IT IS TOWN TALK

Free Lance, Volume V, Issue 251, 22 April 1905, Page 22

IT IS TOWN TALK

—That 'cellist Van Biene wear^ a toupee to hide the ravages, of time on the uppei story. —That What is called the "binile cure" for dyspepsia is nothing more than a variation of the old pie^cnption 'grin and bear it." That military matters among the high officers of the Defence service are just about coming to a head. .Look out for a big burst. That there is a new noxious weed eradicator on the market. Its small fault, if it has one, is that it stimulates the weeds marvellously. That a local citizen is entirely crushed. The daily paper that announced he had been made a J.P. was sold for a penny as usual. That Wellington has been called, by an ex-resident now running a paper in the Manawatu, "The Vampire Oitv. Oh, Pierce, bow could you? —That the Canterbury Women's Institute means, by putting up candidates of its own, to have a larcr© say in the next School Committee elections. That some of the oondidates for the City Council are feeling a bit uneasy about the prospects of saving their £3 deposit from forfeiture. That several thousands of pounds are available far work's at Kilbirnie— to be done some day. There is a violent smell surging around 1 the foreshore. —That the Flaxbourne compensation case is proving a regular plum, for the lawyers and the shorthand writers. Costs already said to be up to £20,000. — That some graceless hoodlum down South hung up a sign of three balloons to the Jewish Synagogue the other day on the occasion of a Hebrew wedding. — That several persons have been charged lately with "netting on a tram while m motion." Evidently when, a person wants to get on a train he should stand still. — That they have a high regard for the Scripture® down South. Somebody annexed the Land Commission's Bible, and the taxpayer has to pay for another in its> place. — That over on the other side they say that Dunedin doesn't know the rudiments of cricket, and for an Australian Eleven to play an Otago eleven is using a sledge-hammer to kill ants. — That some unkind persons are throwing cold water upon the Law-rence-Roxburgh railway agitation by insinuating that a wheelbarrow service would cope with the traffic for years to come. — That a tourist, gleaning a smattering of the Maori tongue, asked am Otaka. chief the other day the Maori word for "potatoes." Our coloured brother, in perfect good faith, replied : "Spuds!" (• — That a Napier "palmistry woman" was fined £2 and Us costs by Mr. Brabant, S.M., who said l the defendant's calling was illegal, both here and at Home. The Wellington police are • dead slow. — That the country press, referring to the cases of cruelty oommonei in Wellington than in any city in New Zealand , calls it "a city of barbarians.'" And the Council won't give the S.P.C.A. inspector a tramway pass. — That it may come as a surprise to many that Mr. E. M. Smith does not intend retiring from politics to enter into the dramatic profession. He will be on the mark when the pistol goes. Thank heaven! The country's saved—That the Auckland police were called out recently to deal with an enormous concourse of women' — about 3000. When they arrived they found that a corsetiere was about to give a "scientific" demonstration, of fitting, and all the ladies wanted to be first. — That tins question was handed to one of the candidates for the mayoralty the other day. "Will the candidate, if elected, support the municipahsation of the whii ly-go-round now operating on the Hospital section in Adelaide-road?" The candidate muttered something about universal r>enny trams. —That P. J. O'Regan and A. R. Atkinson will contest the Wellington seat with William McLean, and that John Duthie, C. H. Izard, and John Hutoheson are the likely candidates for Wellington North. Fisher is the only one up for the Central seat, but R. A. Wright, the Bible-in-schools' a?ent, is expected to weigh out.

— That the latest local man to become the unhappy father of twins is pretty smart. He has taken out an accideoit policy. That "Dr." Wright has not yet mentioned which mayoralty he will contest. Will he kindly explain if he favours penny trams and free shows? — That a negro street singer wat> apprehended, and gaoled, in Auckland, for having no visible means of support. He might try the stores for a voice that one can see. — That routomarching volunteers at Easter are to get' (among othei rations) one pound of potatoes per man. Thi^ 13 lavish at a time when a sound tuber is a rarity. — That there are more persons determined on the extinction of the drink traffic now gathered together m Dunedin than at any time in the history of the colony. — That it is safe to grab by the hand any public man of Wellington at the present time, and congratulate him warmly on his candidature for something or other in the municipal line. — That the Bisley rifler who recently put a bullet through a running rabbit at an unknown range (afterwards found to be 150 yards), is the kind of shot the country needs. Target practice isn't everything. — That it is pleasant to reflect that every Chinaman who ooines into the colony represents a £100 increase in the surplus, and consequently the number of Chinamen arriving is a barometer of our prosperity — on paper. — That it will be soon necessaiv to have all public notices exhibited in New Zealand written in Chinese as well as English. Look at the injustice done to a Chinaman who is told per notice "Don't spit on the footpath." — That, in reference to the action — farced on the police — in sending a mam to gaol "who would wander away from the Ohiro Home," a country paper terms our "charitable" aid distribution body "The Wellington Malevolent Trustees." — That temperance talker Father Hays is thirty-nine, amd intended to become a barrister by studying for the law. He saw the slums of London, and didn't become a barrister. He has devoted his life to the uplifting of the people. — That, a propos of the Indian earthquake, the cable says "the ladies and hospital nurses showed heroic bravery." A bit rough on the nurses, who presumably were women. It's hard to import snobbery into a Gable, but it can be done with a struggle.