Afternoon Tea Gossip

Free Lance, Volume IV, Issue 205, 4 June 1904, Page 10

Afternoon Tea Gossip

By Little Miss Muffitt.

AUSTRALIA has now a lady doctor of science. Miss Sweet, of Melbourne, is the learned person. Curiously, the report of a lady student's scholastic successes vs about the first and last thing one ever hears of them. First the honour, then the husband, afteiwaids the household. One forget*, the fii st. • • • Miss, Maud Jeffries, always spoken of as a beautiful woman, and who is undoubtedly a very fine actress, is goong to marry the son of an Australian squatter of great wealth. Mr. James Osborne is not as rich as his pa, but he has a decent account at the bank. "Mercia" lost little time, evidently. • • * Mr. Plowden, the London magisti ate who has presided at Bow-stieet Court for many years, has, of course, written a book. Everybody writes them now-a-days. He calls it "Chaff or Grain. A good following line is suggested as an addition. "Picked up by a Beak' would about fill the "bill," wouldn't it ? • ♦ * H.R.H. the Duke of Abruzzi, son of the King of Italy, who visited Australia a while back, is going to do so again It is not known whether the alien immigration law will deter him from landing m New Zealand. He is gathering stier^tih for the onerous duties that will devolve on him when his little pa is no longer King. I know a little girl who is as loyal as all sohool-childi en are supposed to be. Previous to Empire Day, I remarked to her that she would get a holiday. What did she intend to do on that day ? "Oh, teacher told us we'd have to come to school to 'hoot' the flag " Teachers should be very careful how they handle the King's English. • * • Ben Viljoen, Pietoraa auctioneer and late Gemeial, who was reported (from America) (1) to have married Miss Belfort, an English soubietfce, (2) to hare accepted a commission in the Russian Arniv for the East , (3) to be dead ; writes that he is single, is a civilian, and is feeling well. Friends will kindly not send wedding presents. • • « Do you absolutely swear P" said learned counsel to a witness in the magistiate's court. "I do that," replied the unblushing witness. ''What do you swear?" "Well let's hear what you want to know then I'll swear," leplied tlhe obliging one. Which doesn't convince me of the value of the Bible oath or any other kind of sweai • * * Miss Braddon, whose noveLs are &o much used to scare naughty ohildien with, recently spoke of two madnesses. "Next to the drunk madness among the women of the slums, the dress madness of the West-End and the suburbs is one of the worst featuies of an over-civilised age." Seems to me the latter is breaking out in a mild form even in Wellington. How lovely to be mad ' * » * Stated v ithout a smile, m some upcountry papers, that ''Chailie" Skerrett is to get £10,000 for enlightening the minds of the Privy Council to the horrible sufferings and loss sustained bv the dear, kind brewers of Wellington, who have been enabled to save Newtown by once more serving it with good, pure, unadulterated liquors at prices within the reach of all. * * • Tauranga one of the beauty spots in tho Bay of Plenty district, is sweet but slumbrous. Do not imagine, however, that no improvements have been effected lately. When the Premier's party went to the local post office a short while back they found brand-new post-boxes. You see, the old kerosene tins were getting rusty, and so some new ones were erected in honour of the distinsruished visrtois. * * » Countess Clanoarty (Belle Bilton, actress), about whom Johnnydom raved for long enough, was ill in a London nursing home at laist reports. The next. Lard Glanoartv will be the son of a music-hall star. He was a twin, but his even-aged sister died. There are three others. Lord Clancarty set the fashion among (peers, maiiv of whom rushed away to the green-rooms, and picked a bud.

Why have chilblains on youi naiiab when you can buy a sable muff for £25 ? • • • Society item from the Taibape thuudeiei . —"Mr. was in Taihape today. Yesteiday he was in gaol." Takes one light back to the swashbuckling days of Califorman gold-digging, doesn't A Melbourne man lately used a key with Which to open the "dark portal." Bon owed a skein of silk fiom his wife, put it round this neck, and 'twitched" it tight until the door was opened—and darkness. # Again reverting to the lack of knowledge common to the West Coast, I may say" that a paper thaieaway has had "Georgie Porgie" Read knighted for some yeais now. It always pi efaces his august name with an unnecessary Mi E. M. Smith, M.H.R. who sustained a severe accident some time ago is not yet strong. He recently fainted m the streets of New Plymouth, and wa > sent home m a cab. To a vigorous and energetic man Like "E. M." the enforced' idleness musi be very galling * » * What discontented fellows volunteers are. "Seddon Horse" swaddles in Auckland want to be called, "The Waitemata Mounted Rifles." King Dick says "all light," as long as they first of all disband, and apply for reoomstitution under the new name. It will be the first time a oorps has had to disband to change its name, and the khakeros aie annoyed I should think "Seddon" was good enough name for them. ♦ * * Russian "Tommies" are rather fond of looting. The said Tommies are paid at the rate of £1 a year. Recognising that the possession of suoh vast wealth might be subversive of discipline, and lead to luxurious habits, the Government deducts something for spirits and tobacco. Likewise, it withholds some other small sums which it says are semt to Tommy's people ait home. "For God the Czar, and £1 a year." Splendid stimulus to patriotism.

A few weeks ago we lesurrected h&xa a Taranaki newspaper advertisement a prose poem pushing the sale of somebody's vrhisky. The poet who had it on tap assuied his public that, 'as it trickles over the palate it conveys to the brain the soid of the yellow-bearded barley and the wind that shakes it, and the golden sunshine that ripples over it" Mi. John Gibson, general merchant, of Patea and Hawera, built the rhapsody, and vouches for the whisky. He sends us a bottle by way of explanation. Also, he remarks sportively that, although we have described him as a publican, he is noifc quite such a sinner only when it suit® him. We have submitted to the office ootiiicmsseucrs the Scotch whisky which Mr. Gibson imports and bottles'. They have returned a verdict that poetry is justifiable in describing it. Judgment entered up accordingly. "Crack the Glass" is the title of an article of special interest to photogiaphers to be found in another column. Mr. D. Milligan, who has more than a local fame for the higher branches of tailoring, invites gentlemen interested in providing themselves with up-to-date stylish evening dress, to give ham a visit of inspection The fact that "men of fashion" throughout the colony send to Mr. Milligan for their special suits is sufficient guarantee of his ability to satisfy the most exacting. The miser sat amongst his gold. "I would not part," he said, "With half-a-guinea, tho' my life Were to be forfeited." But influenza got him down, His breaths grew short and fewer, "Take all I've got," he cried, "but give Me Woods' Great Peppermint Cure."