Afternoon Tea Gossip

Free Lance, Volume IV, Issue 206, 11 June 1904, Page 10

Afternoon Tea Gossip

By Little Miss Muffitt.

AWELLINGTONIAN, retui nmg home from his office last week, -was surprised to heai his wife wailing teaafully from the bathroom. He unlocked the door She hadn't been taking a bath. Seems that she had unconsciously offended the "lady help, who had pushed her into the ablution department, looked the door, packed her box, and gone home to Palmerston North. . Adelaide "Critic" unkindly refers to the editor of "Life" as Dr. Filoh-it, and to the success of "his mighty scissors. * * * Australian papers report that Clement Wragge, the storm fiend, is lecturing on religious subjects in New Zealand, and bids fair to eclipse Dowie. ► • • A "big pennyworth" at Home has an article headed, "Why not Courtship Colleges?" In reply, I would say, "What's wrong with Day's Bay ? * * • Have you ever been struck with the populousness of Dickens's works? What do I mean? Well, the number of characters with which he peoples his novels. lam told by an industrious friend that the novelist drew 1425 types of character. * • * His sensible Excellency : "It is astonishing to find how much the people of the colony expect the Government to do for them — even to feeding them!" And people wonder why New Zealanders are taxed more heavily than any other people m the world ! A Mrs. Page, at Christohuroh, is reported to have advocated the slaying at birth of the children of the unfit. A simplei way would be for all persons who wanted to get married to do so only by permission of the health authorities. It would be a less drastic method than wholesale murder. * * * Taihape papers issue warnings whereby citizens may avoid possible dire consequences. Periodically, the said papers announce, "To-morrow is co-op, pay-day " This means practically that the town is given over into the hands of the gentlemen who draw the pay. Sort of warning to throw up barricades, and live in the cellar. *i * * Sir Reginald Talbot, the new Governor of Victoria, is a great golfist. He has already ioined a Melbourne club. He is so tall that his clubs are about a foot longer than the average. Sit Reginald once had a brother, Captain Talbot, who was the tallest man in the country. The late Captain Talbot was 6ft. 10in., and rode to hounds' * » • Here's the smartest "Limerick" soaring around at piesent. — Mr. Magdalene M. Marjoribanks, and Mulqudoun Soared skywards up m a balquoan ; When they asked, "What success?" The coroner smiled, "Wa-al, I guess, Their case will be called about nolquon '" * ♦ * Horse teams are competing with the railways between Orange and Sydney (New South Wales), and are able to take freight just as cheaply. But then, they have roads in New South Wales. Road-making is about the only art we can't teach the 'Walers On none of the great tracks throughout the Commonwealth is there a Hutt Road. * • • Interested in Japanese literatui c—ase — as a ouriosity — I wrote to a Tokio bookseller to send me a sixpenny edition of "Hapashuma Kasbakiki," or "The Death of the Two-tailed Dog." He replies that the work is not completed, as only 125 volumes of the total of 234 are yet issued from the press. I have countermanded the order. I'm no Methuselah. • • • A man, with a wife and six children, on a Southern station, told his "boss" he couldn't live on 30s a week. As you may know, that sum is much in excess of the usual station wages, and is considered good. He was told that he shouldn't have married, and that "marriage is a luxury for the rich in New Zealand." A grim joke, with lots of truth in it.

The epigrammatic Lewis, M.H.R., on "Tommy" Taylor. — "When Mr. Taylor is on watei he is on firm ground, but when he is on firm giound he is at sea." • • * Some fashionable Wellington women have the home-made bread fad. A man fiend tells me that one fan' cook has gone to Rotorua for a change. Her husband objected to her doing such "heavy" work. Admiral Skiydloff is going to romp over his Japanese enemies when he gets to work amongst them. He was presented, befoie he left the land of the knout, by the Russian people, with some holy relics, among which are some pieces of saored bread 1 . As long as he keeps the bread m his haversack he's bound to win, so think the Russians. The Japs aae not so sure about it. How very romantic some marriages are. For instance, a very oharmmg widow married a man, who had been a boy-lover of her, whom she met quite accidentally the other day. Hei first hubby was one of those plodding chaps who died early, amd left about £20,000. The boy-lover, who hasn't plodded, scoops the widow and her mite, which is mighty good l luck foi the non-plod-der. » * # They have been "sweating" Patti in America. She wails, in a private letter : "What with managerial troubles and horrid deputy sheriffs, I think I nave not earned more than £40,000." The prospect of near-at-hand poverty must be appalling to the suffering singer. She worked three whole months for that miserable pittance and was treated as if she were a mere royalty. • • • Harry Hawkins, a Hawke's Bay native, who fought for the Chinese in Africa, and is now a mounted policeman at Johannesburg, arrested two Kimberley thieves the other day. They were well-known and desperate criminals. In oourt, Hawkins informed' the judge that the weapon he had bailed them ur> with was the pipe-case produced. The criminals seemed to be annoyed, according to my correspondent. • • • I see by the cables that Labour Prime Minister Watson is not quite satisfied with the Union Jack. He sees no reason why the Australian flag should not be used on Commonwealth buildings. But even the Australian flag — which is a combination, of the Union Jack and the Southern Cross — doesn't meet his idea of the fitness of tinners. He hankers after something "more adequately symbolising the life and aspirations of Australia." "Civis,"* of Dunodin, suggests a view of the Dark Continent, walled in with spikes and broken glass, six bell-toppers to represent the Excluded Six Hactters, and a nigger in handcuffs to show the attitude of the Labour pj.rty towards Lascar stokers.