Entre Nous

Free Lance, Volume IV, Issue 194, 19 March 1904, Page 12

Entre Nous

ALTHOUGH the Medical Congiess opened on Monday night at the Museum, it must not be assumed they went there because they aie a collection of fossils or curios. Quite the contiary. Most of the medicos on exhibition were quite young fellows, or men in the prime of life, with a dash of very fresh snow here and there. But, they all, as well as the visitors who are not decorated with the title of "Dr.," took the Congress in the most serious spirit. There was a subdued hush over the proceedings which was highly suggestive of the sick-room or the tomb Usually, they came in on tip-tee, nodded at each other with the ghost of a smile, and conversed in whispers, so that the entrance of an undertaker would have seemed the most natural thing in the world. However, he kept away. * * * The lay element was prominent on the front benches fronting the rostrum, back of which was a ghastly white sheet, suggestive of cerements, but really nir tended for lantern views. Some of the pillars of the State lested on the first row of chaiis. For example. Sir Joseph Ward, w 7 ho, in the role of Minister of Public Health, succeeded in keeping down his gaiety of heart , Judges Edwards, Cooper, and Denniston, with that eminent medico (Dr. Colquhoun, of Dunedin), sandwiched in between, and, on the other side of the Appeal Court, the Hon. Charlie Mills, wearing a look of the severest dignity. The S.M., Dr. McArthur, shone quite placidly amidst a galaxy of medical talent in a line with the door : Dr. Faulke, who kept an eye on the door as if he expected to be called out at any moment, Dr. Rawson, whose moustachios looked sweet enough for any-thing,-and Dr. Fell, his youthful hair parted with scientific accuracy down the middle Further along, Dr. Edith Huntley beamed benignly through her goldrimmed specs, and, in the rcw behind, Dr Isabel Watson, looking sweet and fragile, was deep in conversation with Dr. Adams, of the chubby cheeks. Dr. Kendal, with his curly lock=, sat in the centre, in close contiguity to Dr. Ewart from the Hospital, Dr. Purdy, who seemed to be preoccupied with plans for the coming conversazione, and Dr. Albert Martin, who would make up well as a dashmg mihtaire. > Dr. Cahill was there too, fresh as paint, and still smiling over his. reminiscences of Ireland and the blarney-stone. The jolly face ot T. K. M. gleamed m the distance, lighting up the anxious expiession of Dr. Fitchett while Dr. MacGregor sat deep down the hall, with his leonine head and silver hau* in clear relief against a sombio bnckgiound.

Quite cheei fully Rabbi Van Staveren sustained the weight of the Church on Ins shouldeis until Dr. Chappie led in the Rev. Dr. Gibb to help bear the bin den. Mi. John Duthie kept a wary eye on the Ministry from, an adjacent bench. Councillor John P. Luke showed that the Corporation was not mdiffeient, and there was another captain of industry present in the person of brothei Charles M. of the same ilk. # * * Dr. Collins will never be a stump oratoi. Even his brief response to the keen-eyed Dr. Gibbs compliments m welcoming him to the chair wasmaiked by nerves in manner and speech, but he regained his composure the moment he sailed into his typed presidential addiess. It was no dry-as-dust effusion, built up tooppiessyou with its erudition. Far from it. It was highly interesting from start to finish, and marked by clearness of expression, and strong common-sense. It contained a vanety of hints and suggestions w hich it is to be hoped Sir Joseph made a mental note of for practical use. At the close, Dr Colquhoun came to light with a neat vote of thanks, and then Dr. Mason emerged biisklv from the shadows, and, by way of cheering up all and sundry, and producing an appetite for supper, threw on the scieen some half-dozen pictures of small-pox subjects. One, from Tasmania^ — an unvaccinated subject — was horrible enough to kill at sight any scruples against vaccination. Then, just as the fleeting glimpse of a gay vaudeville figuie took shape on the canvas — causing a momentary spasm of expectancy — the lights went up, and the show was over. According to Sydney ' Newslettei ," the late artist, "Jimmy" Nairn, spent a year or so in the bush country of the North Island studying native iife. One day the 'whare he inhabited burnt down, and Mr. Nairn's pictures went m the conflagration. ' There was nothing theie that would have huit the eye, or been difficult to live with," was his modest way of explaining that the w oik was, in his opinion, good. * # * A lady once pui chased some myrih, And the chemist said gaily to hyrrh "If it's for your lips, Miss, Have a care how you kiss," And she myrrhmyrrhed indignantly, "Syrrh!" * * # Theie had been a fhe in the local drapery emporium and the resultant damage was mainly induced by the water cast upon the smouldering finely. With marvellous celerity tickets went up in the drapery shop, "Stock slightly damaged by water; selling at under cost." A lady, who is now in Wellington, and who tells us the itory, says she approached the storekeeper, m order to buy some "slightly damaged" garments. The draper looked through his stock. The required articles were "not in stock. Just then a lorry drove ud, and discharged its freight on the pavement outside. The shop boy, who had heard the conversation remarked in a loud voice that "there was plenty of 'em in the box outside." And, although the boy spoke the truth, he got the sack A fire is frequently a boon.

