The Adventures of Tobias Winkle. SPECIALLY WRITTEN FOR THE "FREE LANCE" CHRISTMAS NUMBER.

Free Lance, Volume IV, Issue 181, 19 December 1903, Page 20 (Supplement)

The Adventures of Tobias Winkle. SPECIALLY WRITTEN FOR THE "FREE LANCE" CHRISTMAS NUMBER.

ME Tobias Wink!?, hotter known to his friends as "Toby Winks," was an eccentric character. It was his ha.bit to make Jong exclusions in the neighbourhood of Ilammeism.th, Hampotead Heath, and Battersea, and occasionally, .n an absent-minded manner, he rambled too far lr.to the subuibs of the Modern Babylon ar.d loot his way. His ie]atives and friends in coiis.equen.ee of th.s, often became alarmed for has safety, £nd had to organise exploring and search bodies' m order to rescue him from the wiideiness. But, as Toby's perilous perambulations increased with c~e, it was lesolved to send him out to New Zealand, in the belief that, m the lofty mountains and plains of this colo.iy there r. ou)d he less risk of his going astray than in the vast wilderness of bricks and raoitar in the metropolis of the Toby had always been logarded bv those who knew him as a pious and highly moral joungman, a regular attendant at tho little bethel, a, valued Sunday-school teacher, and altogether an exemplary member of the conr;i elation. So. when it was nronosed to prosent him with a farewell address and a purse of sovereigns, the movement v. as taken up with public spirit and liberality. The meeting, which was held at the local Town Hall and Museum was largely attend od, ai-d presided over by the Hey. Octavius^ Brown v.ho eulogised the nents d the young man m a gncefdl speech. But the assembly were astonished and scandalised by what followed. When he had pockotted the plethoric purse, he returned thanks foi the panegyrics that had been uttered, and went on to say that, having heard from the speakers how valuable a member of the community he had become, and how much his departure would be regretted, he had decided to lemam in the district. And it was r.ot without much persuasion that he wss induced to change his mind, and cone out to New Zealand. The stiongest persuasion w as supplied br his sweetheart, Miss Evangehne Sarah Tomkyns, who jilted him in a peiemptory manner by post, after hearing how he had been feted by a select party of boon companions at ''The Travellers' Rest." So, as solace for his wilted affections and the loss of Evangelme Sarah, he sought t 1 c London docks, and took ship for the furthest, colony. On landing in WelLngtor., he was much shuck with the picturesque scenery of the Empire City, its palatial hotels a.~d boarding-houcos, extensive drapery establishments, mercantile houses, produce emporiums, etcetera, and he was filled with admiration at the spacious and beautiful Government offices, up-to-date shipping facilities, and last, but not least, it did not escape his notice that Wellington possessed many fine banks, to say nothing of modest little offices of money-lenders and pawnshops, of which he took careful note' for future use It was during the Christ-nas season that Tobias Winhle la.ided in New Zealand, and the old love of exploration, being soon revived, he wandered in the sjlvan scenes of Kaiwarra, Ngahauranga, Petore, Kelbume, Kilbrrme Miramar, Yogel-town, Johnsonvillo, Karori, and the numerous models of picturesque beauty which intoxicate the traveller and the tourist by their extraordinary splendour, wealth of colour and exuberance, exceeding even tho Rocky Mountains, Mentone Monto CarJo, the Riviera, Luccino, Tin in Nice Cannes, Madena, and the wcild at large for their entrancing beauty On a fine Miinrrer day, when all tho world and his wife were enioving tho luxuries of picnics and steamer exclusions, our hero started on a fishing oxnodition in the classic stieam of tho Hutt with its interesting legends of piscatorial triumphs He took -with him a rod and line made by one of tho leading providers of fishing tacklo, as

well as an up-to-date novel and, most impoitant of all, a well-stocked hamper of the substantial and recherche kind which is supplied in the season of ™icnics at moderate prices bv the local tradesmen. Tie selected a shady «.pot on the bank of the river, just v. heie the< surface ot the stieam l.pplcd in tie golden sunshine, and, having stuck bis rod into the bank at a suitable angle, he threw himself down uncor a willow tioe, and picpared to- enjo,' Hs novel iuet leceived from the London publisheis The weathei was hot and muggy, with a strong tendency to produce sleep, and Toby felt the inclination to indulge in. foit> winks, iust while a, big trout came and fastened itself on the hook. But, heroic relinquishing: himself to the inevitable, he desiied to slake the fic.ce tlmst which stuck m his throat. Then, by degrees, he fell into a sound slumber, legardless of mosquitoes and sand-flies, winch swarmed in myriads, for the potency of his bottled beer was gieat and rapid m its influence. His loud nasal music attracted the attention of a neighboring coy, , which regarded him with an inquiiins; look, and ai minute later a Maori was seen to raise his head above the icvel of the flex bush and titree with urmiistakeable felonious designs- on Toby's hamner. Still, he- lay in the arms of Moipheus, and the wily savage, crouching low, stole up to- within leach of the provender, which he seized, and boie away to consume m his hiding place. Mi Tobias Winkle awoke with a start, and felt fcr his vatch, but it had gone v. ith the 1 hamper and his umbrella Then he utteied some strong language

