All Sorts of People

Free Lance, Volume IV, Issue 205, 4 June 1904, Page 3

All Sorts of People

SIR Joseph Waid, who ls an old hand at laying a foundation-stone, slapped the cement on in true woi knianhke style at the. site of Petone's new railway station on Saturday. When Sn Joseph faced all the Petoneites who wei c not on Wellington's Athletic Park, the ram pattered against his bell-topper, and the wind waited it badly to play with. The Minister for Railways thought he wouldn't &ay much —the weather was so bad. Wheieat til*" weather got ashamed, and let him go ahead for half-an-hom. By the time the Mmistei was ready to pat the maible right and left, with silvermounted mallet and silver trowel, the Petone people's hearts were uaim if then feet were freezing. * ♦ Recently-mai ried Mayor London T\as sorry "The Hon. Premier and the Hon. Mr Field" were not there. Evidently the rumoua that Ministerial reconstruction is to be effected, or has been effected is more or less true. About four acres of bunting tried to leave its moorings and cabbage trees and pungas, which some vandals had torn fiom their native bush, bent to the chilly earth. The k:ddies of Petone sang Red White, and Blue," and cheered everybody and everything within range. * * *■ Tom Wilford, by far the most important man there was oftener bareheaded than not, bowing to his subjects, and even Freddy Puam glowed! with geniality between the agitations of his abbreviated pencil stump and shots with his cameia. Having "well and truly laid the stone that nuu-ks the- preliminary work" for the "long-delayed but come at last" straightening of the Hutt-Wel-hugton line, the favoured many tramped the intervening and muddy road between the station and the Oddfellows' Hall • ♦ * Four pressmen, who wanted to get into that hall, weie baned beoause they hadn't got any tickets. They started out to catch the next train, just a trifle glad to have a chance to have tea at home. After the doorkeeper however had' been hanged, drawn, and quartered l, they got in, but there was no place for them, and they dulr squatted round in melancholy hunger, unrelieved by meat or drink, until "our Tom" demanded the nmanedjate slaughter of several officials. • » • Progressive Petone makes gas. It made the gas that darkened the Oddfellows' Hall. It was that kind of gas that needed matches to see it by. Sir Josenh Ward read his notes by the aid of vestas held bv the Hon. Kennedy Macdonald. Another genius piled some vestas on a chanmagne cork, and tihus extra-illuminated the Cimmerian gloom. Under match-light, one observed sentiments expressive of joy. "A tribute to persistent Tom" was the daddy of the bumoh. And "our Tom" ? He, a modest young New Zealander, hadn't straightened the Hutt line off his own bat, of course, but he sketched his persistent efforts to that effect Also, he sane- a sons:, and allowed himself to be woi shipped. * * ♦ Mayor Aitken said some humorous things—he has to keep it up now-a-days —and Kennedy Mac spoke for fifteen seconds. From what we were able to gather. Petone will regard Wellington a- an inconsiderable suburb in a few

yelais' time when the train gets there ir five minutes, at tlie late of sixty-five miles an hour. One thing strikes the visitoi to "the great industrial centre." Ix is a house overlooking the said centi c , pjunteVl m gieen and gold. In large letters — probably two feet each — appears the text, "Christ died to save the ungodly," which is possibly an expression of opinion about the Petonie people. The owner of the house hasn't troubled about completing the text. It is too nersonal "Of whom lam chief" would be unkind to himself. • • * Mr. Bulkeley Johnston, GrovemorGeneiaL Northcote's private secietary, was around here last week, seeing whether New Zealand was a fit place for his vice-regal employer to visit. _ Also, Mr. Johnston is 1 elinquishvng his billet. As the private secretary is about a foot longer than his Federal Excelfency, and at least double as heavy, Australians have considerably "pulled the leg" of the pair on this account. We predict that his successor will be patterned more on the style of ai chitecture favouied by Lord Northcote. • ♦ » Mr. Bert Royle, the Australian Gilbert, and his leetle dawg, looked in on the Lance the other day. Both gentlemen weie in excellent health, amd the bull-dos looked as if Africa agreed with him. Those bull-dogs have a clinging way with thean. Mr. Royle piloted Miss Crossley through Africa, and thle moisture of emotion bedims his fine eve when h© thinks of it. They simply worshipped the great singer, and the said singer's people got a great deal of reflected glory and champagne Fact, is, Bert himself detests the sight of a bulgy cork now. • * * Mr. Royle admits they are not particularly rapid in Capetown. He couldn't get enough chairs for the Grossley concert. He sallied foith to the Dutch Reform Hall to hire some. The secretary, a Dutch gentleman of restful tendencies, would be glad to oblige the gieat singer's great manager. He would ariange that the chairs should be ready for him on March 4th. As the concert was to be held that night, February 15th, you'll admit that Jan was not particularly sudden in his operation. • • • Again, when Miss Crossley's people were 1 journeying from Johannesburg to Ladysmith, the station-master, anxious to oblige, remarked, "You may stay in the 'sleeper 5 for the nieht. When *we get to Ladvsmith we'll just shunt you on a sidin^ and you can have voui snooze out." When the people got to Ladysmith, in the dim and muiky iiierht which happened to be the- wattest sample available a guard looked in. and veiled. "You will have to oleair out o' this in five minutes : this car's sroing on. So with feelings too deep for mere cu.ss wordis they padded the sodden roof ta the hotel of the famous little town . • • • Ladvsmith wasn't big enouerh to pay Mi«s Crossley, but she visited it merely to see the beleaguered place. They took a grand piano with them. There was no vehicle in Ladysmith biV enough to take it. What to do? CaM on the authorities for a squad of convict® from the ajaol. Two down black gentleman, in charge of a warder toted the music to the concert hall t If one wants anything done for which one can't get mules in Africa, Kaffir convicts are the next best thins, and are always available. • * * Miss Crossley has more mementoes of South Africa than that Tasmania^ bul-lock-dray of hers could carry away A New Year's shell, fixed by the Boers into the town, with the kind! thought, "Compliments of the season," scratched on. the rim ; a copy of the town clerk's diary kept durime the siege ; and ostrich feathers sufficient for her cele-

