It Is Town Talk

Free Lance, Volume V, Issue 232, 10 December 1904, Page 22

It Is Town Talk

— That Queen Alexandra was sixty years of age on December Ist. Her Gracious Majesty seems to have the seciet of perpetual youth. — That a newspaper man, who wanted to commit suicide recently, swallowed two quarts of ink. They fed him on blotting paper, and he's alive to-day. — That a great daily asserts that Charles Mattsou, of Kinkinroa, was kicked in the "fact" by a stallion, but is recoveung. Oui anatomical editor is at a loss. — That we are anxiously waiting to see if the cars to be built in Wellington will fall to pieces as easily as the imported vehicles. If not, no cars should ever again be imported. —That Chnstdmrch Justice Denniston, on examining a deserting wife'fe letter, in a divorce suit, remaiked it was "a mixture of the 'Family Herald' and attention, to her luggage." That it is not true that New Zealand was the fust to institute the fingerprint criminal identification system. The stupid Koaeans forestalled Mr. Dinnie by twelve hundred years. — That a Wellingtoman, recently returned from the grand toui, tells. ut> the French are the best educated people in the world. "Even the labourers speak French," he says. — That Auckland's, company-owned tramways aie paving handsomely, and the company intends extending in eight new dnections But Auckland cars cany more passengers than officials. — That the sight of the roof of a combination car going to the hospital m one car, and various n,iec<?is of the same combination car in another, reminds people that it takes a heap of penny f ai cis to pay for repairs. — That a houseful of young men boairdetrs up Thomdon way were simply enthusiastic one day last week to hear the next-door piano going. The instalment man took it away when the arrears were not forthcoming — That' a provincial J.P., disgusted with the insanitary condition of a man who appeared on a charge of theft, asked him if he had evei taken a bath. "No, my lord , it was a silver tea-pot I took," was his answer. — That Sir Walter Lawrence, secretary to Loid Gurzon, gives a "tap." It is that the Anglo-Russian war will happen in the spring. India will, of course, be the field. We are anxiously awaiting Mr. Seddon's opinion. — That four post-mistresses in the. colony have recently been empowered to take statutory declarations under the Justices of the Peace Act. Possibly, some rural wights want to swear that somebody's patent medicine has done them good. — That a country paper wails bitteily that the country is. going to the dogs. "Last year, by this time, we had received fifty-two samples of various vegetables. Tins year we have, up to now, only received one lot of potatoes, and half of those were 'specked.' " — That, for the information of the ' New Zealand Times," it is only kind to say the Postmaster-General has been knighted. In le-pimting the remarks of Mr. H F.— aw— Wyatt, the "Times" speaks of "Lord Milner, Mr. Seddon, Mr. Ward, and Sir E. Barton." — 'That extremes meet. One unobtrusive penson hied past the nurses' banneu 1 , at the Basin on Sunday, and dropped in a- sovereign. Then followed a highly-upholstered citizen, who, profiting by the good example, outshone him by donating a humble "brown." — That the Premier will embody in the standing orderb if possible a new one to the effect that members of the House shaill only "hold the floor" as long as they can stand on one leg. Mr. Seddon's speeches will be shorter than anyone else's. Dick's facetiousness, of course. — That some New South Wales people* propose a scheme of young age pensions. Kiddaes who axe successful in living between the age of birth and seven years are to get fiom 3s to 5s a week under the scheme. The idea is to make parents regard children as valuable animals. — That Melbourne has a men's "Dress Reform Association " Its members appeal ed at a theatre with waistcoats specially cut to give the decolete effect so adtnn ed by ladies, and the police emptied them out, considering it indecent. Men J6J 6 bare chests aie barred, but women's — never!

—That money is just as "tight" m prohibition districts as undei license, yet no one thinks it a scandal. — That theue are thirty-eight letteis in the Russian alphabet, and they u,«e them all eveiy time they wiite a Russian general's name. — That, in a valuation case lecently held, a man swore he could easily get £3000 for a propeity m dispute Latei, he accepted a cheque for £750. — That even tihe mimic field of battle has its daingeirs. A volunteer down South was recently mcapacatated foi duty beang stiuck in the leg by a cricket ball. — That Trainer Butler was killed on an Auckland racecourse the other day. Hi-, death didn't delay the races for five minutes. He was almost forgotten before the last race. — That, at a large religious conference lately, an advertisement said — "Although cloak-roomis are provided, brethren are advised to keep their hats and coats under their chairs." —That the assertion is gaining ground in Auckland that the "Am iuined—wife and family" shopkeeper who wnetT that Dick's life was not worth a moment's purchase, is an M H R. — That alcohol has often bioken up happy families, but it remained for the teetotal Kola Nip to effect a dieadful rupture m the "Times/ They are sweeter than evei on patent medicine^ now. — That ladies are evidently ousting the men in various skilled ttades At least, electric cars with "for aitisans and labourers only" aie usually seen to contain more ohiffon and feathers than anything else. — That the local fuel merchant ay ho informs the nobility of Wellington "Koal and Koke sold here!" evidently rushed through the first standard course before the teacher tried him on "c — a — t, cat." — That a warrant, like a judgment never dies. A man has just been mrested on a six-year-old warrant for deserting his wife and three children at Timaru. The kiddies will hardly know their daddy now. — That a local employment agent advertised for a "feedei " The man who won a fire-eating contest m Melbourne rolled up for the 1 ]ob but it wais found he had never even seen a flaxmill, for which a "feeder" was requited. — That a man's life has been saved bv a snore. He drank deeply, and went to camp on the edge of a steep Marlborough precipice, and was slipping to his doom when an intelligent policeman heard 1 him snoring, and yanked him out of the abyss