It Is Town Talk

Free Lance, Volume V, Issue 222, 1 October 1904, Page 22

It Is Town Talk

— That a new Wairarapa paper will be called the "Sun." It has an ominous sound. — That a new potato, the "Richaid Seddon," has been found to thuve much better in leasehold than in freehold soil. —That, if therepoitof Native Health Offieei Dr. Pomaie is a criterion, he could wnte a book upon the Maori that would live. — That the Russians are advancing very rapidly north, and the Japanese are letreatmg after them as fast as they can gallop. — That no person wearing a "soft" 6hirt is allowed in Dunedm's Skating Ring. It is not respectble. The 1 starched front is indispensable. —That the Hon. Mr. Trask thinks the greatest statesmen of the day ai c Mr. Chamberlain and 1 Mi*. Seddon. Abolish the Upper House ? Rubbish ' — That Tasmania, in order to enccraiage the child! crop, proposes to remit £10 per annum taxation for eveiy child whose father does not earn over £100 a year. — That since local scientists have been hurling the Latin language at poor old "Pelorus Jack," the wretched fish ha* hidden himself. It is hoped, he hasn't died of grief. — That Dannevirke has a Prohibitionist mayor, a high-pressure watei supply, and a councillor named Dunkwater. It should cany no-license at the next polls." — That a Waihi medico 1 ecently denied that a pei son before 1 the court had been intoxicated, as he was able to successfully surmount the difficulty of saying ' Tooroolooral." —That Mr. R. C. Brace would "deeply regret to see the modern woman dragged down from her pedestal to stifle in the putrid air of politics." Sounds a bit "high," doesn't it? — That the Palmerston police excitedly chased a supposed burglar, who, when caught proved to be a rotund but respectable, business man, who thought the police weie garrotteis. — That Auckland, like Wellington, is suffenng from an epidemic of the "glass-sciatching fiend." It also possesses about a.s many idiots of the fire-alaim-breaking species as we do. —That Ms.H.R. are evei eager. They're eager now to get away from Parliament. Their eagerness to get aw ay from it fades into nothingness beside then eagerness to get into- it. — That entei prising builders of American residences for renting are now calling attention to the fact that "children aie not objected to." Wellington landlords might take the hint. — That the licensee of the hotel at Napier patiomsed by Paderewski leceived a,s a mark of favour the autograph of the gi eat one, and a line of music wutten in the autograph book. — That at a local chuich meeting a suggestion was made to move a sepai ate vote of thanks to each lady helper. Mi . C l ather put his foot in it when he blurted forth . "Why not embrace them all ?" — That, according to the most lehable authorities the Japs and Russians are "fighting like wild beasts." You will, of course, conclude that they are receiving no serious injuries beyond a fev\ bites and scratches. — That the disorganisation of the telephone system, so fondly predicted by pessimists as a result of the installation of electric traction, hasn't happened. One can get an answer from the Exchange within five minutes any time. — That in the Transvaal the other day a "footpad" held up a mounted policeman and robbed him of his accoutrements and uniform. Tianspned he too wa^ a policeman, who had been duly "gone through" m a Hindoo-kept hotel. — That the Postmaster-General will moye — "That the present mail service via San Francisco be cancelled, and that a new service from Wellington by the Vancouver-Canadian Pacific route be established " Be not alaimed — Union Parliament, V.M CA. — That with a lady wearing one of the new hats measuring 4ft x 6ft, oi thei eaboutis, standing at one end of the street, the whole perspective is wiped out They ought to sell these hats by measurement. Also, their wearers might be reasonably termed "footpath obstructore."

— That the Russians think they can beat the Japs in. the long "run," but they don't seem to be beating them m a shoit fight. That at a Levin football dinner the other day the toast of "Disabled Footballers" was drunk. Has a. soit of active-service sound. That we haven't heaid ot any couit c«6e> in connection with on the footpaths Fact is, anxious spitter.% can't find a footpath. -That, as Marconi ir> about to visit Ntw Zealand, it would be as well for people who believe they are 1 elated to him to send in their claims at once — That an agitation is afoot in Sydney to have goods cars on thlei electric tram-lines. America has had them for years, often 1 turning from town to town. — That a small New Zealand sheepfarmer, now doing America, is refened to in a New York gieat daily as "The millionaire sheep-raiser of the Antipodes." — That in America the car fare for a hundred! yards is five cents. Car fare for twelve miles, ditto. As long as you don't alight you may ti avel all day for five cents. — That Dr. Valintine, who has asseited that close on eighty persons live to an acre in some parts of Wellington, did not get permission from Mi. Duthie to say so. — That the Japs do everything backwards, even to reading the morning paper from the. wrong end, but they never shoot a. Russian with the butt end of a gun. — That the prohibitionists are said to be discussing the advisability of doing away with carpenters and bricklayers' spirit-levels. Instead of spiut, they will permit gingerbe'er. That the newly-formed State Schools Defence League, opposed to the teaching of religion by the State, should emphasise the necebMty of making the paisons do the woik themselves — and out of school. — That the M.C. who objected at a certain suburban social to a couple dancing together twice successively wouldn't venture home without an escort. He has since resigned his "oneious position." — That the lobby rumour, alleging that the membei for Hurunui was about to join Hylands Circus, has really no foundation in, fact It is believed it was cnculated in a spirit of faoetiousness. Mr. Rutherford has no> necessity to woik. — That some of the local critics declare there are dozens of bassos in Wellington with voices as good as Watkin Mills' Just so. There are also dozens of pianos as good as the one Padeiewvki plays on. The> difFeience lies in the way the "organ" is used. — That an awkward situation aiose the other evening because of the similarity of those wicker poitsammies. A Petone girl, who came to town for a dance found, at the last moment, that the portmanteau which she had taken to a fuend's house as her own, and which ought to have contained her balldi ess was filled with a young man's newly-laundered apparel.