Entre Nous

Free Lance, Volume V, Issue 239, 28 January 1905, Page 12

Entre Nous

RACE-PRIDE i>, one of the dewiest possessions of the Maons So we though*. But here is a ston showing that pride went befoie a fall A Quay shopkeeper last week purchaiseu from an Otaki Maon woman a stock of flax kits. They are veiv nice little kits, and well made. Admiring the handiwork, he asked 1 the woman if she also made Maori mate. She could make them, she said, but she had no time She w.i.s too busy from mornnng until night. The man smiled. He liad heard of the ceaseless toil of the Maori. Were there no other women mi Otaki who could 1 make these mats? There were many, but they were busy, very buw from daylight until dark The shopkeeper, anxious to discover what native indufttiT kept the lady population of Otaki perspiring from 4.30 untnl 7.30, pressed the question. The proud native women, he foumd. were enigasred in the ceaseless industry of weeding gardens for Chi.nameai ' * • • You lemember the hubbub that was -made- a week or two ago aibout the telegraphists in Sydney da i ing to take their coats off while the thermometer sweated at 120 m the shade. Wonder whait the pesnnicketty officials will say When they know that the GoveirnouGeneral of all the Austrahas played bowls in his shirt sleeves. Sir George Le Hunte, Governor of the State of South Australia, likewise offended! all the canons by relieving himself of his silk hat and frocker to welt the leather with a willow-stick. It only remain*. for the New Zealand' Legislative Council to discuss the Licensing] T3ll next =ession clothed in pviamas to inculcate- a •new order of things. * * * Yankee marriage notice "Lewis Rollings and Miss Pearl Cox, after seveaal months heart-to-heart conveirsataoin on the perfumed avenue of love, passed under the roseate archway of Hymen, where soul meets soul on waves of ecstatic feelings." And there are fifty thousand divorce cases eveiy year in America. * • • Tourists are, of courbe, interested in the Maori battlefields, and one gentleman, who is asb presetnt in Wellington has been over the historical TaranaJki fighting grounds.. He tells how a small boy was his guide, and pointed out a hill on which many volunteers and Maoris lost their lives. At the foot. and all around there were level paddocks, and he remarked! to the bory that "one wouddl have thought they would have fought on the flait." "That's all very well," is what the boy replied l , "but this naddick belongs to old McSkinjiiy. He won't even let us hold our school sports here'"

Maoris do not as a lule rus»h work, and it seems to us, that it they feel so disposed the law -should smile, and let them do it. A Northern Maori was hned 2s bd last week for ploughing on a Sunday. And so you see the anestong constable had to work on Sunday too It ls probable he will be sent, to gaol without the option. If the police me gam"- to stop Sunday work, they might beem with Wellington Ohinamen. Johai religiously (or in ehgiously) weeds has oabbage-patch in the suburbs evenSunday and a,ll day Sunday, but, as it would entail quite a long walk on the pairt of the police to put a stop to it, it will not be stopped. Another burglar scaie. Twa,s th.s A\ay. Local lady had given, her -'kitchen treasure" a fortnight's holiday, seeing that the said treasuie had demanded it. The fortnight slipped quickly into the whence, but the ''tieasure" didn't show up. Three weeks faded, and they mourned her at> one dead I—or1 — or married. It was last Tuesday, and the family weie wrapped in the sleep that usually knows no waking until the town clock says '-quarter to nine " and the house-father was astonished to hear someone in a, neighbouring bedroom evidently removing the furnituie. He clipped on some garments, and. eatheune up his weapons, moved w-n,iilv In that bedroom he saw- a dark shadow engaged in an overhaul of a tin box "Stand cr Ifiie'" he cried. There wa« an answenne err "I've only come for me box " a voice wnnlpd. "T'm eoine to be mariner! tomorrow'" It w«« the returned Mvv Ann thus giving a midnight "warning " * There is notiuth in the tumour that the Czar has ord'eiedi forty-five electric fans for his summer palace. The fans develop 500 revolutions pei mi mute, and one is all that Russia can handle iust now. • * • Last year, when the English footballers weie m Auckland, the New Zealand Natives' Association (which is composed exclusively of the fair sex) conceived the notion of entertaining the distinguished vtsitois at a ball. Extraordinary preparations were made, and oonsideiable expense inouned, but at the last moment the Britishers were unable to i oil up Accordingly, as the oake and lemonade weie on band, and the hall had been hired and French chalked, etc., the Natives went out metaphorically, into the highways and byways, and sold tickets to the local footballeis, who duly attended, and dad their duty like men in the field, making desperate run.s with the cake, exhibiting brilliant forward play with the gingei-flle and fighting like heroes in the saium that raged i ound the keg of beer. • ♦ • The Natives, like patuots, took everything m good pait, know ing that footballer are footbaillers. The ball was not a financial success by any means, and the work of the committee did not end with the event, as- the Labour of collecting money and tickets had still to be performed. Some months have elapsed, and up to the present at least one secretaiy has failed to send in his returns, though repeated tequests have been made. It is likely that law proceedings will ensue.

