It Is Town Talk

Free Lance, Volume IV, Issue 170, 3 October 1903, Page 26

It Is Town Talk

That, 'tis love that makes the world go round. 'Tis whisky also. That women endure pain much better than men. A bootmaker told us so. —That British Ministerial cables are models for brevity and point. Also, they cost less than the New Zealand variety. That the lady who wore a gorgeous spring hat to a local crush, and took the only one left in the cloak-room (a 2s fad "gem") is feeling hurt. That a Sydney merchant has iust been fined for having scales tnatweighed in favour of the customer. He will probably never offend again. That the lady who ran waste water into the town gutter, was indignant when asked to desist. "It's only 'otean soda and soap suds!" she said. —That Mrs. Maybriok, the lady who has been in prison for fourteen years, is to be released next year. She is said to have an uncle in Hawke's Bay. — That a Masberton young lady recently had her eye badly injured by the bursting of a soda-water bottle. Now, if it had been a bottle of beer ! That George Musgrove will have to send better companies along if h© wants to keep up a stiff tariff of -nces. The public didn't crowd "The Fortune Teller" on Monday night. — That the Gore hotels are doing a big trade in "dandelion ale" and "dandelion porter." The Noxious Weeds Act will have to be suppressed if this great industry is to thrive. — That the workers at Home are willing to be taxed to provide an old age pension fund. The proposal is to withhold it from wages, the employers to pay it into the Exchequer. —That there are 2000 "casual" hands employed on the New Zealand railways at present. Highly commendable activity. There is a proposal afoot to build a North Island Trunk Railway. — That, in accordance with the eternal fitness of things, some of that fishy New Zealand butter landed in England was found to have contracted its piscatorial flavour from "butter" fish. — That the rumour that the authonties are putting barricades at the back of tihe guards' vans, to prevent cows strolling aboard trains, and annoying railway men, has no foundation in fact. — That a Gisborne Farmers' Unionist has come to the conclusion that there is more lying in connection, with cattle dealing than horse selling. He must have been hibernating during re-mount time. — That the teaching profession is not rushed. A Canterbury headmaster has held the same school for seventeen years. With the exception of the first four years, his salary has diminished every year. — That the "Times" foresees a cessation of building at Kilbirme and elsewhere in the prohibition area. That is why carpenters have been working on Saturday afternoons. Ask storekeepers about the "ruin." — That the councillor who ejaculated something about a "hoary-headed old scoundrel," and looked fiercely alt a white-haired colleague, was told that the habit of talking to himsielf was merely preliminary to lunacy. — That a quaint person, who has lived in a house built on the Town Belt for seven years, and paid rent to a 'landlord," asks us if we think lie has a claim against the landlord for recovery of tlhe whole sum. Has he? — That, at Greymouth, a dynamite "shot" was fired to bring down some dangerous stone, in a quarry. It brought down a twenty-ton crane, and smashed a barricade of stonework. Experts probably. — That, a propos of the Greymouth crane, knocked over by a "shot," a man writes to the paper to say as the crane is a protected bird the shooter should be arrested. — That Bishop Clarke, of Australia, admires everything about colonial women except their "curious manipulation of vowel/ sounds." Their curious manipulation of the whole alphabet is said bv many husbands to be the main trouble. — That an English judge has ruled tihat a sub-editor by slightly altering a paragraph becomes the author. A New Zealand "sub/ who freely bluepencilled a tale of Dickens's, sent in to him is really tlhe author of "David Copperfield," then?

— That a recently-married girl has given up everything to her husband. Even her milliner's bills. — That, as the session will probably close early in November, it is believed that the work of Parliament will soon begin. — That the new, rabbit exterminator is having a marvellous effect in Southland. Iti must be administered to the inspectors, however. — That a Wairarapa paper says "H.M. torpedo destroyer Charger ran ashore, and sank the Hebrides. The "in" is "out," apparently. — That retired Judge Conolly has been a total abstainer for thirty years. Most of our New Zealand judges and stipendiaries are teetotalers. — That the wedding of Miss Shanks to Mr. Legge was celebrated at Walkernlle on Thursday last, by the Rev. Mr. Trotman. Quite a coincidence. — That a local gentleman is proud of the fact that he has kept a general servant for two years. You see, she married his son. He keeps them both. — That a West Coast barber, as an additional inducement to his customers to come and get shaved, advertises . "I communicate with Hobart every mail." — That a Timaru girl won a "walk" at Timaru lately, bv doing five miles fifteen chains in, 61imin, which is very excellent for a person skirtr-encumbered. — That a Marlborough paper, under date September 25th, says . "Dan Godfrey died last Tuesday." The days sllup by slowly in some newspaper offices. — That if the thousands of people who gather in public places to see athletes were themselves athletes, there would be no need to anticipate physical decadence in New Zealand. — That, according to Christcihureh "Truth," "Parliament is about as much use in challenging departmental figures as a "blind, deaf, sen/try sound asleep' on a dark night with his head in a bag." — That, a propos of the proposed intention of the Government to discard native names of towns, it is interesting to know that "Mickey Town" will in future be called Makowhai. Good start. — That an American millionaire who was hopelessly bald, has been scalped. The scalp and hair of a tramp has been grafted on to him, and he has now a good thatch. American papers please copy. — That there have been more bankruptcies m Capetown and Johannesburg during the past year than ever before. Reason given (by a New Zealander) is that New Zealanders are ousting the old hands. — -That, since Lord Roberts asked for holders' of Boer Bibles to return them, the value has gone up. A German firm is turning out a very large quantity, "family records" and all, complete. — That Hector Maodonald, before foe went into the Army, used to drill his fellow drapers with yard sticks. In glorifying him. for it, his historian should remember he was wasting the "boss's" tune. — That a Dunedin magistrate has ruled that a constable exceeds his duty when he collects from the form of an hotel a person apparently "dead to the world," without waiting to see if he can go home. — That the Manawatu "Standard" was wrong in announcing that Mr. Crow, the well-known private secretary, was to get the postmastershi- at Palmerston. The "Standard's" "dead bird" would not fly. — That it is a curious fact that, of the two rival dermatologists and hairreviving experts in Wellington, one wears a good advertisement in the shape of an immense crop of bushy hair, while the other is clipped to the skin. —That the dear old War Office is now providing a dentist for every boys' service school. New Zealand should have an itinerant dentist) to see to the molars of its cadets. New Zealanders' teeth are the poorest part of their physical outfit. — That Otto Schreiner, of Strasbure. has started out to crawl round the world on his hands and knees. He is to be chained, so that he cannot take a standing position on, the sly. If he crawls this r way, he should be welcomed — to Porirua. — That a rich professional invalid, who has just died at the age of eighty-six, in Southland, bequeathed the whole of the medicine the doctors had prescribed for him during the past twenty-five years to his friends. He had pinned his faith on "patents." — That there is a great demand in America for the photographs) of pretty girls for advertising purposes. The advertisers pays well. The photograph of one rather high-toned Wellington young lady appears in a New York magazine as an inducement to purchase a patent liver tonic.