It Is Town Talk

Free Lance, Volume V, Issue 230, 26 November 1904, Page 22

It Is Town Talk

—That a Zoo elephant died in Austiaha. A local butcher bought him. Next day sausages were "down. —That a Foxton man of eighty has iust married a Foxton girl of twentytwo. Wonder if he's got any money? —That the latest cure for insomnia is "Hansard' of last session. The editor of the "Bruce Herald-" vouches toi its potency. —That a buck-jump riding exhibition is a featuie of the Dunedin show. Mr. Seddon has been asked to enter, but up to now he hasn't replied. —That Clement Wragge made a dead hit when he prophesied plenty of bad weather for New Zealand, tte year. Spotted the sum spots all right. —That DArcy Hyland, circus proprietor, is leaving the business to settl e down" in Taihape. "Settle down is good, if all that is said of Taihape mud is true. —That Schilling, the one-armed Ger-man-American, round here three years ago wore out 156 pairs of boots on his wa.y home, so he says. But, he is an American . That a Wairarapa paper has the temerity to assert "the new Licensing Bill is meiely a signed blank cheque, made out in favour of the lawyers of New Zealand." That the manager of a certain retail drapery establishment in Wellington is anxiously enquiring from the Labour Department what time we are to eat, drink, and sleep. Tli at an Austrian has left for his native country with a fortune of £1000, the result of seven years' 7 gum-digging. Most New Zealanders look upon gumdigging as the very last resort. That Rev. Booth, commander-in-chief of the Salvation Army, will be around here next March. Horseowners with fractious animals, scared of bands, will start training them at once. .That for three successive mornings during the Piesbyterian Assembly at the foot of the gates of St. John's Church there were lying several "dead marines." Some humourist, we presume. —That the tobacconists of Wellington would dearly like to pay a £40 yearly license- It wouldn't pay the grocer, who, on an average, sells as much "weed" as the tobacconist, to take out a license. — That a Southern Domain Boaid has decided that no cricket is to take place on Sunday. A deputation, headed by four clergymen, has waited on that Board asking it to withdraw this "unkind restriction." — That Mr. McCarthy's cabled fireworks from Sydney about our "cursed laws," won't mend any old feuds, or do anybody any good. In fact, Mr. McCarthy will be lucky if his cake is not dough when he returns. — That Clement Wragge forecasts for New Zealand "fewer earthquakes, more sontherlies, colder weather, deeper snow." There will be less Wiagge, anyhow, for he has finally disappeared out of this hemisphere. — That if anybody is looking foi gore, the three shookeepers who, as "we, the people of New Zealand," were given away by Kennedy Mao, at the shops lndignataon meeting, are looking for the gore of a Legislative Councillor. — That Mr. Barber was the hero of the hour at the shopkeepers' indignation meeting the other day. He was the only man' who had been able to see the affair through the eyes of the small shopkeeper. His medal has been ordered. — That Auckland safe burglars recently put in a strenuous couple of hours dynamiting a safe. There was nothing in it, bint, m struggling with the safe, a burglar dropped' a fivepound not© out of his own pocket. It will repair the safe. — That an excited' man hailed a quickly-travelling car in Adelaide-road. It pulled up at on© of the "Stop by request" posts. The man calmly stepped up to the rear of the car, struck a match on it, lit his pipe, said' "Thanks." and faded away up the street on foot. — That since they have quite pulverised 1 the Rev. W. Gray Dixon, of Auckland, for calling Bobbie Burns a drunkard, it is up to Peter Georgeson, James Braokenridge. and James Freyberg to form a Burns Club. If an. opening lecture is wanted, what about Mr. Freyberg's "Reminiscences of Windsor Castle?"

—That the latest man to see. the seaserpent is an Oamaru fisherman. He should join the 1.0. G.T. —That Cambridge, the "sanatorium of the North," was a veiy restful place until recently. Now, Mr. Piiani has given it the "Waikato Independent. That the Czar said he was "with Admiral Rushing-on-the-whisky and his dear squadron," but he might have used the word "expensive." That in some of the clubs they have started to nickname the Piemier King of Clubs, a propos of his recent licensing legislation. Where is the knave? That a country paper complains that owing to the heavy rain, the milk test^ "have been very unsatisfactory. They ought to put the cans under sheltei. That the dread potato disease which formerly devastated ould Ii eland is at the same game in New Zealand. Happily, it cannot have such disastrous results here. — That, according to a Chamber of Commerce orator "When you want the Government to do anything, the most advisable plan is to write to them two or thiiee years before you want it." That Charles Sarjent, who invented the ohain principle for bikes, died in dire poverty in Paris recently. Others, as usual, bought the idea cheaply, and the inventor went under. 'Twas ever thus. —That fifty-shilhng clerks are not "artisans" or "labourers," and so they cannot travel on the three half-penny cars. Artisans and labourers are better able to pay full fare than the said clerks. That Bushop Stone- Wigg has been seriously advised to "seek a wanner climate." As a matter of fact, the Bishop has cancelled all his New Zealand engagements, and letumed to Australia. That one of the British "made-in-Germany" Corporation tram-cars broke an axle, and blocked traffic for quite a while in Adelaidenroad on Sunday afternoon. It was an objecWesson for the Sunday-schools. —That it has not been finally determined up North whether Fred Baume or George Fowlds will be the next Auckland Cabinet Minister. Wellington has also a few anxious politicians waiting for the first opening. —That, in the future, when you invite a temperate friend to visit a hotel, and he says "Mine's a cigar," he will be forced to drink not-needed whisky. "The publican is interfei ing with ,the tobacconist's; trade." Rubbish' — That, since it has been demonstrated that every stick of timber in Wellington is sold at cost price, it is evident that the several new timberyards that have lately sprung up aie run by millionaire philanithropists. — That "it is customary to call the Legislative Council effete," said Mr. Rigg recently. But John must remember that the public include the other members as well as himself and Kennedy Mac when they speak of "the Council." That Asihburton'b reooid has been broken. For the fiist time in fortyfive years the lock-up in a Taranaki town was untenanted. It was burnt to the ground. The sight of two sobered^up "drunks" valiantly fighting the flames will be remembered. — That a parson has written to the Council m a rat-infested town saying that the best way to get rid of the rodents is to lay caustic soda in the drains. They lick their feet, let out a squeak, and clear out for ever. They go and live somewhere else, preferably at the parson's. — That, as Press Association W. H. Ataok hasn't come to life since Arthur J. Grabham described' his manifesto on organ-building in the Town Hall as "pure rubbish," it is open to conjecture that that mystenoius member of "the Council of Experts" pulled 1 William Henry's leg rather badly. — That a Wellington lady received a severe shock a day or two ago, when she discovered that her eeventeen-yeaa--old daughter (who was understood to have won the affections of a young gentlemam of twenty-six) was engaged to that young man's father, who is a widower of forty-five summers. — That an aged lady was saved from a car accident by a motor-inspector the other dlay. The guard moved the car on as the agedi lady was with difficulty sterming off. If guards want to fly they should l be supplied with air ships. There is too muohi of the "hurry on," and "hurry off" about them just at present.