Entre Nous

Free Lance, Volume IV, Issue 205, 4 June 1904, Page 12

Entre Nous

YOU have never yet seen a Wellington schoolmaster going to school smoking a pipe, 01 even a cigarette. It would be subversive of discipline. Also, since the ordinance prohibiting juveniles from smoking, the said schoolmasters have emphasised the evils or the habit. A lady teacher tells us that one very excellent male teaohei, ■who is veiry anxious to impress the evils of the habit on, his scholars, was sketching graphically the results to the digestive apparatus, the nerves, the growth, etc. There was a large, luminous grin circulating round while the said teacher was denouncing the pernici weed. Sharply he demanded to know the reason of this levity. "Please, sir," piped a little chap at the foot of the class, "yer pipe's sticking out of yer pocket!" The skilled and rapid dive the master made was convincing. He couldn't get any mteiieist into the anti-smoking lecture theieafter. * * * Maoris are "sports" to the marrow. Coloured "racehorse"-owne.rs don't leave secretaries of racing clubs in any doubt as to the quality or qualifications of their neddlies. List to this letter, sent to a near-by secretary of a racing club — "I have now writing you just to sihow you That lam going to entrance my horse in the Maori Race. He did not been in the races before. Pedigree scrubber, colour dark bay horse white spot of the forehead 1 one blind' eye right eve. Jockey, black cap, white shirt, whit© pants, age nine." • • • They had a hospital ball at Taihape the other night. In Cahfornian "early times" they usually lynched a man to start a cemetery with. Although at Taihape no serious injuries occurred, one must congratulate the company on having endeavoured to provide the hospital with fracture cases. A local leport points out that the floor was nerfeot. So perfect, indeed, that there were several falls during the evening. It may have been that the refreshments were as perfect as the flooi . ' About one hundred' couples took tlie floor." It i<- presumed, of course, that they brousrtot it back when they had finished with it. A small inconvenience arose. The ram came through the roof amd flooded that perfect floor, and spoilt the supper. "A sitting-down supper Iliad, therefore, to be abandoned." The report solemnly assures its readers that, but for this the ball was perfect but adds that a gentleman stole a Kirn Most of the eentlemen who attend Tainane functions "batch " A cooked ham is a great convenience.

We wonder if Sn William Jukes Steward is, a good "picker." He told his constituents the other day that the coming session woiuld be known a-> the Three L's session," for the great matter to be dealt with weie Land, Liquoi , and Legislative Council. His first pick is all tight, of course, but the lasttwoaie probably guesses. * * * There was little wind on Satuiday night at Kilbirme, so the suburb didn't bum down. A few thousand pounds worth of it very slowly went up m smoke, however, a tnbute to the liangfire policy of the City Council. The city water Ls within a few feet of the top of the hill, but the Council hasn't had the requisite go to shove it a little further. Probably, if the Fire Bi igade had sent its steamer out they could have saved most of the propeity by lunnmg a long lead of hose into the sea, which was at low tide. The removal of a small stable by chopping the coinei studs and dragging it out, was also considered to be a possible way to save the big store, but no one felt justified in destroying what was afterwards destroyed. J * * * The big stoic was a sight. Hundreds of people — men, women, and chiildien — dashed in and out, cleaning out the stock. We met a squad on the stairs carefully carrying a bed. Somebody "saved" a great deal of bedroom crockery by tihi owing it out of th" window. One valiant person rushed into the jaws of death, a,nd leseued an empty cardboard box, while a continuous fire of mantel-piece ornaments hurtled through the air into "safety " A second-band! deafer woiuld look askance at the furniture which is alleged to have "sustained little iniury." A beautiful effect was the exnlosion of the ora,<; which shot out into am iridie=eent stream, and lapped a neair-by telephone r>oi°t. which was the most solid pieipe of timber anywhere handy •* * * The file meains less hardship to the owners of the bouses than to the pooi people who occupied the two> burnt cottages. It's a bit rough for a woman to come ihome to a smoulderm" heap of ashes, and find that the household sticks — not covered by insurance — are also smouldlenng. Kilbirnie is in the city of Wellington. It has no city water, and no drainage. If it catches fire, it must burn, and if it catches fever it rrnav co han? for all the authorities apparently tiouble. Even a decent manual engine a.nd a few 7 wells — watei is found at from four to six feet — mio-ht m the future save hundreds of pounds' worth of property. • * • The cabalistic device over Ridge's stoic, G.W.C.S , was a souice of much ooentaitikwi to thiei passing bikist. Nobody seemed to know that it meant "Greater Wellington Cash >Store" ' Kilbirnie being in Greater Wellington, it is up to the. authorities to make it possible to save property, and perhaps life, by firing it reasonable fire-fighting: facilities. The unspeakable persons who 10-ve to kick a,n unfortunate when he's down were setting away with so much from thei store stock that the police had to be sent for to guard it.

