Afternoon Tea Gossip

Free Lance, Volume IV, Issue 194, 19 March 1904, Page 10

Afternoon Tea Gossip

By Little Miss Muffitt.

BEING kicked to death by larrikins does not deter applicants for the Australian police. For nineteen vacancies in the Victorian force there were eight hundred applicants, and the billet isn't the "clane and aisy one" served out to 'Robert" in New Zealand. Quite a lot of Australian policemen earn their pay. For many weeks Wellington had calm weather, but Wirth's circus came along. Then, of course, all the calmness vanished. Have you noticed how Capt. Edwin stokes up the weather whenever a circus is coming this way • • • So that he might fine a path-riding youthful cyclist in accordance with his earnings a Southern magistrate asked the boy if he worked. "Yes, for me father," said the boy in explanation of his inability to pay a fine. It is significant. „ * * * I note with gladness that, although a London butcher marked New Zealand mutton 3d and horseflesh 4*d, the dearer meat cost him abont £50 in fines. Ihe "fines were paid immediately, ' and the gentleman can get plenty more horses in the big city. * • • Rather charming to know that a whole grove of my i tie trees aie now growing cultivated from a single sprig from Queen Victoria's bridal wreath. Each royal lady has worn a sprig, and a section is again planted. The Princess A'ice of Albany, who mairied Prince Francis of Teck, is the last to wear the myitle spiig * * * The Marchioness of Duffer in, who came from "democratic" America allows a, female servant to degrade herself in public by constant attendance on a bejewelled and over-fed spaniel. This suipnsing maid walks demurely down a street holding a silken umbrella over the noble cur Imagine a New Zealand girl abasing herself thus. ♦ * * A Ned Kelly stoiy, told in a late London 'Chronicle." The London daily says that when Ned was standing in the dock awaiting sentence, an open knife fell from the court gallery at his feet. The "ironclad" bushranger could have cut his throat, but he didn't. "The man who dropped the knife was fined," concludes the "Chronicle-" . One of Mr. Tom Shields' juvenile swimming pupils the other day boasted at the Te Aro baths that he could stay under water for a minute and a-half. "Ke must be amphibious," remarked a listener who heard the assertion. ''What does 'amphibious' mean ?" asked an innocent little boy. "It's Maori for 'liar'," explained someone. ♦ • * Visiting at Kelburne the other day, I had occasion to admire the candour of childhood. The hope of the family came in, and said she had just had afternoon tea next door. Then this brief dialogue : — Mother: "You did not ask twice for cake, did you?" Gladys "No, mamma " Mother "That was right, my dear." Gladys • "I helped myself." • * • A piopos of the recent "growing" weather, a Wellington man tells me that in the Wairarapa lately some cricketers hastily took shelter out of the ram One left his bat leaning against a dry log. On the. following Saturday the cricketers were amazed to find a juvenile willow tree. The bat was fast losing its sportive look. If you don't believe the tale, you are invited to step into the Wairarapa to examine the willow tree. • k * Miss Chamberlain, the American wife of "Joe," doesn't dress as elaborately as the average Wellington young lady who sells ribbons. Indeed, very few distinguished people do. Noticed a fair girl the other day with nine or ten inches of herself bare except for the lightest lace covering. Also, her arms were visible to the shoulders. Her eldeilv lady companion wore a heavy black dress, and a stuffy beaded mantle. The old lady had on the best clothes she possessed. So had the girl. Both weie satisfied.

A London weekly rernaiks en passant that the later writings of the lamented Emile Zola were "just the cheese." Sometimes the cheese u as a tnfle high , in fact, gorgon-Zola. • # * Miss Alice May, who belongs to tins side ot the world, lias the lecord toi quick study of a part At 11.30 a.m. she interviewed a London manager and obtained an engagement. She placed her part — a very long one — the same night, being word perfect. * * * 'Yer lordships, or yer woi ships,, 01 whatever yer are," was how an Eketahuna "drunk" expected to appease some Js.P. before whom he appeared charged with lurid language. They fined him £1. A man was "sent up" for six months recently for a like offence, but the Governor chopped off five months of the term. * * * It is delicious to lecal the fact that uiispankable William of Germany has been spanked by the head of the British Army. Willy was a cheeky little beggar as a boy, and, at the marriage of King Edward, he behaved badly. His loyal uncle admimsteied a sound tanning, and AVilhe bit his august leg I expect the Duke gave him numbei tuo hiding after that. Madame Melba lost £LjOO woith of dresses crossing the Atlantic fiom America to England. The salt water dashed over, and, in sportive spirit, spoilt the marvels. Melba would positively "have nothing to weai" when she got to England. But, Melba would have something to say in many languages, though the words might not easily be found in a dictionary. ♦ • * The rain it raineth every day Upon the just and unjust feller, But mostly on the just, because The unjust steals the just's umbrella. • * * Dowie's ability to shed teais at will leminds me of the "little vulgar boy" in "Bab Ballads," who ' 'adn't got no 'ankerchief and 'adn't gotno ma," and who told an old gentleman so. The philanthropic soul took the little vulgar boy home to "No. 2," and went out for beer, whereupon the little weeper went through the dear old gentleman for his little fiddle-patterned spoons and sundry, other valuables * * * The .three Na-seby youths, who shot at a Chinaman,, were tracked down, a bullet being the clue. Half the papers m New Zealand say the bullet was found in his (the Chinaman's) hat. and the other half say it was found in his "hut." It would be interesting to know how the finding of the commonest kind of bullet (Lee Enfield) led the Sherlock Holmes to look for the men who had the commonest kind of a rifle.

We have leceived from Messrs. Whitoombe and Tombs, Limited, a copy of "First Studies in Plant Life in Australasia," a neat little volume of 177 pages post-octavo, by William Gillies, M.A. It is freely illustrated by drawings, and, as the price is only Is. 3d, the language clear and simple, and the sV"le didactic and yet popular, while the matter is broken up into short chapteis, with questions and exercises attached to each, it is just the kind of introduction to botany that is needed in the regular curriculum of our primary schools. The author, who has turned out a little book full of living interest for young and old alike, remarks in his preface "It is sober truth to say that if plant-life -were well taught in our schools, the produce of Australasian fields would be doubled. To statesmen who are at their wit's end to find revenue, this plan for doubling the revenue of a State may be commended." We strongly recommend the work to the favourable notice of teachers and the public in general. * * * Mr. D. Milligan, of Kelburne Avenue, -whose specialty is gentlemen's tailoring on the best EngL~h lines, informs us that since the arrival of his new goods from London business has been brisk, although the autumn season has hardly commenced. To cope with a rapidlyincreasing business, drawn from all parts of the colony, Mr. Milligan has had a large new workroom built, and hopes to prevent a recurrence of work accumulating as it did last season, when customers had to wait from one to two months before their orders could be overtaken.