Melodrama is surging throughout New Zealand with great fury. Every little company doing ' smalls" at wayside halls _and sheaung-sheds has a blood-curdling show to spring on to eager sight-seeis. At Waiwaka township last week a company put on "The Ten Round Go," a melodrama with a terrific fight in it. The hero is supposed to win, and the heio was the only boxer the company had. The managei surged around, and found a super (a stray shearer), and put the subject to him. Shearer said he didn't want to be dashed well asterisked about his geranium oath, but when the manager told him it wasn't leal he consented • * * Then, they had a drinl-' after which the manager "shouted," and after which the shearer was thirsty. Anyhow, he came on to time, and sparred around the heio. The hero struck him gently on the nose, and the shearer's blood boiled. He merely sailed in, and wiped up the stage with the hero, knocking him mto_the wings, and swearing horribly. The hero went to hospital, and the shearer went to the lockup. The hero didn't win the prize fight, and thought the show was spoiled. The spectators didn't think so * * * 'Banjo" Patterson, who was married a yeai or so ago, and against whom it was spitefully mmouied that three bieach-of-promise suits were pending, didn't get any suits, but will be buying some shortly. Fact is, "The Man fiom Snowy River" is the father of a litt'e daughter, who, with his wife, the daughter of a squatting king, will probabh keep "Banjo" anchored as nothing else could do An admiring friend bursts forth into rhyme about "Banjo's" little girl — For yeais and yeais, dear Banjo P. You joyed us as a minstiel straying. But, ah l old chap, how will it be Each morning, say, 'twixt two and three. To hear the little "Banjo" playing? * * * New York has a novel professional ciaze and women are taking to it gladly It is a club called "The Professional Women's Trousers Club of New York." The legend "Happy be ye who wear the pants," is the chief decoration of the club-room. It is a remarkable fact that professional women, although they furtively wear the male garments, don't "cotton" to them on the stage. The soulful heroine still "frou frous" across the footlights in skirts, and even the melodramatic lady, who scales the wall of the burning house keiosened by the villain, foigets to charge into her best "stiides," although they would be much moie convenient for athletic heroism. Miss Vesta Tilley, the vaudeville lach who has been used for some years to gaiments that are even more embracing than trousers, is the latest novitiate, and is to be seen about the streets of "Noo Yark" attired masculinely.

An observant "Chips" writes to the Lance saying that it "is coming to something when a labourer cannot smoke the weed on account of an imported engineer." He mustn't forget, however, that it has at least a small element of fairness in it. Thus, a tram-guard has rightly always been prohibited from smoking, but the driver may smoke all day. We don't suppose the labourer is doing any harm by smoking his pipe, but the pipe isn't any more necessary to him than to tramguards. A guard would be a nuisance if he smoked, but it is rather like making "fish of one and flesh of the other" to permit in one class of Corporation employees what is an offence in another. * * * Our correspondent further says that the Corporation have dug a drain, up the asphalt footpath from the corner of Adelaide-road up the north-west side of Revans-fatreet, in front of six new shops and loped it all along to keep the ''prams" from lunning. "We have now neither road nor footpath on account of the elephant cages, which, at tea - time, are always packed with ladies who desire to keep their trilbies dry." But, Mr. Chips forgets that public works are not undertaken in Wellington with a minimum of inconvenience to the public. The desire of the Corporation is apparently to give the people as much trouble as possible, and to spoil new shopkeepers' businesses ' from the jump." * * * "After the reception His Woiship disrobed, wearing only his chain." Sparklet from a Southern paper. Where were the police? * ♦ * "S'posin' you blokes was called out to shoot a lot of blokes what had struck, would yer do it ?" It was a bar-room orator who was talking, and the volunteei, who was overcoming that parched throat, struck an attitude, and said he wouldn't. The orator said that he was the sort of bloke he'd been looking for. Would he have a drink? The volunteer intimated his willingness three times. "Why wouldn't yer shoot ?" asked the "shouter." "Well you see, I'm in the band '" remarked the soldier, as he prepared to leave. * * * King Dick was tired the other day, and he absolutel- refused admittance to the Southern reporters. One chap waited until the private secretary with the gun and dynamite bomb had gone to lave his parched gills, and slipped by into King Dick's room at the hotel. "Who are you?" roared the lion. "I'm a reporter, sir," he tremblingly ejaculated. "Do you know, my lad, that "I've refused to see sixteen reporters this morning?" "Yes, sir, I do, because I'm he." And the Premier looked the sixteen reporters in his tired eyes, and gave him eighteen columns of "copy."

