Afternoon Tea Gossip

Free Lance, Volume V, Issue 254, 13 May 1905, Page 10

Afternoon Tea Gossip

By liittle Miss Muffitt

THE habit of looting seems to stick hard to the Australian oontmgenter, and is not unknow n to the New Zealand variety a^ well. Oxer in Sydney the other day one of Kitchener si Hoise" was up for entering and stealing. Pleaded he had done so much commandeering in South Africa that after a glass too much he leal y helped himselt to anything he cou.d lay his hands on, under the impression he was carrying out military ordeis. The same weakness with the Dunedni bobbies. *■ # * Some busy antiquarian has found out that Louls XIV. was the first to introduce the encore habit It used to be the privilege of kings, now it is the weapon of the gods. * * * Surely theie's something in a name after all. An amateur company in the back-blocks was trying its skill on a passion play, and the man who was entrusted 1 with the role of Judas Isoanot has skipped for other parts with the whole of the takings. * • * I notice that that sturdy democrat, John Burns, M.P., holdfe, the strong opinion that Carnegie's gifts are mainly harmful. He doesn't like the idea of giving away something for nothing. It pauperises people. It has certainly encouraged begging in New Zealand — for libraries and other things. * * * That eager creatuie, the cash cyclist, is catching it hot here and there from the press. A Christchurch paper says this sort of cycling has become '"a sordid, money-making business of the most contemptible kind." My chief trouble is the cycle scorcher, who turns you down m the 6treet, and never pauses m has deadly flight. I would like to see him lassooed. * * * There is a Geima.ii gentleman in Wellington who is learning English with the aid of a school grammar and a popular dictionary. He is delighted with his progress. He wrote to a friend the other day, "In small time I can learn so many English as I think I will to come out at the Victana, Hall, Newtown, and goon the scaffold to lecture." Look out for a treat. * -* *• Geneial Booth is willing to take donations from any source. He says he washes the com in the tears of the penitent. The Boston Congregationahsts are a little but more particular. Standard 011 Rockefeller offered them 100,000 dollars for their foreign missions. But they iefused it because the money smelt of the Oil Company's methods of 1 obbin.s the people. The funniest thing out. I wa» told it at bridge the other evening by a well-knmvn bachelor of the Wellesley Club, and pass it on foi what it's worth. His washerwoman raised the tariff for Ins wliirt cuffs. "What's the reason ?" he a-ked. "Because you've begun to make pencil notes on them " "Well, what if I do?" Her answer was a, clincher "The girls waste so much time tiymg to make them out." * * * Dining out the other evening I met one of those horrid old bachelors who are always firing off alleged jokes at the oxpen.se of our sex. Amongst other things, he said there weie only fifty really beautiful women in New Zealand, and that every woman was wondering who the other forty-nine were. I felt inclined to ask if waiting for a beauty had kept him in »inigle misery because in that case I never expected to hear of his wedding? * * ♦ Have >ou heard that Tom Wilfoid has taken up his residence at Government Hou-e 9 Positive fact He is part of the permanent establishment there. It occuned in this wise Loid Plunket paid a visit to the Cathol'c Bazaar on Saturday la-st His attention fell upoa two plaster-cast fieures of Tom Wilford and Charlie Skerrett in their wigs and gowns, addieswins imaginary juries. "What is the selli'v price of theLse gentlemen °" asked the Governor. "Only twenty-five shillings each your Excellency " answered thp fair stall-holder. "And dirt cheap at the figure l " said the Kine's v c^-o-eront "Pray send Mr. Wilford up to Government House."

A ceitam young lad} of nij acquaintance, who teaches ni one ot the uty schools, got a sudden shock the otliei day One ot the youngbteih pi evented hoi with A lovelj white chiyfcanthemum Siit' was dehgilited, and a->ked the nippoi wheic he got it 'Please mum, he said it was ofl a dead lad* * * * The\ don't mince mattei-> out m the back-blocks. A well-known Wellington man, just back from his Eastei jaunt up Rangitikei way, lodged one night m an accommodation house wheie this notice on the bedioom wall staicd blankly at lum — Boaider> taken by the dd,\ , week, or month. Those who dio not pay piomiptly will he taken b\ the neck." * * * Kx-Councilloi Barber was talking about how he had beaten the Admnal from whaif to whaif. One of his auditors said to anotbei . 'Say Tom, once went in for a motor-car lace. Howdid you come out 5 " "On crutolu^ two months later." was bus brief repK . Up till that moment there v.eie thoughts of egging him on to cha.lle ige Mi . Barber. * * * It was a local photo fiend's little joke The youthful customer wa, examining the first print from the negative 'Isn't there some way to make m^ moustache show up a little plainer s '" "Urn, yes, you might wait a few years, and then come again." Too bad, ho^evei, of the photographei to repeat it. The young mam has been catching it hot ever since. * * * It is all off between a young couple w hose engagement has been eaeerly looked for. They were going home from the Catlhohc bazaai one night last week, when he popped) the question. She referred him to Papa, as u»ual. •'But I am quite wiling to take you without a reference," he persisted. That settled it. She wasn't going to be engaged like a mere slavey * * * In a certain stylish boarding-house they aie laughing at the discomfiture of a fcimart young tourist just out from Home, dontcheirknow . At te-a the second evening he wanted thei milk-jug, and laniguidily said to the senior bo«rdei "Say old chappie, pass the oow this way, will you?" "Mary," remarked the senior boarder, who is something in the Buildln" "ta,ke the cow along to where the calf is bleating." Science has been fighting a losing battle for centuries against the feminine corset. It is now shifting its batteries to the male socks. Professor David, of Sydney University, is just now trying to show that the world is ruined by wearing socks, and is calling upon Australia and New Zealand to give them up. It is a big order, and he \\i\\ have to pull up his own stockmigsi very tightly to ea.rry it out. What doi you think ? * * * Have ou ever noticed how fond Mr. Seddoiii is of mtioduoing Maori words into his speeches to the natives? In jeplying the other day to a Wairara.pa Maori's congratulations on his twelfth aniiiivensary as Prem.&r, King Dick . referred to ''the aroha and harmony that preva 1 between the two races." Also. ' should the people give' the oppoirtunltv and Atua the necessary his strenuous efforts etc., etc. Why not all Maori or all En^li^h? * * - i Wonder w hat that keen-eyed gentleman, Mr. Howell, of the Gais Company, thinks ot liquid air. I've been thinking of ringing him up just fox a lark to ask whether he would adviise me to sell off my gas shares. I've been leadwg up about liquid air, and it tells me the housewife of the future will dispense with grates, ovenw, and gas stoves', and, on her neat little hquidair apparatus, will do all the cooking that is required in a fourth of the time and at a fourth of the cost that at pieseiit obtains. What about the Invicta range then ? A leading shopkeepei m Wellington was gueved to find his show -window scored on Monday morning. He made inquiries, and found that one of our gilded you this who wears a diamond on hi-, finger had been seen in the locahtv o'l Saturday night. It is only mysiuimise but perhaps, the tradesman may know --omethinq: about a bit of anoiumous verse which the Johnmy has iecened, and has been showing his friends. Heie it is — Whene\ ci I see a man Write his name upon the glasv I know he owns a diamond And hie father owits an as« '

When other lips and othei heaits With flattering vows alluie. Bemembei that your tiuest fnend Is Woods' Great Peppermint Cure When frosty stars gleam oveihead, And earth's in wintry moods, And cold attacks in throat and head, Then you'll remember Woods