Entre Nous

Free Lance, Volume V, Issue 233, 17 December 1904, Page 12

Entre Nous

AT the opening of the now Town Hall the M.iyoi began posLiig a.s tho pation saint of the photographers, and ended up by being a veritable destroyer. In the afternoon he spoke a piece in a Scottish humorous way about tho "photo-fiends" who seemed to be under his special protection. Everybody laughed., and 1 wore his Sunday expiession <i laxge policeman up 111 the gallery vigorously twisting his mo'Uktaohe into beaut\ for the ordleal. The "fiends" did then ghastly work, and even the Mayor w<ns pleased. At night, still appearing as the patron saint, Mi . Aitken announced tho same thing about the "fiendis," nlea.sa.ntly, assuring the audience that when thev were taken the police would know them wherever they were. The camera men prepared to burn firewoi ks, and someone advised the Mayor that the flashlight would sdoil the hall's decorations Mr Aitken, in the character of the destrover, then entered into a spirited conflict with Mr. Schaafe, who said the flaehliorht wouldn't hurt t^e hall. "Ah'vp onlv your word' for it '" the Mavor curtly renlied. "and ah've somebody else's word for it that it will damaofe the hall." It was certa.inlv the canme» part to take no flashlight nsks but why wats it left, to nn afterthought o * » • The funniest schoolmaster to clato has popped up. He alwavis. keeps soho'lars m who arrive late. But, last week tie was fifteen minutes late himself (mother and child both doing well) and the classes sniggered, for ut was tho first time in yea.rs that he had not been before them. He recognised that the youngster*; had a grievance "I'm late " he "and you sha.ll keep me in for half-an-houfr after school thus afternoon if you would like " But, thev didn't like. • * * Southern papers are full of dune; Ohang, Sow Lee, Kew Won and all sorts of Chinese things. All because of an allegation that Ah Lewis; a.nd others paid some of the funds- of tlhe "Ohung Chongr Tong" (the wety for difupterrime; deceased Chinamen, .in.d siend'ing them to China) to the wr_oi'iq branioh. Our onlv excru«e for menitiionine it is to tr^ our pencil on the names and to renran-k that tn<" rtrepndlenit of +ilio Cho^a Chine Tr^w us Cum P«- Se-n Kov i rla^We-barreilecT mandiadn of thr* second-el aiss order of p^reen penc^" fenthers now rpßidfino- aanonia; tho fo'-eign devils of Dunedin

Story ok a country hotel soniewhcio m Haw'ke's Bay. An arnval f rom the South Island \v<us loud ui his praise of lils native land, and everything m the Noith Island pafed into unbigiiificance as he compared it with the Beautiful South "Aie those youi largest apples?" "he asked the landlord, as he helped, hamself to the luscious fruit. "Yew " said 1 the landlord. "They a-i o not noar a-, big as we grow down there Tlioi-o po-tntoies am mot half a,s big a& they giow down, our way," and so on, was his continual babble. * * * But one night, as he letwed to iest, he 1 failed to notice a faun* smile go round the company. All was quiet for a while. Suddenly, a loud yell rent the air, and a ■commotion was heard in. the direction of the vife.it 01 's 100m. The landlord on hunying up, found the young man in night attire, trying to "make his exit by the door. "What is the matter?" asked, mine host. In answer, the affrighted one took the landlord to his bed, and showed him a full-giown crayfish. "Oh, that's only a flea'" said' the landlord'. "A flea'" gasped the victim , "why, they don't grow one ouaiter thai si«e> down South '" * * • The newspapers have been so full of Supreme ourt proceediings during the pa.st few weeks that it seems hard for them to avoid the terminology of bench and bar. even when dealing witb the. ordnnary affairs of life. One iournal the. other day referred to a bi&ho^ a% 'His Honor," but another went further in describing a drowninc accident Aftei euvino- narticUilams as to locality and names, the pai aerraph wound ud a.^ fo'llows — "Decensed' is to have oee" a food "wimTner Two voaithi sww t io^n fvrT c,Tnl- hni not benm** ibfe to =w im thev ornve lrm no a^'^tnnce " * * * Oln list church, the city of broad streets, is oomiplaniiinig that the liev, ale-ctric tramllnos wont allow tradeßmcin to back their carts up aganiis-t the pavements as of yore. In fact, tired Christ church oairters will have to load them vehicles over the sid^ just as if they lived m Cuba-street, WeilHmgtoai. In that street, Chnstdhmoh people will be Had to hear, there is exactly six inches between i\n mdinnrv cart drawn up in the water cshann/el and 1 the side of r, passing oar. In Oinstdhiiroh fheie is five feet between, car and) veihicle in similar circumstances, and m tihe narrowest sti eet*! * * • "Newsletter," in commenting on, Lord Charles Beresford's assertion, that the "scallywags" were the moist dependable mates in tough, times, mentions that the Boer d'oppers were the worst circumstance the British bumped up against in the Africain war. Which is a fact. Within easy memory that one of these simplv-pious old chaps was shot through the head as he lav behind "hit=- outspread "Bible which he used a® a rest for his rifle It wais their invariable custom to speak of "Grodl aind the Manser."