Dear Lance.— The little inclination I ever had to help my fellow-creatures in this world is dead. I was present the other evening at a local concert, in aid of a certain, church. The pat son stood up to lecite ''Curfew Must Not Ring Tonight." All went well, and the story was being told in a right good manner till the end of the fourth verse. Then, for the life of him, the Rev. Mr. Blank could not remember what came next. His eyes sought the ceahng, and his hands were nervously clasped together and his lips moved. Now, I happened to know what came next, but, being onh a young woman, my gentle, retning disposition forbade me to piompt him There was a young man sitting right in front, and I gave hm a "dig in the back. He turned indignantly round and, in a rather loud whisper I eagerly said 'She with quick steps bounded foiwaid.' Tell Mr. B." * ♦ * It w as a second or so before he grasped wlut I meant him to do. Then, he called out. "Mr. Blank, excuse me, the next is, 'She with quick steps.' Oh, thank you so much," returned the clergyman, "I had quite forgotten for the moment." It was a good few moments, by the way. Anyhow , he got through 'all right after that. But. in spite of myself, I could not refrain from laughing. I could not help it, but it was not at the minister's bad memory. Oh no ' It was at the way I had rudely nudged that young fellow in front, Ins stupid, amazed look of inquiry as he turned round, and my own excitement, etc - After the lecitation, the clergyman staggered me by saying "My dear friends, ray memory did forsake me just now for a moment, but that is no reason why a certain young peison should commence to laugh. It only encouiages others who aie younger to do the same. I distinctly saw that soit of thing going on while I was reciting, and it "annoyed me very very much. I must heartily thank the kind young gentleman who prompted me'" Then, he withdrew. He had had his eyes on me while speaking, and evidently thought me — me that had saved the situation for him— guilty of larnkmism. All good impulses died within me, Lance, and I, like "Bessie " in the story, "vowed a solemn vow" that, if ever again I should be prompter, I would sing out myself, and get the credit, or, at least no blame — Yours, Patience. * * * 'You're the first girl"— ' Oh, don't," she said, •For whether or no the past is past. The point is now to make me feel Quite suie that I shall be the last " * * * Quaint little Masterton Chinaman, doing veiy well in his "keppigee" concern, some years ago sent for a slit-eyed better-half "from China. She has been extremely popular in spciety. According to local report the eight children of the marriage, in compliment to the British race, have been named by John after leading settlers of the Wairarapa. The reporter doesn't know whether the numerous god-parents sent presents * * * Little "Billy" Muiphv, the New Zealand 'pug," who has been thumping Amencans with eight-ounce gloves for some years, is in New Zealand again, and speaks with a strong nasal note that emnhasises the kind of surroundings he permitted while away. You might thiii k that 'Billy" has foi gotten that he's a Britisher, but if you had heard the little chap speak of the "Hurrah crowd," which is composed of Scandinavians, Germans, and a few Inshmen, who are anti-English, or anti-anything that promises a row, you would find you had been mistaken. * * * 'To strengthen your Imperial leanings," says "Billy," get among the Anglophones." He says also that the crowd" all but got a war going Between John Bull and Uncle Sam ovei the Venezuela affair. "Labour over in America is lotten," adds 'Billy." "A tradesman can't get a job in 'Frisco unless he was born there, and his fathei before him " Which leads to a lot of lying. William will settle in Auckland, to teach the gentle art of "biffing a bloke on the boko" to Queen City boys. "Elijah" Dowie, who is not having such a ' piophetable" time in Australia as the dear man could wish, is really not yet on his last dollars. He couldn't get a heaveny chariot to transport him from America to Australia, so he was reluctantly compelled to come m a common steamer — the Sonoma His humble modest y, and, especially, poverty were instanced by the fact that he and his suite secured the special bridal staterooms of the steamer, at an advanced cost of nearly £50 on the usual rates. Why the leader of the Zion movement selected the bridal stateroom for himself and his party can only he surmised. He evidently wished the comfort and retirement accorded to a honeymoon couple, as, in spite of his protestations, he does not care for his identity to he known, except in the full glare of a public platform, and under police protection.

