It is Town Talk

Free Lance, Volume IV, Issue 184, 9 January 1904, Page 22

It is Town Talk

—That if you laugh at trifles, you had better do it behind their back, for the world is mude up of trifles. —That a young local lawyer has bought an alarm clock. He uses it to wake him up when it is time to go home. —That the Wellington City Council, taught by Auckland's sad experience, will rigorously examine motormen tor the electric tram service. —That New Zealand has 298 public libraries. Some of these days she will be boasting that she has some really good public roads— but not yet. —That the English lady journalist who gives the Wellington girls "what for" in the "Post," has found out all about us, as usual, in a few weeks. —That, since the deplorable Auckland tramway smash there has been a lesser accident, a oonductor being injured. People pay for experience. That a girl has been dux for ten years at Timaru School. A mere boy has at last grasped the honour. Male children will be less despised there for a while. —That a vagrant, who was recently arrested for that "crime." when searched and washed was found to nan out twopence and a copy of "How to trraw Eich." That* although the fortune-tellers assure you the life-line indicates how long you are going to live, the lite insurance companies don't seem to worry about it. —That the Mandel whose "Messiah" was certified by the Auckland "Herald to be an "immortal work" is not Joseph if that ilk, the well-known hotelkeeper. That the news that Judge Kettle is to be removed to the Auckland district is causing the man in the street to ask whether he is going to be used for the hot-water district — Rotorua. —That this is the dull journalistic season. One up-country P a Per a columns are occupied mainly with a discussion as to whether bagpipe music is music or merely a "hideous row. —That the Canterbury cricketers did not have a cheao picnic on the Basin on Saturday. The "Tucker" cost them 65, and 43 did not see the 'Ales out. The shedding of Gore involved a score ot 51. That the people of a South Island tow nshio recently gave their only doctor a purse of sovereigns. It was stated at the ceremony that three undertakers had gone insolvent during the doctor's residence. — That an Auckland child of six ran away with a horse and cart the other day." There will be little safety for a coach and six when the little nipper is sixteen. Auckland really does excel us sometimes. — That at various country places rival religionists combined services on Christmas Day. It is a reasonable and rational beginning of an end to variegation of a gospel that should have but one construction. — That, although the news item given by a Southern paper that a noted criminal has escaped from Justice may be true to say that he is being chased by "two defectives" is not complimenta'--to the "d's." — That a young New Zealander, who gained a reputation, for fearlessness in Africa, is offering to raise 1000 mounted troops here for service against the Russians. "Cossacks are good sport, I believe," "Tiny" says. — That a penny-in-the-slot postingbox is the latest postal idea at Home. It rejects overweight letters which are posted in a twopence-m-the-slot cavity. New Zealand wants a similar device. Counter clerks' hair would wear longer. — That a Lambton Quay barber wasn't keen enough on New Year's Eve for the young man from the country. This is a bad sixpence," he scornfully observed. "That's all right," said the Wairarapa joker, "you gave me a bad shave for it." — That a man started in London to wheel round the world on electric skates for a wager of £5000. Two enthusiasts and a dog saw him off. He fetched up at Hornsey (two miles), en route to Alaska, with broken -ear. Hooray ! — That the city councillor who recently wrestled with a desire to spend his wealth in buying an evening; paper, and who nobly resisted temptation, has fallen. He was seen to part with a whole penny on Tuesday evening. Hence his haggard look.

That, although a local poet's hair is red, his poems are not. If he can take a hint, there's one in this. — That "political teas" are all the rage in Australia just now . The political tease is in evidence too. — That country advertisers are still imploring people to see their stocks before purchasing their Christmas hams elsewhere. — That the Government has decided to push on with backblock roads "during the summer months." It is presumed a start will be made in March. — That Miss Ada Crossley was recentIv met in Tasmania by a novel vehicle. A bullock dray, with twenty vake of bullocks, took her to her hotel. — That the Federal Electoral ' Act bramily says. "Male shall always be deemed to include female." Why make any reference to sex at all ? — That lie Grove, of Barlock fame, has got back from the Marlborough Sounds with the biggest shark yarns of the season. These typewriter people are always strong on fish stories. — That among the "leading events of the year 1903," a Marlborough paper mentions the proclamation of Edward VII. as Emperor of India and the opening of the Stratfgrd Technical School by the Hon. C. H. Mills. — That the Royal Commission on Scenery Preservation wall be a perfect little plum. There are man-" eaeer eyes in the Civil Service and out of it just now watching for King Dick to throw the handkerchief. — That the Wellington drapers were a bit wild -at having to keep open to poor business while the rest of trie pubhe were making holiday on Saturday. The man who wouldn't sign the closure round-robin is taking in a lot of borax over it. — That the Presbyterian organ in Dunedin has been hauling Richard John over the coals for attending the Sunday reception of Monsignore Count Vay de Vaya, at St. Pat's, and actually assisting to toast the Government on the Lord's Day. —That the greatest hit at "The House that Jack Built" was made bv the stylish/ young lady in the front row of the dress circle, who giggled so heartily that her false teeth dropped on to the masher's shirt-front. She didn't wait for the curtain. — That at a little social the other day, a Thorndon girl started a s©ng, "Ten Thousand Leaves are Falling," but pitched it too high, and had to stop. A local auctioneer brought down the house by advising the accompanist to "start her at five thousand." — That a large crowd of Wellington nippers are just learning, to their intense disgust, that there w as a bun-eat-ing competition for boys at the Seatoun sports, on New Year's Day. If they had only known sooner every healthy Wellington boy would have been there. — That some day the impressionist scribes of Wellington who found out how much the public illegally lift from shops in this city will find out by what method the suffering shopkeepers manage to survive. There surely cannot be any profit where a man loses £2000 odd a year. — That many people are w ondering if a prominent Petone bowler contemplates a second plunge into matrimony at the present time, considering he has declined to make the trip to Auckland to represent his club at the big tournament "on account of urgent private business." —That ex-M.H.R. G. W. Russell, in the "Spectator," noting that ex-M.H.R. Gilfedder has just passed the solicitors' law examination, blaadly remarks "It will not surprise us if before many months are over he drops into a fat Government billet as a stipendiary magistrate or something of that sort."