Motonsts had better be waxy of the rate at which they travel, for it ls leported that inotopathia cerebalis is a new disease to w Inch automobilists are subject. It is said to be caused by the vibration of the car, especially at high rates of speed, and "produces a tempoiary disorder of function in the semicircular canals of their nerve smppLes, causing nausea, giddiness, and headache." But, bless you, Mr. Tom Wilford knows all about it without this warning. The Maoris at Manaia recently peeied over their fences, and descried a peiTM>n rooting; up the potato crop. They executed a flanking: movement, and pwoie on the" tiki of their great grandfather that they would have the blood of the invading pakeha. But the pakeha still grubbed up the bo^ oranges, put them in a sack, and. 1 started out for the nearest railway station- Arresting the supposed thief, he told them he was on the Government biolo-p-ncail staff, and was looking for pla,gue He found that plague was a small circumstance to a horde of angry Maoris Still, when he remarked that if they didn't keep quiet he wouild bring "Tiki TTpttanj" alone* and tote fhe whole bihn' to eaol, they calmedi down. and a sfired Government official iu«t reached the train with a load of diseased taters pr the Maoris were preparing to blow the "last post" over his grave. • * * Stated, without the blink of an eyelid, by a veracious chioniclei, that two small Northern boys caught twenty sharks in half-an-hour while out m a small boat last week. We know that it us true, because we have seen Sandow lift- half-a-ton. One of the boys was twelve years old, and his big brother was thirteen yeans and three months. Stevedloies requiring wharf lumpers should engage Willie and Bertie Newton, for it is apparent that these youngsters are coming strong men and if tihev could, unassisted, haul several tons of shark into a small boat that wouldn't contain them, Mr. Fuller is distinctly unbusinesslike to bother with a mere Abomah when marveils. like these a,re goins to waste. • • • Whenever we see ai man Write his name upon the glaiss. We know he owns a diamond, And his father owns am ass ! • • » 'Tis said that a, man often dlreams when under the influence of damtist'^ ga>%, and that the- dream happens at the moment when the stump-extractor is exeirtdmg his muscle. One gumrdkggeT the other day was surprised to see his patient, oni recovering, jump madly from tihe chair, and da.shi to the dentist's desk, where lie coreired a page of foolscap with wierd' designs. "There," he siaad, "those are worth £15,000 to me'" He reckons he is an inventor, who had seen the perfection of an idea that had been simmering for years. The demtist naturally expects to bemefit under his will. Up to now the invention is not on the market, and the den>tist tells us that the sketch as shown on the blottims: paper in hv> office appears to vepresent several thousand microbes chasing a crocodile.