biated boas fo>r all time. Hotel expenses? One pound' a day, and everything extra. Mr. Royle was told ait Capetown that he could have a bath for 2s, or twelve tickets for £1. He remarked, in a pained whisper, that he didn't anticipate living at that hotel foil twelve months. All drinks 2s. "Bert" took his bill to the landlord. "You haven't charged me for breathing'" he said. "I don't think that's a bit funny '" said the landlord, accepting the cheque. •>■ * * Miss Cro&sley was. inundated with letters from "down-at-heels" Australians, asking her for money. Miss dossley is, libeial Mr. Royle thinks she, was far more hberail than the beggairs deserved. Kimberley has a lovely theatre), the property of the De Beers DM. Company. Most things in Kimbei lev are. The manager off the celebrated blue-clay patches said he would give Miss Crossi'ey a diamond only she would be "inn in" for receiving it. She didn't take it. Everywhere special platform tickets had, to be issued to allow people to go on railway stations during Ci ossley time. * • • At Johannesburg, Miss. Orossley was serenaded bv Kaffir instrumentalists, and given a native kaross, or robe. In replying at a reception there, she said how glad she was to accept such a welcome as South Australia had given her — ■ a "lapsus hnguse" that showed where her heait was. At Durban, Mr. Royle and otter gentlemen had great times in the rickshaws, drawn by splendid Zultas. The magnificence of the* Zulus, with their great feather head-dresses, ti'gersikin cloaks, and a!l the rest of it. ma die the whites feel small and insignificant. Wlhv not dra°: the regal rickshaw men' 3 This they dad, to the screaming delight of the stalwait darkies. * # * Mr. Royle lunched with George Giddens at Pretoria, dined with the Frawleys at Johannesburg, and breakfasted with the Broughs at Capetown. All wetfe doing well. Mr. Royle is, as perhaps you know, the writer of the libretti of "Matsa" (collaborator, J. C. Williamson), "Djin Djin," "House That Jack Built." "Red Riding Hood," "Sinbad the Sailor," "Forty Thieves, "Robinson Crusoe," "Sa,ucy Susie," "Round the World in Sixty Days," and hundreds of songis and other trifles. He is a Cockney, with the old accent, and an Australian of twenty-three years' standing. "Africa's all riant," concludes "Bert " "but New Zealand is good enough for me and the little dog '" • * * Dr. Bakewell, the n repressable writer to the Auckland papeis, who said several years ago that he had laid! hus pen down for good, is at it agaan. He us not pro- Jap, and lecalls the fact thait but thirty years ago the British Embassy to Japan narrowly escaped' massacie. The piesenoe of a British gunboat slaved the situation. The aged medico says that when the Japanese fleet is knocking at our front door, and demanding instant repeal of the innmigiation laws affeota/ng them, we shan't toot the complimentary trumpet so loudly. We expect the doctor knows. He is about eighty. • • • Guv Boothby is evidently much read in Wellington y@b. He used* to be read with, equal violence at Nelson. Reason returned, and during a whole year not a single "Guy" leiffc the shelves of the Nelson College Library. Just a few days ago the authorities felt justified in, "having a bonfire of sentdmienjfcal trash." so that at present Guy Bootihby's books are not obtainable in the Nelson Library. Still, "Guy" has earned such' an enormous amount by luis works, and has turned out so mamy miles of sensation, that an assertianj has been made that two out of every three of his latest works are the productions of "ghosts," who do the work and get a little of the cash.

