Afternoon Tea Gossip

Free Lance, Volume V, Issue 230, 26 November 1904, Page 10

Afternoon Tea Gossip

By Little Miss Muffltt.

MIXED metaphor by a Christchuich shopkeeper — "The Prenuei is as plausible as a piece of soap." • • • Since two Sydney burglars were identified by finger-prints one had left on wet paint, and the other in thick dust, gloves have become fashionable among cracksmen. • • • Paris has a Jap-It uss drama in full swing. Full of wails and woes, blood, smoke, hatred, mahoe, and all unohantableness. Paras calls the ghastly horror "Love-Hatred." • • • The inmates of a certain mental diseases asylum now publish a paper. It is as well-written as many of the papers which do not acknowledge a similar source of inspiration. • • • Mr. J. McGilhvary, the member in the State Parliament for Port Adelaide, is famous. He had the honour in, his young days of working at the bench at which also worked "the greatest statesman that ever lived," our own revered Premier. » • * Taihape trots where other villages orawl. I notice that at a masquerade ball in that budding metropolis two of the people appeared as Thibetan Llamas. I presume the desired effect was gained by the aid of judiciously-cured eheepskins. • • • Maoris are fond' of millinery, but it isn't always Parisian in design. One lady, on the East Coast, recently went into a post-office to do some business. The remarkable feature about the chic hat she wore was that it was trimmed with coffin furniture ! Australian millionaires have fads, like their American brethren. One Toorakian had a miniature electric train to take the cigars and whisky round the table. Tram ran off the line, knocked over a spirit lamp, set fire to the whisky and the house, and burnt £100,000 worth of goods. The curse of drink ! • • • A life insurance agent called on a Quay man the other day, ajad tried to do business. Business man told the fiend he had received a note from a friend in Willis-street warning him not to have anything to dot with the insurance man. The insurance man was furious. "I'll thrash him within an inch of his life," he saad. "Where's your telephone?" • • • A person named Reid, who lived in New Zealand for four weeks, has gone Home again, and has written things about us, notably that Auckland is built on the top of a volcano, and will blow up directly. He finds fault with everything except Reid, and his chief disgust is shown because everything is so "colonial," don'tcherknow. As soon as these casual tourists get back to the murk of London their livers go on strike, and the world suffers. • • • "There once was a poet named Binyon, Whose verses were printed in minion , In a state of collapse He demanded small cape, But the comps. had another opinion." • • • A Wellington schoolmaster was talking elementary anatomy to his class the other day. Told them how many skins covered the grubby hands of every pupil. Talked' about cuticle, and epidermis, and all sorts of coverings. Asked 1 one boy how many skins he had. "One, sari" promptly said the boy. "Nonsense, Charlie," said the anatomist. If you only had one skin, every time you cut yourself you'd bleed to death!" • • ■* A local carpenter got back on a suspicious lady last week. He was effecting some repairs in the lady's diningroom, and the said lady, eyeing the man of wood with distrust, ordered the servant to remove the silver on the sideboard into safety. The free and independent "chips" removed his watch and chain, two one-pound note®, and some silver from his pocket, and, handing them to his apprentice, told him to run off as hard as ever he could, and give them to his wife.

Evidently the British War Office has forgotten that New Zealand is not a suburb of Australia. Although tin Imperial standards have been pieseinted to Australian corps that took part m the last African, war, New Zealand hasn't bobbed up in the distribution scheme yet. # • • They find wheat in Egyptian; graves. It hasn't changed since Pharoah was a boy, or words to that effect. So satisfied' were some scientists that the wheat hadn't changed m a couple of thousand years that they sent it to England s most eminent analyst. He found that the two thousand-year-old real sample was made of French chocolate ' ♦ * • "Leviticus," who is much exercised at the allegation made by the Bible-m-schools Party that the State is wilfully keeping the Scriptures from the people, writes to me saymg that for £50 the said Party could pi esent every child in New Zealand with a copy of the Scriptures. I haven't worked it out, but I know you can get Bibles at 4s a dozen ("thirteen as twelve"). • « ♦ Very large persons are in. great demand now by show people. A tattooed mam m a show is all the rage, and the bigger the man the more tattooing aan be got on ham. It has taken a huge young man (who used to be a Sydney policeman) four yeans to have ninetyfive pictures produced l on him, and he is ireapdng the reward by showing his more or less manly form to admirers at sixpence a head. • • • A conscientious Wellington schoolmaster, since he heard! how prevalent eye trouble is with school-children, has been observing his pupils closely. As a result, he wrote to the parents of a boy saying that he thought they ought to know that William was suffering from astigmatism. The answer is treasured by the* schoolmaster • "Dere sir, if young Bill does it any more you just give him a hiding."

We have received a copy of a pamphlet giving in clear and succinct form a history of the Meikle case. It is> aptly termed "The Tragic Story of Mr. J. J. Meikle a Record, a Cnticism, and an Appeal." The writer has done his work in a capable manner, and Messrs Wright and Caiman have turned out a very neat brochure. Its perusal will deepen and extend the opinion that Mr. Meikle has been a hardly-used man, and that few men would have struggled so strenuously and indomitably against the adveree to set themselves right before the public. We have to apknowledge with thanks the first of the season's illustrated calendars from the United Insurance Company, Limited. We have received <i copy of the fhst number of the "Waikato Independent," which has just been launched »at Cambridge by "Mr. David Piram^ late of PaJmerston North. It is a neat eightpage paper, of crown folio size, is newsy and well-written, and in its telegrams and clipped matter right up to date. There is also a capital show of advertisements, showing that it carries strong local support. Mr 0. Johnson, formerly of Palmerston North and Darunevirke, is assisting Mr. Pirani. We wish the new venture every success. * * * "Pears' Annual," of which Messrs. Gordon and Gotch (Cubanstreet) have courteously sent us a copy, well sustains its reputation for pictorial excellence. This year's annual, published at sixpence, is the cheapest of the Christmas publications. It contains three presentation plates in. colours, viz., "A Lively Measure," bv Seymour Lucas, R.A., "Fruits and Flowers," a still life study by E. Ladell, and "Alice in Wonderland." after Fred Morgan's picture. The letterpress i« "Christmas Day with Chas. Diokms " by Percy FitzGerald, and is brierhtened "with eleven coloured illustrations