Entre Nous.

Free Lance, Volume IV, Issue 182, 26 December 1903, Page 12

Entre Nous.

ALTHONGH inspector of this, that, and the other abound in the Labour Department, they are not the grim and fierce lot of fellows you might imagine them. From Chief Edward Tiegear downward they dearly love a joke, and simply bubble over with pure good nature. It bubbles over for instance, in the neat card which they have just issued conveying their Christmas and new year greetings. On the back the Department prints its shield, -\\hich has quartered upon it a miner whose attitude suggests that he had just remarked "turn on your limelight here." George Washington chopping down the cherry tree, a train emerging from the Wellington tunnel, and a swagger leturning from Mount Cook. * • * There is also an old-fashioned moa, which winks in a very knowing way upon the motto "Labor Omma Vincit," which, being translated into the vernacular, means "Labour bosses the show in New Zealand." But the point of the joke lies 1 on the front page of the card, which carries the legend, "Take your choice of compartments in the Shield, but look out for the moa " Well, our place is alongside Geo. Washington. * * # A young man was saihng a yacht, When he suddenly called out "Gieat Scaht' The tide's going out ; I should turn about — But how it is done I've forgacht'" The tramway blunder in Kent Terrace is a perfect) godsend to the "schoolmaster abroad." Each day some dozen of gentlemen, who would be horrified if someone came along and gave them a job, go and stand alongside that fiasco, click their lips, and wonder why in the name of all the com-mon-sense that only they possess suoh <t blunder came to be made. There are 15,000 men in Wellington who believe they knew that that culvert was there, and about 5000 men who, if they had been city engineer, would have saved the city enormous expense. * * * You remember, of course, that Mr. Aitken remarked, when he picked the first stone for the tramways, that during the next six months the Council would have more curses showered on them than ever before. And the man in the street, the arm-chair engineer, the labourer who ought to have been a Lord Klvin, and the gentleman who knows exactly what ought to have been done, having been engaged in adding figures all his life, are cursing, not because it does any good, but just to let the people know that each of them had missed his vocation in life.

Sir Joseph Ward was uding on a special train the other day. It ran over a hoise, and killed it. Seems to be some fatality about special Ministerial trains. Oftentimes they have broken down while Mr. Seddon has been on board. Not, of course, in consequence of the extia weight, but in sheer "cussedness." While Sir Joseph Ward was in Rotorua the other day, Waimangu absolutely lefused to lespond to saponaceous canoodling. It will be getting disliked if it continues to be so naughty. Pollard's Company — otherwise "the Royal Australian Opera Company" — had ai grea.t time in Durban after the fire at the Theatie Royal. A carnival was carried out at Lord's Giounds for the' benefit of those of the company who lost personal effects m the fire, and the feature of the affair was a cricket match between eleven nymphs of the company and a team of Durban Johnnies, the latter batting with pick-handles and fielding left-handed. The girls won bv four points. They say Miss Rosie Evison's batting was a treat to witness, and that Miss Mollie O'Sulhvan was quite deadly with the ball. As the Durban New Zealanders were at the bottom of the carnival, the company responded with a New Zealand night, which comprised a poi dance and Maori haka. A committee, consisting of Messrs. Lewis Atkinson, Hill, and H. Caro (secretary), rendered substantial assistance. * >> ♦ South Africa still takes an interest an New Zealand, although the war is over, and no more Contingents are needed. Natal's leading daily, "the Mercury," has a Wellington correspondent, whose Maoriland letter is published once a month. An occasional correspondent WTites us that several of the New Zealand colony m Durban are returning "home," but the general feeling is n favour of waiting some months longer, in the hope that things, which are awfully dull, may improve. They are forming a New Zealand Association, with Mr A. Grenville Hume as secretary, but the leal tie which binds New Zealanders together in South Afiica is football. They can't get away from it. * # * It isn't often court loafers do anything. They generally lean over the barrier, and chuckle, and have a restful time. The other day. in Auckland, the panel was exhausted, and there were none available. The judge put police on the doors, and compelled eight of the court loafers to become "good men and true." Most of them need it. * * * Roxburgh must be an interesting place. A man walked down its mam street recently and noted some things. It was a hot day. He sets them down — "A man wearing an overcoat. Another carrying a palm-leaf fan. A woman wearing a boa, accompanied by a little boy wearing sandals and no stockings. A 'drunk' in evening clothes. A woman wearing diamond ( P) earrings. Five men gazing at a window display of ladies' clothing. A messenger-boy running. A girl wearing a man's Panama hat. A sunburned man carrying a string of fish. A dude buying sixpence worth of strawberries from a street vendor. A man pushing a lawn-mower over the pavement. And then we left !"