THE TEBBOB OF THE SEASON. Alec: Great Scot, Mac, you aie crathiny on the pace ' What on earth's the matter ? Mac ■ Man alive, don't stop me ' Look behind .' It's the sixteenth schoolprize collector I've struck to-day.

JUST HIS LUCK. Smithhins (of the Take-it-Easy Department) • Hello, Towpkim, what's the matter ? Not (joxnq to pop it, surely Tompkws (of the Gum and Sealing IJ'cr.j; Department) . I'm just chewing it over, old man. Doosid hard luck this week. Snnthkins • How's that 2 Tompkms . Well, I was going to capture Ellis and foliar that four hundred quid when this blooming Detective- Brobenj ski])s in ahead of me. Then I got the fellows in the oftce worked up to the point of staiting a little testimonial fot me when the " Post " comes down like a ton of coah on that Ward Testimonial Fund, and they drop mine like a hot potato. It's perfectly sichenintj.

Somebody in the Wairarapa has beeai reading Lear's nonsense verse, in which "a lark and a wren, two crows a.nd a hen" nested in the whiskers of a nonsense p^irsoii. The Wairarapiain asseveiates solemnly that a bee farmer chased an absconding swarm of bees the other day. The apiarist's whiskers were flying in the breeze, and the queen bee settled on them, and was followed by ha -a-hundrdweights of common honeygatherens. He regarded this as a "dead simp," for he merely had to leturn to the hive, and! brush the swarm out of his beard into thenr old home. The story may have been suggested by the "Pied Piper of Hamelm," or the bugs in the Wairau Hospital (which follow anyone). Anyhow, it's a good iobust taradiddle, and wortih preserving. * • • It isn't often that a kangaroo hunt happens m, New Zealand. Still a big "old man" got away from Hyland's Circus into scrubby country at Manakau the other day, and' the chaise was middling waim The proprietor 5*5 * dianehter mounted her gallant steed (which hadn't been out of a circus canter for years), and several boyn. a,«isa®t&d by dogs, at last bailed the 'roo up after' much trouble Curious thing about it is that the dogs dlidm't "take to" the maistipin! Just barked, amid kept out of reach of the ainima.l'is powerful kicks In Australia that 'mo wouldn't have been taken a.We Anv kind of dog in Australia reckons be _v> good enough to freeze on to a 'roo's taiill but they frequently get to-'i from brisket to tail in then efforts. The marsupials w ill fierht only when "stuck tip," and when thov fight they fight all over from ears to tnril. ♦ * • The commercial instinct of a Southeirn farmer sei-ved him lately. Ho had a small flock to she.ir and oidrnarilv they would cast him £1 a hundlred. But he advertised a pnw fw the ten sheep which were shorni tJip best, and charged an emtranioe fee. About twelve shearers entered' and the farmer got all his flock .shorn in a f?oodi dlreil less time, and for a good deal le=si momev than ever before. And the shearers are thinking it out. A prooos of farmer* and their instincts, there was a bnehelor "cookey" in the same d'istr'ft whose hou^e was kept and 1 w'hnpe cows were millcpd by ln'« si,<=*er. _ His snfuter threatened to reßiP^ if he didn't eet a p-emeral He adveir+ioed bnt rT'd^'t wet anv servants for Tw 15s_ a week ofFei* He adYPTti^^d for n y\if(* and. he «K nncwei'is and nmiot wiife As he savs "It's ch-oi.^er Tf T had """+ a servant . I'd lo^e l.^ a wee^._ Now I've p-ot a, wvrmn for life williti.t to ivnr'- fo' ti Ir> kr>r and indlonTTO'.s." Tins is "how to he happv though mm.rripd

