It Is Town Talk

Free Lance, Volume IV, Issue 207, 18 June 1904, Page 22

It Is Town Talk

That a man who has one wife too many is not necessarily a bigamist. —That it is never safe to lend a pencil to a woman if you want to see it back again. —That tihe flea is supposed to be the original back-brtear, and he hasn t retolred from the business yet. —That a traitor to his profession has been found. The doctor who wrote the new book, "How to Keep Well, doesn't deserve to. Th a t a Pa!me.rston North influenza patient has been cured by the application of a Peach. A doctor up there answers to that name. —That Mr E. M. Smith has quite recovered from his recent indisposition. Watch "Hansard," therefore, for has poetry. "That's me!" That a local young lady, who wore a decidedly pensive expression previous to- matrimony, is not pensive any more. According to her husband, shes ex-pens-ive. —That a Stratford person has entered a new line of sneak-thieving. Recently Ike got away with two street lamps. Probably, his benighted soul wants more light. —That Panhaka Maoris, sorry for the decease of a chief, recently "tangled him, spending £300 in "waapixo. Our grief-stricken brown brother is too awfully civilised. —That there are several publichouses in the country that have not been re-named "The Plunkeb Hotel. They are gradually getting smaller m number, however. —That the closing of the Glasgow public-houses on Saturday at 10 p.m., instead of 11, has reduced the police arrests by nearly oneJudf . Terrible inconvenience to travellers ! That Mr. J. J. Meikle, who recently won a case against a local 1 paper, and was awarded damages (a farthing), has been named "the New Zealand Dreyfus" by a country paper down South. —That the Wairarapa "Age" remarks tearfully that "without the Maoras New Zealand would be New Zealand no longer." We hope, xf it's going to change its name, it will assume one less Dutch. That the local lady whose husband struck a winner at Gup tame, and who remarks that her eldest daughter "plays the pandemona'um lovely," will probably be a constant visitor to Government House. — That there may be something in the soft-goods business af tea all. The New Zealand estate of the late Mi. John Ewen, of the 1 fiim of Sargood, Butler, Nichoi, and Ewen, paid probate on £203,000. — That still another help-lady story comes to us. One Poneke damsel requested her "mistress" to "be- good enough to entertain me young man, who is in the dronn' 100 m, while I ma/ket= meself tidy." — That a smart advertiser, who&e* dog wore a cover setting forth the ownei's name, address, and occupation, is sorry about that cover now. The lynx-eyed dog-oollarer has had him fined for keeping an unlicensed "kuri." — That the "Times" may have been haiving a sly dig at the avoirdupois of tihe Mayor when it said an electric oai was subjected to a "sever© test" in carrying His Worship and his not specially corpulent Council. — •That, it having transpired that the Mack O'Doo of Japan was born in Cork, and Kurow-pait-kin in New Zealand, of Irish parents, a friend writes questioning t!he statement that Makaroff is Russian. He is a McKerrow, from Dundee — That a petition is bedng largely signed in Patea to get the Borough Council to prohibit a respected citizen from using the public baths,, beoaiuee it is not the season for bathing! He is evidently looked upon as a> dangerous lunaitic. — That Colonel Chaytor, A.A.G., has probably offended the "Times." It reduces him to the rank of "major." This isn't quite as bad as some country papers, which invariably refer to the general officer commanding the forces as Sergeant-major Babington! — That the assertion that New Zealand publicans had subscribed £700 with which to pay the law costs oaring by the New Zealand Alliance, in the matter of that appeal, turns out, te be a fabrication. Anyhow, the Alliance wouldn't accept the soiled gold, would it now?

— That an eminent medico has arnved at the conclusion that unwholesome food' is tihe direct cause of cancel vi man. — That Britain consumes per year one hundred and ninety-eight million dozen eggs, and the general elections are only every seven yeai^s! — That we still have to admit sorrowfully that the West Co>ast wants educating. One paper remarks that Mr. Wragge is "the world-famed metallurgist." — That fallem horses on the woodblocked loads of Wellington are common, objects mow. If horses were beasts that were at all considered here, their shoes would be generally "roughed." — That Lord Ranfurly, during his farewell tour has been snap-shotted by seven thousand cameras. He is said to have the reoord. in that big book of his. We shall have something to remember him by. — That Levin has been agitating for many years for a letter-earner. He has arzivadj and is appropriately named "Goer." The town band played Hun to the post-office 1 , and the volunteers presented' arms. — That Rev. Isitt rather climbs down in his Babylonian barmaid-burning business, by substituting "unseemly conversation" for "blackguardism" — -hie original name for wthat occurs before Hebes m public bars. — That at Wanganui a Chinaman has been fined £10 for smoking opium. Yet, the reek of the narcotic is evident in almost any fruit shop or Chine&e laundry in Wellington. The merest sniff will convince the most sceptical. — That it is only a question of time when the footbaJleirs of New Zealand must go on, the battlefield clothed, like their American brothers, in padded armour. Seven casualties out of a team seems to be too interesting altogethei . — That the sailing of the Disco veiy from. Lyttelton was a very dlamp affair. There were approximately two acreis and a-half of weeping girls, most of whom. Tielieved' tiiey were engaged, to somebody on. board. There will be teais of joy at the other end', and more acres of girls. — That, according to London "Truth," if the modem battleship is our first line of defence. Heaven help us I The question of the moment for us is what are we doing at present to manufacture Togos p " Well, New Zealand is sending recruits to the Navy. — That, as Lord Roberts' chief desire while in New Zealand is to see our chief beauty spots, it is to be sincerely hoped that the great little soldier will be oareifully shown the "avenue" between Kent and Cambridge. Terraces. He might even carve his initials on one of the lovely trees. — That many pigeotn-shootmg alleged "sports" ao*e getting so annoyed that tame live pigeons have to be "shooed," m order to get them to fly, that they state tJhey will use inanimate ones at matdhes. It will b© a question of convenience in shooting, and not a conscientious objection to maiming tame birds.