Afternoon Tea Gossip

Free Lance, Volume IV, Issue 184, 9 January 1904, Page 10

Afternoon Tea Gossip

By Little Miss Muffitt.

A man I know, who writes poetry for the papers, and who is frequently paid for it recently wrote some burning verses' to L b«t girl. Abseni^mmdedly he enclosed a penny stamp. If not suitable, please return. * * * Illuminating paragraph from a Northern goldfields paper —"But as for us we are in the Nineteenth Century and the trend of all things is towaids .a Pvosaic goal." How timemgt drag m country newspaper offices to be sure. * * * Overheard in Kirkcaldie and Stains. She is the wife of a well-known citizen. there! * A Southern parson who .asked .for a show of hands for and against the PreSe* Liquor Bill, wa S rewarded by a fcrest of fingers "against- For he asked. Up went one hand. It isn t often a man has the courage of his convictions against such OPP 0"0 "* 1 ™: d »^™ parson ought to have shouted tor him. One lady candidate for Federal Parliamentary honours sent out scented circulars. She didn't "get in," of course She probably thought that the aroma of party politics needed sweetening. it Australian newspaper reports are to be believed, Parliamentary language over there should be steeped m eau de cologne fo_ twenty-four hours before using. * • * Bishop Neligan says the present condition of elementary education, m this colony is irreligious and blatantly secular. ' Evidently, the Bishop will be quite satisfied when it is blatantly sectarian. In England the average child is scrupulously taught to "curtsey" to it a '-betters," a term that is usually construed by them to mean the parson. *• * *- It is gladdening to know that the graves of soldiers who died in Africa are being kept green by the women of those colonies. A propos, "Mamie" writes me that the big grave at Bronkhorst Spruit, where so many men fell in the first war, la looked after by the Boer family nearest to it. The girls of the family carefully tend the garden around it. Alas, it is quite a big garden. * * ♦ A Wairarapa paper tells me that "Mr. Pedersen, the Danish dam; expert, imported by the Government, is to have his head quartered in Palmerston. ' Funny how these dairy experts give offence. The pov. ers that be quarrel w ith one, and now they are evidently p-oing to put this one out of the way in quite a barbarous manner. I wonder if they'll hang him before they quarter his head ? * # • Imagine the wee Japs fighting the huge Russians. Absolutely too cheeky, isn't it? Perhaps. When it comes to a question of endurance and hard trekking. I believe the Jap will wear the larger Russian down. Little men a all Britain's wars have stood the heat and burden of the day better than, the big men. They are pluckier, and have less to look after. lam backing the little brown man every time. * * • Firemen often fall into the water — at Christmas time. One fell over Queen's Wharf only the other day. He merely scrambled un the piles, and sat on the wharf to dry. "Hello, matey!" sang out a friendly tar, passing by, "fell in an J got wet, did yer ?" The look of ineffable scorn on the fireman's face is worth remembering. "Naw, if I'd a fell in I'd a bin wet wouldn't I ? I'm only a perspirin' , that's wot lam Aist U£ somefin' asy !" * * * Young wives frequently take over the contract to launder hubby's linen with chaotic results. If hubby is loyal, he'll wander around miserably with a. limp, blistered collar and a baggy shirt-front . and say nothing — for a few months Then, his ire rises, and there is trouble. Therefore, I think that the Laundry Association of New South Wales is to be commended for giving prizes, to be won in open competition, for the best^ironed shirts and collars — the work to be done a r the homes of the amateur laundresses. If New Zealand did this sort of thing the laundering Chinaman would have to go back to his cabbage garden.

Mr G. Hoeben finds, by means of his seismograph, that Wellington "has a tilt" towards the west, and is still tiltmg lam inclined to think that Mi. Seddon's influence may have something to do with it. Anyhow he is always accused of a decided leaning towards the West — Coast. Talk about zeal ! At Hanmer the Salvationists had no "barracks. lhey tLerefore took possession of the local morgue, and started their campaign. They were much hurt when the manager came along, and told them to move on. The days of Christian martyrdom are not yet past. Imagine spreading the "glad" tidings with a poor drowned body on a slab waiting identification. * * * It is said a certain firm in Wellington always assembles its employees before work. and opens the day with the singing of a hymn, and a short religious address by the principal. You'll know when that fnm advertises that it is selling "absolutely under 1 cost price" that the states ment is correct. Business is run r»urely on a philanthropic basis m the Empire The man brute in the car again ! He did not rise to accommodate the lady who got in at Martin's Fountain, and she tongue-whipped him severely. "I hope I make myself plain, sir'" she said, her eyes snapping wireless telegrams. "You do, ma'am, you do; that blue hat with the green feathers and nature help you though." After this unmannerly outburst and giggles all round a deadly silence pervaded the car all the way to New town. *■ ' - Do you suffer from insomnia ? A scientific paper has found out that the very w orst cases can be cured with an ordinary tobacco pipe. All a fair girl has to do when thoughts of her wayward lover keep her awake, is to suck solemnly at dad's discarded and empty pipe, lying flat on the back the while. An average man tells me that to suck an empty pipe is the shortest cut to a headache, a sore throat, and bad temper. Methinks the evolution between the empty pipe and the full one would be but short.