They have a messenger btn eau in a big Southern town, and a man called in a we-ek or two ago, and a&ked the olerk to hand £1 to one of the boys. The oleink in some lemarks about the smairtneiss of the boys asiked what paiticular seivioe the boy had done. "Well, it's like this," said the man," I seat that boy to the brokers with a note telling him t-o buy up five hundred shades in tihe 'Great Gold Bug Reefs.' To-day the bottom has fallen, clean out of them. I went round to the broker's office, and found that the bov hadn't got there with the note. He's a saviou.i , that's what he is'" W. McKenzie, Carterton, wntes> — Dear Lance, in your ls&ue of December 10th you ascribe to the "Carterton Observer' a. paiagiaph which, reflects upon young New Zealand's ignorance respecting 'Tom' Bracken's 'Not Underbfcood.' As a motter of fact, the paragraph in question fir&t saw the ligiht in the 'Wanaii-apa Leader.' You state that tlhe charge of ignorance of Bracken's poem by New Zealaxwlers is not substantiated beoau&e recently, on desiring to obtain a copy of 'Not Understood,' you were deluged with copies. Quite so, but the oooabaon to which you refer was, mo doubt, after the visat to thus State of the late Mel. B. Spuir, who advertised 'Not Understood!' as it was never advertised befoi e. If you had, when apolyine for oopies of 'Not Understood 13 also enquued for full information respecting Jockey Hewitt's wins, or about Carbine's Melbourne Oup victory, or how it is that G. G. Stead! has obtained a monopoly of the best racehoises ui New Zealand, the answers would probably have kept vour sporting editor reading for twelve months. * * * Ono day last week it w a& decentlywarm Girls wei e wean ma transparent sleeves, and that sort of thine:. A Maon lady wasn't wearing transparent sleeves, nor was her daughter. The lady wore a heavy brown plush dress, and a fur oupe that made one perspire to look at. The ticket sticking out of the back of the cape said it cost £25 — soft «nap for the draper! Her delightful daughter, who was apparently about sixteen, was gorgeous in violet plush, i.nd woie a long winter jacket of very heavv material, and her dainty brown hai'ids were thrust deep into a lovely muff. Her hat was of the) airieisit chiffon type, while her mother wore a breezy panama. If von followed the two ladies home, amid) waited! until winter, you mriglit find them watlh nothing: between, them and heaven but a tattered blanket or a light print gown. The Maoris' march to the cemetery ia bh rough t»he portals of their clothes.

