It Is Town Talk

Free Lance, Volume IV, Issue 178, 28 November 1903, Page 22

It Is Town Talk

—That British jack tais now get five meals, a day. Unless the coming colonial jack gets six, there will be trouble. —That the brow of a hill is ofttirnes wrinkled, and farmers have seen it furrowed with care. Harrowing joke, this. That a prisoner at a recent trial reiected ail jurymen with whiskers. He could "read" 'the clean-shaven variety best. —That it pays to advertise. One man recently advertised for a, boy. Next day two came along— twins, tfotn doing well. —That the recent bush fires at Eketahuna killed about 2000 trout. It will be a warning to trout not to go ashore any more. —That Carnegie does not want to "die rich and disgraced." That is why the Steel Trust is saving five million dollars in salaries. —That this is "grand growing weather." Most suburbanites are busy grow ing flowers for other people's children just now. That we are in a fair way to outdo the Yankees in big things. Hail kUled sheep at Waipawa recently. Also, knocked people senseless. —That the "Sydney Daily Telegraph" thinks it is smart. On King Dick's preferential scheme "Maoriland all the time , the Hempire, never-" — That a sawyer's hand is valued at £600 in Australia. A Westralian worker got that much damages for the loss of the useful member recently. — That, while it is quite unusual to see a long-handled shovel in England, Ireland has used them universally for many years. Mr. Kirwan comes from Ireland. —That Bishop Lenihan, of Auckland, was recently presented with a motorcar, and a gold stop watch. His people didn't want the Bishop to break any bye-laws. — That the running of the electric cars on Sundays in Auckland has been a sad blow to the "unco quid." The behavious of the travellers is above reproach. — That the grass is so high m parts of New Zealand, owing to the phenomenal season, that the sheep and cattle are being fitted with stilts so that they may eat it. — That the necessarily übiquitous "bookie" isn't always a man now-a-days. At some Southern races, three lady pencillers were arrested for sinfully laying "tote" odds. — That Bruce grocers are alleged to have quite given up the discount ticket system of trading. Fluid "groceries" are now the prevailing method of awarding discount for cash. — That the debate on the Juvenile Smoking Suppression Bill cost the country over a thousand pounds. The unimnortant Public Works Estimates about a "fiver." — That a husband's value has been assessed at £.500 by a widow. Mrs. Watson, whose husband was lost in one of the Elingamite's boats, claims that inucii in consolation. — That while strenuously defending Mr. Seddon for his defence of the Juvenile Smokers Suppression Bill, it should be remembered that King Dick does not smoke. He has sworn off. — That quite a number of Ms H.R. who have been silent during the session will be required to give an account of their stewardship now they have gone back to the bosom of their constituencies. — That maybe one Wellington bakor read the Lance's opinion about unooveied bread on the top of carts. He envelopes his cart now in a snow-white cap Go thou and do likewise, brother baker. — -That the abrupt curves made bv the new tramway round corners won't hurt anybody until the traffic begins to run Three feet from line to kerbstone isn't a large space for a vehicle to pass in — That the proverbial modesty of New Zealand damsels is exemplified in an advertisement setting forth that "two good-looking girls" want partners for the forthcoming dance. Not Wellington girls of course. — That the pea nfle nuisance is mcieasinor to &uch an extent that indignant citizens down South are holding big piotest meetings. The cadet movement is primarily responsible and the spirit of emulation secondarily.

That Christchurch is sticking to its reputation for fads. It wants to abolish Sunday bands. Kll and 'Tommy" again, maybe. That Mi Haiold Beauchamp's summing-up of the Bntish tra<ku\ methods is 'We sell what we've got, not what jon want." — That, as a political "frothor" King Dick is hard to beat. Even the arrival of Sunday didn't ston him, although the Speaker had to. — That there are no lailv. ay offices in England comparing in completeness with the goigeous structuie opened m Wellington on Monday. — -That Chamberlain is appealing to the people at Home for funds to further his oolicy. If he is successful the people will supply funds willy mlly. — That Club-swinger Bax is r.ot content with performing his ridiculous feat for forty hours. He is going to beat it when he recovers from the last little bout. — -That the Commissioner of Police, in a frook coat and a bell-topper, kept a watchful eye on the gold key with which the Governor opened the i.ew railway offices on Monday. — That this is the shearing lie season. The latest is 222 for eight hours. The man was probably fitted with an, electric arm The average man. couldn't catch 222 sheep in a day. — That His Excellency the Governor, wlio spoke without the usual notes on the backs of envelopes, at the railway offices opening ceremony, is muoh more adept without artificial aid to oratory. — That anyone desiring to see w"hat our legislators look lake when "off the chain," should beg, borrow, or steal a copy of the official report of the trip of the Mapourika. It's a regular screamer. — That a correspondent, w riting us on the Lance article, "Microbe Magnets,' says that shins of beef, hung in butchers' shops close t the ground, seem to have a remarkable fascination for dogs. — That, some of these days, people who defend the Chinese quarters of Hammg-street as "respectable," will probably admit that the savour isn't as sweet as they would like to make out. There are no slums in New Zealand. — -That it will be screamingly funny to see New Zealand settlers under Chamberlain's preference conquering the primeval wilderness with English axes — 121b weight and straight-handled. Settlers will have to be pretty loyal. — That a stranger in the House, during the "dying hours" of the session, would imagine that many dozen muscular drapers were tearing very strong calico. 'Tw as only the chorus of snores from the men who were "legislating." —That the Freetrade Press of Britain are unanimous in calling Mr. Chamberlain "The Fiscal Quack." Also, it accuses the great Imperialist of projecting the whole of a huge scheme entirely for the benefit of the Nettlefold Company. — That the Income Tax Department are sharpening their weapons for Miss Crossley. Major Taylor, and other big money-earnino- "cracks." Despite the despotio nature of the provision to impose rates on distinguished visitors, they still arrive. — That Major Andrews (of an Indian Lancer Regiment^ a native of Christchurch is named as the probable Commandant when General Babmgton's term expires Captain Napier, exM.H.R. and officer commanding the Coastguards, seems to be quite out of the running.