It Is Town Talk

Free Lance, Volume IV, Issue 205, 4 June 1904, Page 22

It Is Town Talk

That licensing leg'slation will probably be deferred till next yea* . —That according to cunent report, rats have entirely deserted Oamaru. Old fogeys predict disaster. Kate 1 —That a Corporation 'bus was noticed on Wednesday morning proceeding down Adelaide Road observing the rules of the road. How forgetful some people are! That a German has invented a ship that will slide over the water and round the wot Id in a week. We know it s tame because we read of it vi an Amenean paper. —That there is good reason for the recent Saturday night hilarity of a city clerk His wife is now giving him /s 6d out of his weekly wages foi pocketmoney. —That a local man, who has been sickening with appendicitis, has had to forego that luxury for some time. ±lis wife's millinery bill clams first call on his exchequer. —That nowheie he has been— and where has he not been ?— has Auckland s pessimistic medico, Bakewell, seen such extremely plain young women as in New Zealand." So there! That the country parson who has chosen for successive Sundays, as sermon subjects, "Sweethearts, Courtin<r " and "Love," is said to be getting good congregations. We believe it. —That the Corporation really can't make up its mind to make a good job or the footpaths The Cambridge Terrace fotpaths are now being badly patched instead of being permanently made. That the total immersion of membeis of a religious sect, on a freezing dla,> like Sunday, either proves that the converts are very enthusiastic or that pneumonia is a welcome change to them. That the 1 eason given for Mr Seddon's refusal to land at Auckland during his recent Northern trip is that his health must have broken down undeu the strain of meeting crowds of billed hunters. — That King Dick will attend the opening of Paihament, and will then leave Sir Joe in charge, taking a muchneeded trip himself. Isn't there an inter-national Postal Conference' coming oh" somewhere or other ? • — That a football scribe deprecated calling a game "rough." In his opinion, six men must be taken to thei hospital on gates, and two or three home in -wheelbarrows, before a game can reach that interesting point. — That Guinness (of stout fame and kinsmen of our new Governor) paid £974,331 in beer duty last yeai , £75,000 more than the previous twelve months. No one ever thinks of giving a Guinness a purse of sovereigns. — That poor old decadent Britain gets a faint "look in" now and again. American men-of-war are beang fitted with British boilers. The Yanks will probably not meet a poverty-stricken navy next time, and they will want steam. — That a Russian princess is raising a corps of 2000 "Amazons" on the assumption that one big Russian lass is physically able to "get away" with two Jans We've seen a four-foot ten Jap athlete balance about half -a -ton on his nose. — That a clerical friend says the placing of some small branches of bluegum over one's bed will cure the worst case of bronchitis in no time. There is a family in Wellington whose house is surrounded by blue-gums at this moment. All have bronchial troubles. — That., although Tom Wilford's straightening-of-thet-Huitt-line sentiments 1 were accorded' a cheer on Satuird'ay, at Petone, his reading of a wire that Petone footballers had flattened out the Ponekes by 11 to 9 was the masterstroke, and was vocifeirousily cheered. — That the Tapanui "Courier" seriously combats the facetiously imad© assertion that General Kuronatkin is a New Zealander. It says that at the time Kuropatkin was born there were no white people at Kurow, where Ku-row-Pat-kin h alleged to have been born. — That am agricultural motor, left at a gate for a moment while the motorman opened, it, recently "cleared, out." After doing a ten-tniles sprint on a level road it fetched up in the dining-iroom of a Southern hotel, and buzzed for four and ar-half hours before stopping. The owner is again using horses.

— That Auckland policeman Skinnej is leaving the "foorce" m oirdei to study foi the Roman Catholic puesthood. — That for Apnl the death-iate m Wellington was the lowest of any of the boroughs of the colony. But them, the electric cars aie not yet i~u lining. — That the Auckland Bench doesn't seeim to have much sympathy with canoodling parsons. One cannot seive God and mammon — and get a veudict. — That a Waararapa settler who is getting tired of having 00115 killed by peia-ufle boy fiends, haf> elected a notice "January to Decembei is a close season for cows." — That so many wealthy amateuis go a^ wa,r-con espomidents now-a.-d.ays that the professional is dying out. The soonei lie — and the amateur — dies out, the sooner universal peace. — That defendant in a petty theft case being asked' the nature of his calling, the other day, answered "Christian." 'TBut what do you do on weekdays?" further asked the alert J.P — That a West Coast paper leniaiks, vi its leading columns, tiiat "nai has commenced in the Far East, and the . Japs seem to be in earnest. Some of those bullock-diay mail services are not fast. — That, according to a. competent authonty, disease is moie common among pigs than among any oithetr species of domestic animals. It doesn't pi event them, wandering into bacon factories, wdiere they aie >always "cured " — That Australia is putting a tax on English magazines. Four officers m Adelaide 'saved" 9s 3d for the Customs by spending four hours of their valuable time rummaging through booksellers' consignments. Splendid economy ' — That New Zealand leads, Britain folllows. New Zealand's Pretmieir, who^ went fishing — and got scathed therefoi — was followed by Premieir Balfour, who went golfing He possibly argued "the King can do no harm," and did likewise — That the gilt will be worn off any civic senid-off Wellington may tendei the de partin w Governor bv the discussion publicly printed, showing that the public bodies don't nuite know whether it's the con ect thing to %ny "good-byo" decently. — That a Wellington man 1 ushed into this office on Monday last to say that hrs wife had captured something she hadn't seen fox many months. It was some cream on the morning's milk. Lucky family! Would that the luck were more uni versa.l. — That hotel-keepers complain that they a,i c unable to get the anstacrats of labour to work for them when they adveitise, "Wanted, a rouseabout." They have, therefore, decided in future to advertise "Wanted, a general assistant " It will fetch them every time. — That New Zealand engines, oi NewZealand coal, or something:, wants oveihauling. Another instance of an "express" train in Taranaki having to sto.D to "clean out the coal-box and "fire up" is on hand. The Department should call tenders from bullock-team«tei& willing to carry mails —That "GofT Warren, the finder of the lost band, is now famous Latest evidence of this comes in a, nost - card fiom far liivercaigill 'Re Pink Hungarian Baud vide 'Free Lance,' an^ chance of Band givin.ee performance opening new Municipal TJeatre about 1907. at populai puces 3 Would be a big draw. Think total prohibition improbable here then notw withstanding close go last election "