A tiusting Wellington pressman, who knows more about driving a pen than a horse, Lecently rode down Adelaideroad (on the wrong side), mounted on ji Corporation 'bus, and 1 rushed into his office and quoted the 'bus-driver as an authority on rules of the road. The knowledge of any kind of rule doesn't prevent the knowing one® from breaking it. Also riding on a Corporation 'bus, tihe Lance counted, from tihe corner of Constable-street to the junction of the 'bus with the car, tiwenty-four cases of breaches of the said rules. • * ♦ Four of these breakers of the mles weire Corporation 'bus-driv-ers, who axe the authorities hereinbefore referred 1 to. The 'busses almost invariably use the wrong side of the road, tihey pull up in the middle of it, when they reach thedr destination they take the "off" place at Constable-street instead of the "near," and are great authorities entirely. About the only people in Wellington who care a threepenny-bit about the rales are those suburban folks who, owning traps and grigs of their own, do not break the rules because they do not want to break their vehicles. * • • They are repairing the Hutt Road' They were doing so in 1851, and seem to have got tired, and let the intervening fifty-three years slip by without knowing it needed any attention. Before us is a copy of the Wellington "Independent " of July 18th, 1851, in which a "Hutt Carter" waxes sarcastic in half-n-eqlumn. of rjithy letter. He says lie is aware that after all the money that has been expended on it, it ought +o be fit to drive a coach-and-four on, but adds that the timber drays have to unload every now and then. "Another month will extinguish the trade between Wellington and the Hutt." He says there a.re four directors or ganeers cf foremen "bossing" three natives at 2s 6d n day each, and one white man at 4s. He thinks it is scandalous that those four directors should be drawing the sum of £1 a day 65s each). Also, he says the men work five hours instead of ten. as in England. (Point hei eto unionists for a further reduction of houis.) • # » He thinks £200 would fix it up, and that the shovels and tools generally then in use would serve very well to scoop out the household ashes with, but that they should without delay be sent to the British Museum to preserve their species. And now, in the year of our Lord 1904, the authorities have given heed to the prayer of "Hutt Carter," made in 1851. to repair the Hutt Road' Nothing like promptitude * • • In the- same issue of the "Independent," a Porirua Road settler writes to the editor, asking what's going to be done about a man who has been lying on the road with a broken leg for six months. It seems that, as he hadn't got any money, and the "colonial doctor" was away on a fishing excursion, nobody in the medical line would tackle him. Anyhow, he had expressed his wish to die where he was, which he probably did. Ah, but those were "good old days."