lii your various visite to the Opera House duirins the 1 ecent ODera season' — diess circle visits, of course — have you evea- been struck with tihe ease and smoatnness witih which) tiie staff "on the door" deal with a big crowd? Taike tbe usher there need be no hesitation m saying there is no smarter theatre usher in New Zealand than Mr. James Brett. It is a question if theie's his equal in Australia for ease, dexternby, amid address in "seating" an audience om a crowded night witih the minimum of fuss, waiting, and worry. As he darts her© and tihere amid the maze of circle chairs, he seems built on spnn»s, and, although one arm is disabled, yet, with the othea- he does the work of hailf-a-dozen. He has been attached to the Opera House staff for about twenty-one years, and! every seat in. the circle is photographed on his braan. Metation, your number, and hey presto/-! he has reached it like a, streak of lightning, and is obligingly showing you in. * * -X His worthy coadjutor is Mr. Bismark Shannon,, the qua et, seJf-p assessed young man wfho stands at the door and' takes >our tickets. He attends strictly to business, and >has never been known to lose his temper, even under provoking oircunigfoances. Off duty, "Bis" is a perfect mine of theatrical lore. He has a ooilleotion of "programmes" which dates baiok to tlhe Flood l , and comprises the circus that came out of Noah's Ark. Some dky he may write the history of the colonial stage. That is if the "insult" (vide. Pooh Bah) is gross enough. w • # Mr. David Scott, whose death from nleuro-pneumoniai is reported from Palmerston North, was a young man who was very highly thought of by a great many Wellington friends. It will be remembered that "Davy" was advertisement clerk in the employ of the "New Zealand Times" Company for twelve months. He played for the Wellington hookey team last year. He was well-known and a great favourite in commercial and sporting circles here. He owned a racehorse in Palmerston North, and a Wellington friend suggests that the early morning care of that quadruped may have led up to contracting pneumonia. * * * "Freddy " Reeves, of the "Post," and "Pat" Nolan, of the "Times," v ere informed by their respective com-nranders-in-chief on Saturday that, as blue lights had heen seen at Ohau, there was a ship in distress there. They J d better get aboard the Himitangi within two minutes. Both grabbed a ream of copy paper, assumed their gum boots, drew on their sou'-westeirs, sweaters, and old trousersi — without any money in the poiekets — and went. Thought the skipper would set them, down at Terawhiti or Karori, or somewhere handy for getting back home foir tea. He set' them down in Wanganui, on Sunday morning, as the denizens were going to church. Of course, the people who direw tlhiedr skirts aside to allow the plebeian castawaysi to pass, little imagined that the power of the press lurked behind those sodden garments, or that six children were wondering where Pa was, and why he had 1 left them. * * * When a pressman goes out at short notice* to "do" a wreck, he expects a wreck, ■weedi-ooviefredi corpses, harrowing scenes. brave rescues,- as well as mountainous sieas. When he getsi only seasick, anld is dlumped down among the scornful population of Wanganui, in sodden habiliments, and without a copper in hie pocket, he is apt to forget that professional persons use language only found in the politest dictionaries. ITredand Pat have been busy ever since they got back to town receiving; and replying to condolence. They are dead 1 off wTeoks and blue lights for the next three months. Even a shipwreck on the Opera House stage won't interest them now.

