It Is Town Talk

Free Lance, Volume IV, Issue 169, 26 September 1903, Page 26

It Is Town Talk

—That the alleged Maori leper at Aohanga is dead, at the age of 100. —That a Southern paper has recently taken on its staff a young man by the appropriate name of Inkpen. —That according to its local paper, Levin is getting more like Paris eveiy day. Where are the policed —That a local warrior recently denied that he was wounded in the Transvaal. He was hit in the leg, he says. That the Chinaman who recently induced a marned white woman to elope with him, was called Ah Doo. blie did. —That m America it has been nudicially pronounced libellous to call an unmanned woman of thirty an old maid. —That an advertiser at Eltham sorrowfully admits "I am unable to pay any debts contracted in my name. Eltham foi honesty. —That a Southern paper publishes the horrifying news that a train recently ran over a volunteer helmet. Theie was no head in it. —That boys who smoke cigaiettes may probably give up the habit when they hear that it is detrimental to th. gproutmg of a moustache. — That Chnstchuich pulled down a drillshed lecently. Some thousands of rats, deprived' of shelter, ha\ c gone to live in the local police barracks. — That a Gisborne councilloi told his colleagues recently thot he was brought up among dams The councilloi & cackled, theie being no n" piesent —That a Timaiu Maori tug-of-war team recently won a contest The other side could not cope with an anchor man who weighed twenty-three stone. — That the most absent-minded ina,u in Wellington is the mei chant who looks up his name m the directoiv e\ery day at o o'clock to find out where his residence is. — That sheep ai-e the most dissipated animals in creation. They a>re alw as s on the ' turf." Even the little ones "gamble," and there are many blacklegs amongst them. — That the Hon. Jeiemiah Tw cune;, , M.L.C., is running Sir William fc-uw-ard close for the position of Pailiamo'itary poet. See his little effort cKcwheie in this issue. — That, "if they were all like ,ne there would be no gaols," said All Hawkins, S.M., lately. He advocated sending offenders into a line regiment, to be chilled and disciplined. — That the cabled congratulation of the Sjdnev Morning Herald," that our Go\ eminent are economising, is well deserved. Gisborne town clock is now unillummated at night. It saves gas. — That an ammunition factory at Footsciay (^Victona) is turning out a nidhon rounds ot ammunition per month. Geneial Hutton should get a bonus. He is pushing defence for all it is worth. — That Nelson lecently took rhe sting — and the honey — from dancing liy having a "franchise dance." The laules danced from 8 to 12. Thei^<ii f ci, the men cavorted among themselves. It won't be populai. — That lotterj letteis aie coming in New Zealand by the bushel from the land of the sauerkiaut. The New Zealand bookmaker is being put down with a him hand. Better the kind "made in Germany" ! — That it is a sign ot the times that an Auckland Chinese grocer ge^s first place in the personal columns or a Queen City dailj . Politicians, judges, omceis, great smgeis, and those kind ot persons tail on after. — That bre\it- is the soul of wit. A burglar, who was climbing in a bedroom window, the other day, was met bj the steely gun of a revolver, and the words You get " You bet," was all he said. No further news. — That the latest 'social" idea pt Ghi ist church is to appeal in rags. They call it a hard up" social. One wealthy Ohnstchurch merchant was run in as a suspicious oharactei" as he was returning from a ragged party. — That the country press is justly annoyed at the advent ot social cranks, who interrupt school proceedings by addressing children on theological and social subjects They want to know who gives these ''quacks" permission to waste the time of scholars.

That spring has come. The Government has stacked away its railway cai-nage foot-wamieis. That an Aucklandcr, wilting from Irclarixl, would like to sue the distressful oou.it ry "under Mr. Soddan's lule for ten years." —That an ' unholy spell" seems to have come over a contompoiarv which always persists in writing Sir William Russell, "Captain Russle." That a paper circulating in a prohibition district still Las four hotel advertisement, setting cut the tip-top value they give r.i whisky. It is galling. —That the latest profession undertaken by Chinamen is to go from door to door offering to instruct housewives on their own premises m the art of laundering. Wily John. — That Esquimaux pups are now quite common in New Zealand. They aie closely related to the wolf, so if there are wholesale lamb slaughterings later on remember this paragraph. — That the fact that the challengers have to submit the plans of their boats to the challenged before the America Yachting Cup is run for, may account for the destination of the said cup. —That thirty-nine university graduates and others recently applied for the position vacated by the retirement of Mr. E. M. Smith from the position held bv him under the New Plymouth borough. Only one man got it. — That Tasmania gives liquor licenses to w homsoever pays for one. Theie are more hotels to the acre in T asm a man towns than anywhere m the Empire. Tasmania xs the soberest State in the Kme's Dominions. — That the various threats to remove "my vote and interest," hurled at City Council would-be vandals, will fall shoit of the mark. Ma.nv of the councillors would williiiglv be without the hard work and the ban en honouis — That New Zealand is threatened with the introduction of 'big game. Magnify the rabbit's grass-eating and destiuctive capacity b> a thousand, and you can iude;e of the usefulness of the moose, elk, wapiti, and other fears om« beasts. — That it has become almost an _nvaria'ole rule vi countiv places m the colon y for public? ns to voluntarily withhold dunks from the wayfarer on Sundays, consequently quite a. lot of people don't take Sundry exercise. The churches benefit. — That the rumour that the City Council propose cutting up the Basin Reserve to lease to Chinamen for cabbage gardens, is not true. It emanated fiom a man who fears his view will be shut out by the proposed vandalism oi building on the Town Belt leserves. — That a Stratfoid paper says that, w hile a cyclist was scorching along a Stiatfoid road the other day, the innertube or his neai -wheel tire burst, blew the cover to pieces, broke tlie mudguaid, and dinted the rim of the wheel 1 Stratfoid wind is of fine quality. — That ci\ ilian defence clerks may be removed and artilleiymen substituted, as a pait of a retienchment policy. If you teach men to be soldiers in order that they may be clerks, why not teach men to be sailors m order that they may be cabmen. Just as reasonable. — That the ladies are pushing on. One recently wrote to the Stratford C ountv Council saying that if it d d not fix up the road m fiont of her house she w ould engage men for the work, and stop their wages out of her rates. She would make a good daw \ ci . — That Wellington householdeis must have gasped when they leadthat New South Wales colliers proposed selling coal at 11s per ton, instead at 12s Wellington pays £2 per ton E\en then so.ne dealeis lea\e then sto-cks in the ram, to gather weigh*-. Wo want State coal badh