Free, seoulai, and compulsory education, especially secular — out ot school. The headmaster oi a .suburban school was. questioning the class as to the meanang of a number of words, and amongst those asked about was tlhe word "limit." When the master asked if anyone knew the- meaning of the word, a small hand was quickly held up, and, being given a chance to answer, the youngster nearly paralysed his teacher by replying. "Well, sir, if you back 'em straight out you get a ten limit, and if you back 'em one two you get a seven ten limit and two ten limit), but if you bet on country events you only get a five limit." It took the teacher a couple of days to recover from the shock. • • • They have been discussing the origin, of bush fires at a great rate over in Australia. They are put down to swaggers, smokers, phosphorous-poason-ed rabbits, and a host of other things. No one has mentioned the nob-well-known fact that the ordinary, muchdespised dead-marine, the hollow mockery of a vacant bottle, is a prolific cause of giass fires. A bottle in such a position as to foouis the sun's rays on grass as dry as tinder, or the stall more inflammable fallen leaves or bark of the gum trees, will start a fire that may burn out to the edge of the sea, and supply kindling for eternity. • * • The hardest words For tongue or pen Are these . "I'm wrong ; Be friends again." * • • Silas P Watchett, of the Yewmted States Senate, hao brought a ball before that body m which he proposes to do away with the title of "Master," substituting the person's calling. Thus, Plumber Bmks, G-iocea: Chinks, Draper Dinks, and so on. There are plenty of people who are not addlressed as "Mr." who will, therefore, in fuituire— of the bill should pass — be designated as Scoundrel Jones, Drunkard Smith, Vagabond Robinson, and so on. It is suggested that a fifteen-dollar a week man should be called "captain," and a million aire "field marshal," for, after all, it is the well -cashed man who gets the love and admiration of the Yanks. * * « A propos of some of those .London clerks who came to New Zealand the other day, and who were "amazed" to find that quite a, number of persons in Wellington, could lead and wrate, amd do simple addition. One' of these clerks called on. a Jervois Quay merchant, and asked for a job. Merchant asked him how much he had beem getting in London, thinking, from the cut of hts clothes. , he must have been, at least a "fiver"-a-week man. The man told him 18s, and said he'd teachi the merchant's clerks "proper 5 for 25s a week. When the merchant disclosed the fact that he had two Bs.A., one young felilow who had passed his solicitors exam, at nineteen, and 1 another £2 10s a week chap who was swatting for his final section of the B.So. degree, the young gentleman from Home sadly said he really didn't think he could 'Heara" them much after all.

During the thick fog on the coast last week, quite a nunibei ot boats had to drop anchor, and wait until the mink cleaied. A Wellington man, who is chiefh remarkable foi the fact that he believes the traffic ot the colony > unjs *o suit his fancy good* emporium, st tolled up to the captain, watch lii hand, aJid said 'This won't do. Captain, you know I've got to get to mv destination bv to-morrow mornung. come what may Push on'" The captain looked at the fog, and then a.t the passenger, on whom he tht ew a three-volume measurement of scoi n ' The sky is clear enough'" pursued the pas«eiwer ''ThatV ri<rht " said the skipper, "but we ain't going that wviv There's nothing to stop you however. _ The chief engineer wl " sr ' ye "* an a s^ c^ °^ dvnnmite if you ask him 1 " • ♦ * Our chmate is all right. Grow anything in New Zealand fi ora. footballer^ to feniis. You know that country stores sell everything from candles to oart wheels, and 1 whipcord to waggons. Books, too. One of these country storekeepers has a notice up in Ins shop saying "Haipei's Annual sold here " Fn,rmei strolled in and saw it, and said "Hu,h' Harper's Annual Well I don't think much of it. anyway " ' Wliv it's all rieht isn't it. WhatV the matter with it?" asked the storekeeper. "Weill of aill the annuals I evei tHerl to ptow that's the woist le\ en- see 1 " he said m * * A Wellington oar driver ha» 1 eeeived a silveT-mounted pipe from a newly-mar-ried oouiple Two months ago, when he was a ne-w-chium at the game, and knew as much about biakes a.s a Red Indian, he applied the power-brake so suddenly going up Adelaide>-raad that he jerked' most of the passsengere. into a wriggling heap on the floor. The shook threw a fair-hai'ed uvto the arms of a middle-aged widower on the other side of the car To save her, he gripped hei band, and at the moment —twang l Cup/id's datt did its deadly woik. They return from Rotorua ne^t Friday, and will live at number — oih never mind ' * • • A fine-looking young fellow and a sweet^faced girl boarded the mail train the other morning, and sat down Everybody chuckled because they looked 1 so nice and new. It was apparent to the fat commercial travellei , who chuckled^ moie gaily than all combined, that here were a couple of hearts that beat as one, two twin souls that had been joined less than two hours ago. He whispered to his neighbaui something about the "bride and bridegroom " and 1 told' them to watch and listen, foi there would be fun. To the p-irl the young man- said "Huh' £850 for that bloomin' hovel six room and a wasJihou«e. I don't believe in you women goi'ncr in for land agency business at all. Anyhow you're only interfering wth ou'- iob " The car-lon rl of passengers looked disappointed. It was evident that the«se young; people were' mereilv rival land a^entis. And. as the a^owd turned awnv in di«erii«t he reached frvr Ita- Tnni-T and it "T>nsTi it nil mv brif)t« arp full of '-ice'"