He was a little trustful boy, and his mamma took him to Mr. Lindsays boot shop to get him. his Christmas footwear. He got the boots, and his little soul rejoiced at the present of a balloon. Holding the airy trifle in his hand, the happy child stepped out on to the Quay. The wind is no respector of children's toys. It carried the balloon far into the air. "There, now, you've let the balloon go!" "Never mind, mother," said the philosophical boy, "when it gets up to heaven God will know where it came from. It's got Mr. Lindsays name on !" ♦ * * At a recent social function at the Hutt there was some good-humoured contention as to who was the oldest settler in the valley, and the claims of several local people were discussed. It was mentioned that Mr. C. W. Brown had resided there ever since, 1842, whereupon it was pointed out that Mr. Cudby also had arrived there in the same year. Mr. Brown countered the claims of his rival by remarking that, while Mr. Cudby came there fully attired, Mr. Brown arrived with nothing on — the pojnt being, of course, that Mr. Brown was born there. * * ♦ Mr. C. A. Green, the Commissioner from America who is here to see what the Government and the people intend to send to the St. Louis Exposition in thei way of exhibits, is a diplomatic commercial man. He wears a pleasant smile and pince-nez, and when he is not roaming the earth is to be found as chief of the Bui eau of Information at the Philadelphia Commercial Museum. He tells us that the Exposition wall cover 1240 acres, or 140 acres more than is occupied by this great city, and will be the greatest thing of its kind ever held on earth. » * * Americans go to Europe to "summer" because they don't know of us. If they did, why Europe's revenue would dwindle. This country, with half the population of the city of Philadelphia, has great possibilities. Yes, sir. There is no conspicuous poverty, and America gets more emigrants per year than the whole population of New Zealand. The "yellow" journals make us conclude that we are not the adored of Americans. The said "yellow" journals no more represent American feeling than the Union Jack represents the Republic of France. * * • People are kind to Commissioners, and when New Zealanders go to Philadelphia they've got to see Mr. Green, who will get "square" with them. Mr. Green came from Auckland with King Dick. Mr. Green tells us that King Dick's knowledge is astonishing. He got more information out of him than out of anybody else m the colonies. Mr. Seddon is a double-barrelled Doctor of Laws anyhow. Mr. Green says the colonials have a "twang" that is as pronounced as the American variety. He doesn't find it unpleasant. In fact he finds everything "real nice." He has become a "boomer" of the natural beau-

ties of this colony, and, as he has wandered world-wide, he knows whereof he speaks. Wellington strikes him as typically American, and he predicts "skyscrapers" for us. When Wellington begins building its top stories first you'll know that the American era has commenced. We shall be shot to our work through pneumatic tubes yet. * ♦ * George Massey- Watson, says the "Observer," was in town this week, and in great- form, making his application, to the judge for his discharge from bankruptcy. He apprehended opposition from the new Official Assignee, a man wh * "knows not Joseph," but, to use the words in lvhigh Massey has since been bragging about his exploit in town, once he (Watson) took hold of him. the Assignee retreated into his shell like a garden snail when it is lifted from the ground preparatory to the lime bath. Anyhow, Massey got his discharge right enough, and he has since been celebrating the occasion by swaggering about with a gorgeous button-hole such as Solomon in all his glory never disDlayed. * * # It will be remembered that MasseyWatson created a stir when he descended upon Auckland some years ago with a reputation for fabulous wealth and eccentricity, and as the proprietor of bull-dogs, a magnificent Highland costume and a grand musical-box. He put up at the Grand Hotel, and is famous as the recipient of a fearfully and wonderfully constructed bill of charges from the then conductors of that hostelry. More recently, Massey, unlike most elided plungers from the Old Country, has been hard at work on the Rumiields, ekintr out a living on the husks of the prodigal. Even there he is a celebrity. His whare is quite an artistic retreat, surrounded b~ flower-beds and shell paths, and his personal eccentricities are known to everyone. * * * You've often seen those beautiful Scriptude pictures, haven't you ? Gauzy angels shepherding consumptive-look-ing children so that the dear youngsters shouldn't fall over precipices and other objects upon which the advertiser may not plant his poster. There is a hotel in Wellington where art is paramount. There is an angel picture in the bar. As an artistic effort it is registered Al, and the tints are beautiful. The lady angel is prettier than a Dix danseuse, and the child would look interesting even in a consumptives' sanatorium. * * « The said child is pictured crossing over a narrow foot-bridge. The rail is broken. Deep down beneath the frail footway is a fearful abyss. The youngster looks down unafraid. The lady angel guides her little trilbies unfalteringly. The little child, who will be a lady angel someday (there are no angela with whiskers'* is carrying a jug. On it is a legend, "Great's XXX is the best." The average sinful man feels in his heart that the gauzy lady protector is going to steal that beer whea, she gets the child on solid ground.

