Afternoon Tea Gossip

Free Lance, Volume IV, Issue 170, 3 October 1903, Page 6

Afternoon Tea Gossip

By Little Miss Muffitt.

Sydney paid £22,000 far rat scalps during the bubonic boom. Thus, of course, moludes the sum paid to "rat farmers." * • * A Tairanaki clergyman recently bemoaned the fact that "people, were more intent on milking cows tlhan going to church." Dairy farmers, stung by the taunt will, of course, not milk their cows on Sundays m future. # * Russia has abolished barmaids. Said an amorous toper of Russia, Who's an unbeaten champion, lushiai — "Since barmads by law, Must serve me no maiw, Why. I'm off." And he moved on — to Prussia. * * * The man who had "broken out" again was recently stopped by a Newtown parson. The parson was very sorry, and said so. He then passed on. The non-prohibitionist called him back. "If you are really sorry, parson, I forgive you'" he said. * * * I am pained to read 1 that grog found in unlicensed districts is sold by the police to the highest bidder. Recently, the Kaiapoi guardians of the law and morals seized a little lot, and 1 sold it for 50s. This is one way of "putting the drink down." * » * Since Doctor McCarthy left off "rain nuaking" at Broken Hill, it has been raining so hard that people who never saw a macintosh before are wearing them. Dr. McCarthy is understood to have claimed the rain as his, but, as the drops are not branded 1 , he can't swear to them. * * * General Ben Viljoen who was a bit of a tartar in the war, is really a journalist. He plied a quill before he went Maiusenng, and has again girded on the ink-pot. He now edits a daily paper at Johannesburg, and threatens to work in the interests of peace and reconciliation. Ben has a long job. * # * Cable fun "Rear-Admiral Lanibton declares that the practice was extremely brilliant, and that General Hunter is 1 an 'ignorant numbskull.' " "General Hunter has been appointed Commander of the Madras Army." Because he's an "ignorant numbskull"? Dear old War Office. * * * General Christian De Wet has settled down on his little farm and doesn't anticapate going in for politics. Christian vi a opol customer. Once, while the British Army were searching the kopjes of tha Orange River Colony, he being "hemmed in," it was discovered he was away on his little farm in the Northern Transvaal, getting in his to^ baceo crop ' * • • Sir Francis Jeune, the great Divorce Court judge, is one of the lions of London society. Lady Jeune is one> of the most popular hostesses. The pair "hit it" wonderfully, c 'though Sir Francis has disunited many thousands of pairs. The learned judge remarked recently "It is a peculiarity of women not to be able to love two men at once, whereas a man could love two women at once." * * * A Sydney girl recently suicided. She' was in the first flight, and was to have been married within a week. She left a note saying "It is fashionable to be dead. It is better to be out of the world than out of the fashion. I'm going." As a matter of fact, for a growing celebrity to be "killed" in the press is one of the finest advertisements now-a-days. Everybody is in such a hurry to deny it. * « • It was thought that the unimproved value ratine 1:1 Wellington would force people with idle land to build. There are some sections on the near end of the Seatoun-road that are eighteen inches under dark, smelling water. "You'll get wet!" said a citizen to a ma:» who was poking in tihe dirty depths with a long-haaidled shovel last week. "You'll get fever, more like'" said the passing smart boy. Boys often tell the truth.

Molba— "Tell the people of Australia I am coming." Crossley — "If I have a 'best ' my old friends in Australia shall hear it." Choose ye which ye will have. * * • "View our widows for novelties m hats." Thus a local from the columns ot the evening paper. There is am "n"-less variety of funnyisms in the serious press of the colony if one only keeps one's eyes open. * * * President Roosevelt has a "hver," and it makes him listless To stir the organ up to a sense of its shortcomings, "Rough-rider Ted" has taken to cricket. He finds the Presidency too restful. Wonder will he "carry his bat?" * * * Ashburton aga^i. On the stage, in the drought-smitten town the other night, one character counselled "brandy" as a cure for faintnesG. "Where are you a from' to get it ? " asked a husky voice, from the back of the hall. * * * General Booth, the head of the Salvation Army, comes to New Zealand in January next. That great religious and business magnate. Dowie, also comes along about that tame. I would dearly love to get them ooth on the same platform. And I would back the General every time. * » * The young city clerk, who asked his employer for ''two weaks off," to attend the wedding of a very dear friend, was asked by the employer who the friend was whose wedding would keep him away for a fortnight. "If you let me get away she'll be my wnfe'" was the simple reply. * * tr Sir Frederick Treves, who performed the operation that permitted the King to be crowned, says that if you really .hanker after appendicitis, the best thing to induce that fashionable disease is preserved ginger. Other crystalised fruits are pretty good, but ginger gets there quickest. * * General Cronje, the Boer gentleman who stayed in Paardeburg until the climate got too sultry, went to see Pollard's Opera Company in "The Gay Parisienne" lately. Willy Percy sang one of his songs in taal. Allemachtag 1 ' What a sore throat the little man must have had already. Ja soh ! * • • Again the Amazonian woman. Fifty of her had a harrier run across rough country, at Haworc, the other day. A local lady politician engineered the outing. There was a, tremendous concourse of your. 0 " men to see them off. People with mirrors, hair brushes, and violet powder met them half-a-mile from home. * * ♦ Mr. Kelly the Sydney-sider, who married the charming Miss KnightMollison, of the "Are You a Mason Company," is awfully rich. His father made half-a-dozen fortunes out of copper. The family are noted for their large charities, and, though Irish are Protestants. Miss Mollison and her husband are going to live in Double Bay. * * * "Razors were flying in the air." It seems that the male beautifying instrument is really a favourite weapon w ith the negro. While Booker T. Washington the great coloured lecturer was lecturing at Boston recently. a little lot of Afro-Americans drew their razors and had a free fight. The dark ladies took sides with hatpins. "Der is gwine to be a row" when those sort of toys are used. * * * A new style of shaking the hands of a crowd, which celebrities should note. A Salvation Army man, who was going to speak a piece to a big crowd of children, in Pahiatua, asked them to (hold up their hands. "Now wag them." They did, and he did likewise. "Now, we're introduced'" and he started in to "save" them. If the Prince of Wales had had as much "nous" as the Salvation Army man ' * * Mr. Horatio Walmsley, a large young man, formerly of Waihi, but now of Africa, counsels the Government to import zebras, which are "strong, hardy little beasts." He says "New Zealand might well afford to import a few, even though of no practical use, like some heads of Government departments." Mr. Walmsley is one of the young New Zeaianders who wanted to go to the war, but was forbidden on account of hi® exuberant size. * * * Mr. "Tariff" Kingston, who is not what one w ould call a calm man, recently said, in regard to something he had read in Melbourne's greatest daily ;—"I; — "I have seen a number of thir.33 referring to myself. They are examples of the monumental mondacaty of lymg houndfe, who attempt to posture as decent journalists." I think it is tame politicians and others "rang off" talking

about ' lying hounds." Having oairefulJy u atchci canines all my life, I've never yet heard one tell a lie. I've heard a politician bark, however.