Entre Nous

Free Lance, Volume IV, Issue 207, 18 June 1904, Page 11

Entre Nous

HE was a Chinaman, of the " glossy collai " brand, and he was at the Otaki laces, putting ten shillings on every horse. He seemed to be doing all right, too, for a gentleman ot Irish tendencies was observing him closely. The Inshman dropped a note by accident, and passed on. John was down on it like a haw k upon, a span ow, and Mick turned in time to see him transferring it to his pocket. "You yellow thief of the worruld, you scallywag of a Ohinaanan , begobs, I'll knock the stuffin' out of you, so I will !" he exclaimed, dancing round to find a spot where he might plant a death-blow The Chinaman handed) over the note with a smile. ' Me no Chineyman , me Jap!" "An ah, so Imagrht have known, bedad. Come on, me fome fellow; ye're the lads to kick the Rooshian beair out uv Manchoarea. Come and' have a drink." And, foir the rest of that day a Chinese collar-bufrnish-er and an Irish navvy fraternised as men and brothers who both loved n fight. Those marvellous Js P. ' Two of them, m Christofourch, the other day, had a squad of path-riding cyclists to deal with. Some of the cyclists turned up, and the -judicial oog- wheels slowly revolved, and fined them 10s a head and costs. Some half-a-dozen cyclists who ■were also summoned didn't put in an appearance. "In fact, they had the zreatest contempt for the amateur beaks. Again the rusty cog-wheels circulated, and 5s a head was charged the absentees for their dereliction. The averasre J.P. is evidently willing to make a reduction for contemptuous treatment * * * The very latest came off on Thursday night at the piano recital in the Syd-ney-street school. A visitor from Sydney wals taken there by his host, who has been showing him the Woollen Works and Match Factory during the day. Just before Mendelssohn's concerto came on, the host asked. "Do you admire Mendelssohn's works?" The visitor, in a loud and husky whisper, answored, "I've never visited them. What does he manufacture?" Now you know the cause of so much tittering just at that point.

Theie was a heated discussion going on ni the Wellington Magistrate's Court last week, and beneath the sohcitoj'b t<ible theie peacefully slumbeied a dog. A solicitor w a.s ci oss-examming a wit lies*. "Then, sir," he thundeied, 'how — " There was a yelp and a howl and the lawyer sprang back aghast. He had, in enforcing his query, stamped haid on the dog's narrative not knowing he wa& near such a termination to the polluted tale he was waving befoie the beak. * * ■» 'Man wants but little heie below" — He doeb not want the wind to blow He doesn't like the weathei hot — But when it's cold he likes it not He wante an angel for a wif e — Domestic scenes devoid of strife . In fact, so great are his de-sires — So veiy high his mind aspires — That even poets ought to know Man's wants are countless heie below. * * * The Eketahuna "Express" can't be accused of excessive loyalty. Hea.i it — "Lord Ranfuirly is making a triumphal fare-well march through New Zealand. Eveiybody is acclaiming him a sort of "saviour," though nobody knows exactly what he has done to earn his £5000 a year, excepting that he has opened an occasional church bazaar and bottle of cider, and has been flexible in the hands of his responsible adviseis. We New Zealanders are a great people — in oui mind. Democracy ls a funny sort of an article. It is labelled out at so much per pound, and the man who gets in early avoids the crush." ♦ * * In a large Northern timber null, whe-i c two shifts — night and day — are walked, some local evangelists thought that an opportunity to save the souls of tho workers was within then giasp. One evening last week, at "crib" time, a melancholy person, with the prevailing cough, and a juvenile harmonium, accompanied by two soulful ladies, dumped their music down, and held a service The "hands" took it all right, and helped sing the hymn. Then the elongated party, with a soul-stirring "Let. us periav'" did so. Everybody knelt He asked that those poor, benighted workers might be brought to see the herror of their ways, and kept on doing so. One of the poor, bemghteds slid out on his hands and knees while the pi averfu'l party, with closed eye-s, pitied their black souls. Then the others, m a long stream, slid silently forth, With a terrific "Aye-men"" he called on them to sing " J Ymn a Hundred an' tJrrty-two'" but, finding none there to help him and the ladies, he wandered disconsolately forth. Next day, he sold his juvenile organ to the yard hands for dances, and went gum-digg-ing.

