It Is Town Talk

Free Lance, Volume IV, Issue 201, 7 May 1904, Page 22

It Is Town Talk

—That at a Gisborn© wedding the other day, the four greys harnessed to theL-idi carnage had their hoofs painted m gold. That Japanese vessels with a "kau at the tail of their names are Those whose names end with, maru aie merchantmen. —That colouiied handkerchiefs are to be all the fashion for men. King idward was observed to be using one at a recent horses-show. —That a Hawera lady is being searched foi . She lef fc home in her dressing-gown. Rather summery attire for winter travelling. —That it was eleven years, on Wednesday since John Ballanoe passed away, and on Sunday King Dick entered the tw elfth year of his reign. —That the pet name for Tasmania on the other side is "the Apple Orchard. New Zealand will soon be known as "Dick's Ham and Beef Shop. —That Clement Wragge wants an observatory started m the immediate neighbourhood of the South Pole. Wonder if King Dick will freeze on. —That in some of the prohibition districts the old stagers are getting gloriously drunk on rhubarb wine. its cheap and gets's there all the same. That a one-legged competitor, named Woodman, won a swimming race the othei day. The other fellows say a timber leg ought to be handioa^ed. That Mr. F. F. Munro, who has iust been elected mayor of Westport, is a younger brother of Mr. G. S. Munro, of the Industries and Commerce Department. —That the mature virgins of Wellington aie hoping Mayor Aitken will celebiate his re-election after the fashion of Petone's mayor— by going into double harness. —That the Wellington Cadets' Exhibition panned out a net profit of £60. Not so dusty, eh ? It ought to knock a laige hole in the cost of the band mstiuments. —That Michael Davitt has just presented President Roosevelt with a blackthorn stick. The Pi esidemtial election is appi ©aching. Michaels little hint. —That Taianaki ought to set up a public monument to "The Cow." She has lifted more mortgages and cleared more bush land than any other thing, alive or dead. —That they aie signing a petition upcountry asking the Mimstei of Justice to remove a certain individual f1 om the Jai Pee list. Perhaps, he's too respectable to be on it. —That a West Coast papei , m describing a local wedding last week, says "The bride was given awa^ bv hoi stepfather the genial Jack O'Leaiv." No fiills on the Coast. — That the pi oudest man in Masterton just now is Mr. Joe Renall, the new Mayor* of Masterfcon. "I'm as pioud as a peacock," he assured the electors at the declaration of the poll. — That they had a breeze on the Tai anaki Education, Boaid the other day. One member told another that he thought himself "a little tin god" just because he came from Stratford. — That the Russian soldiers went to the war expecting to meet dwai fs. They were told bv their officers the Japanese were only 3ft high, and four of them would fit nicely on to one> bayonet. — That Marcus Marks, of Wellington, w rites from the Lakes of Killarney to say he is learning the Irish language at a great rate, and hopes to give his recitation of "The Fenian Cat" with overpowering effect on his return. — That the Carte,rton paper says the Wellington Benevolent Trustees ai c the lineal descendants of Dickens's Alderman Cute, the sleek, over-fed individual who ate the best of shivering, halfstarved Trotty Veck's tripe, and scoffed at his being hard-up. — That the Baptist parson of Nelson doesn't hesitate to say the people are beino- preached and talked to death He thinks one of the best thinejs that could harrpen to a church would be to do without sermons for twelve months. Supposing he sets an example ? — That Wragge, the weather-prophet told the Christchurch people that, m naming his storms after the seductive damsels of the South Seas he had thought to pj-ovide suitable titles for the babiesi of Australasia. What could be nicer, he asked, than a girl called "Luika?"

That a Wellington counti} editor giavely lemarks that there are not enough brains in the opposition rag's office to bait a fish-hook with. —That the lady elector is putting on airs. One of Dr. Maloney's female suppoiters in Melbourne insisted on being taken to the poll in a motoi-cai. That a local parson claims to have performed the clerical hat trick last •week. Officiated in one day at a christening, a wedding, and a funeral. Things aie brisk. That the frequent disqualification ot professional cyclists for "collusion" in competing for big stakes will soon kill that branch of sport. At any rate, it is considerably over-done. That, after recent experience of the Austi-alian cricket barr acker, the British footballers are being advised to take out a score of extia umpnes with them, as two or three may be used up in each colonial match. —That Deakin, the Federal ex-Pie-mier, will be consoled for defeat with a billet as High Commissioner in London, and that "Georgie Porgie" Reid will be master of the situation very soon. Like Mark Tapley, George is sly— devilish sly. That an enthusiastic supporter of Mr. Massey's, in proposing a vote of thanks to him down atßalclutha, said it wouldn't require a weighing machine 01 a tape-line to compare him favourably with other politicians. Massey must be growing fast. — That the newly-wedded better-half of a maritime man sailing out of Wellington has celebrated her husband's first trip after the honeymoon by cleaimg out with the best man. His friends say she signed articles as a mate, but proved to be a skipper. — That Bishop Neligain, of Auckland, doesn't like "the th'ieepenny-bittei." He desoi ibed him last week as the man who wants three penn'orth of his own pet parson once a week if the w eathei is fine. That's 2Vd more thaai some parsons' sermons are worth. — That an enteipusmg veteran ciopped up at the last meeting of the Empire Veterans' Association, in Auckland He applied for a loan of £10, half to get man led on and the other half to "buy tucker and build a shanty " They refused the modest request. — That an itinerant vendor of vaiious trifles, well-known about Wellington has invested his little sivinors in han pins, safety pins etc. His idea is to attend ladies' hockey matches this season, and do business at ha)f-t me and at the conclusion of the game. — -That a pretty girl competition is to be one of the featuies of a miiitaiA bazaai down at Christchurch. Am one will be allowed a vote toi a penny, the beauty candidates to be the stall assistants. Now, if Lovedav had only thought of that idea for his Cadets' Exhibition — That Majoi -General Kekewich who held Kunbeilev aerainst the Boeis, has letned from the Annv. The c aie a lot of Generals in New Zealand willme to fill the vacancy if the pay is good eii'oue;h. Every one of them knows how to settle the Russo-Jap w ar mside a week. — That they have found out <i new way of bringing electors to the poll down at Dunedm Several of the eiH and subui ban school committees provided musical piopamraes to while away the time during the counting of ballot papers at the annual meetings of householdei s. — That the Matakitaki backblockeis are getting restive. They want to know when King Dick means to visit "the Lost Tribe." They have iust vned "Cannot promise you a seat on a bu'look-wageion but if you feel like dive >icm will wheel you in a barrow " Th<>t settles it