A Chinese puzzle from Hang Kong has been, unravelled with perfect ease by the postal authorities. Mi-. Henry Markwald has leceived a paper from that British settlement directed to him at- the Oommeircial Union's Buildings, "Quay, Wellington, Lambton, N.Z., Australia." Doubtless, the British at Hongkong are afflicted with the prevailmo- aptitude of the Mongolian to begin at the wrong end. • » » The Wellington Education Board is evidently surprised to find that so small a salaried 1 employee as their truancy officer should do the work he agrees to do. The chairman the other dlay emitted a note of wonder that he was "doing very good work." That gentJeman went on, to sar<r in effect, that, as he was doin" good work, reports from each school should be sent in monthly to show whether he was doing his work or no. It's like giving- a man a certificate of character and setting a detective to prove that he's a fraud. • # • Was in a barber's shop the other day and, as always, the talk was of sport. "Well," said a main who subsided into the ohair. "I've beaten the bookmakers at last !" Everyone was eagerly interested "Yes, vesi, howdid you do it?" "Well I lust picked up the Free Lance, and backed- its tips, and at last I've got home." There is a moral for hackers concealed here. • * * A soilid-looking man, with "wealth"' written all over him, called on' a land agent in tlhe Wairarapa the other day, and wanted to buy some farms. The a^enttook him to see the very best farm in the district, having a herd of lovely dairy cows. Would the agent kindly demonstrate the milkinn? quality of those cows. He set to and milked tv> enty-fooir of them. The gentleman gave him a cheque for £500, and all nature smiled. Then, the gentleman went round amd bouo-ht up aibout £25 000 worth of farms, and gave cheques. Next, he went home to somewhere or other, and the sellers presented then- cheques. The maker of the checiues hadn't got an account at the bank, and farmers who have been clearing out of those bought farms are fairly furious at the elaborate "joke." • « * A male human being deserted his wife in Palmerstom North. The Charitable Aid Board spent £147 on her and the family, while the father was away for four years seeking change, or relaxation, or something. The father turns up again, and expects to take up the thread of life where he laid it down. Instead, the police take him up. The State recoups itself by saving the man who robbed it of £147 free board, good food and gentile exercise for three months, after which he is perfectly at liberty to clear out, and leave the Charitable Aid Board to spend some more money. The only fair way to deal with this kind of person is to make him work for the State until he has repaid the money he legally owes them. As things now happen, the loafer who avoids his responsibilitriies is practically licensed to do so by the State. After a good hammering, he should be set to toil.

The itinerant idea by which a distuct is frequently robbed of its valued piu-fcor, leads to some little errors now and again. Last week a Methodist parson* was surprised to find that his country congregation were about to "social" him. He. took it like a lamb He almost wept when they said what a blowing example of all that was Al he really was. "It's so hard for us to lose you" sighed the ohaiiman. ( Almost impossible," softly said a deal brother ) Would he be good enough to accept this purse of threepennies, a paroel ot sox and these chest protectors .J. J Ine parson gratefully accepted them « ♦ • In returning thanks, he said he was surprised and touched at the exhibition of feeling, and their practical demonstration However, he was not going to leave them. Then he wondered what he'd said to cause the universal de-r>i e-ssion that was so evident. -He vent home and pondered, and the conm elation went out and assisted to kick each other. They had simply read the new list of stations wrongly. He s stall there, charmed at their splendid genetrositv Pretty tough for a man to be forcibly separated from his wife and family by the law of an alleged democracy. A Christohurch Hindoo, with an European wife and comoosite children, went home to India n while back to aee >h» dyrng father. Retumine via Australia the authorities decided that Abdul couldtn t land, and consequents the Hindoo-New Zealander couldn't see his wife and children any more. f^^'/S m Taylor has witten to say that Abdul ," S a New Zealander In the meantime, Mrs Abdul and children are : *J>nv£ <* a bread-winner. Likewise, if irtie Charitable Aid Board comes to her assistance, the Australian authorities ousrht to pay the bill. It's an awful onme to have a> dark hide # One would hardly expect to hear of 111 & ice that "a chestnut geldmg 15-2, two white stockings, branded «in*ar shoulder BF. had been stolen from l us Jable The police got to work, but did not find him. Going down to work Shis trap on Tuesday, he saw a butch-er-boy riding that very identical .horse. He stopped him, and demanded that he .should take him at onoe to his W, vho of course, would be the tniet. • • • Arrived there, he poured out his tale, and demanded the hack back. The Hitcher-man looked at him aghast. "Why Mr Thingummy, you sold me the Ullv wad three days ago. Half-a-mo-ment and I'll fetch the receipt. Then it flashed upon him that it was even so He is so frightfully absent-minded that one recent day he calmly pulled a pair of socks out of his rtocket, and nut them 01. his hands. He thought they were cloves