Such a joke ! One ot oui most staid and dignified doctors was very cheaply sold not long ago. He was on a visit to a, neighbouring town, and dropped in to see a vaudeville show. One of the comic actors came on to the stage in a great hurry, and asked with earnestness "Is there a doctor in the audience ?" No answer. He repeated the question still more ui gently. Then, our medico called out, "I am a doctor '" "Ah," said the artist, "just hold yourself ready sir. lam going to sing." # * * The humiliating spectacle of foityfive people "lining up" two houis after an advertisement for a "to be let" house appearing in a Wellington paper was witnessed last week. The humiliation consists in the fact that nearly the whole of the applicants for the honour of paying a very large rent for a very ordinary house brought alone their rent-books as a guarantee of their bona fides. "I have no children-" plaintively wailed half of them, the other half calling them "encumbrances." * # * The ways of the house-hunter in Wellington are passing strange. A lady noticed a family leaving a house in Marjoribaiiks-street last week. She asked the furniture removei if the house was taken. He didn't know, but, experienced as he was, he advised her to "dump 'er furniture in quick and lively." She rang up her husband, telling him to see the agent, aid meanwhile had her furniture conveyed to the empty house, where she remains, her tenancy secure, no one with a prior claim having as yet turned up. The frantic rush of people into houses is an inducement to builders to still further "scamp" their work.

Paiaparaumu people paled with excitement when they heard that the Paraparaumu liners were about to scoop the boaid at the Tientham Rifie Meeting. The editor of the Otaki paper got this from Trentham — "Representatives Paraparaumu Rifle Club taking all big prizes at Trentham. This day challenged entue camp, ten throws 100 yds, with brickbats.— Whiting." What sort of a time will "Whiting" be getting about now ? * * * Last Tuesday, a ' Lancer" was passing along Hobson-street. There were thiee little gently-nurtured kiddies playing tip-cat on the lawn in front of a merchant's house. There was a slight altercation. One boy wet his finger, dned it on his trousers, and diew it across his throat. This, in childhood's happy days, is an assertion that the owner of the finger isn't telling a lie. "Papa' Papa'" yelled one boy, in at the open verandah door. Papa didn't come. 'Papa' Papa!" Papa got up, came to the door, and thrust his head out. "There you are, Johnny Daw, didn't I tell you me father hadn't got any hair on his head. You just give me those marbles you bet me." * * # A curious libel case was before the court at Graftou, New South Wales, lately. It was proved that defendant pasted letters on a tank at the dairy factoiy, one of which read as follows —"To W. W.— Which would you be? A bigger fool than you look, or look a bigger fool than you are p Answer Impossible." Ten pounds w r as claimed, and the P.M. gave a verdict for 10s, and the S.M. gave a verdict for 10s, which, wuth costs, ran up to £1 17s.

Seriously said that in. an American town recently a reporter found that a wealthy young man had that mornin™ been before the court on a charge of drunkenness He had pleaded acquittal on the ground that his mother, who had heart disease, might die if she heard of it. The man was theiefore acquitted. The reporter straightway went to the house of the lady, broke the news abruptly, and got a really sweet story (under three black-letter headings) for his paper that afternoon. * * # I want to be an angel And with the angels stand, Every time I listen to That darned old Geiman band. Stated a while back duung the dry weather, that, owing to the scaicity of feed, the price of meat would be raised. Very well, people in New Zealand nevei have grumbled much about payins: a big price for the scraps when the English maiket has got the pick at a lowei price Rain has been general lately, asd feed is plentiful — in many places excessive. Prices lowered? Well, the growers say that, owing to the necessity cf keeping young stock on pasture (for fattening for the English market), the price must go up. Which meiely says that the New Zealand consumer pays heavily for the privilege of allowing the New Zealand grower to get a big price for stock at Home. The very laige majoiity of people in New Zealand don't get any direct benefit, while the grower scores all the time. ♦ * * The country school had just been painted Evidently, the 1 local Board had got an overdraft, and the colour chosen was red. One hundred and twelve little children were reiterating the oft-made statements that "two and

two are four," when a mob of cattle, officered by a big shorthorn bull, wheeled into sight. The bull saw the red school, and lie lowered his head and chaiged A large, shaggy bovine head sticking through a wall, with bits of weatherboard impaled on Ins horns, is terrifying, and. although the schoolmaster struck an attitude, and grasped the chalk, ready to do or die in defence of his chaiges, the charges didn't wait for him to immolate himself on the altar of duty. They disappeared, and the bull was ignominiously dragged forth by a draught-horse, that was hitched on to Ins hind leg.