It is Town Talk

Free Lance, Volume IV, Issue 182, 26 December 1903, Page 22

It is Town Talk

That Gore gaol has contained but one "drunk" since prohibition was carried. There's a moral hidden in this. —That a British paper, sketching the life of the Premier, makes a funny misprint. It says he is a "Doctorer of Laws." That a recent church thief overlooked the vicar's vest in the vestry. He, however, stole a stole and every surplus surplice. —That Mr. H. D. Bedford, M.H.R., is at present doing a lot of lecturing to "women only." He understands they have the franchise. —That Magpie, the buxom guide of Rotorua, whose picture appears in last week's Lance, interpreted a speech tor Sir Joseph Ward the other day. — That, in answer to a query from, a lady correspondent, who wants to know the best remedy for obesity, an editor advises her to marry a newspaper man. — That a veteran from the haven of Lord Ranfurly's Home, m Auckland, says it is wrong to call zt merely a "home." "Palace" expresses it better." — That a settler of Aparima has discovered a chemical specific for noxious weeds, which will kill them in six days. Oh dear, no; it wouldn't kill grass or cattle. — That the recent long list of "passes" for legal examinations is an indication that there will be a yet more spirited race for the nimble six and eightpence. — That a West Coast paner inkily bewails the fact that, at no tune in its history, have so many subscription-lists been going round. Sort of follow-my-leader business. That the Tourist Department has been called upon to answer the query of an over-sea enquirer "What language do the people of New Zealand speak ?" Why, Maori, of course. — That Australia got ahead of us in putting forward female candidates for Parliamentary elections. And the surprising thing is that that great country won't have them. — That a Wairarapa papei advises Parliamentarians to give up strong drink and tobacco instead of passing stupid laws for young people who might be better led by example. — Thab a ton of produce can be brought 1200 miles — from Melbourne to the Bluff— for 15s. It will cost the same ton 19s 4d to get from the Bluff to Invercargill, seventeen miles — That the piano purchased for the Auckland Veterans' Home was a German one. An instrument of British make was refused, although the agent offered to donate a>small organ free. — That the Minister of Railways claims the honour of being the first Minister of the Crown to make a speech from the top of Waimangu Hill. On this occasion the geyser did not "play up." —That the fishing veracity is quite knocked out at this season of the year by the shearing truth. The sheep are so giddy after the lightning "tomahawkers" have done with them that they have to! be propped up in the pens. — That the tramway extension up Constables-street, Newtown, is evidently in sight. About a month ago the Council carefully metalled at, and made it a splendid thoroughfare. This is preliminary to picking it all up again, of course. — That those ti-tree-burnt, and hor-ribly-tortured Waikato children have just been released, after a long cour&e of hospital treatment. Their loving parents are restme for thiee months. They merely get what they strove for — riddance of the children. — That the constant banging of kerosene tins in our suburbs is not intended to charm bees or frighten sparrows. The large number of young Benedicts who are running their head into the noose are being "entertained" by the beautiful custom of "tin-ketthng.'' — That the motor-car is making headway on the other side. Tasmania's Postal Department has just decided to run a motor-car mail service between Hobart and Launceston on Sundays , distance, 120 miles. The motor only needs one man to look after it. — That English philanthropists are deluging Wellington with circulars asking for funds for children's homes in England. Very excellent idea, but we might remember that we have a Rome for Incurables and a children's creche that could do with some Christmasboxes.

— That a man is nob necessanly lightheaded because he is lantein-jawed — That a new disease is rampant in England. Lord Onslow calls it "fisoahties." Kind of jaundice of the imagination. —That a brewery ''pool" is now an accomplished fact in Australia. Some Wellingtonians we know would like to scoop that pool. — That a wealthy soap-maker will be the challenger in the necxt Ameiica Cup yachting race. The decadence of spoit' He's not even a knight. -That this is the joyous time of yeai when the letter-carrier does not feel the "peace, goodwill towards men" that the average man without a load revels in. — That Providence still watches over the Premier. The Rotomahana sustained no damage. The "other fellow," as usual, had fchei wrong end of the stick. —That a Wellington woman., just returned from a trip to England, brings back an indelible impression. She has been, tattooed. It is the prevailing English craze. —That Dr. Fitchett editor of a new publication called "Life," sets Sir J. G. Ward down as a '-famous writer." Sir Jpseph will contribute an article, "The Humours of the Post Office." —That the w holesa'.e gifts of roadmetal by the Council, when the said Council wants every stone itself, is further evidence of the generous way in which the ratepayers' money is squandered. — That a Wellington builder, now ereoting houses in the suburbs, was seen using well-seasoned timber last week. He should be suppressed before he damages the leputation of his fellowbuilders. — That a, Wairarapa paper is in favour of a policeman having power to search private houses for indecent pictures. Travellers returning from Home via Naples, Colombo, and Suez would have to be careful. — That, in an obituary notice published in a Northern paper, the sorrowing friends note that he had been a constant taker of somebody's pills for twenty years. Splendid constitution some of those pioneers! — That the storm-water culvert in Kent Terrace, to be altered and made smaller, will supply residents thereabouts with good arguments why thery should grow web feet and raise their houses on twelve- feet piles. The Council will have some compensation cases to face directly.