The niagnet that drew ail the shining Bilk hats trom their sarcophagi, the frock-coat.,, ott their pegs, the cluftan from the bottom drawer, and tihe weareis ot it all from their homes in car, cab carriage patent-leather, kid, and, 1 blucher, wao tlie Town Hall on. Wednesday December 7th— a red-lcttei day m the annals of tihe oity, a goldem-mount-ed milestone on the high road to munacipal perfection. Crowds craned to oatoh a glimpse of Gounoillo'i Johai Smith, hlliputian but dignified, hand to Hin Worship, ponderous, m hm gorgeous robes, the golden key of a mawsivp. hall. ♦ * * Inside, the scone was lnspii'iuig. Against the flat white of the wall in the splendid gallery flamed summer colours. High up a splotch of amber looked ike a huge, butterfly, backed by a cloudless bky— but it wat» only a dark gml m a brilliant blouse. Every* hen e on the faces of the people shone the pride of possession. Distinguished Minneteis, of the Crown and dignified officials Wellington's i epresentative men and women, en mac*>e and then Mr. Robert Parker, descending from hus little conductor's box, goes away in search. He returns with Mrs. W. F. Parsons., and the first cheer ascending to the panelled ceilings is for her a* she, whose voice is as clear and iuvenile a^ a girl ®, "God Save the King." * * * •U three o'clock precasely, the only covered male head in the building— that of the Rev. Reed Glasson, who weais a new silk hat— is bared at last, and the people cheer for the Mayor, who tells everybody all about Wellington since the thn ties or thereabouts But, before His Worship, who has been leaning up acsunst a white-washed wall, and whose right wing has consequent y suffered, had quite finished, the people sing with one voice, "Praise God trom whom all blessings flow," and some ot them save a word m their thoughts to John Bull, who lent the cash, and Mi Cha-ilesworth, who told us how to spend it Up in the gallery, the eyes of five cameras work menacingly, and latei they carry out their threats from the front and l rear. • * * One's eyets roveiound the great circle until it rest* on the Native Mimstei, who is tast asleep, aud on Mr. Seddon who «> wide awake, and on bar Joseph Waid who is cheei fully smiling a benign appreciation of it all. And when the orchestra plays, one notices Conductor Paiker's wondious facial conges —his plainly expressed "Sh—ih-n ' in the pianwsano passages, lus lull-steam expression in the tortosimo, and tlie sudden light m the eyes when the dories ot Mendelsohns "Hymn ot Praise" burst forth, and the orchestral drummer, who perceptibly counted onetwo, one-two, and the grey-haired ba» who conducted from the back, and the flushed choius who separately and collectively put all them vigour into their work , * The w orld reeks with beauty spocia.lists. Did vou ever oast your eye ovci one and find hei or him (esDoeiadh him) a beauty? We trow not A man with cheek enough to make a lor1 tune out of beauty specialising usually has nothing striking about him but Ins mass of hair. One "beauty doctoi who has been advertising that he could "transform a woman of seventy into one of thirtv " took £30 from a mIIv female who had a skin eiuption, and emtirelv destroyed her natural skin This happened in London. The magistrate told her she couldn't recover hoi money. But, couldn't thev hang a . specialist, or something 9 » * w Arbitration and conciliation (especially conciliation). Recently at JNapiar two men, both of whom had sick wives and lar<*e families, were haled belore. tlie court, and fined for working on a holiday. Both explained that the^ were in such pool circumstance's that * tire lost, of a day's work 'put them back" badly. Still, they weie fined, and they were fuither piomiised "exemplary pumshmemt if they offended again." Anyone who desires a more extended freedom than ls obtainable heie is recommended to proceed to Russia We become more absurd in the haiarasing natuie of our laws every dav. It should be added that the employer m the above case was fined for giving the men work. Journalistic amenities m tlie Wanarapa. Herein us recognised tlie Roman hand of a large ex-footballer — "In answer to a weary query by a contributor as to when oui contemporary will get sense, that journal says it is looking out for it m this papei , but, alas, m vain. Naturally. Our con- • temporary would not recognise sense even if the wisdom of sages were to come within its view. Sense is a pearl whach it is vain to cast before onr contemporary. But there is hope for the 'Daily ' which realises in. a diim way that the right locality to look for sense ii. the columns of this paper By perseverance, our contemporary may acquire the perceptiveness to recognise the quality."

An Invercaigill ideaitity, speaking on l the Shops and Ofhcos Bill, vigonou&ly voiced his own opinion whan ho said — "We want no moie legislation. We have had enough to last tor twenty years — (loud 1 applause). If I had m> way I would shut Paliament up foi seven years." And 1 thaie are few Ms.H.R. who wouldn't gladly say "Hear*, heai !" provided always the honorarium kept tinkling m. What an entirely delightful trme fotr the at present over-worked and undieir-paad ParKamenifc! * * * A lady in a chip hat, wuth flannelflower decorations, got into a can at the Newtown end yesterday morainig, and rode as far as the Royal Oak corner . The oar stopped, and' she rose, but mierely wandered about the oar, a picture of despair. "Hurry off, please, lady!" said the guard. Sti.ll she wandered round, searchingly despan marly. "I've lost my purse," she sand, looking

very hard at a silvery-haired old man who had been sittuxg next to her. All the passengers began to look for the purse. The guard took in. the situation! iai a glance. "How many purses dad you have, lady?" ''Only one, of course!" she snapped,. "Well, I thought the one you had in your hand might be the one!" "Oh, how feally, so it is!" and she was gone. Last year the farming population round' Hastings consideied the advisability of fitting the flocks with spectacles, in order to assist the sheep m securing necessary nourishment. This year the grass is seven 01 eight feet hi2,'h anid the local carpenters are working two shifts,, night and d'ay, making wooden legs, eo that the sheep may he reused high enough to get a feed. So a man from Hawke's Bay tells us, anyhow, and as he's an auctioneer, we believe him.

NOT BUILT THAT WAY. William I iee by the paper they've been walking into one of the members doun South for eutthvj up his honoi ai mm amrmq his constituents. John ■ No muchfeai of oin member (jettintf into tiouble on that score, eh