You've admired the stubborn loyalty of those hundreds of Boers deported to India, who even now refuse to take the oath of allegiance to the conquering Crown, don't you know? There are five hundred Boers, most of them, of the "handsupper" or "bywoner" class, taken early in the war, who are wellhoused, well fed, have amusements piovided, and need not work. They never did work, and they probably wouldn't if they became loyal, and went back to Africa. The fraternal British Government offers them work if they will take it, at 5s a day. They are having the best time they ev«r had in, their Jives. The Boei who did not "handsup" till De Wet called a haJt, is an admirable man in, contrast to these* people, whom the Government is obliged to keep in. idleness for the rest of their lives if necessary. Some of these crafty bywoners, fat and lazy with good living, must wink the other eye very hard at one arother sometimes. * * * Auckland "Herald" is not really a funny paper. In its appreciation of Mr. Seddon, however, it might call a laugh to the face of an Egyptian mummy. Hear it gush —"Very little escapes the Premier's observant gray eyes, and wonderful must be the store of his encyclopaedic knowledge. This was manifest on Saturday, when visiting the cookery school at Newton East. Mr. Seddon expressed his astonishment at the lady cooks beating up escgs with a fork. -'Surely," he said to Mr. George George, the director of the technical schools, "a whirligig sort of thing, you know, would be better for this purpose. "A whisk?" suggested Mr. George. "Well," remarked the Premier, "something that would beat the egg to a froth in quicker time." The adoring writer s "encyclopaedic knowledge" must surely be microsoop c. He forgets that this marvellous man, who instantly knew that a whisk was better than a fork is a family man who has possibly beaten eggs himself. * * * As for "putting a froth on" in ouick time well, our monarch has done that also in two kinds of houses. Because Kin- Dick doesn't go round with his keen grey eyes t.ed up with a handkerchief he's absolutely adorable. The 'Eerald" should try a large size m hassocks. It will wear the knees of its trousers out in worsh.p if it isn't careful. How Dick must smile. * * Shearing tallies are all the rage now, and the machines seem to have the best of it The hand-shearer is slowly receding. However, very large Australian sheds, which used the Wolseley machine for some seasons, discarded them and returned to the old-fashioned hand shears. Why? The machines cut so closely that the animals frequently die of cold afterwards. Also, they "keep back" the wool according to old hands Again a machine shearer, like a motor cyclist, doesn't last long The vibration swells his hands and arms, and destroys his nerve. * * « On the other hand, the machine does not "butcher" the sheep, and the ' tar boy" isn't wanted so often. One delightful amusement is barred to some shearers by the use of the machine. In shearing and "marking" lambs the oldfashioned shearer frequently used to dehght in snippin- off the little fnsker s tail an inch at a time, which was bad for the lamb, and ti c shears. A brutal shearer, if he "gets wild" with a refractory "stag " ca*i-not close the blades of a machine and drive it into the animal. Of course, it was only the old type of world-wandering sheareis who did these things, and Australia is a great field for the offscounngs of the earth. * * * The goose evidently felt Christmas was in the air. He had been living on the fat of the land, and the Terrace gentleman who had bought him at auction stealt furtively into the back yard, and gloated over that bird at odd moments. One evening last week he turned out to do his usual gloat, but the bird was not there. The waddler strolled down to Lambton Quay to have a look at the preparations for Christmas. A boy saw him. The boy charged. The goose letired in "Cup" style, letting out weird shrieks as he went. The boy was joined by other boys, bv some men, by the tntire populace. The goose soared in an unaccustomed way to a shop balcony. A boy climbed up the verandah ->ost. The crowd was hushed in breathless expectancy. » * The goose descended, and scooted like Carbine up the city. Seven thousand eight hundred and twenty-two persons, recking little what might happen, yarded the goose in a right-of-way, one of the boys capturing him successfully. The boy left for his home in Oriental Bay. Two minutes later an irate exgoose owner who used to gloat, tore breathlessly among the crowd. " Where s my goose?" he asked. There was a chorus of chuckles. It would be an act of kindness for the boy's parents to invite the ex-goose owner to Christmas dinner.