Don't oriticuse \oui minister," said the Rev. Di . Eiwin at Christohuroh. Mare harm is done to the Chaich through cnticiism than thiotigh anything else. If you see faults, tell them to G-od , if you see wrtue-5, prod aim them m the market places." And a critic lemaiks "If the Opposition, would onily substitute the word Premier for 'minister,' and Go'vernmenit for 'Church,' and religiously folilow Dr. Erwin's advice, 'everything vi the garden would 1 be lovely ' "

Good Fndaj will fall on a Saturday this yeai . Vv^e hope it may. If it had been merely the ".Post" that said so we might have been disposed to doubt the accuracy of the information. But the publisher of a valuable local almanac aliso insists on Ist April — All Foods' Day — being Good Friday. Easter Monday falls om Tuesday m the almanac, the mail tram leaves Wellington at 7.30 a.m., and. the 'Frisco mail leaves Wellington, on a Wednesday. It is prosumed that, having no other method of finding out where Good Fnda*y couH be wedigedl in, that the looal almanac either found out from the "Post," or vice ve>rsa. Anyhow, we "dunno were we a,ie," and we'd like to. Some of the dates are distinctly quaint in, one almanac, a notable event being shown to have occurred on three distinct days during widely severed l years. • ♦ • Talks on trams are frequently Miterestaaig. Quite lately, just after Poit Arthur had fallen, one Newtownnte bubbled effusively that "Stoessel had played a hue game." The other fellow looked bewildered. He turned' up the English orioket items in the "Re-fei-ee" he was carrying, and! miutttered "Stoessel ? I don't believe he's in the team at all . What was he ; emergency ?" • * • Remarked 1 the trout — ' I never fall A prey to fell designs ; I don't get caught, for I was taught To lead between the lines." • * * He has letired from the bakery business now, and so he doesn't mand this little btory being printed. You may gather why he was enabled' to buy a ten-roomed house and a motor-oar wheni you 1 cad a copy of a letter he received two years ago, and which he shows to his professional friend® with pardonable pndie. Here is the letter. — "Sir, — Herewith I hasten to return a currant whaoh I found in a bun bought at your premises this morning. Trustinig you have not been inconvenienced! in any wav by its temporary loss, — I remain, A Bun-eater."

Miss Mabel Hardinge-Maltby the English elocutionist, has resumed practice at 107, Lambton Quay, and, having lecently received various new ofnieact plays from London, hopes to give some of her pupils the opportunity of a^^earmg: in same shortly.

There is a certain brand of past-caid in New Zealand which beais upon 'ts face an unintended untruth. You aie told that it will be carried for a haltpenny. It won't. It costs a penn> It you pofsit it with, a hnlf-peniiv stamp, your friends have to para penny You believe you aie cementing friendship b\ sendlmg those cards. Thoi-e of a contiaiT opinion <sn,j l A\e" — the "noes'" liave it.

This i>s how a brilliant barrister put the last nail m the coffin of the other fellow's case — "And! is this maw to come into thih Court with unblushing footsteps, with the cloak of hypocrisy 'n liin mouth, and to diaw fifteen bullocks out of my client's pocket with impunity 9" Confident of the justice of his cause, the advocate sat down, and mopped hv. biou with a sheet of foolscap.