It is Town Talk

Free Lance, Volume IV, Issue 191, 27 February 1904, Page 22

It is Town Talk

That lots of folks don't know that the common colonially-used word "spieler" is German. That nearly all the wells in Piohibition Ashburton are dry. So are nearly all the people. — That one of the features of the St. Louis Exhibition will be the display ot the playthings of the late Queen Victoria. — That all of the people of Lytteltom recently observed a whole holiday on the occasion of a school picnic. Verily, we grow luxurious. — That a local celebrity famed as a "star" after-dinner orator, is now known as the "moon." He becomes brighter the fuller he gets. — That the Jap is said to have a larger head generally speaking than any other civilised man. Perhaps there's something m it. — That one young woman ' beauty specialist," of Wellington, alleges she s making £10 a week as a masseuse. "What fools these mortals be." — That Dr. Dowie became a faith healer quite simply. He cured his own dyspepsia by prayer. Faith would be bad for the pill manufacturers. — That by "keeping the news from getting out" Russia keeps civilisation from getting in. And the Muscovite calls Japan a "nation of barbarians" ! — That riding a bike to Newtown just now is like taking a trip in a flying machine, because you never know how far you can go without coming down. — That a "hoto fiend, who saw poor young McLeod killed at the Masterton show, rushed forward to snap the occurrence. He was duly and justly hounded. — -That there are hundreds of unclaimed medals lying in Australian Defence Offices. It is felt to be rather a shameful thing to Have fought for the Chinese now-a-days — That the Lower Hutt lad who restored a cheque to its maker, and was offered a reward of two peaches, was too full for utterance- He had been eating plums. — That Dowie's religion and his mana would die a natural death if nobody took the trouble to howl at him and if the newspapers took no trouble to write about it. — That informations, six in numbei, have been laid against two female residents m the Manawatu. chaining them with the circulation of literature of an obscene nature. — That the quaintest young person in Wellington is the young lady who liked the vaccination sensation so much that she is now punctured in every limb bv different doctors. — That anyth-n^ that has been said about the state of the Hutt-ioad is now apologised for. Wellington footpaths outclass in vileness any thoroughfares in New Zealand. — That the Mikado is wondering why he has not yet been favouied by King Dick with a cable message of sympathy or advice. Other people get them, and why not he? — That the Federal telegiaphic authorities have prohibited "Elijah" Dowie from alighting on the telegrauh lines during his serial flights through the Commonwealth. — That ten minutes' well-spiced slanderous conversation has involved thiee persons in writs for damages aggregating £1500. It will prove a costly bit of gossip, whatever the result of the cases. — That th© Haweia Exhibition brought a curio to heht. He was thirty years of age, and it was his first excursion in fifteen years outside the district between Kaponga and Mount Egmont. — That the numerous statues and memorials to men who fought in the African war are sad reminders. Some day we'll feel we ought to cover them all up in shame at our misspent zeal and useless sacrifice. — That while at Pretoria most of the members of Pollard's onera stayed at ex-President Kruger's house which is now run by a New Zealand lady as a boarding-house. Comedian Win. Peicy and his wife occupied the room Kruger used to sleep in. — That a Hutt settler w as frightened out of a year's growth the other evening. It was quite dark whes he entered his domicile, and two flaming orbs flashed at him out of the blackness. He is now trying to find out the ioker who tethered a calf to the leg of the kitchen table.

— That empty cupboards contain food for leflection. — That love probably laughs at locksmiths, because the girl can always pick her way out with a hairpin. — That the men who gain most by war never risk their hides. The goldbugs of the Rand, for instance. — That it is very w rong of the Japs to tiv to steal Port Aithur in the dark. The Russians stole it in the day-time. — That there is a man m Wellington who wen): to Heaven, and came back again. Rev. W. L. Heaven is a Baptist parson. — That the Manawatu claims for Hokio the title of "the New Zealand Margate." There are now four cottages at the said Margate. — That quite a lot of local religious cianks seem to be getting mto the daily papers of late. Still, the said dailies w ould suppress crank Dowie. — That at some lecent Auckland ?poits Mrs. Legge carried off the "marned ladies'" race. There must be something in a name after all. — That leverend Councillor Evans established a reputation at the Wainui-o-rnata picnic, on Saturday, as a gifted laconteui of racy "fairy tales." — That a sapient Auckland magistrate sent a giil who had attempted suicide to gaol for a month, possibly to cure her mental deficit. Might as well give pills for a broken leg. — That Aucklanders in Wellington get a bieath of home when they see the latest ancient 'busses wearing the "P. and A." (Pullan and Armitage) brand operating in Adelaide-road. —That the man who read m a local shop, "All hats m this row Is 6d," went in planked down eighteenpence, and demanded the lot. There is need for more explicit window tickets. — That the "state salaiy expected" soit of billet is usually not worth having. It has a mean look about it. There are a good many examples of this kind of advertisement cropping up just now. — That the local paper which wrote the other day about the "prototypes" m New Zealand of a class of people who have been known in England for hundreds of yeais, must have lost the office dictionary. — That Mr. Rand, the Newtown builder, who said the ' city had the wro'ig man for mayor," rmght be induced to take the chair himself. It is so obviously his duty to put the right man m the light place. — That few people see anything odd in the fact that Messis. Bishop and Paisonage, of Vivian-street, are "joiners." Why 9 Probably because it's quite tbe usual thing for a bishop to be joined to a parsonage. —That the late artist, J M^Nairn, of the Wellington Technical School, leaves a wife and two children totally Unprovided for. "Jimmy" did much for art m the colony. Ait might repay to his family what it owed him. — That there is food for colonial political thought and imitation in the assertion that a "Pure Malt Whisky Bill" is to be brought before the House of Commons next session. The colonies may be the dumping ground for what is left. — That New Zealand volunteers are not allowed to resign this year. New Zeala^deis, volunteeis or civilians, would breast the tape if required. What w e w ant are shiploads of shells and a nfle for eveiy male between the ages of ten and a hundred. — That ' King" Mahutu is still lecturlsg on piohibition in the King Country. Some day the enterprising showman will come along and nobble him for a season in the Old Country or Muika. Mahutu a. virgin gold mine if you only knew how to run him. — Tl at Mr. Justice Cooper was stiongly of opinion the other day, m dealing with a dtvoice suit, that Mis. Ingies > Cecilia Hanson's parents were much to blame for letting her marry at the age of fifteen. In other words, he thought Ingress's ingress into matrimony was a bit prematuie. — That the most stiiking incident in Wellington of "The Light That Failed," was the remark of the bald-headed gentleman m the stalls to the young lady from the Terrace sitting above him in the front row of the dress circle . "I respect your emotion, ma'am, but you aie shedding tears on my head." — That Chaihe Mills is going to have a naira time fiom an army of aspiring counter-jumpers until he chooses those three eoft goods experts and that other expert in hardwaie whom the Government want at £300 a year. But, if the Government w ant real ' experts" they'll have to spung the price. — That the countiy papeis and backblocks printers are all veiy strong just now on the subject of the war, and one of them last week came out in flaming capitals with the startling news that "The Japs aie marching on Sheol." Whereupon another bucolic editor presumes that when the Japs get there they _ will be able to play H—lH — 1 with Russia.