Monsignor the Count Vay de Vaya lias a ' vianing vay" with him. He is handsome, has a title, looks stylish in his vesture with the glittering oiders on his left bieast, and then, as one gushing mation lemarked at St. Pat's on Friday night, "he certainly does look twenty yeais younger than the forty-five they say he owns up to." To cap all, he possesses the bonhomie of a man of the world, although he is an ecclesiastic. No w onder that in. seve.i golden minutes certain worthy citizens of Wellington put their hands in their pockets to the extent of £92 for the rescue of juvenile Coreans. They will have their reward. Has not the Count promised that every subscriber of £5 or upwards will have his name immortalised on a marble tablet Five pounds isn't much for enduring fame. Kis Hungarian imminence 13 really entertaining as a lecturer. That w r as made manifest at St Patrick's College on Friday night. His English vocabulary is copious, but the subtleties of the Anglo-Saxon idiom and pronunciation floored him every now and then. He raised a titter every time he mentioned that "I have promised to do my possible" for the Corean mission, or remarked that "we do a mistake," or spoke of what happened "tree years since " or said a particular thing >vas "a good deal better as" another But these were the merest sun-spots, for the lecture was distinctly good, and was told with much graphic force and a keen sense of humour. • • • When the lantern was brought to bear on the pictures of Corea, some part of the gear fell with a clatter on the floor. Whereunon the Count observed that Corea was tumbling to pieces. He explained that the capital, Seoul (pronounced "Sowl," although not an Irish town 1 ) "possesses no shops and therefore no temptations." The statement that

a look at the Ooreans gave you the idea that they dressed in nightgowns raised a giggle. It was heard by the Monsignore, and he added, in apologetic tones. ' Well, I can't help i 4i 4 - ; they do look it." Next time, however, he had occasion to refer to a Coreajn's out-of-door dress he spoke of it as "his pyjamas." One picture showed a couple of young Coreans sitting before a kind of inverted pail, with chopsticks in their hands. "I don't believe there is anybody here who knows what they're up to!" said the lecturer. "Ping-pong!" promptly fired off an, eminent Welhngtonian. "Macaroni'" ventured a gentleman who has been in Italy. "No," blandly explained the Moncigriore, "they are two Corean wives, putting a polish on their husband's pyjama suit by beating it with little hammers. They spend most of their time "polishing" up one suit while their lord and master wears the other one. ♦ * * The ladies, with Lady Ward at their head, deserve a warm meed of praise for the recherche refection they provided. Miss Pulsford and Mr. J. F. Carr sang very nicely. Miss Julia Moran played a violin solo in her tasteful style (Mrs. Nolan accompanying), and Mr. Y. Ward and Mr. W. Prouse manipulated the lantern, but, in default of limelight had to burn gas. Archbishop Redwood, Mrs. Seddon, the Misses Seddon, and Lady Ward were amongst those present.