Tommy Bent, of Victoiia, lifee King Dick Seddon, of New Zealand before he was crowned democratic king, is gaining ground, and making a far stronger Pieniier than the man in the stieet thought he possibly could be. You see it takes time to convince the Upw Ten Thousand that a market-gardener or a working miner ca.n, by any manner of means, undertake the government of a country. That used, to be the special prerogative of a governing claiss vno were born with silver spoons in their mouths o adled at a university, and Kill-marked at the Heralds' College. • * * However, Tommy Bent knows exactly hit own mind, and his coinoeption of what the people want is panning out so nicely that the Bent Ministry aie now said to be almost certain, of a good mar jomty ait the elections. So far, thirteen of their candidates aie unopposed, whilst only three Opposition seats are uncontested. Gardener Tommy Bent ils evidently "some- pumpkins" outside hi*- own vegetable natch. » » * Bent, too, like Seddon, is a glutton fi r work, and has a masterful l will and a big personality He uses with the sun,, and sometimes airives at hv> department, ahead even of the messengers, which is a bit disconcerting to Givil Servants accustomed to the taike-it-eaisy Government stroke. He works aai eight-houi-s day, and. soends most of his evenangs in Cabinet. Every matter of importance concerning the more than a 'million people whom he governs comes under the eye of Tommy Bent. • • ♦ They say that Watson, the Federal Labour Premier, looked fao-ced and haggard after a fortnight's graft. But, Beait seems to thrive on graft. He is also a man of heart as well as head. He wouldn't imitate the grim and heartless conduct of a certain Victorian Cabinet Minister during the Reign of Slump. He was dictating to his secretary the names of the officeirsi i«i his department who should be dismissed. "Have you got all those down ?" he asked. "Yes, sir." "Well, now, ■pirlite down your own " • * ♦ "Nosey Bob," otherwise Mr. Howard, the New South Wales celebrity, who has "turned off" about one hundred people during the years he has agitated the hemp, is asked' by the- Government to retire. Originally a cabman, Robert was kicked by a horse, the accident spreading his chief feature badJy. He couldn't get work, so he took to hanging. He 1 is an inoffensive chap, who opines he "does with the rope what the judge does with the tongue." • • • Mr. Wilson, the silver-throated socialist, who is around' heie desiring to get men to shake each other by the iiantd and never let go, or words to that effect, is a clever talker, but ambiguous. Hear him on Mr. Seddon — "I like him ; he's a good fellow ; a great big fellow, with a big heart, and I wish to tell this out to you Don't keep the alatoastei box of perfume until men are dead and then lavish it upon them ; if you have flowers, let them be presented now — they are useless on a coffin or in the grave. If a man is a scamp, I'd have nothing b-ut good words for him." We are in, doubt as to whether Mr. Seld'don, in the opinion of Mr. Wilson, is "a good fellow," etc., or a "scamp " seeing he has ■nothing but good wordls for the latter. His advice to us not to keep the perfume away from Mr. Seddon in his lifetime is about the most unnecessary thing the orator ever orated. • • • "Tommy" Tayloi, M H.R., opened a Christohurch football club's room the other night, and likened 'himself to that Lght and agile animal, the srieyhound, which didn't play football. He thought football afforded an opportunity for mem to get rid of their surplus energy, which would be employed in getting into mischief otherwise. "Tommy" doesn't play football. He has heaps of surolus energy, eigo, he gets into mischief. • • • His Honor Judge Jackson Palmtr, whose recent apnointment to the Native Land Court Bench is so hierhly popular, is an Irishman, born at Belfast, i r nd is about forty years of age — rwobably the youngest judge in New Zealand or Australasia. He is an Auckland Grammar School boy, and was an articled pupil of the late Hon. John Sheehan, at one time Minister of Justice. At twenty-five, he was called to the New Zealand bar, and later was admitted as a barrister and solioitor of th£< Supreme Court of Samoa. As everyone knows, he has represented the people of the Waitemata and Ohine~ muri electorates in Parliament. He has made a special study of native land laws, and is deeply interested in all that nertains to the upliftine of the nptive race. Mr. Jackson Palmer is unmarried, haviner had little time for aught else than tihe profession that is his only love.

Judge Denniston is entitled to everyone's thanks. He remarked in court the other day that he (had a 'stiong preference for the word "woman " There were so many " lady " clerks amd "lady" helps, and "lady" this, that, and the other, that it seemed to him that it was a high honour for man's helpmeet to be designated "woman." He said lie wou'd try a little "woman" for a change It certainly would be refreshing. • • * Ada Crossley's complexion chai mcd Wellingtonians last year nearly as much as her voice, but they had no idea that it was brought about in. a very soSmple manner. At least, an American scribe teills us that the secret of it is that in her juvenile days she almost lived on the rich onion ciops of her natave district, aiad tthat tihe health-giving effects of onions are now telling upon hei complexion. It is> a pity we we c noti treated to a picture of the "angelic Ada" &hinnj<ng up a soft onion tree m search of her favourite luscious fmit , but, after reading the above, tlie next sentence in the American's notice seems quite superfluous, for it runs "Miss Crossley is still unman ied." Lathes who live on raw onions frequently are, for it is generally necessary to court a. girl before marrying hei , and to court a lady who nearly always has an omoai in her mouth is rather too tough a task for the average man • • • Terrible Tonrrny Taylor snvs it is uttei nonsense to pi ohibit pii olubitioiilsts from occupying high positions, seeing that we want sober men at the head of affairs. Alcoholically considered, Tommy is perfectly sober Nuff seel Dick Seddon is (says Melbourne "Punch") setting himself to the ta,sk of saving infant life m New Zealand, and when Richard sets himself to solve a problem that is troubling: many lands he is watched closely, foi it is leoognased by this time that "Digger Dick" manages to do the tiling he undertakes ren markably well. He talks of State maternity homes, and' a system of registered State nurses to aittend the poor free. This is socialism, but it is good socialism, and no sane person will object to it for that reason. The idea of trained public nurses movesi towards the nationalisation of the medical profession, a thing that commended itse,lf to "Punch" years ago. We have thousands of law's for the protection of life, and few for its proper preservation in the dangerous early stages, and protection to native infantry promises to be a settled policy of the near future