It Is Town Talk

Free Lance, Volume V, Issue 224, 15 October 1904, Page 22

It Is Town Talk

—That Madame Melba's voice may now be heard in the humblest cottage. Phonogi aph records are selling at 255. That Taranaki milks one hundi ed thousand cows every day, but the prosperity of Taranaki is due to our advanced labour laws. —That the latest thing to lose its lifa m the mud of the mam road near Taihape is a horse. Taihape is getting absolutely metropolitan. That the latest invention is a transparent umbrella. It is made thus so that the owner can see his victim when he jabs him in the eye with the ferule. — That fifty-seven societies weae represented in the Sydney Eight JEoais Day procession. Most of the Wellmgtoi unionists prefer to walk on the footpath. That many good Imperialists are disappointed that the Governor's big fete, in aid of the Veterans' Home, is not to be held on Trafalgar Day, 21st October. The "Handcuff King" is alleged to have been tripped up in Chnstchurch by a Chubb combination lock. Local papers say it was sawn, off the "King, who suffered greatly. That the Czar has put a million roubles into the bank for his infant son, to give him a sort of start in life. The clei ks in the bank refer to the sum as "The Fresh Heir Fund." That a French statistician gives the number of divorces, unhappy marriages, etc. He winds up with the eminently Fienoh&atiie, "There are six couples in London happily married." — That it might have been expressed differently. The dedication of a recent parliamentary paper reads : "Lunatic Asylums of the colony, presented to 'both' Houses of Parliament." —That a big Sydney fiim has just covered ten acres with new shop-build^ mgs, all of which it will use itself. Eight million bricks are m those shops. The piopnetor started with the usual 2s (id. — That some of the crumbs of humour we cast upon the waters 1 of journalism return to us after many days, usually in the "Post." The "Post" mipht bonow them while they art a bit waim. — That a dignified city official is anxious to buy a snapshot taken of him at LyelFs Bay, showing an interesting picture of him about to plunge into the briny. It is not obtainable at local booksellers. — That a man who was awarded a farthing damages in a Sydney case the other day was paid with a half-penny, the owner insisting on his just change. A farthing was ultimately bought for half-a-crown. — That Taihape, secure in the possession of its new railway station, wants to know "what in the name of goodness Wellington wants with three railway stations when Taihape has only one." We'll have it seen to. — That an Auckland barmaid who, from the outside of the hotel, saw a head protruding from the bar window, promptly grabbed it, and held on until the police arrived. Burglar, with his pockets lined with till-money. Shall we abolish barmaids? — That the "colours" presented by the Imperial War Office to colonial regiments aie now on the way. No mention is made of any for New Zealand. Ono or two New Zealand corps were presented with "colours" that they are not allowed to have. — That a city doctor lost a good famllv connection this week because his w\ir> ovei looked the street bow of a client's wife. The doctor's wife declares she will get herself fixed with automatic springs, so that she may be always "on the nod." — That, seeing that Parliament costs about £300 a day in session, the public ought to arrange with members previous to a stonewall to desist, for a reasonable consideration. But then it mightn't make the session the slightest bit shorter. — That one afternoon and night at a suburban hotel has broken up the love of twenty-three years in a Wellington matrimonial partnership, while a wellknown commercial traveller has lost his cosy billet. He now moons around Auckland City bars, while she has gone to her Napier relatives. The legal battle meanwhile rages at home.

That Maranui has now the chief element of seaside-resort buceess The lowly ass will now buck you off on the sands for threepence. —That the number of adveitiseis who "want boaid and lodgings on the tiamhne" 1-3 growing. Some people aie always looking for trouble. That a gentleman with the euphonious name of Bygum wa,s mamed at Napiei lecently. The exclamatoiy gentleman will possibly Bedad, by-and-bye. That the Chinamen are to be the salvation of Africa. That is probably why the bank deposits in the Bank of Ainca have declined six and a-half millions in a year. That a. swindling Durban company has been advertising in New Zealand papeis luring people to Africa on promises of work. They want a fee. Don't send it. Also, don't go. That Feilding butcheis raised the price of meat lecently because the price of stock had advanced slightly. Feildmgites turned vegetarians. Butchers brought to their bearings. That New Zealand is the only colony in Australasia that has a leal live lord for a Governor. Barring the Governor-General, all the "States" have mere baronets or knights for figui eh^ads. — That the pressmen assembled in Wellington will play "egg-m-the-hat," "rounders," and other childlike games at the Hutt next Sunday. Protests should leach the papers not later than Saturday. A tract distributor required. That Mi. "Bob" Bannister hadn't a hope on Satuiday of living the pace the Piemier set. Interested spectators on the Miramar-road were backing the white horse against the bay quite heavily. As for the carnage partyit was left at the post. — That some Southern people are agitating for an "animal Sunday," during which school-children should be taught to be kind. The parsons aie not enthusiastic. While the destruction of small buds is legal, "boys will be boys." — That Chnstchurch diamatic and musical critics still sustain then reputation. A Chnstchuich man was the only one in New Zealand or Australia who "slated" Padeuewtoki. That critic's liver has been a peifect failure fo* fifteen years. — That, a propos of the complaint that tiam-guards moisten their fingeis when giving tickets, what puce the average glass in the average hotel, that is used by hundieds of customers 1 in a day rinsed m cold \v atei , and dried with a pestiferous towel? — That at Tai anaki a few days ago a young farmer was married 1 at his bride's home at 2 o'clock , the wedduig breakfast was partaken of at 2.30, at 3 o'clock he hitched up the horse, and drove his newly-made wife to his faim ; at 3 40 she had disrobed, substituting a stockyard garb for her wedding dTess ; and at 3.50 she was m the byre milking. "Union" wages.