It is m New Zealand wheie the aristoci acy of the tomahaw king piofession is to be found. Sheaieis are so polite here that they don't quanel over the "cobbler." Don't know what the "cobbler" is? Two sheaiers as a rule catch fiom the same pen Suppose theie are twenty sheep m the pen, and the men shear fleece for fleece until near the finish. There is one sheep left. He 1-, the "cobbler." It saves time for one man to get that cobbler, for others have to be "dogged" in from the outside yards The. quariel for the "cobbler" has meant murder oftentimes in Australia. A pair of closed shears i> a handy weapon. Australia is so hospitable Some Malays were wrecked lately, and brought to port. The authorities refused to allow 7 the starving men to land, as they weie aliens, and came under the Alien Immigration Act This, too, while Australia is one of the most piebald countries on the face of the earth. A few extra dashes of the tar-brush wouldn't make it any the less white.

Tlie Lance, from time to time, finds out that the blue nbbon given to the meanest man has been wrested from its o\\ ncr by a fresh champion. We saw on Thursday atternoon an opposite case, in which a noble man wrestled with a defeiie to thrust wealth on a newsboy, who might go away and dissipate jt notousiy. The boy was standing near the intersection, of Manners and Cuba stieets. The gentleman — a City Councillor — unpocketed a penny, and called to the boy. J^'irst, the gentleman took the paper, holding the penmy in his ha,nd. He opened the sheet eagerly, tearing it in the process. The desire to buy that paper shone in his honest countenance. But, what he wanted was evidently not in that issue. He thrust the torn paper into the hand of the boy, the penny in his pocket, and went for a free tram ride. One cannot too highly commend the noble action of a man who might have led a small boy into awful excesses. Anyhow, there are copies of the paper m the Corporation Library.

Messrs. Wlutcombe and Tombs have a prodigious assoitment of goods suitable for Christmas and New Yeai piesents on hand, among A\h:ch may be found articles at prices to suit all classes of customeis. They hold no old stock, so that the quality and value of each article can be lecommended. * * * The Templars' Diarnatic Club, bent on the leclamation of the alcohohst, stirred the hearts of a full house as far as possible on Monday evening last, m the Exchange Hall Although the Templars are unavoidably amateurs, they gave "Ten Nights in a Bar-room" with much success the Joe Morgan (diunkard) of Mr. E. F. Harrison being particularly real Mis. F. Taylor, as the drunkard's child, Mas excellent. Marriages are in the air. There is D.L. Luxford's, for instance. He marries Miss Long on Monday next. Don't know him ? Used to be on the "Evening Post" literary staff. Also, on the "Times" staiff also, a piessman in Nelson and elsewhere. Wellington pi essmen, who think a lot of "D. L ," made him a presentation on Wednesday. Then, there is young "Bob" Collins, son of the popular Colonel of that ilk who marries Miss Beck on Boxing Day. Young Collins, who holds Imperial rank, and gets an Imperial and New Zealand pension, having been shot in the hand on African service, is a popular Welhngtonian. Mr. W. G. Somerville is another popular Wellmgtonian who has chosen the festive season for his marriage. Mr. SomerviUe, who hung Irs shingle out as a solicitor last year, has been a prominent gymnast, and is still a most enthusiastic member of the Wellington Gymnasium and School of Physical Culture. * * • Mr. Percy \voods, elder son of Mr Walter E. Woods, of Wellington, has just been made the subject of a complimentary presentation frcm his fellowemployees at Ross and Glendining's, where he was very popular. Ec is not on the eve of marriage. But he is leaving to pursue his studies in medicine, for which profession he has been on the preliminary coure for some time. In February next he goes to Edinburgh, to complete his training, and his numerous friends are looking fora aid to the time when they will be' able to welcome him back as Dr. Percy Woods So mote it be. * • • Father Christmas, in charge of a coloured gentleman from "the States," upholstered in toys, and the beard that tells of antarctic snows, was buzzing around in a motor-car last week, greatly to the delight of the iuvenile population of Wellington. The old gentleman "arrived" every day at the Economic, where he is staying until he hits out in his car for the South Pole once again. He recently drove in state to the Hospital and shed presents on the children in the ward, brightening their lives and helping Messrs. George and

Kersley along. The Hospital authorities thought a glimpse at the snowy beard wouldn't hint the grown inmates, so the dispenser of the season's joys walked through the other waids. It is the first time m Wellington that the gay old gentleman has come in his motor-cai . No child lias ever yet seen him without his team of leindeer.

Eitract Itom the " Manawatu Dadij Times" of 3id Decembei, 1903.