It is Town Talk

Free Lance, Volume IV, Issue 189, 13 February 1904, Page 22

It is Town Talk

—That 99 per cent, of assault cases, according to S.M. Kettle, are prompted by excessive drinking. — That smallpox doth make cowards of us all. The slightest rash now-a-days brings its wearer under suspicion. — That Otago has raised a sevenpound duck. But Westland still holds the belt with a twenty-stone Premier. —That the Wellington bakers show no desperate anxiety to follow the example set in other places, and lower the price of bread. —That a hare raced a South Canterbury train for four miles the other day, and then doubled back under the cowcatcher in disgust. That several hundred times • per day citizens, looking up to the six-story building on the Byka corner, murmur . "What about earthquakes?" — That an up-country young lady requires twenty-three yards of material to make her a dress This is a yard for every stone of her weight. Yes, she s a Maori. — That a cyclist was found useful at Carterton the other day. A horse went lame, and the wheeler harnessed himself to the gig-shafts, and "scorched" home. —That an American museum boasts a novelty which it claims to be unique. It is the lead pencil that Noah used to check off the animals as they marched into the ark. — Tliat'ex-S.M. Hawkins, just retired, h packing his traps for South Africa. Says he means to oppose Chinese immigration tooth and nail. Let the gold-bugs look out. That the long-winded reply of the Secretary of State to King Dick's protest in re Transvaal Chows could have been boiled down into four words — "Mind your own business." —That our Maori brother is marching abreast of the times Timeha Temare. of Te Moehau, Turangerere, near Taihape, has opened a butchery. Shark is not among his. list of delicacies, —That Labouchere advocates forcible resistance by whites against yellows m Gehennasburg. Novel to call out armed British soldiers to fight against ex-soldiers in protection of the Chinese, eh? That an Australian paper has discovered why our colony was given its present name. Because it was to be the home of the new political zeal — hence, New Zeal-land. Wonderful penetration. That the "big shark" which gave such a fright to the Corporation bathers at Day's Bay, on Thursday last, was only a stray porpoise after all. But, it produced the greatest sensation of the season. — That there is room for some practical philanthropy among the Maoris. Dr. Pomare says that more than half the Maori children die before the age of four, owing to the ignorance of the mothers. —That the tilted cart inscribed "Dixs Gaiety Company; Every Evening at 8," although not now owned by the wellknown entrepreneur, still rolls round in the cause of joy. lis now employed in the beer trade. — That the turtle-doves who carve their spoony names on park seats may not be aware that a cold-blooded Legislature has decreed a £20 fine or three months' hard as the reward for this form of amusement. —That, up at Eltham, the other day, Bomebody blundered at a funeral. When the few mourners arrived at the cemetery, there was no grave dug, and so they had to whip off their coats, and dig the grave themselves. — That Invercargill is the home of the hairpin. Three inventions during recent years have put a new kind on the market. The English mechanic who crimped a common straight hairpin for his wife became a millionaire. —That the man with the donkeys brought them along when he heard of the Corporation picnic at Day's Bay. But, he didn't stay. And now some unkind jokers are wanting to know if he found the opposition too strong. That the Cuyler Hastings Dramatic Company are looking forward to a treat at the close of the Auckland season. The whole crowd of them— forty strong . ar e going up to Rotorua from Saturday to Monday. They have been aching to get themselves into hot water ever since Dick Stewart had them vaccinated in one batch at Timaru.

That Maori medico Pomare has vaccinated 3000 Maoris sinc6 the smallpox scare. Pretty decent cheque at 2s 6d a head ! That the strenuous wmdow-cleaning organisation recently started in Wellington is letting much light into hitherto dark and cobw ebby places. —That Tom Wilford is still adding to his merits as an M.H.R. He was taking lessons in bowls on Saturday. Tom s drawback is his innocence of "bias." — ThataMissßoylan, of Gisb&rne, lately "brought down the house" at a New' Plymouth concert with a wh sthng solo. The Government will be asked to repair the damage. —That, at Greytown, last week, Mr. F. W. Isitt preached to the smallest audience he had ever addressed. People have that tired feeling on the prohibition topic just now. That a witness in a magistrate's court case blushingly admitted that he had never seen a totalisator. Such gross ignorance of our educational institutions is astonishing. —That Corporation 'bus guards might be armed with swords and pistols' to keep the average ill-mannered "Wellington man from hustling women, children, and old men from their seats on the said 'buses. —That interest in the City Councillors' foot-race, at the Corporation picnic, fell as flat as a paxi-cak© once it became known the Mayor wouldn't run. The "bookies" were joyful when the favourite was scratched. —That the Petone Committee of the Railway Workshops Picnic, by a bare majority, have refused a donation of a cask of beer from a city brewing firm. The last cask of donated beer was too much for some of the picnickers. That King Dick thanks the press for having been the lapidaries who have polished the corner-stone of the Constitution. Dick never now speaks, as formerly, of the foreign nations that "flaunt" the grand old British flag. — That the Hon. Himi Kara made the speech of the evening at the bowlers' "smoke" in the Wellington pavilion last week. He fairly broke them up when he told the story how Muir and himself had moved into action on hearing the music of the popping corks. — That Sunday horseracing on Evans Bay beach makes it impossible for children to safely enjoy their Sabbath outing. What with a "fence placed there by the owner of the beach, stinking fish, and mad horsemen, the only decent foreshore around Wellington is almost prohibited. — That playing at soldiers is a popular game in New Zealand. Perhaps that is why the Loyalty was chartered to carry the First Battalion to their annual encampment at Seatoun on Sunday last. To march there on foot— a weary five miles — whoever heard of such an outrageous suggestion p That quite a number of people have been leaving their diamond rings at home this week, since they read about the man losing a finger by his ring catching on to a sciew in the Newtown bus. Lovely woman is accused or vanity, and yet the rarest thmg in Wellington is the man who doesn't wear a finger-ring.