of the unhappy mairtages arise from the fact that the man falls in love with a out! or a dimple, and then marries the whole girl. —That the Miramar motor 'bus proposals are as dead as a door-nail. Last week's meeting killed them in one act. Trams and! ferry are now the favourite double. —That the bank managers have taken to heart the Lance's strong protest and henceforth won't put up the shutters and let the public convenience go hang merel- because it's race day. —That if the North Wand Trunk raalwav had been agitated for with the importunity shown by the West Ooasters as to the Midland, it would have been running throuerh long ago That one of the oddest sights of recent date was that of a motor-cai oommg into town towing a horse, the owner of the steed sitting at the back of the oar and holding on to the halter. That up at Palmerston Pierce Freeth is exhortanc the Chamber of Commerce to move heaven and 1 earth to get a new educational district carved out with its centre in The Square. That it was stated at a deputation to the Premier the other day that 90 per oerafc. of the Auckland working men. wear tailor-made clothes. King Dick remarked that in has digging days slops were all he couild get. That a country editor, who is trying to helTv the Russian Navy with some friendly advice, fears that the frequent allusions to Roshdestventski may exhaust his stock of type, and therefore cuts ham down to "Admiral Bigname. —That a smart man, who us about to open a new restaurant, wants a few well-dressed gents of stylish appearance to come along and hang round at lunch time. Meals free and commission' if they attract customers Go early to avoid the crush. That the Otago Rugby Union are pushing their particular form of the game at Dunedin by presenting elliptical footballs to the public schools. In some oases where "soccei " had caught on the Rugby article wars ''declined with thanks." ■ — That the recent not at Waihi was declared by some competent judges to be equal to any faction fight they had seen in Ireiland One rock that missed the skull'l far which it was intended pierced riaht through a galvanised-iron fence. — That it all started through Seigt. Sheehan. takin^ up the remark of a drunken man that not all the sieigeants and police in Wa&hi could arrest him Unas is the same sergeant who prosecuted because a man bought liquor after hours aw medicine for a sick wife — That a ceitain editor has just lost his paper an old subscriber. His daughter's name la "Gratia," and he complained it was misprinted "Gratis" in the account of the wedding The editor's unfeeling remark was "Well, that's all right: she was given away, wasn't she?" — That there was fun in the Tinakonroad oar one afternoon this week. It was a tailor-made young lady who said to the near-sighted old dame who came m late and stood by the door, "Take my seat, please." "Oh, thank you, sir," she replied) quite loudly, "you are the only gentleman in the car." — That there was a kick-up m a popular hash-house the other day. One boarder had been telling a story about a sister of his who ma-rriedastiuggling young man. Another boarder blandly remarked he had heard 1 the young man d'ld straggle pretty hard — but it was to get away. That's how the row started — That the Chosen People led an oration to General Booth up in Auckland. Mayor Arthur Myers welcomed him at the big meeting in the Baptist Tabernacle, and M.H.R. Fred Baume moved! the vote of thanks. It was fittiiii" after all, for the General's grandfather -was, a Jew and 1 he inherits the no=e of his race.

I dreamt that I tossed on a fever'd bed (With the curtains gather'd and drawn). With a hacking cough and a burning head, Vainly -waiting the tardy dawn. When close to my bedside an angel came, With a phial of liquid pure. And I read on the label a magic name — It was Woods' Great Peppermint Cure.