It Is Town Talk

Free Lance, Volume V, Issue 231, 3 December 1904, Page 22

It Is Town Talk

—That a man has been a nested and detained as a lunatic because he gave £5 notes away, but Carnegie is still at large! That British conimeice is still going to the dbgs. The trade between India and Britain increased by a mere twenty millions during last year. —That H. Fielder has been putting on the screw at a terrific rate He has iust finished screwing 35,000 bolts m fixing up the chairs for the Town Hail. —That King Dick has become patron of the Auckland Homing Society. Is this preliminary to flight. Perhaps he is too old a bird to leave so good a nest. —That Captain Post, who chased and smote with a stick the alleged attacker of a nurse, is the heio of the houi . It is a pity there are so few Caotam Posts. That a stout catozen, who has been medically advised to take "short, fast runs " to decrease his girth, has bought a stiaw hat. Wellington wind does the rest. A man at Napier, who failed to pay an, employe© twopence he owed him tot overtime, was hauled befoie the Arbitration Court, and fined £17 10s. Gimme back me tuppence 1 That a naive Christchui eh shopkeeper has a notice in has fiont window aftei six o'clock. "A* it is illegal to serve customers after six, kindly sup round to the back dooi ." —That a Maori boy at Whamgaiei has been anested and convicted on a charge ot imitating the cry of a moiepork, to the juuuoyance of citizens. He distuibed theur noontide siesta. That Miles and Curnow, the lucky diggers of Collingwood, have struck gold heavily. Not at Colkngwood, however but at TattetrsalFs sweep on the Sandhurst Cup. Divvy: £4000. —That Mr. Balfoui is suffering from phlebitis,, which is stated to be a ooiruption of the ancient form ' flea-bite-us, " He had been "gowfing" in. Scotland, and had slept in a Scotch bed. That Tourist Manager Donne is m luck's way still. Aftea- closing up at the World's Exposition, in St. Louis, he is to go on to JLondon to interest John Bull in, Ghnstohurch's Exhibition for 1906. That the Wauarapa farmers aie complaining of the alarming increase ot deer up that way. Isn't it about time that \V alter Woods, of Manneis^stieet, started out on another deerstalking expedition ? That the cleigyman who, on Sunday, remaiked thankfully that L.od had given to the British flag five hundred million, square miles ot habitable land, didn't sufficiently praise the help of the Maxim. — That people often murder music, but music nearly killed a man the other day. A Permanent Artilleryman, at Nelson, was moving a piano in a slippery tent. It fell on him, and huit him very severely. —That ex-Captams Eldei and Saxby, late ot contingents, are said to be on their way from Johannesburg to New Zealand, to give evidence m the SeddonTaylor alleged libel case. Pretty expensne witnesses — That the latest from Afnca i» that a secret syndicate is supplying huge quantities of skeletons: to Europe foi anatomical purposes, and that the price has suddenly dropped from £6 to 35b. The supply is so large. — That a school-teacher, with six children, has asked that his tw o-i oomed house shall be enlarged. He has been informed that the Department has no money for such "trivial needs." Teachers should be prohibited fiom marrying. — That the absent-mindied newspapen man, who got married last week, tui ned up without the license. Asked by the parson for it, he exclaimed! wearily "Press!" but he found that he couldn't go to the matrimonial sihow without a pass. That the latest practical joker put several pounds 1 of cayenne pepper into the pipes of a big church oigan upoountry. When the blower began to blow the congregation blew its nose, and sneezang was so general that the seivice broke up. That there are a round dozen of disenchanted wives' and four lueful Benedicts hopefully waitme; m Wellington just row for the Suoreme Court to set them frcr? from their other partners in life. Looks as if it were harder to pick a good husband than a good wife.

—That Mr Knapp was caught napping recently. Fined 5s for not stamping a receipt. The State must have its pound of flesh. — That ticket-mspectoi-'s oiu the tiara travel free when off duty, guards don't Guai ds don't get as much wages as inspectors, which is sufficient reason. That the cable which tells us that ex-P resident Kiuger left a foitune ot £750,000, doesn't mention whethei he remembeied the unfortunate Boeis m his will. That a man named Hopeful Gibbons sued another named; Bleasel in a debt case at Wanganm recently. The magistrate reserved judgment, so Gibbons is still Hopeful. — That a Masterton, doctor advertises that in future he must have his fees paid in advance. Patients will have to presume they have so much value in ailments 1 ahead of them. — That the enormous lists of unredeemed pledges to pawnbrokers .just published prove conclusively the Premier's contention that "there is no poverty in New Zealand." — That a movement is on foot to piomote a petition appealing to the Piemier to close the hotels and churohes, and call the policemen off the beat, at six o'clock m the evening. — That the chairman of the banquet bo Mi. Seddon, at Taihape, said "It was a veritable truth that the Premiei was the largest- hearted man m the woild, and he was loved for it." — That W. H. Atack's latest reply to Arthur I. Grabham, on the subiect of that Town Hall organ, and a propos of "puie rubbish," hasa't been communicated to the public organs. Why p — That an Auckland M.H.R., who voted for the Shops and' Offices Bill, was lgniomimously expelled by a hairdi efiser when the member tried hard to get his han cut after six m the evening. — That, during Paderewski's blight indisposition at Auckland, he received twenty-five varieties of patent medicine, the senders of which desired a testimonial should they pj ove efficacious. — That thai c are two oi three candidates who will seek the suffrages of the West Coast electors, seeing that the Piemier is billed to leave New Zealand in Februaiy next — so the know-alls affiim. — That nineteen countiy papeis lepruxt the "Times" assertion that an Austrian has made £1000 for seven years' work on the Dargaville "goldfields." The "Times" should leally be careful . — That an object lesson on the subiect of cork was given w> a State school recently On being questioned as to its use, a bright boy replied "that it was used to keep gin. in the bottle." Home training. — That an ingenious fraud is filing the reverse of sixpences smooth, and gilding them. They look like muchworn half-sovereigns. One passed an expert Wellington bank-teller the other day. Beware! — That one effect of the patent medioines enactment will be that prohibitionists will find' that many of then favourite panaceas contain a laiger proportion of alcohol than many of the cursed drmks sold over the bar. — That a prominent business man in Wellington deliberately knocked a horse down last week, using a hammer m the process. He has not yet been arrested. He is a stock auctioneer. S.P.C.A. ple*a»e note. — That a staff officer at a recent mounted rifle field day noticing that a troop was violently galloping over the skyline, asked a "standing patrol" if the enemy had been found. 'No, siiir; they've found a pub'" was the answer — That no scheme of labour reform and lessening of hours has 1 ever included the milkman. Some member of the House may yet achieve glowing fame by suggesting legislation compellms; milkmen to get at least four hours' sleen nei" diem