Medical diplomas, in good order and condition, warranted white throughout, can be obtained at this office. At the Star Boating Club's "social" the other night Mr. Mcßeth, ttie club's clevei hgntnmg-sketch artist, was putting on some local celeb.i lties. Among theni were portraits of the local gentleman who took Krmberley and others. SuddeaaJv "Dr " Wrights counterfeit presentment grew out of the flying charcoal. A lady titteied audibly 'Sh — h-h'" said her companion "he really is a doctor, you know. I saw a notice in the Free Lance that, owing to the ill-health of "I>r." Wright his patients would have to do without him for a while." Thereafter, when the name of the celebrated medico was mentioned no one dared to titter.

According to the Lance's war correspondent. "The Russians have Cho-san a strong position on the Yalu River, and General Patrik Kxonin is at Lyin' Tung. The latter i ©ports that the Cossacks aie Cha-sing the Japs, and a wire from Yuh says they have gained a victory. At Ping Pong the Russians hold their oh 11 and the Tokio coi respondent of the 'Times,' Wun Lung ihas ~one to the front." • • • Noticeable that, in our crowded Wellington tiam-cars, Wellington women aie not particularly considerate of their own sex. After lepeated l observation, we have never seen a woman who, on leaving the- car, offer lier seat to a standing member of her own sex. She generally smiles at the nearest standing man, and says, "Take my seat.." We have noticed, too, that the invited man usually does so, and the standing woman goes- on standing. All the same, Wellington women have a remarkable aptitude for getting home at the time when t>he rush of working males is on. It can't be that it's at all necessary. Suggests that a lot of the working male , who has to walk home, find® on arrival that he has to boil the evening "billy" himself. # * * "Tom" Mills, the oratorical wielder of an. "Evening Post" nib, "did" the Fanners' Union Conference at Masterton last week. It wasn't warm in Masterton and so, when the Conference decided to go into committee they asked Ihe press to withdraw . Tom arose coughed, threw out his chest, and 1 his sentiments. He spoke for a. long time on the integrity of the press, who, he considered, could keep a secret pretty we'll. He drew a moving picture of the outside cold, and the inside warmth, and gave the farmers to understand they would be a bally lot of heathens to turn them out, so the Conference decided in future, when the mercury was below zero, they would allow the pi ess to listen to their committee secrets. • ♦ » People are getting tired of Felix Tanner and his foolish frolic®. Among otilier growls is one from the Eltham "Argus," which fills a long-felt want • — "We wish the Wanganui journalist who sends Pi ess telegrams would give Felix Tanner a 1 eat. We are sick of advertising; him and paying for telegrams concerning his idiotic doings. It matters not to us whether he fasts to death, hangs himself, or gets drowned. Let him rest. We are tired l of him and his ark. We don't oare whether his ark floats or sinks ; it is of no importance to mankind in general, and advertising the pranks of cranks is not what newspapers are principally run for, though the Wanganui Press agent appears to think so." Oarnoross hits straight from the shoulder, you see.

He was a large, powerful Wellington policeman. Tlhe "drunk" he was gently assisted to the lock-up was of am even size. Likewise, lie was strong. Down Lambtxm Quay the twain staggered. Ati intervals, the kiokine, biting convive collapsed, and refused 1 to walk. Robert dragged him finnily, gently, with his temper well under control, but with grim determination on has features. As h© landed him at tihe police ofLce. Robert propped him momieautarily aigainsit the wall. "Well, you see.." he lemarked, "you. are run-in after all." "Yesh," replied the dirunk, "but it took two of you to do it'" He really was rather intoxicated 1 .