It Is town Talk.

Free Lance, Volume V, Issue 214, 6 August 1904, Page 22

It Is town Talk.

—That although the British footballers always "diaw crowds," there lsnta single aitist amongst them —That a Southern Master Bakeis' Association, has a Mr. Miller foi a ohanman, and Mr. Bunn foi secretary. —That a Wellington bootmaker iejoices in the appropnate name of Will Fitwell. He's got to live up to that name. —That the chief opponents to the Miramar-Seatoun tramway moposals aie the Big Rents fratei mty and the \ ested Intel ests push. That already two pi o-Jap Wellmgtonians have name-boards on their new villa residences, reading respectively, "Togo" and "Kuroki." That the people of England drank less whisky by a million and a-half gallons in 1903 than in 1902. But of couise, our Rev Leonaid Isitt is there. —That, under the title, 'Extiact from a popular author," a Bntish papeistamer tells a realistic story of the yanking of a tooth fiom the Kipling jaw. — That, when Taihape has a football match the police f i om the suiioundimg districts aie called to that budding city. They don't leave am thing to chance. — That, in a recent Waiiarapa coursing event, a mere sheep-dog joined the greyhounds in the ohase, and took the "kill" from the speedier dogs bv bettei generalship. — That a young man of our acquaintance who isn't much of a "sport," is spending all his Saturday afternoons "wheeling" He can't nde a bike, either. Go-cart. • — That a sneak thief stole three copies of London "Times" from the Wangnnui Library. The wonder is that a man, weighed down with thiee 'Times'' "leaders" should be able to get cleat away. — That the Auckland Coipoiation steam roller, which didn't quite know whether it or the company-owned tram had a right to use the tiack, is i.wij repaired on the spot wheie it contested the said right. — That, according to a local notice, we haive at least one "handsewn bootmaker," who makes "silent men's boots." He is the sort of chap who probably has a "stitch" in his side. Do not speak in his presence. — That, in the westhng contest, Pearce v Scott, at Greymouth, it took an hour and foity minutes to effect a fall "cateh-as-catch-can," and an hour to prove to both that neither could get a fall Cornish style. — That Mr. H. Beauohamp is convinced that a certain amount of sew age goes into Wellington Harbour. If he needs deeper conviction, he should visit Kilbirnie when a gentJe nor'-westerly zephyr is blowing off the sea. — That the Piesident of Venezuela has had the temerity to suggest that an island that no one ever heard of befoi c does not belong to Britain. We shall have to send a Maxim mission to convince him that he is, unfortunately, wrong. — -That a Rotorua geysei one recent day shot up a purse containing money, a greenstone brooch, and other things supposed to have been there foi years. Since which the Maoris have camped round that pool, waiting foi another boil over. — That it has been successfully proved m oourt lately that, however ready landlords may be to do "a fan thing" by their tenants, those absurd land valuations assessed by the poweis that be are responsible for the ruinous rents we stagger under. — Thait it is up to the young men of Wellington who play football, hockey, golf, and polo, and engage in any kind of out-door sport, to join hands now a t nd do their darndest to win at the coming poll those hundreds of acies at Mi'-nmar that are offered free, gratis, and foi nothing, in exchange for tramway extension. Never was there such a chance before. — That perhaps the new Council byelaw, prohibiting the distribution of handbills in the streets, will prevent the par>ei -chase appearance now universal. What with the paper-throwing destructor and the hundredweights of waste-paper always floating about against horses' legs, Wellington usually loots like a huee mud "duff," with pee'ed "almonds" in it.

—Thai a man. who got 'full" 111 Wellington the othei Sunday declaies that theie ifc> cordite in some of tho whisky — That some deai little boys weie seen sailing toy boats in the lake between lecently-laid tiam rails in Kent Ten ace the othei day. — That an American juust is or opm1011 that the world's piesb in combination could at once put an end to all wars, and their futuie possibility. That, after much sei ious considei ation and burning of midnight oil, the Auckland City Council has decided that an electric tiam is not an omnibus. That an up-country libiary has a big notice stuck up over its newspaper stands "Readers aie requested not to use biead and jam as a bookmark." — That Kilbirme had its first fire since it got a Fue Brigade on Saturday The Bugade didn't turn out, and that chemical engine was nowhere to be seen. Total destiuction. — That humoious children find great pleasure in wedging good-sized chunks of stone in the tiam-hnes. We expect such things will go on happily until there is a little funeial. — That Japanese soldiers aie buried standing upnght, so as to save space. The tombstones are about tho size of a fencing post, and the recital of vntues starts at the bottom wne — That the local olergyman who lectuied the othei night on the evils of novel-reading, wanted to know what made novels bad "That's dead easy," said a hea.ier. "it's the novelist." — That houses, recently condemned as being unfit for habitation, have been pulled down in sections in the city, and are being elected in the subuibs. A coat of paint, and there you aie' — That a country schoolmastei ship having been advertised recently, one application was sent in. It was fiom a lecenti'v-ai nved Austiahan, and lie got the billet "Needs must when the devil di lyes." — That already the Town Hall looks as black as the Old Bailey, thanks to the Electrical Woi ks' chimney. Theire is some comfort, however, m knowing that the Hall is m a place where it cannot be leadily seen. — That statistics are to hand showing that the "Glorious Fourth" in Ameiica was responsible for 4765 deaths, mostly thioueh rocket explosions, pea-nfles, and "toy" mstols. This easily beats St. Patrick's Day in ould li eland. — That Government tiee-planting is e\ identlv too good to leave by convicts. Solemnly asserted that the thiee gentlemen who escaped from the station outside Blenheim the other day, quietly left, went through a local stoic, had a good "blow out," and repoited for duty at ti ec-planting next day before bieakfa^t' —That the "Times," when the bveelection had discovered that Mi . Hawkins was to be the occupant of the Pa'^atua seat in the House, boldly as«eiterl without fear of contradictiom, that David Crewe hadn't the fnmtest hope of winning it. And it certainly was very bad form to pour much hot water on a drowned lat. Looked a>s if somebody had been very haid Int.