cm the \» .ckcc'iic-.b ot man in geneiai, and the nefarious lob^er.es peioetiated upon innocent and unsuspecting travelleis in particular. All at once he saw that the float of has line had sunk out of bight, and he enjoyed in anticipation the pleasure of landing a, bif^ fish. He grasped the rod, and raised it until it bent neaily double, and the surface of the river Mas distuibed by an enoimous black fish Higher and higher it rose, until its outlines could be discerned. Wl at was it s "Well, only the half-do-rayed and unsivouij -smelling carcase of o drowned cat, i, ];jch some wicked larrikins had fast-ened to the hook while he slept and stolen away to a coign of vantage from which they could watch the discomfiture of the fisherman. The frantic rage c-f Toby was a sight for gods and men Holding a handkerchief with one hand to his nose, with the other he cast both rod and line into the stream, and prepared to vacate the accursed spot, which had brought him only bad luck. Henceforth he swore to disavow being a disciple of old Izaak Walton As the heat of the day had increased, Toby felt an 11 resistible impulshe to cool himself in the 1 mpid Maters of the nver, and the idea w as no sooner formed in 7 ns mind than he piepared to give practical effect to it Quickly disrobing he carefuly folded each article' of clothing, and placed them together on the river bank. Then, he plunged into the leficshiviP' wafers, and swam out to a shallow shingle-bed. lie was so much absorbed in dispoiting on the surface of tli2 nvei, varied by an occasional dive, that he had no time to observe v, hat was transpiring on the bank fiom

which he had started. He spent more time m these aquatic exercises than he had intended, but at' last he snam to the shoie, and piepaied to don his clothes 1 . But, conceive the hoiror of the situation when he had searched for them in Vain and found nothing remaining m their stead but a dirty, tatteied blanket, evidently lately the tout ensemble ot a Maori. To make matters wor^ he heard the voices of women, and children approachme- the spot. Poor Toby was m the tortures of modesty and innocence. He seized the insect-infected blanket and cast it over his naked person, and 1 there he stood, blushing to the roots of Iks hair, as the ladies came up, and one of them, mistaking him for a Maou, saluted him with a ' T'enakoe." He nearly sank into— not his boots— but the sand on the river bank. The lady gave a violent start when the supposed Maori lephed in excellent Kngiash, and explained the situation I ortunately, just at this critical moment the local policeman appeared on the scene in charge of the Maori dressed m lobys clothes, and matters w ere readjusted by a change of attiie. But in spite of his protestations that the w hole affair on h iS side was a mere practical joke, the Maori got six months to lelleet on the occurrence. Mr. Toby Winkle was Gradually making a reputation for himself as an influential citizen and, amongst the many excellent and dis.inguished men of business to v.horn he was introduced were Messrs. Gilt and Sparkle, the eminent mining agents of Quartz Town who sought to attract his interest, as well as his principal, in certain alleged rich claims in. that highly auriferous district With this obiect, those two famous experts exhgited specimens of quartz impregnated with gold and silver, at an average rate of a hundred ounces to the ton, while a mining surveyor and geologist reported that the reef was wonderfully extensive, and tvas, as shown by tes.s, a second Mount Morgan Mr Winkle planked down all his available capital (amounting to £10) in this gold mine, and lived for some weeks in a Paradise of Mammon, in sanguine expectation of possessing a Fortunatus' Purse. This beatific state lasted until Messrs. G.lt. and Sparkle suddenly vanlSded fiom the haunts of men, and it was shown that the "specimens" were common quartz into which gold and silver was blown with a pistol. It was at this stasre of his career that Toby became entangled in liabilities to an obliging usurer, who was skilled m such methods of manipulating principal » nd , interest as lesulted in increasing the- total debt m proportion to the amount of interest paid up. From the time of his connection with the mining swindle and the usurer the fortunes of Toby continued to decline His remittances were hypothecated betore they came to hand, having been consigned to a hospitable Boniface for board and lodging and other miscellaneous liabilities, chiefly of a fluid kind. if or a while he managed to raise the wind by means of a matrimonial agency, ol \> l.ich he was sole conductor. He maae offers of marriage by newspaper adveitisements, and he received offers of marriage by post, and did all in his powei to push business. He felt strongly tempted himself to help on the boon by taJung a dip into the matnmomal lucky bag. Still he leoisted the inner monitor. ' But, one day he found his fate. One oi the ladies with whom he exchanged photographs, bore a strong resemblance o another charming young creature whom he fancied he had met some time ago somewhere else. Tlus of course, was somewhat va.gue, but courtship and marriage fiequently wear this characteristic Lovers are often short-sighted, and sometimes fclind. The solution of the mystery came quite unexpectedly at a ball given by the bachclois of Brownsville, an interesting luimlet on the Manawata line. The guest* included twenty-five married ladies, and, incidental!", of course— fifty babies in arms. When it came to the extras ou the programme, the ladies w ere so extreme!^ anxious to obtain the whole of their moneys worth that they left all their infantile belongings in the di cssmg-roim in charge of a few gallant bachelois. But when, during the dance, those wicked mci among whom was Toby, quickly exchanged the clothing of the babies, and mixed them up in such confusion that their own mothers could not recognise them and the confusion became v, orse-eon founded when, m the "wee sna' hours ayont the twal," they snatched up their particular treasuies, leposirg in their parti-coloured shawb, and lushed for their homes. The lady whom Toby recognised as an old acquaintance was Miss EvangeIme Saiah Toinkyns. She was very energetic in seeing the babies consigned *■-> then mothers, and, unfortunately, found that things had got so much mixed up thatmany of the mothers got the wionc; babies, and the ieadustme>nt entailed many explorations in Brownsville and its surroundings for several days. They (not the babies, but Toby and Kiangplme) were married on Boxing D.'.y, and lived happily for many years fifton, ards, until the sum-total of Brow nsville's infant- Dopulation was laigelv in excess of the number of tho<^ who got mixed up at the ball.