It is Town Talk

Free Lance, Volume IV, Issue 200, 30 April 1904, Page 22

It is Town Talk

—That Christchuich is the home of the crank. Its latest is an effort to establish a New Zealand Referendum League. That the manifesto of the Catholic Bishops is a pretty strong cough-drop for the Bible-in-schools party in INew Zealand. —That, if the people who indulge in "two-up" would only take to the more stylish game of "fitty-up," the police would let them severely alone. — That Westport coal 30s a ton in Auckland and 39s a ton in Wellington are current quotations that give the local householder food for thought. — That the Wellington lawyers didnjt seem to be enjoying their St. Georges Day. Most of them were chasing the nimble six-and-eightpence just as usual. That the Mormon missionaries who wanted to accompany King Dick to the Chathams must have had an eye to his conversion. There is no declining birth-rate in Utah. —That, after all, theie may be some fairness in paying wives for work What do they ever get for cooking for men? Nothing. And we? Indigestion often. Fair exchange is no robbery. —That the Wellington Racing Club were i lght out of the running with the weather last week. And a good many costumes that were built up for exhibition on the lawn didn't even get an airing. —That butter pays all right. A well-known private factory-owner in Taranaki has just been offered £30,000 for his factory and five creameries by a company that proposes converting milk into powder. —That Auckland City Hall, the home of the vaudeville and the standby for big political meetings, is to be turned into suites of offices. It was built as a Theatre Royal, and opened to the public about thirty years ago. — That the widow of a former citizen, who died the other day on a West Australian goldfield, has received a letter of condolence from his friends there, saying, among other things, "we did all we could to make the funeral a success." — That distinguished travellers who are seeing the world on other people's money are avoiding Wellington on account of the publicity given to the names of strangers. If you sleep at an hotel you get 'a "personal" , if you sleep in a boiler you get into the Police Court. That, if Labour Leader Watson has any difficulty in forming his Commonwealth Ministry, he ought to send an early cable over to Wellington. Andrew Collins, Dave Fisher, and Tom Young, under strong persuasions, might possibly see him through by taking poitf olios. — That a fancy dress ball, in connection with the local fire brigade, was nipped in the bud at a well-known Wellington country township the other day. The middle-aged spinster daughter of the chief promoter received an anonymous letter saying it was reported she was going as "an old flame." — That the sweethearts of Wellington are thinking hard about making a presentation to the Scenery Preservation Society, in recognition of its kindness in forming that nice secluded track to the top of Mount Victoria, with three seats at different points "for whispering lovers made." Probable form of the presentation — a set of spoons. — That another beauty actress is coming over to the colonies from Uncle Sam's Land, to play comedy. Florence Hope will make the third in the beauty line, the other two being Mary Van Buren and Maud Jeffries Who will be the colonial Paris to award the apple ? Wellington has a few Johnnies who are willing to take it on. — That a Wellington Terrace society dame is not quite satisfied with her cook. She suprised her the other day putting her finger in the stew to taste it "Mary, Mary! That's not nice!" she mildly remonstrated, for servants must be spoken to very respectfully now-a-days. "Oh, yes, mum, it is, but it wants more salt," was the artless plyThat a certain- citizen, who devotes his Sunday afternoons to the Sunday school, got a bit of a facer on Sunday last. He was impressing upon the infant department that we should never do in private what we would not do in public. Whereupon one nipper asked with painful distinctness, "How 'bout taking a bath ?" It quite broke up all the vouna lady teachers.

—That Blaud Holt says his favounte scng is, "Do you lemember Sweet Alice Bland Holt?" That, in view of the success of the Labour Party on the othei side, some of the New Zealand labourites are already picking a card for their own Ministry. — That the stay-at-home paison has commenced to let the tiavelhng evangeilist know that he isn't wanted. No wonder, when the collectioiirplate speaks. — That morning parades of nine and ten drunks at the Police Court don't look well with licensing day so near at hand. Who supplies the drink to drunken men p — That E. G. Blackmore, chief clerk of the Commonwealth Lower House, used to be a New Zealand settler, and still wears his Maori war medal on holiday occasions. — That the Johnnies of Wellington, and many bald-heads as well, are lushmg the box-plan fOlf 01 f i ont beats for the comic opera season. The Royal Balleiinas always fetch them. — That the.oouple of escaped convicts, who were nobbled at Tawa Flat the other night, were dressed in a mixtuie of garments which would be just the thing for a stage nigger. — That the pouch of the average pelican is large enough to contain seven quarts of water. The pouch of the average politician is capable, of containing more — but not water. — That now that the bubonic plague has broken out in Auckland, the gamin of Wellington is looking out hopefully for a notice from the Town Clerk for 3d or 4d a head for defunct rodents — -That Delno Fntz, the biograph ventriloquist, brought off a neat local "hit" the other night. "The earth is the Lord's," he said, "but the Wellington streets belong to the tramways." — That on St. Geoige's Day a humorous contingenter floated the Boer Republican vierkleur fiom the peak of his suburban cottage. Three a ears ago he would have been i emoved from the face of the eaith foi doing so. —That "Mads" Buck Hoist is the vei y appropriate name of a Danish publican fiom Jinsbane who has to p<iy £450 to a lady whom he had met in Sydney Botanic Gardens and piomised to many while his wife was still alive. — That the Mayor doesn't caie about making the first move in a faiewell to the Governor. Evidently, His Woiship is still suffering from that tired feeling. Then, why won't he let someone else have a spell as mayor? — That there doesn't seem much necessity for bringing a mere child up at the Police Court simply because a bobby finds him "sleeping in the open air." What good will the "lock-up," + .he court, and the notoriety do him? —That the Chows of Wellington turned up in great force at the Opera House on Monday night, to see the Russo-Japanese war. Theie was no room left for doubting that John looked upon the Jap as a man and a brother. —That the £11,323 put through the tote at the races on Saturday afternoon will leave a good many butcheis', bakers', and grocers' bills hung up for a season. Also, that the "bookies" did well enough to be able to take a rest for a while. — That the Yankee papers have a rather curt way of handling celebrated men in their news headlines. "From Brigand to Prime Minister" is a sample heading for the cable announcing that Dr. Jamieson had become Premier at the Cape. —That it is particularly rough on an innocent man to be ai 1 ested as a muvdeier, and dragged to gaol. If the man clapped into the lock-up at New Plymouth is really David Watt, the draughtsman, and not the Wairaiapa fugitive, he has a stiong case for compensation. — That it cost Cyprian Bridge 40s and costs the other day to save a couple of hundred 1 yards' walk by jumping off the Te Aro train opposite the Fire Brigade Station. Also, it will be dearer for busy men like Cyprian to save time m this way for the futuie, as Dr. McArthur says he means to chaige £5 for it — That the round-the-world-in-a-bar-rel mania is spreading. E. Williams, late foreman at the New Plymouth Harbour Board, is getting ready to build an ark for himself to sail round the world. If Felix Tanner's second attempt is a success, Williams means to challenge him to a barrel-race round New Zealand. — That Ada Crossley has been gathering in trophies of all sorts in South Africa. The Australians at Bloemfontein piesented her with a floral kangaioo six feet high — the flowers being purchased 500 miles away. And, at another town, they gave her an afternoon tea-set made out of pom-pom shells used in the battle of Diamond Hill.