A person, with enough ingenuity to get him into gaol, spiang a gory joke on to Oamaruvians the other day. Painted his trilbies with vermilion colour, and pattered down the street, in oideito indicate that he. was mortally wounded, and dabbling footfully in his own blood. Nobody was a> bit deceived, and the alleged jokei must 'have had a bad half-hoiui with the' turpentine bottle He will possibly be found to have a mental t\\ ist * * # Theie ii> d fanner ovei Nelson way who has, suff ei ed much from the depredations of fair blackberry pickers. He had put a barbed-wne fence around his paddocks to keep the gunls out. Just lately he advertised, in a threatening manner, that if he oaught any girl inside his sacred barbed-wire he would "pop the question" to her. On the following day — he is young, good-looking, and wealthy — he wished he was a Mormon. Most of the unmarried giils m the district seemed to have got into the paddocks He will set up a selection committee. « * • If "John X.," who has been inundating us with long screeds about some Lost Tribes of Israel, would spend eighteen pence for a wanted* advertisement, someone might drop across them. We have searched all round the office, and l they are not heie. Any persons retaining the same after this notice ought to be lolly well ashamed of theonseiLves « ♦ • Wellington's wood-blocked 1 roads will probably foi cc motors on the Fire Brigade. No hoise can gallop with safety on the polished* surface. Even scorching bikists often side-slip • • • A Wellington ptessman, who has never done anything wicked in his life, has just leturned fiom a country racemeeting with a contused optic and an abiasaon of the nasal cuticle. It seems that he was standing busily pencilling notes on the course, when an excited individual, at the conclusion of a race., rushed' up, and demanded £5 10s, seeing that Firefly had won the handicap. The piessman told him to go to Manchuria, and went on pencilling. " 'Ere's a flamm' bookie wot's a doin' a 'welsh' l " yelled the enaaged backer, and soon he had a crowd of vigorous people round the pressman demanding "fair dbos" for the sport. It is refreshing to have to admit that the pressman kept his end up, and got the "La Blanche" swing on to the alleged sport, and it was only when the real "bookie," who closely resembled the ink-fiend, appeared, and handed over the £5 10s, that the thing was explained. In the meantime, the gallant reporter is not attending public functions. He is 'reading" until the skin grows.

According to an inter jeotor at a presessional meeting, "There is more joy m the Liberal camp over one social pest that repentet'h, than over ninety-and-nane just cockatoos that need no repentance." The social pest, having been admitted into the fold, is, of course, lobbed of his sting. That is tine interjector's standpoint, anyhow. « * « Mary Ann again ! It isn't often one 'has to ask the household' treasure to "take thy foim fiomoff my hearth, and thy beak from out my heart." She generally does it of her own free will, and you may wash the dishes yourself. But, a Kelburne woman, who had some slight difference of opinion with Mary Aim, asked hea to leave. She sadd she was "jiggered" if she would, or words of equal meaning. The "mistress" toted the "helper's" kit out om to the verandah, and' again pointed a stern finger to the north. Again the girl would be "jiggered." She toted her traps back again, and is still in possession of that house. Also, this is a true tale. ♦ ♦ » It's grand to be in Parliament, For everything you do Is printed in the papers, amid Your biggest lies are true. * * * The patent medicine firm wrote to a patient who had testified that the "Cute Cubes for Chronic Coughs" had effected a desirable change. The patent medicine firm waited for two years, and then thought it would finct out how the patient was getting along. In reply came an invitation for the patent-medicine reporter to come along, and get some particulars about the marvellous effects of the medicine. He was met by a smiling lady, the picture of health. Was Mr. Z , the patient, in? No, he wasn't, but the giH>framed enlargement over the mantel-piece was his photo. He looked particularly well. Had the cough reeui red ? No, it hadn't. The lady said that he commenced taking the cubes two years ago, and 1 for twentythree months the patient had not coughed a single bark. * * ' * Would he be home soon? asked the interviewer. No, he wouldn't, but the said interviewer might take a stroll up the township, and interview the patient if he liked. The lady went along, and took him tihrough the gates of a large enclosed area, and smilingly introduced him to a glittering tombstone' "Had it not been for your celebrated Cubes, I should have been unable to have married the biggest storekeeper in the place. I can never . repay you for your kindness in reviving Mr Z and bis cough. You may make what use you like of this testimony." But he hasn't.

