It Is Town Talk

Free Lance, Volume IV, Issue 194, 19 March 1904, Page 22

It Is Town Talk

—That a Mr. Blizzard has just been married to a Miss Gale. Look out for squalls. — That quaint Ashburton has a bootmaker who advertises, ' Buy your boots at Alcorn's." Suggestive of footagony. — That they have found a new name in 'Murika for our friend the "undertaker." It is "the post mortem merchant." — That they have been asking Dowie iv Melbourne to show them his wings. They will be asking next for the chariot of fire. — That the Russians love the Manchurians. At least, they love the very ground they walk on, which is the same thing, isn't it? That the difference between Elijah Dowie and Elijah the Tishbite is that, while the latter was fed by ravens, the former is fed by gulls. — That Mayor Aitken is wisely advised not to take on a fifth term. People are getting awfully tired of the "Taihoa and go slow" policy. — That the Auckland church-goers aie wondeiing why they ever opposed Sunday trams. The cars are now the surest way of filling the pews. — That the Government seems to have added still another branch to their business as general provideis. Stated that the Tutanekai is now for hire. — That a well-known Wellington girl, who has just been refused a trip to the St. Louis Exposition by her dear papa, says he is the closest relative she has got. — That up North, Bishop Nehgan is looking crestfal'en since the Wesleyan Conference began to call him "the new impoitation." Let brotherly love continue. — That "London Fashions" tells the world that tailors will introduce a "waist" for men this season. These men will be known by sensible people as "wasters." — That, since the Pope's decree, many ladies have turned their decollete costumes into bathing dresses. A good many have been shipped out fiom Europe for the purpose. — That an Australian lawyer has committed suicide. He applied for costs in a case at £2 2s, and found when too late that he was entitled to £5 ss. No wonder his brain gave way. — That a small boy ha» been convicted in Christchurch of smoking cigarettes. Hundreds of Wellington boys smoke cigarettes. That law cost a great deal of money to pass. One boy ' — That the lccal parson, who returned thanks last Sunday for his "welcome succour," has left the congregation in. doubt whether he meant the increase in his stipend or the new baby. Several new hats await the verdict. — That Wellington believes in encouraging higher-c'ass education. The Governors of the Girls' High School are offering the giddy salary of £100 for an "Assistant Lady Teacher." What will she do with such a fortune? — That Sir John See, now m New Zealand, will shortly retire from the New South Wales Premiership. The electors aie said to be suffering from See-sickness. Does Sir John think he could change New Zeddon into New See-land ? — That Colonel Sommeiville, who was introduced by the press as an ideal commanding officer for the Auckland Veterans' Home, has wearied very quickly of his billet. Wonder if he can be persuaded to accompany the rifle team to Bisley once more 9 — That some of Wellington's smart people are already stocking their cellars with Guinness's Stout. They reckon that Plunket will be sure to ask for some when he's invited out. Also that the price will go up to keep pace with the local demand. — That P. J. O'Regan has just come into a fortune. It is a copy of a Home paper, containing in big headlines the news, "Mr. Chamberlain Not Going to Australia. His Work Lying at Home." Patrick Joseph sees his way to making some political capital out of it. — That an Australian paper suggests the non-inclusion of any New Zealanders in any public competition in the Commonwealth in future. 'In whatever they tackle they beat us," moans the paper. This a propos of the winning of a world's record at Melbourne by a New Zealand fireman.

That the presence of so many strange doctois in Wellington this week may possibly account for the sudden outbreak of influenza. That a political spoutei in Sydney committed suicide the other day. With a fine eye to the fitness of things, he tied himself up to a gas-pipe. That Dr. Pomare's loute through the Maori distncts is matked by a trail of sore arms. The Maon has caught on eagerly to the vaccination idea. That Minister Tarn Duncan is stated by the papers to have spent a couple of days m the Piako Swamp. It reminded him strongly of the Hutt Road. —That King Dick isn't going to have any more Chmese^puzzle examination papers set for school children. He's thinking hai d whether he hadn't bettei set the next lot himself. That it isn't kind of the whisky people to advertise their particular elevator under the head of "St. Patrick's Day " Even Scots and Englishmen occasionally sample the "dew." — That one of the Australian weeklies hits off the situation bv picturing Russia and Japan, the Prophet Elijah, and the war "special" running a neck-and-neck," race for the Lying Stakes. — That, now the State coal mines are running, people are promised a "warm" time at cheaper rates. There is a local disposition to use one's neighbour's fence with coal at £2 a ton. — That Britain used to feai very much for the submerged Kaffir when Jan Boer made him walk in the middle of the road. Now John Bull orders the Kaffii oft the footpath at Johannesburg and Capetown. — That even the advertisement columns of the local papers offer humourous reading. The "Post" announces that you may get Christmas presents at the shop of an advertiser Time moves but slowly with some people. — That a Wellington doctoi is in possession of a "high frequency" apparartus, which represents a teinfic rate of speed in the application of electric currents. He might lend it to the City Council for their tram-works. — That, as the Tutanekai is now lying idle, it would be a giaceful act on Mr. Seddon's part to offer her to the Wellington Ministers' Association for a fishing excursion — sort of heaping coals of fire on their heads as it were. — That Phil Nathan made a willing effort at the Circus on Saturday night to lift that £100 by getting under Strong Man Pagel's 2801b dumb-bells. Pagel visibly trembled at this manifestation of "Defiance." The £100 is still intact. — That the report that Sir Joseph Ward has signed on with John Fuller for a season at His Majesty's Theatre lacks confirmation. Also, that Mr. John Duthie has not confiimed the rumour that he is coming out as a lightning calculator. — That the Methodist Conference, in sorting out its parsons this year, seems determined to flavour up the theological Sabulum at this end of the colony, •arlick and Tuck are provided for the Hutt, and Ginger and Eaton for Greytown. Good enough. — That, a propos of that blizzard on the Queensland coast, it doesn't seem a bit odd to read of the "Lass o' Gowrie" being "on the rocks at Cape Tribulation." People who get "on the rocks" are usualy in the close neighbouihood of much tribulation. — That the average school attendance fell with a sickening thud this week just as soon as the 1 youngsters heard that Wirths' menagerie paraded through the streets on Monday afternoon. Every nipper has registered a vow to be on hand for the next march-out. — That toy boats of large "tonnage" were raced on the big water channels m Adelaide-road on Monday last. The concrete road bed holds about two feet of water, and the adjacent drains won't "look at it." When the conciete is hard, the Council is going to take it up again, and see to the drains