Afternoon Tea Gossip

Free Lance, Volume IV, Issue 201, 7 May 1904, Page 10

Afternoon Tea Gossip

By Little Miss Muffitt.

PERHAPS, you have heaid of Clem Hill, Australia's gieatest cricketer. Well, lie's just made the greatest catch of his life. He is about to be married to Miss Hart, granddaughter of a late-M.L.C. of Tasmania. She is very pretty, and inherits a tidy fortune from the deceased Legislate c Councillor. The marnage is to take place just pnor to the departuie of the next Australian Eleven, and the toui is to be the honeymoon. * • * Don't tell me that childien aie dull. What think you of this neat sally from a little maid of six, daughter of one of Wellington's busiest lawyeis. Everyone knowsi him. Miss Six-year-old had been asking questions, and her mamma felt obliged to admit "Yes, Mabel, if we axe good, we will all go to heaven , you, and auntie, and papa, and I." "Oh, no not papa, mother ! He couldn't leave his business!" * ♦ ♦ What do you thmk of "A Country Girl" ? To my mind, the liveliest sally in it is Lauii's yerdiot on ' Man," from the feminine point of view. "Befoie marriage he takes you into the moonlight , after marriage he leaves you at home with a bar of 'Sunlight.' Before marriage, he talks a lot about his heart: after marnage, it's all about his liver." Now, girls, both young- and old, don't you think it's a dead hit? I do. » • * The Wellington Harbour Board had better hurry up with those harbour works. Just extend your hand for this jujube. It is Dr. Emory Johnson writing in "Everybody's Magazine" • — "The Panama Canal will bring New York neatly 4000 miles nearer Sydney, Australia, and about 6000 miles closer to Wellington, in New Zealand." Fancy that, now. We'll be able to take the morning ferry boat to 'Frisco, do our "shopping," and get home again in time for tea. How nice, eh, girls? * * * Would you believe it, a local poet has actually had the effrontery to send this awful squib to that nice young chemist, Mr. Dunbar Sloane .—. — A lady once purchased some myrrh, And the druggist said gaily to her '"If it's for your lips, Miss, Have a care how you kiss." And she myrrhmyirhed indignantly, -Syrrh!" I hope Mi . Sloane will pardon me for publishing it. * • * Mr. Pattison is cunous to know if Mr. P. J. O'Regan has been raking in a fortune from the land. He told the Kumei oa f armers the other day that to show all Patrick Joseph knew about fai ming, he wrote to the press that if a man wished to become wealthy all he had to do was to get a piece of land, employ men to do the work, and rake in the dollars, which he called the unearned increment. That is why Mr. Pattison a\ ants to know whethei he has acted on his own advice since he lost hi-s seat in Parliament. * ♦ • The other day I was among the guests at a wedding party, and came in contact with a sharp nipper. Not so much in contact, however, as an old duchess who hails from one of our toniest quarters. This paiticulai voungstei managed to tread heavily on the dowager's corny toe. He was asked aftei wards what he did to repair his awkwardness. "Oh," he said, "I begged her pardon, and she gave me sixpence." "What did you do then?" "I trod on her other toe," was the staggering reply ; "but she wouldn't make it a shilling." Oh, young Wellington is coming on all right. * » • I heard a good thing the other day, and am assured it is perfectly true. A well-known personage in local labour circles recently visited Wanganui, with the object of organising a union of bakers. After addressing them on the advantages of unity, those present were invited to form a union. One man alone declined ; "on religious grounds," he said. Thereupon, the local labour missioner sent for a Bible, and quoted scripture to prove that Our Saviour himself was not only in favour of unionism, but was undoubtedly a Socialist. He argued his case so well that the man with the religious scruples not only joined, but, before he left the room, was made president of the union.

Fiancis Kenna, yoet, journalist, and Queensland M.L.A., who was marned quite lecently, is said to have issued a writ tor divoice against las wife, Ruby May Kenna, naming one Gardiner as co-iespondent, but claiming no damages against him. •k * Or couise, Piophet Elijah Dowie, when lie hears of it, will call it the hand ot a\enging Providence. At any late, the Rev. Mi. Bailey, who was di owned the othei day in New South Wales, is the young Methodist ministei whom Dowie turned out of one of his Melbourne meetings for interruptions. * * * They don't deal much with i ose-w atei in Australian politics. I notice that one of the Labour Party, now on top in the Federal Parliament, claimed that his paity was the party of "convictions." Wheieupon, a journal of the wrong coloui snappishly remarks — '"Well, a good many of them have been convicted, and, as a consequence, have become members of Parliament." * « « Some rude person sent an anonymous billet the other day to one of the most dressy of our society dames. It was very much to the point, for it merely said . — Rich and rare were the gems she woi c When she was "diessed to kill" And terrible were the oaths he sw ore When her husband saw the bill. Hubby, by the way, is said to hang on to the bawbees. * « Premiei Tommy Bent, who giaduated fiom market gardening into politics, isn't the polished article that fashionable Melbourne would like in the way of Premiers But I see that one smart paper says that Victoi la feels about him much as Erne feels in the Professor's Love Story w hen she says to the gardenei, "Deevil or no deevil, you're the man for me'" After all, these bighanded, hard-headed men, who have come through the rouah and tumble of colonial life make the best ruleis * * * Awfully wide-awake people up at Eltham, and desperately keen in lassoomg any stiay dollars that come over their horizon. Here is an up-to-date illustration from the "Argus' — "A hoise tctheied to a post in town hung back, and broke his bridle. In three seconds a saddler was on the spot i eady to sell ? new bridle or 1 epan the old one A dentist rushed out to see if any teeth were bi oken a chemist stepped up smartly to see if any liniment was wanted, a lawyei pianced up to see if there was an action for damages sticking out- a reporter waltzed into the crowd to take a note, and the policeman — well he was missing " * * * It actually happened last week, for my mfaimant was an eve-witness. There is a weighing-machine at the town end of the Kelbui ne tramway and, by putting a penny in the slot, you can have your weight registered whenever you feel "so disposed." On this particular occasion, two substantial citizens proceeded to weigh out. The first put on twelve stone. Then, the othei , with a laige-sized pipe in his mouth, stepped on , weight, 12st lib. But, the first citizen pointed out that the pipe made all the difference, whereupon No. 2 took it from his mouth, and gravely held it in his hand. They were both satisfied the true weight was then recorded minus the pipe. Also, they botii hail frae avont the Tweed