A certain young man, who leckons himself smart, sent a Aviie from up North to his Wellington parents on their silver-wedding day, not long since, asking • "Is marriage a failuie. J lne old man sent a collect wiie in reply, "No, but thp results often aie. Euchre for the ancaent. * * * "Give us five bob on 'em , I'm on me last bean. No? Well take me umbrella as well 1" With w Inch w ords the eentleaan handed to the pawnbroker who was talking to a fnenj. soane trumpeiy "Brummagem" jewelleiy and the umbrella aforesaid. The five shillings in hand he dissolved rapidly. "Heie, what are you doing with fflv gamp?" It was the friend who -poke. The vanished gentleman liad *een his cihance, and grabbed the gamp as it ieposed against the countai . And at last a pawnbroke. has lost something. Who was he a Well, he's not ashamed to own that his ancestors came trom Palestine now. • • "Blow ye winds," the poet wrote, And then he paused in doubt Alas, he could not think of aught For them to blou about Some genuine wanteds, etc. fiom Australia's great dadies —"Wanted, m p^Ste family, vicimty of Darlmglmrst L young single gent, superior boaid 2/ leeSence good table, comfortable room, nodhildien or other animals. No hash-house need apply. ■*>, * " "Wanted, nervous gent large house, secluded locality, no rude children in neighbourhood.— Socks, this office. "Ge^s© for sale to-day and two gandeis iust commencing to lay. Apply Goose. "Wanted, for a couple of weeks, a rew smart young ladies, for sampling puiposes. Write at once to * * A genuine advertisement from the "Situations Vacant" column of a London daily —"Wanted, thoroughly respectable young lady, of good address and well-connected. Must have one leg shorter than the other, to illustrate patent clump boot. Liberal terms to suitable person." * * * The independent Chow is coming out as a sort of amateur taxing department. On the walls of a Newtown laundry appears the notice, "Customers who lose their tickets must pay sixpence extia. It should be noted that the launder er, when a customer leaves his collars, gives him a slip on which are some wen d symbols. Before he can remove his collars lie must hand it in, 01 get fined sixpence The Chinese launderer has come to regard it as a condescension to ■perform paid services to the "floleii devil." Since which a Wellington launderer has refused to hand over the linen of a ticketless man, and has been incontinently "bashed" by the owner thereof. Lord Ranfurly recently attended a race meeting, and witnessed a win by a horse which he had pieviously seen pulling off another good race. It happened to be owned by a man notorious toi his m-and-out running, and for his judgment of a good, strong rem, says the "Observer." Of this fact, however, the Governor was unaware , so, aftei the finish, he approached the owner in the saddling paddock, offered him a shake of the vice-regal hand, and congratulated him upon his honest racing "Every time I have seen your hoi se run he has carried off the stakes," said the Governor; "I am always pleased to meet men who are straight sportsmen, and always run to win." '» ♦ » The turf man looked sui prised at the unexpected eulogium, and thought he detected a suppiessed wink in the gubernatorial eye. "Quite tiue Your Excellency," he responded, "I always co for a win when I want one." It wasn't till he had left the ground, and thought the matter over, that His Excellency took in the true significance of the assuiance. He will be more sparing with his compliments another time. He was a spiuce chap, with good nature beaming out of his light-blue eye. He was weanng a beautiful cigar, and his boots fairly scintillated. One could see he wanted to do somebody a good turn. "Do you want a real tip-top nippin' clerk 9" he asked the merchant, "oecau.se if you do, I can put you on to X , and he's the> best man in Wellington ? " As it happened, the merchant did, and he sent a note to X -, who turned up He was a good cleik, but down on his luck. Wdiv was he down on Ins luck? Well, he'd lost his job through influenza, and hadn't been able to recover £50 he had lent to Q . "Q P" queried the merchant, "Why that's the man who recommends you to us'" As a matter of fact, X is in the job, and that was Q 's way of paying him back for the Joan of £50. Since which a not-too-grateful X has played the devil's tattoo on the well-covered ribs of Q — , whose confidence and lovely cigars are the only thing that recommends him to the average man.

The seaie has gone abioad that the overhead trolly wire of the tram system can be 1 cached by a top-deck pa 1--sengei. A touch, and he is a candidate for the golden gnte in a dinned condition.

A local man's bike and all accessories weie&tolen from the pavement last week. He still has his trouser-ohps, however, which the present owner of the bike may have on application to him.

At 7 30 o'clock on Wednesday night, the old Skating Rink, blushing at its new ooait of paint, its smooth floor, it& many conveniences, its aar of cheea fulness and brightness, was assailed by a croud of expectant skaters, who have allowed the art many of them once excelled in to fall into disuse. Mi. James MacMaJion has done thoioughly what he set out to do. The float is peifect, the skates of the newest pattern, the dressing-rooms cohy, and the lighting excellent. The Newtown Band w ill play each evening, and a refreshment stall, equipped with all nec&s&ai-y edibles and liquids (not "hquais"), will make it unnecessary for skateis to stroll out between the "aoW The skating fever onoe running madly thiough Bntisli veins, died down for a long time, but is"ievived again tbroughout the Empire. All that can be dome to make the pastime enjoyable to Wellmgtonians has certainly been done by the enterprising MacMaihon.

lap shoit. The blundei was unfoitunate for McDonald was well under ieoord' at the tame. As it was, he betteied F Beauchamp's piofessional tune of Bmm 21 4-otli sec by 3 4-") th sec, but was 23sec belund A Snutlie's (amatoui ) time, 7m in oosec.

By a testimonial published in this issue it wall be seen that Planbekoa Ointment is a certain cuic fot seeping" eczema.